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Erica’s mom would probably kill her when she got back, it had been dark for hours, the streetlamps humming like they were tired of the neighborhood too, but Erica still hadn’t moved to leave because Tina hadn’t either.
“I don’t know, it’s like, everyone’s gotten way more fake since we started high school. This is the time to start having fun, sneaking out, all that. Why’s everyone being such bitches about it?” Tina sighed, swinging on the creaky swing.
Erica pushed herself higher on the swing, chains creaking, “Because they’re boring.. And obsessed with what they’re supposed to want instead of what they actually do.”
Tina laughed, surprised, like Erica had said something smarter than expected. That laugh landed in Erica’s chest in a way she refused to examine.
They’d been hanging out like this since church that morning. Since Tina had slid into the pew beside her when she arrived with her family, gum tucked into her cheek, whispering commentary under her breath like the sermon was a movie neither of them respected.
“Pray for the sinful predators, the men who lay with boys.” The pastor's voice boomed in Erica’s head.
“Lord hear our prayer.” The people in the pews repeated.
Erica hadn’t really prayed, not at that moment. She’d just stared straight ahead, jaw tight, the feeling of burning where Tina’s knee brushed against hers every time she shifted.
When they knelt down to pray in adoration of the eucharist, Tina scooted too close to her, their thighs pressed to each other separated by their churchwear dresses.
Now, outside, Tina kicked the dirt. “I just don’t get it.”
Erica swallowed, “You don’t have to, screw ‘em.”
Tina glanced at her, something searching in her eyes, and for one terrifying second Erica thought she might say something real. Something like, “All I need is you,” as Tina confessed to her not too long ago. On a night like this one, “And that scares me.” she had whispered even quieter as their legs had tangled under Erica’s sheets.
Instead, Tina hopped off the swing, “I should probably go before my mom sends a search party.”
“Yeah,” Erica said too quickly, “Same.”
They stood there for a second too long. Tina waved, jogged off down the sidewalk. Erica watched until she turned the corner, then stayed another full minute.
“Erica! Just get the cups, oh my god, it is not that crazy.”
“Your old ass gonna break a bone if you walk up the cabin steps?” Erica snarked back, earning a laugh from Max.
Despite her response, Erica walked into the Hopper-Byers cabin to find the cups that Lucas claimed were supposed to be in the kitchen. They were not.
She walked down some random hallway, unfamiliar with the house and why wouldn’t she be? She was only at Will Byers 18th birthday barbecue this simmering spring break Wednesday because he has personally invited
“Hey, Lady Applejack,” Will stopped Erica before she walked back into her room.
She cringed, “Don’t address me by that name outside of a campaign, Will.”
“Oh sorry,” he laughed a bit nervously.
“Nah, you’re good. What’s up? Lucas send you to get something out of me.” Her brother knew of course that Will was apart of her attacks for his friend group, but she could never find herself actually singling her out like she’d done with Mike and Dustin.
“Yeah, no, I just wanted to tell you that next Wednesday is my 18th birthday. Hopper’s grilling some stuff for everyone. I know you probably got a lot of hanging with your friends to do over spring break but it would be cool if you came. I’m sure my mom’s gonna tell your parents I just didn’t want you to feel like you’re gonna be dragged over like a kid. You’re super cool-”
“Oh. My God,” she laughed, but not cruelly. “I’ll be there with all your dork friends.”
Will smiled.
She opened a door at the end of the hall, and Erica immediately regretted it. She saw Will Byers himself spread across a bed at Mike Wheeler’s mercy? Oh. My God.
Will’s hair was messed up, laughter caught in his throat as Mike hovered over him, hands braced on either side of Will’s shoulders. Mike pushed him down and kissed him, quick and messy and real.
Erica had suspected that Will was queer, maybe even that he had his own secret boyfriend. She felt a bit sad that he had to hide while she had to witness her brother and his girlfriend who’s too cool for him being all lovey dovey. But that was all theoretical, and this was real.
The pair of boys, now thought of as boyfriends in Erica’s eyes rather than the previous best friends she had thought, still hadn’t noticed her. But she looked away as Mike pulled Will up to kiss him in the air rather than pressed into the mattress.
Erica tried to close to the wooden door slowly, but of course it made a bitch ton of noise after apparently making none when she swung it open.
The boys ripped away from each other with a wet noise.
“Sorry!” Erica averted her eyes from the horrified ones of Will and Mike, “Just tryin to find cups.” Erica nodded at her own words and backed away, heart pounding like she’d done something wrong just by existing near but something so sinfully pure.
She sped walked too fast outside, telling Joyce who had suddenly showed back up that she couldn’t find the cups. She laughed too loudly at something Max said, then went quiet for the rest of the night
Later Erica stared at the ceiling and hated herself for the first thought that wouldn’t let go, this is different.
She hated it because she didn’t want it to be true.
She hated it because it made her think of church.
She hated it because when her thoughts slid, uninvited, to Tina: Tina’s laugh, Tina’s knee against hers, Tina’s long hair and how it stuck to her body when she got out of the pool.
Panic flooded her chest so fast she had to sit up and breathe through it. No, that couldn’t possibly be the same. That was nothing. She wasn’t like that.
The next afternoon, Erica was still in her room sprawled on the carpet, pretending not to think.
Will was sitting on her living room couch, she knew he was watching tv with Max right now because even with Lucas out of the house Max and Will were welcomed by the Sinclairs.
Her stomach growled, forgetting that she skipped her breakfast. She reluctantly dragged herself towards the kitchen.
Will’s long legs were folded confident in a way Erica didn’t remember him being before. Before everything had stopped a couple years ago, it was like he himself had stopped waiting for permission.
“Max?” she asked.
“Bathroom. She’s on her cycle, so.” Will replied, shrugging.
Erica squinted, “She told you that?”
“Yeah, of course.” Will squinted back at her.
“She so needs more girl friends.” Erica laughed.
“I mean, I’m practically one, right?” Will laughed.
Erica’s face fell a bit, “You’re not. Right, you’re just a boy who…” she trailed off.
“Who likes other boys?” He chimed in, a bit quieter but enough for it to travel to her ears, drying her throat immediately.
She watched him for a minute, then groaned.
“What,” Will said, amused.
“I got a question,” she said. “About that all, hypothetically of course.”
“Of course.”
“How’d you know that Mike wanted to…”
“To date?”
“Yeah.”
Will blinked. Once. Then he smiled, small and knowing, and Erica immediately regretted everything, “If you’re counting signs, it already matters.”
She stared.
“This about you?” he asked gently.
“No,” she snapped. “It’s my friend. A person.”
“Mhm. Your person, a friend.”
Erica flopped on the couch, staring at the ceiling, “Like. What are the signs?”
Will thought about it, “You think about them when they’re not there.”
“That’s stupid,” Erica said automatically.
“You get nervous about what they think,” he continued. “But also excited. And you keep finding reasons to be around them.”
Erica scoffed. “That’s everybody.”
Will glanced at her, “People don’t usually spiral about it this hard.”
She shot up, “I am not spiraling.”
He laughed softly, “Okay.”
Erica crossed her arms, then uncrossed them. “What if you don’t want it to mean anything.”
Will’s voice softened, “Then it usually does.”
She hated that. She hated how calm he was, how sure. Like he’d already walked through this fire and come out the other side.
“What if it’s just. Confusing,” she muttered.
“Yeah,” Will said, “It is. But remember, you should start with you, with accepting yourself. Loving yourself for who you are and who loves you. Then you know, even if you’d already known.” He smiled at her, she didn’t know how she hadn’t realized how lovesick he was. Of course he had a boyfriend, and of course it was an idiot who went crazy over him over and over. Because sometimes it wasn’t just a best friend.
They sat there in silence, Erica didn’t thank him, she didn’t admit anything.