Chapter Text
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It's the end of practice, we all pack our things and leave one by one.
While I walk home I think of ideas for our new script, when suddenly I get a text from Emu.
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Emu
WONDERHOY Tsukasa-kun☆!!! I'm so excited for our next show good luck on the script!!!
You
HAHAHA! The next show will be better than the last just you wait!!
Emu
EEK IM SO EXCITED!!（≧∇≦）
Read 20##\9\30
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I turn off my phone and continue walking home.
"I'm home!" I yell out but I'm greeted with silence. That's when I remember. Saki is having a sleepover with her friends and mom and dad left on a business trip. My smile immediately fades and I clench my fists out of frustration. I shouldn't feel this way. Saki's finally happy, my parents don't have stressed faces every time they come back home anymore, and I'm not lonely anymore... right? I should be happy for them but... why do I constantly feel like there's a gaping hole in my stomach no matter where I go? Whatever it doesn't matter it's just your own selfish feelings and desires.
A sigh escapes my lips in attempt to clear off these thoughts. I don't need them, they're selfish, they're useless, they're pathetic. I look up, still frustrated with myself but decided to ignore it for now, and walk towards my room, if I can even call it that.
I sit down to work on the script, pen in hand. Just as I'm about to start, I remember something. It goes through my brain like a guilty realization. I haven't eaten all day.
If I'm being honest, I don't have appetite at all. But.. If my body isn't healthy, I can't work hard to be an actor. They'll lack quality.
What would the troupe think if they found out that their troupe leader hasn't been eating as normal? What would Saki think if she finds out her older brother, the one that should be taking care of her, has been neglecting his own needs? What would poor Touya think if he found out his older brother figure hasn't had a good night's rest in weeks? What would my parents think if they found out their firstborn child feels empty no matter what I may try?
I let out another sigh, to stop myself from continuing to spiral, and trudge downstairs.
I look around the kitchen looking for something to eat, then I notice a note on the fridge. "Touya brought some food! I left some for you in the fridge! -Saki♡" I let out a small chuckle, then I open the fridge, pick up the food, and heat it up.
I grab the food, sit down on the dining table, and force myself to eat.. alone.
Huh, this feels familiar somehow... no matter, it's best not to dwell on it now.
When I finish eating, I go upstairs, take a shower, then hide away in my room. "The silence is deafening..." Recently being alone has affected me a lot more than it used to, or maybe it's always been this way and I just never noticed... Then for some reason I decide to sit down on the cold hardwood floor in the corner of my room. I then decide to pick up my phone in attempt to do anything, really, as long as it distracts me from this horrible feeling of emptiness.
Suddenly a song, I've never heard before, catches my attention from an artist called OWN. Out of curiosity I click it and a chill runs down my spine. "Wow.. it sounds like a cry for help..."
"...The song is so cold and empty, and yet I can't seem to avert my attention from it..." The song is the polar opposite of what I normally listen, to forget about the loneliness. In fact the song makes me feel even more lonely in a way I can't really describe, but something about it also makes me feel weirdly safe and comforted, like my voice is finally being heard... It's a weird feeling. I can't tell if I like it or not. But then again, when have I ever been sure of my own feelings?
Why would a song as empty as this make me feel this way? Why would something this cold make me feel understood? I just don't understand...
My family's happy. Saki is finally out of the hospital and reconnected with her friends. Mom and dad are finally stress free. Touya is finally free and is able to do anything he wants.
Hell, even my troupe is happy. Emu is finally living her dream of performing on the Wonder Stage. Nene's finally confident with herself, and is performing again. Rui is finally not alone and has found people who he can share his ideas with without being judged.
That means I should be happy as well, right? Everyone around me is happy, so why am I not happy? I'm finally pursuing my life long dream and performing on stage with an amazing troupe. So why am I not happy!?
Before my mind could continue to spiral, my desk suddenly catches my attention. I should get back to work. In all honesty I don't have the motivation to do anything at all.
But Tsukasa what would your dear troupe think? They're relying on you to finish their script. So stop being so selfish, stop being so irresponsible. Get back to work.
I sluggishly get up and walk towards my desk. I sit down and pick up my pen. I then look at the text Emu sent me earlier with a dead expression, then I look at the clock... it's 21:38 I should have enough time to finish the script and try to get some sleep afterward.
I look back at the paper and write...
And write...
And write...
And write...
And write...
I suddenly break out of my trace and stop writing. How long have I been writing for? I frantically look for my phone to check the time, and to my surprise, it's 1:12. I've apparently been writing for 4 hours straight!? I look back at the script and count the amount of pages. Much to my amazement, the script has 21 pages in total. I can't even recall my thought process while writing the script much less what's written. Where did I get the inspiration for this?
"I should probably read what's written.." And that's exactly what I do. After a few minutes I notice the entirety of the story is based off of my current feelings.
The story follows a smiley young boy who's only wish is for those around him to be happy. It all starts by him wanting to help his family make more money, since his family was in poverty, to make them happy. Eventually this want or better said need to help his family also shifted to his friends. Ultimately the young boy decides he wants to make everyone happy no matter the cost. Of course this decision comes with its own price, the young boy slowly started to forget about his own wants and needs. Putting others people's needs in front of his own. This mindset slowly made the boy spiral, until the boy lost himself because of the pressure he placed onto himself. Now the smiley young boy was no longer bright instead he was a husk of who he used to be. He continued on pretending nothing was wrong for the sake of others. The young boy was now a puppet to his own strings.
It's quite the dark story considering it's supposed to be performed at a theme park. Not only is the story quite depressing, but the story also doesn't even have a happy ending. The story ends with the young boy pleading for help, but nobody answering to his cries.
Why would I make an entire story centered around my feelings? But I can't deny, the story in itself is not terrible. Maybe if I change it a bit so that it's a little bit more acceptable for a theme park we could perform it on stage.
Just as I'm about to start writing again, all of a sudden I feel a strong pull towards my bed. "Wouldn't it be nice to fall asleep and never wake up..."
"Come on don't think like that, Tsukasa..." I can't be thinking like this... I'll disappoint my troupe, I'll disappoint my parents, I'll disappoint.. Saki...
They all expect me to be a star! I CAN'T be thinking like this...
I'm happy!
I'm happy!
I'm happy...!
I'm happy...
I'm happy...?
Am I truly happy?
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Hah, I’m not happy at all…
All of a sudden I wake up. Ah, it looks like I fell asleep on my desk. I look at the time, it's 8:00. I really don't want to get up today... but what about my perfect attendance? If I don't attend school that'll definitely make everyone worried...
With the pep talk I gave myself, if one can even call it that, I get up and start my star worthy morning routine.
I get up rather sluggishly and walk towards the bathroom. When I look at myself in the mirror I notice my eyes are quite swollen. Was I crying last night? Not only are my eyes swollen but my eye bags are also more prominent than they've ever been.
A sigh escapes my lips and I open the cabinet looking for makeup. When I finally find the concealer I immediately apply some on my face to hide my eye bags. And about my eyes, the swelling should be gone by the time I leave the house.
Then I brush my teeth and hair, I put on my uniform, and skip breakfast, "I'll just eat at lunch." most likely a lie but that's fine. If I don't, I'll eat when I get home.
I take a deep breath, put a smile on my face, and leave the house. Walk through the streets, enter the school, walk through the hallways, and finally enter the classroom. "GOOD MORNING!!!" I yell out keeping up my act, then I notice Rui who's behind me chuckling at the reactions of the students at me screaming first thing in the morning. Then the bell rings, I wave Rui off, and sit down.
As the day goes on it gets increasingly harder to focus. My mind feels empty, I can't concentrate at all. I can't even read what's written in my own notebook. Then, as if on cue, the bell rings. I immediately put away my things and leave the classroom.
Then I walk towards the rooftop, to where I normally meet up with my troupe during lunch break.
When I get there I instantly notice that Rui and Nene have made it here before me, and there was someone sitting beside Nene. Upon closer inspection I realize it's... EMU!?
"TSUKASA-KUN!!!" Emu exclaims as she runs up to me and tackles me. "WON-WON-WONDERHOY☆!!"
"EMU GET OF ME I CAN'T BREATHE!!" I yell out.
"EEK!! Sorry Tsukasa-kun!"
"Fufu~ looks like our dear troupe leader has arrived!" Rui says while chuckling at my misfortune.
“Took you long enough." Nene adds with a playful annoyed tone.
"WAIT A MINUTE, EMU?! HOW ARE YOU HERE!??" I ask, slightly concerned that she would get in trouble.
"Well, we sneaked her in!" Rui replies with his usual cat like smile.
"WAH!? WHY?!"
"She said she wanted to tell us something important so we helped her sneak in." Nene admits in a shameful tone.
“Something important?" I ask while tilting my head.
"Well Tsukasa-kun, my school is having the culture festival in the two days from now and I wanted to invite all of you♪" Emu responds with a wide smile. "It'll be so much fun☆!!!"
In full honesty, I just want to sleep all day but that would be selfish. Especially after she went through the trouble of running all the way from Miya Girls to Kamikou...
"HAHAHA!! I SEE YOU COULDN'T RESIST TO INVITE A STAR SUCH AS MYSELF TO COME, WELL IN THAT CASE WE WILL GLADLY COME!!!" I respond as to not disappoint her.
"REALLY!? THANK YOU TSUKASA-KUN☆!!!" She exclaims while hugging me with an even wider smile on her face.
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Two days go by in a flash and it's already the day of Emu's culture festival.
I get ready to leave the house. Saki leaves ahead to meet up with Leo/Need and I, shortly after, leave to meet up with Nene and Rui.
When I get there we greet each other and walk together to Emu's school until we see a familiar face in the front gate. It’s Akiyama Mizuki, my junior.
I then walk ahead of Nene and Rui to where Akiyama is standing to greet her.
"Hey, Akiyama! What are you doing here?" I ask.
"Oh Tsukasa-senpai! Hi!! I was just waiting for some friends!" She responds enthusiastically.
"I see, well we'll see you around!" After our quick exchange, we wave our goodbyes and I go back to Nene and Rui.
"Fufu~ I didn't expect to see Mizuki-kun here." Rui comments as we walk past the gate.
"Yeah, I wonder who are the friends she's waiting for..." Nene adds.
We continue walking until we notice Emu at the entrance of the building while taking to some friends.
"TSUKASA-KUN, RUI-KUN, NENE-CHAN YOU MADE IT!!" Emu immediately exclaims when she noticed us. "I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE ALL HERE☆!!"
"GAH!! EMU HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO STOP TACKLING ME!!!" I yell out slightly irritated.
“Fufu~ happy to see you too, Emu-kun!" Rui responds with a bright smile.
“Emu get off I can't breathe!" Nene cries out.
"Uhm... excuse me, Otori-san?" A purple haired girl with a sweet smile says while tapping Emu's shoulder.
"EEK!! I almost forgot!" Emu shrieks, seemingly startled, that's unusual of her...
She then shakes her head and looks at us again.
"I wanted to introduce you guys to my friends!" Emu exclaims. "This is Mochizuki Honami, Kiritani Haruka, Momoi Airi and Asahina Mafuyu!!" Emu exclaims somehow even more enthusiastic than before.
“Hello! Nice to meet you all." Honami greets with a sweet smile.
"Nice to meet you." Kiritani and Momoi Airi followed suit and greeted us politely.
"..."
"...Mafuyu-san? You're the last one." Honami says in a confused tone.
"Ah! Yes, my apologies. I'm Asahina Mafuyu, it's a pleasure to meet you all!"
"Ah yes it's nice to meet you all!" I said despite the fact that I already knew half of them personally except for Asahina-san and Momoi Airi. "WELL MY NAME IS TENMA TSUKASA!! WORLD FUTURE STAR!!"
"Fufu~ my name is Kamishiro Rui it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."
"Ah! I-I'm Kusanagi Nene..."
It goes on like any other introduction, but something about Asahina-san makes me feel uneasy...