Work Text:
Cold winter nights, together on the couch
Hot chocolate, cozy blankets, horror films.
My focus not on the screen but on you,
How you find comfort in what others fear,
Your smile that's warmer than the burning hearth.
My body inches nearer to your own,
Until I'm pressed against you side by side.
Your arm around me tightly, holding me
As if I'm something precious to keep close.
Betrayals, lies, forgiven long ago.
We skate in private on the frozen lake,
Your lessons and your patience, watching me
While stifling laughter as I fall again.
No matter how hard I may struggle, you
Keep reaching out, and when you do, I feel
As if there's nothing - nothing - in this world,
That I can't handle, as long as you're here.
My weakness, my doubt, my fears, all of it
Is washed away; your small but steady hand
Stays always - always - pushing me ahead.
Your friendship is a blessing not deserved.
Instead of grateful, my foul greedy heart
Still yearns for more. A gnawing hunger that
Tears me apart, left starving for your touch.
An outcast, and a bully. Your support
Itself's already more than I could dream
Of ever having. Yet that selfish thought
Remains: you being mine and mine alone.
Of course I don't expect you'd feel the same.
Companion, friend, but lover? No romance
Awaits us. Wedding bells and golden bands
Holds in our future not. You learned guitar
Just to impress one suited so much more,
For your love and affection to receive.
Another friend, a better person than
Myself. Kind, honest, cheerful; all the things
I've proven I'm not. Feelings not deserved
To be returned, but cannot push away.
In silence and in secret. Locked within.
The solace of your friendship all I need.
Possess you for myself? Too selfish, for
So many are those who depend on you.
Your childhood friend, still mourning, longing to
Hear music only you can still perform.
Companions in the castle town, who see
You as their greatest hero. Dearest friend
Residing in her once cold, empty room
With whom you both explored your struggles with
Expression and sense of self. Parents and
Friends, siblings, neighbors; when the world itself
Demands so much, I dare not ask for more.
I let myself pretend this is enough.
But have you noticed, that I only laugh
And smile when we're alone? That only with
You can I truly be myself? Forgive
This one transgression. Selfish, greedy and
So cruel, this desire. Showing you
All of myself, and hoping in return
That I'm allowed to be, the only one
Blessed with the fortune to see all of you.
Did you know? Only in your presence can
The facets of me I hate be exposed?
The shameful pieces of this worthless heart?
All I despised about myself, you taught
Me how to love. That learning the guitar
Was purely so we could play a duet?
Inspired by you, this one simple dream
For what we share to be for us alone.
With courage learned from you, a message sent
With hopes attached. Inviting on a date,
Our favorite lakeside spot, a quiet place
To say the words I've always longed to say.
Disquiet and uneasy, sitting here,
Awaiting your words. Your expression so
Uncertain how I've never seen before.
Should I be fearful? Or be hopeful still?
I gather up my coward's heart, and force
My useless tangled tongue at last to speak.
Impatience takes hold; passive suits me not.
Fear of rejection cast aside, I speak
"Hey, I-"
Our awkward words together spoken. We
Say nothing more, and only laughter fills
The empty space between us. Needless fears
Are carried far away. Unspoken vows
Conveyed between us, always we remain
Of one mind. Of one soul. United hearts.
The distance left between us closes, Our
Lips locked together. Now belonging to
Each other. To be yours and mine alone.