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Shawn Spencer's first Christmas away from home is one he remembers well, he was 18 years old, having ran away from home about four months before.
Shawn ran away from home as soon as he was physically capable, which was basically as soon as his high school graduation concluded. He gathered up all of the money he had saved up from odd jobs he had been doing around town (which were difficult to find given his track record) Along with a prepacked duffel bag, which he had had ready for weeks now. Then, he snuck out of the empty house, the finishing touch being a letter which he slipped into the Guster's mail box, addressed to his best friend Burton.
He had wanted to tell Gus before, he could already picture the face he would be making as he read the letter and realised that Shawn was gone. He was sure he'd get a very angry postcard from him as soon as he found where Shawn was staying. This did make him feel bad obviously, but he couldn't risk Gus acting weird and giving his plan away. That's what he told himself anyway. It had nothing to do with the way his throat went dry and no words came out whenever he tried to bring up the topic with him.
Shawn had debated about wether or not renting a car or taking the bus would be better, ultimately he decided on the bus, he absolutely could not risk his dad using his police priveleges to track his son down. In the end it didn't really matter which one he chose, Henry Spencer never even tried looking for his son.
Shawn had planned his daring escape perfectly, what he hadn't planned was where he was going to go afterwards. This is how he ended up in San Pedro, which was honestly similar to Santa Barbara in many ways, just much smaller. Shawn was able to land himself an actual job about a month into living there, which came at a great time considering the fact that 300 dollars actually went quickly when you were an 18 year old.
This job was as a lifeguard at Cabrillo beach, working alongside a polite Spanish kid about a year younger than him, he thought he was polite anyway, he didn't speak a word of English but he liked his vibes.
The December weather, while not cold, did not attract anyone to the beach, leading Shawn to be out of a job just in time for Christmas. Despite his attempts to spend the least about of money possible and his many attempted deals with his landlord, he was promptly kicked out as soon as he did not hand in rent.
No problem though! He was young, with confidence absolutely through the roof and a 'certain charm to him' according to what he was told. All of these aspects combined would end up leading him to a very specific crowd of people, the partygoers.
This was the perfect crowd to be in during the Christmas season as there were so many parties being held, Shawn could easily drift in and out of homes, crashing on someone's couch for a few days, catching wind of the next party and moving on to the next spot. It provided food, company and above all else, it was so much fun.
If he was being honest, it was everything his dad hated, and that fact alone was probably why he didn't really care that this was not exactly the future that he had wanted for himself.
Shawn didn't even know that it was Christmas day, but that didn't mean he wasn't enjoying himself. He didn't think he was doing too bad for himself, he still stuck to the decent parts of town in a community of people where he had built a certain reputation as a guy who didn't have a lot going on in his head, but was always up for a good time. This worked for Shawn, it meant people would always underestimate him, and Shawn could easily regain the upper hand if he ever needed to. And he definitely had times where he needed to.
To Shawn these early years were probably some of the best Christmases he had ever had in his life at that point, of course even he knew that Christmas with Henry wasn't awful, but having Christmas devoid of constant arguments was a nice step up.
To put it simply, it turned out partying was a lot of fun, this led him to basically partying away his early twenties. And with all of Shawn's moving around he got to meet a lot of very colourful characters as he made his way eastward across the American coast. He liked to imagine this as a montage of him in every state, from California to Texas, a brief stint in Los Angeles before going up to Colorado and then getting practically chased out to Georgia. Then, when he was handing out hotdogs at a Mariners game in Washington, he met a group of interpretive dancers.
Before he knew it, he was performing in Buffalo, New York. He didn't even know how he had made it into the group, the only prior dance experience he had had was the lessons Gus had given him in their childhood, and he had given up on those about five minutes into them. Still, his confidence definitely helped, and somehow he managed to fit in pretty well.
This period held a special place in his memory, he ended up gaining decent fame and formed actual relationships with his co dancers. He had completely forgotten what it was like to actually stop and... Live life. He had found stability in the weirdest place, honestly, that was perfectly on track for him.
Having a slow life wasn't something insane or unachievable by any means, it just never felt like one that would ever be able to apply to him.
He had had a lot of vague hazy memories of loud music, laughter and bright colourful lights all mushed together as a memory of what Christmas was supposed to be like, but he'll never forget waking up in New York, in a bed for once instead of the floor, feeling a little nauseous from the nights celebrations with his friends. He stepped out to get some fresh air and have small talk with his gorgeous co-dancer...
Wait, no he didn't want to go over this bit again, let's fast forward to something more interesting. No one wanted to hear the boring story of how it all fell apart, the point was the settling down was for the boring and it would never have worked out for Shawn anyways. He didn't even remember there names anymore, it's not like it was important. It's not like he had hoped for a future with Mi- whatever her name was.
Okay... Where did he go next... He drifted around for a while, unemployed, trying to find something that fit. But everything just felt the same, every town looked identical, and the big wide world that had given him so much excitement in the past just felt... Bland.
He didn't like this sudden feeling, he needed to go back to a place that he knew would feel different. And if different places all felt the same, then the only way for things to feel different was to go to a familiar place. So, for the first time in six years, he was return to Santa Barbara.
It might have been one of the weirdest feelings, stepping back into the town that he had grown up in, had spent the entirety of his childhood in, he knew it like the back of his hand. And yet at the same time it felt no more familiar than if he had stepped into a random state.
The familiarity arrived at the sight of his best friend, Burton Guster. They had exchanged many postcards and later messages (once Shawn managed to gather enough money to buy a phone) since his departure, but nothing could have prepared him for seeing him in the flesh.
The most fascinating part? Gus had ditched the high top fade! In fact, he had ditched hair all together! And although Shawn would never tell him, the look worked for him. He also got rid his past colourful fashion sense, which was now replaced with the same button up shirts and dark trousers which he wore everyday. Apparently he was required to dress a certain way for his job, a Farmer... Farmer suit... Something... It had to do with like medicine selling? He didn't really know what that had to do with farmers but it looked reaaallly boring.
That wasn't important anyway, Gus let Shawn stay in his apartment for a while (he emphasized the fact that it would only be for a while. This was not a permanent thing.) and Shawn got a pretty neat job as a Christmas lights hanger, he had been told in the past that he had a gift for lighting up every room he came in which he thought was enough of a qualification.
Gus even let him come over to spend Christmas at his parents house, well... It was more so that he knew he couldn't trust Shawn with the apartment to himself for a whole four days. Still, it was the thought that counted.
When they arrived at the house Shawn realised that Gus negated to mention that his older sister would be joining them. As a teenager Shawn had to admit that he may have had a small crush on his best friends older sister, and this certainly hadn't changed. Only this time, instead of a knowing wink that used to turn him into a flustered puddle, Joy dragged him into her bedroom when he went out in the hallways to get a glass of water Christmas night. Uh anyways, that wasn't important to the story.
It was so weird to be having a family Christmas, like an actual family who loved eachother and gave eachother thoughtful presents. Shawn used the money he had gathered to buy Gus a 1984 action figure of the Junkyard Dog which despite Gus's dark complection made him go bright red and made his family try not to laugh.
Shawn really enjoyed the morning, and the afternoon for that matter, having a full table of delicious food right in front of him that wasn't a cheap all you can eat buffet? It was something Shawn had only dreamed about, and had only had once when he was 12 and had spent Christmas with Gus. He hadn't been allowed to spend many Christmases with them, not after he had predicted all of the presents Gus was going to receive which apparently 'ruined the whole point of Christmas' according to his parents.
In the evening the Guster's all snuggled up in the living room and put 'Home Alone' on, it looked like a scene straight out of a Christmas card. This for some reason made Shawn think about his dad, and the fact that he was probably alone at home right now. Why was Shawn even here? Intruding on Gus's family, intruding on his life, just as he always had done before. He looked at his best friend, who completely enraptured in the movie, he was doing good for himself. Shawn wanted him to keep doing good for himself, he couldn't mess it up for him.
He politely excused himself from the living room, giving the explaination of needing to go out caroling with a group of people who were singing Christmas versions of Wham's top ten songs. Then, he took his motorcycle and rode to his childhood home.
The intention was to see his dad again, a crazy, absolutely insane idea that he would never in a million years consider had he not been filled with Christmas sentimentality.
He had really thought this was going to be the moment where he would rekindle the long lost relationship with his father after six years apart. He blamed 'Home Alone' for this, never trust movies kids.
The entire fantasy faded as soon as he saw his dad step out of his house. Shawn stopped the bike and watched from a distance, his helmet still on to avoid recognition.
His dad looked... Fine. Normal. Also, bald, which was unsurprising. He was wearing a colourful t-shirt, even though the weather had significantly dropped in the last week. His house was completely undecorated, just like Henry had done it every year. Everything was the same, Shawn could've been here for the last ten years and there would have been no difference.
Which in Shawn's head, meant that it didn't matter whether or not he was there or not, he was not needed.
That's fine, that was fine, he could find other places where he was needed. He could be useful in tons of ways, he was smart, handsome, charming, people liked him, he was good. He was a good person. His dad wouldn't be proud of him but that was fine because it didn't matter. He was good. He knew he was good.
Shawn had wanted to see his dad, but he hadn't even thought about whether or not his dad wanted to see him. Stupid really, of course he didn't. This was the kind of emotion Henry was supposed to have trained out of him.
After this slap in the face kindly delivered from reality, he decided to leave Santa Barbara on Christmas night. He didn't go back to Gus's apartment, or leave him a note. Gus would understand, or at least, he wouldn't be surprised.
North America was beginning to bore him, he had been, seen, conquered, partied, there was basically nothing left to do. Additionally, he was still feeling a little weird after his visit to Santa Barbara, and now more so than ever did he want to travel. Staying in one place could be fun, but look at what it had done to his dad, the sad old lonely retired cop.
What place was great for people who wanted to explore and have fun? South America of course! So, at the ripe old age of 25, Shawn decided it could be fun to go backpacking down South America.
He was seeking thrill and excitement, which is what got him into rafting, coasteering and canyoning amongst other similar jobs. Sure he wasn't exactly qualified but as he had always told himself, how hard could it be?
These jobs were absolutely perfect as they meant he could get hired by adrenaline junkies and groups of people looking to spice up their holidays which he could then travel with and make his way through South America. If he was hired by families he was sometimes able to even stay with them in holiday homes instead of hopping around local cheap motels.
And have you been to the Paris Parade? He didn't even know it was a thing! He just happened to be in Chile in Early December, staying in a hotel in Santiago (one of the biggest breaks he had had in a while by the way, it was hard to find an affordable hotel in the capital of Chile).
He heard music in the distance that began to steadily increase in volume. Peaking out of his window he spotted massive floaties and flashing lights, with fireworks being set of in the distance. Shawn went down and asked the hotel manager what was going on in broken Spanish, the most he ended up gathering being 'party'. That one word was enough for him to know that he needed to be out there.
He opened the door, feeling the last bit of a warmth provided by the setting sun as his brain tried to distinguish between the bright flashing lights and crowds of people which he had to strategically swim through.
The music was thumping, he danced poorly along with other people, catching the attention of a group of girls sitting at a table across the street. Shawn did a twirl and winked in their direction, causing them all to burst out laughing at the out of place man.
Having captured them with his charisma, Shawn now needed to get across the street to them. He thought that if he timed it right he would be able to run through the gap created by one of the floaties and make a dramatic entrance at the table.
He waited for the massive Disney floatie to pass over head (God capitalism really was everywhere wasn't it) and made a run for it.
Now it was time for Shawn to realise that he was one of the clumsiest people he knew.
The floaties blocked out the sky, and suddenly made things darker, it also turned out that there were a lot more people in charge of holding the giant balloon than Shawn had previously anticipated. It was cramped as he tried to pass through the gap and unfortunately Shawn was not able to make his slick entrance.
He tripped over someone's feet, sending him stumbling into another person who just so happened to be holding one of the ropes. People quickly moved to try and keep control of the large balloon, shoving Shawn out of the way so that he fell to the floor. Shawn looked up just in time to see the floaties rip away from its bindings and-
Wait, hold on, where had the floaties gone? Why was the sky suddenly pitch black? Crap, this was no longer the same memory he had been in before, there was no music, no more people. He was still certainly in South America, but the humidity did not give him any warmth or comfort anymore, the cool breeze made him shiver in his old unwashed clothes. No, this was not the era of his life he wanted to remember. He didn't want to think about this anymore.
Shawn was young, had gorgeous hair and walked around with the air of an ego, this meant that in the wrong kinds of places, he did tend to have a target on his back.
This did not bother Shawn, he could just play the idiot so that people would see that he was too stupid to even try to mess with and then get whatever he needed behind the shadows. However, he was only human, as much as he hated to admit it, and humans fucked things up sometimes.
In this case, the thing humans were fucking up was him.
You have to understand, as much as he made his lifestyle sound like pure excitement and positivity, it could sometimes maybe possibly be a little bit difficult to keep things running smoothly.
Sure he was smart, streetwise and generally, but one weakness his father had always pointed out was just that, physically, he did not have a lot of skill or strength.
This did not distress him in moments where he was faced with men who were both older, larger and stronger than him. There were many different outcomes to this scenario.
Sometimes looks were deceiving and they actually were harmless, or he would be able to smooth talk his way into being on friendly terms. Usually it was that he had some people whom he was tight with that would be able to back him up, but when that was missing, he did well with his favourite combo, the talk and flee, which was exactly what it sounded like.
He often had to use this tactic within this period of his life as money was... Nonexistent, to put it in a simple way. And living on the streets was nothing like it was depicted in the 1980 film 'Oliver and Company'.
What happend to his job? Well it turns out that not having the adequate experience to teach other people how to safely do high stakes sports is not exactly... Legal. So after a brush with the law and a very hefty fine (which was by far the best outcome he could've asked for, the judge said that he was lucky no one was injured because of him) Shawn was out of money and out of a job.
His last job had been as a concessions vendor, which was usually the jobs he ended up going for when he literally had nowhere else to work. He was never able to hold on to those for long though, which was usually fine as they were often place holders to get money and use the time to find another job. This time unfortunately, he was out of luck.
Shawn scrambled back onto his feet after he was shoved onto the hard stoney floor.
"Come on guys it's Christmas Eve... Don't you want to be going around spreading the cheer." Shawn chuckled, being slowly backed into a corner by the group of four men approaching him.
"Well you seem to have a lot of it, mind if we borrow some?" One of them grinned, holding his hand out so that Shawn presumably could give him his money.
"I wish I could give you mine buddy, but if my heart shrinks anymore than this Santa won't come visit me!" Another man rolled his eyes and slapped his friends hand out of the way.
"Are we done joking around? I don't have all night." Short tempered okay, he didn't have a lot of time to make a plan then.
Shawn turned out his pockets, emptying something into his hand and then extending his arm out, revealing... Candy.
"And I have more where that came from if you guys really want to treat yourselves." He added the final touch, which was simply to wink at them. In an instant, the already annoyed man became enraged and launched himself forward to hold Shawn down. It was so easy to trick the ones with tempers.
Shawn has easily predicted this move, the other men closed in further, arms raised. This left an easy gap for Shawn to shove his way through them and quickly bolt out into the open street, where he was more likely to find a way to lose them.
He heard swearing close by behind him and turned right, the street was at a sharp upwards incline at this point so Shawn thought if he just pushed through he would be able to tire them out and then...
"Motherfucker!" He felt finger brush his back, crap, they were closer than he had estimated.
Shawn ran up stairs and then, instead of turning to continue going up them, he jumped over the railings. He was hoping this would throw them off a little bit, he could see them all crashing into eachother in a cartoonist manner. Shawn slid down the short wall, his palms we're going to hurt like shit later but it would be worth it.
He was now in an alleyway which lead to a wide empty street. Now Shawn had to stay out of sight, if he kept running down this street they would see him from a distance and would be able to catch up to him.
It was never a smart idea to pass through alleyways, they were cramped and didn't offer great escape possibilities if you were caught in one. But if he just went down here he could get to the side street and maybe take refuge behind a house to catch his breath. Easy, he had it all figured-
The wind was knocked out of him as he ran straight into someone, the sudden stop sent him crumpling to the floor. His arms were roughly grabbed and he was shoved against the ground. He didn't even have to open his eyes to understand that he was fucked. He kicked, writhed in his place, tried to do anything to fight back.
"Wow you guys are good at tag! Well, I don't remember the rules mentioning this but if you let me go I'll be it this time!"
"Can someone just shut him up already?" Suddenly he was aware of the fact that there were more people around him, and he looked up just in time to catch the fist coming straight in his direction.
Shawn startled awake so violently that he almost fell off of the couch. He grabbed the coffee table to catch himself and it moved forward, screeching against the wooden floor.
Shawn quickly sat up, blinking rapidly and taking in his surroundings. He was in a house, grey couch, marble table, black fireplace, a rug with a white outline of flowers on it, he turned his head-
"Shawn?" Juliet stood in the doorway, her hair was tied up and she was wearing the apron Shawn had gotten her for her birthday that read "kiss the cop".
"Jules! Hey!" Shawn stood from the couch, stretching.
"Were you... Having a nightmare?" Shawn walked around the table, up to Juliet.
"Oh my god, yes! It's was horrible! We were in Ferris Buellers Day off, but I was the dean! And Carlton- Carlton was Ferris! Can you imagine? And you were Sloane and then you and Carlton almost-"
"I'm gonna stop you right there." Juliet said, making a disgusted face.
"I know! Traumatic! I need you to hold me Jules."
Shawn dramatically fell into her arms, Juliet smiled and brought her hand to his hair, stroking it softly.
"There there, the bad Carlton can't get you." Shawn felt her rest her chin against his head, she was so warm, having just come out of the kitchen. Shawn rested his head, listening to the sound of her heartbeat, it was an uncomfortable position, but if he could, he would've stayed there for hours.
Unfortunately, he couldn't.
"Are you two gonna come to the kitchen anytime soon? I think Carlton is getting overwhelmed." Gus peaked his head through the kitchen doorway, with a worried look on his face.
"O'Hara!" Carlton yelled with urgency.
Juliet sighed, separating herself from Shawn. She cocked her head to the side at Shawn.
"Come on." She said softly. Shawn admired her for a moment, thinking back to the rough, cold feeling he had just had in that dream, compared to the kindness and warmth he was feeling now. He smiled back, his hand travelling down her arm and interlinked with hers.
Gus gave him a weird look when he came into the kitchen, some sort of mix between a smug grin and a grossed out look at the level of Shawn's lovey doveyness. Shawn just rolled his eyes at his best friend, letting Juliet drag him forwards.
Shawn and Gus had been sat at the table playing board games while Juliet and Carlton cooked. Shawn wasn't really sure when he had even drifted off into the living room, or how long he had been asleep for. Probably not long since dinner was only just about to be ready.
Shawn sat down at the table, which had been neatly set, fancy red tablecloth and everything. Juliet rushed over to help Carlton, who was fanning the smoke above a slightly crispy casserole, cursing himself.
"Where did you go? Partners always have to look out for eachother O'Hara. I was alone in the field."
"You were alone in the kitchen, and you handled it fine." Juliet scoffed, picking up the plates of food and taking them over to the table.
"I was fine this time." Carlton mumbled, carrying the casserole over, with his cute little mittens and cooking apron.
"Looking good Lassie." Shawn teased, earning a glare powerful enough to cook him like that burnt casserole.
They placed all of the food down and sat around the table. Juliet's family was supposed to be here, Juliet had actually only invited them last minute after a few family members couldn't make it. Now, her family was stuck in some nasty Christmas traffic coming down from Miami, and it was just the four of them, 'stuck' together.
Juliet gave Shawn a kiss on the cheek as she sat down beside him, but it was tough to pay attention in front of such mouth drooling food. Juliet had clocked this from both Shawn and Gus immediately, she and Carlton shared an amused look.
"How about we say grace?" Juliet joked.
"Oh come on!" The two consultants whined in sync. Juliet held back a laugh and then lifted her glass, tapping her spoon against it with a clink.
"Let the purge begin."
Everyone came alive, all moving to different things first, all eager to get everything first as if the food was going to be going anywhere. Shawn grabbed himself a full plate of all of the seasons delights, turkey, casserole, mashed potatoes, all covered in gravy.
He thought back to his dream, he thought back to all of the food he had had in the past years, and the times where he could barely have any at all. He watched the group of people, the two detectives already in an enthusiastic conversation about god knows what, his best friend who looked like he was in food heaven. He thought about his dad, who yes, was home alone at Christmas, but whom he had an actual relationship, and a better one then he thought he would ever have at that.
In all of the places he had been, every state, country, weather, living condition, none of it could compare to right now. He had been through more than he would care to admit, more than he would care to remember, but he would do it all again if it meant he could be here right now.
It was slow, it was weirdly stable, and the sort of life Shawn would never in a million years have assumed he could ever achieve. And yet here he was, happy. Having fun. That's all he could really ask for.