Work Text:
Butterfly Effect
Such a sexy, sexy pretty little thing — Butterfly by Crazy Town
Adam didn’t like talking to people in general. But having to talk with somebody over the phone, who he had a tiny crush on, was even worse.
Well, a tiny crush was maybe a bit exaggerated. He only knew Nigel for like what, five, ten minutes? He didn’t even now his last name, age or his favourite food. These three were the main points for saying “I know somebody.“
Well, at least Harlan thought like that and because Adam was shit at making friends (or having a relationship), Adam thought so too.
Adam didn’t care about Nigel‘s age. Even Adam was able to see that the man was at least five years older than him, which he didn’t mind.
“Love isn’t just about the age.“ Would one of his coworkers say. But then again, she wasn’t a role model for relationships.
Adam was fond of her. She was the first person who didn’t treat him differently when he was new. ‘The new guy with autism‘, would a few of his coworkers say behind his back. He didn’t mind it. It was the truth. He was the new guy, who happened to have autism. But later on, his coworker explained that they didn’t mean it in a friendly way. And since then, she protected Adam if somebody was mean to him or made fun of him, when he didn’t understand a joke or needed a bit of extra explaining.
But her relationship advises weren’t that good… Let’s just say, Adam wasn’t a fan of steroid guys, who had a rock as a brain. (This was one of Adam‘s favourite metaphor, even if he most of the time didn’t like stylistic devices, his coworker explained it to him and since then he liked using it).
But back to the problem.
Adam had to call Nigel.
First of all, Nigel didn’t have his number. So how was he supposed to call him? Secondly, Adam really wanted to call him. And lastly, he already asked Harlan for help, who wanted to know how everything went.
So Adam felt a bit pressured. Or maybe a lot pressured.
Having to talk to somebody in person was hard enough for him. He wasn’t able to tell what his conversation partner was feeling at the moment. Yes, he did know that when somebody is angry, they would talk faster or louder and when somebody was sad they would do the opposite. But not every person is the same. And not everyone uses the same phrasing or metaphors like another person.
When he didn’t know what was happening in the conversation, the other person would be able to see it, but that wasn’t the case in a phone call.
Adam was pacing around in his living room.
His phone was on the small table right in front of the sofa. Beside it was Nigel‘s number, written neatly on a piece of paper. Adam always washed his hands after he came home.
He bit his lip as he sat on the sofa. It was nearly his bedtime and he was already wearing his pyjamas. He had to call now or he wouldn’t do it at all.
Adam took his phone in his hand as he unlocked it with his fingerprint. His Homescreen was a picture of the Milky Way in high definition. It was one of his favourite pictures.
He pressed the Icon of the call app and typed in Nigel‘s phone number. His finger hovered over the call button a few second, before he pressed it.
The second the phone dialled the number, Adam sat up straight and put the phone on speaker mode. He let it fall down on his lap as he began to play with his fingers. He was slightly rocking back and forth, while he was looking at the white wall in front of him.
The phone didn’t even beep two times, when Nigel‘s voice spoke through the speakers. “Banyai.“ The accented voice sounded even rougher through the phone.
Adam‘s heart beat faster. He wanted to say something, but couldn’t. It was like as if something was stuck in his throat and he couldn’t get it out.
“Don’t fucking play with me.“ Nigel‘s voice boomed through the speakers. Adam took a deep breath before he spoke. “Hello, here is Adam.“
The voice on the other side changed, but Adam didn’t know into what. “The most goddamned beautiful man on the fucking earth, actually fucking called me?“ Adam had to furrow his brows “You wanted me to call you.“ He answered bluntly, at what Nigel chuckled.
“Yeah, I fucking did.“ The other man said. With an undertone, which Adam didn’t understand too.
After some time, during non of the two man said anything, broke Nigel the silence.
“You wanna fucking come to my place, or how did you fucking imagine it?“ Again Nigel spoke it with an undertone, Adam didn’t understand why. “Okay.“ Adam simply replied.
He really wanted to get to know Nigel more and he didn’t like people in his apartment. They usually destroyed his decor or the way he arranged his pillows on his sofa. So Nigel’s place would be perfect. Then they could talk about their interests and different opinions on things. Even if talking wasn’t his area, he liked learning about different perspectives on topics. And just because they are going meet up, didn’t mean that Adam had to talk the whole time.
Nigel had to let out a small laugh. “I didn’t think this would be so fucking easy.“ Again, Adam didn’t really understand what he meant, because if Adam would be totally against it, he wouldn’t have taking Nigel‘s number in the first place. But he also didn’t want to annoy Nigel with asking too many questions. He wanted to make it work between the two of them. That would be the first friendship (or relationship) he would have build completely alone outside of work.
Adam let out an awkward laugh. He learned from his observations of people, that they could laugh any given time and it somehow always matched flawlessly into the conversation.
That was also the case with Nigel.
“Yeah, I was fucking worried some other fucker caught your attention.“ Nigel laughed out. Adam simply laughed too, again not quite understanding what Nigel was talking about, but hoped it matched again.
“How does tomorrow sound?“ Nigel asked, letting Adam time to think.
It wouldn’t mess his routine up, as he never did something on Wednesdays and had a ‘try new things out‘ suggestion from Harlan. “I know you hate new things and they overstimulate you, but it is important that you know, how to handle them. Who knows, maybe you’ll find a new hobby too“.
Adam didn’t find a new hobby. But he did found a new kiosk, where he could buy his space magazines every month there would be a new one and without Harlan‘s suggestion, he wouldn’t know about them.
“Tomorrow is good, but I have to work until 4 p.m.“ He replied not five seconds later. Nigel hummed, not saying anything for a few moments. He was probably thinking about something.
“Would you be be fucking okay with me picking you up?“ Adam swallowed at that. It would be a nice gesture and he didn’t have anything against it either. What worried him were his coworkers. They weren’t nice to Adam most of the time and he didn’t know how they would react.
“Okay. I‘m going to send you a message after our phone call, where I work.“
Nigel hummed his okay. “Then the date’s fucking set.“ His voice had again an undertone Adam couldn’t make out. “Yes, it is.“ Adam softly answered. He didn’t know when a conversation was over, so he waited for Nigel to hang up.
“We‘ll fucking see each other tomorrow, gorgeous.“ Nigel flirted into the phone. Adam blushed at the nickname and bid his ‘bye’, before Nigel hung up.
Adam decided then, that he liked it when Nigel called him nicknames. Usually he got nicknames like “weirdo“ “retard“ “dumbass“ “slow-fucker“ or simply “idiot“, because he was sometimes slow with understanding social cues or jokes.
But Nigel used affectionate nicknames with Adam, which, if he analysed it corrected, meant that hypothetically Nigel liked him. And if Nigel liked him, he was allowed to call Adam nicknames.
Adam looked at his phone and saved Nigel‘s contact number under ‘Nigel‘ and texted him his work address. He knew that it was a bit tricky and dangerous to write personal information to a person he only knew for like a day, but as Harlan said, “You have to try new things, kid.“.
So that was what he did.
——————————
Tomorrow came quicker than an episode of ‘Inside the Actor‘s studio‘ went by.
Adam was standing in front of the big class door of the observatory. It was a cloudy day and the air was wet. Adam didn’t like this kind of weather.
His hair was getting frizzy and his skin felt dirty and wet. His clothes felt like there were too tight or too loose. It overwhelmed him. But today he tried to blend it out. He wanted to be as normal as he could be in order for Nigel to like him.
He would be lying if he was saying, that he wasn’t nervous. Adam felt like as if he would have to hold a speech in front of all his colleagues.
Adam was already waiting for five minutes. He hated it when people were late, along with wasting his limited free time with waiting.
He was about to go back inside, when somebody called for him. “Hey, gorgeous! Where are you going?“ Nigel was coming from behind the corner, with a cigarette between his teeth.
Adam had to admit, Nigel look even more handsome than he was in the subway. His hair was slicked back and the gel made it shine, even in the cloudy weather. The gold earring caught Adam‘s attention again. It was on full display, as if it wanted to be seen by Adam.
His outfit consisted of a pair of dark denim jeans and a green polo shirt with two tigers on it. The tigers were big and beautiful in a vibrant orange colour. The strips were bold and big, a contrast to the other colour. Adam liked it.
He stumbled out a few words. He didn’t expect Nigel to come. He was used to people not coming to their arranged meet-ups.
“I was about to get back inside. I didn’t think, that you would be coming. You are late.“ His gaze rested on the tiny earring on Nigel‘s ear, while he was speaking. He wasn’t as nervous as he was before, now that Nigel was standing right in front of him.
Nigel puffed out a cloud of smoke, but had the decency to blow it in the direction opposite of Adam. “Already fucking tired of me?“ Nigel wriggled with his eyebrows. Adam furrowed his eyebrows in return. “Why would I be?“ Nigel didn’t answer, but tried to make eye contact with Adam instead.
Adam didn’t like looking other people in the eyes. It made him uncomfortable and was over all stressing him out. It was like as if eyes were too personal, for him to just look into them. Or it could also be that he just didn’t know what they were trying to tell him, because somehow everyone said, that eyes could talk. How can eyes talk? They are designed to make you see things, not to talk.
“I don’t like eye contact.“ Adam said once Nigel didn’t seem to stop. The other hummed and puffed out another cloud of smoke, again not right into Adam‘s face. He looked him up and down with an amused grin on his face. His sharp fang-like-teeth peeked out from his thin lips.
Nigel‘s grin grew when he noticed how Adam was eyeing his mouth. “You ready to go, gorgeous?“ His eyes weren’t trying to look into his anymore and accepted the fact, that Adam was only looking at his earring or right between his eyebrows.
Nigel didn’t care.
He was able to look at Adam‘s sky blue eyes.
That was more than enough for him.
Adam nodded and gave him an awkward smile. It seemed like, as if he didn’t know if it would be he time to smile or no. It looked forced somehow, like the random laughter during their quick phone call yesterday.
Nigel jerked his head to the side, signalling Adam to follow him. Adam smiled at him. That time it seemed genuine.
“How old are you?“ Adam asked. It seemed like as if his nervousness from just a few minutes before, vanished after a two minutes of walking in silence.
Nigel cocked a brow at him, tying to get his attention, but Adam continued to look at their surroundings, oblivious to Nigel‘s flirt attempt.
They were walking through a little park a headed towards the busy city. The walk shouldn’t take longer then ten minutes to Nigel‘s apartment. He was proud to be lucky enough to live as central as he was.
“I‘m not so sure if you want to fucking know it.“ He answered with a sarcastic undertone and a swallowed down laugh.
Adam turned his head to look at him and squinted his eyes lightly in confusion. “Why shouldn’t I? I can see that you‘re older than me. It‘s oblivious.“ He answered bluntly and gave him one of his awkward smiles again.
Nigel seriously didn’t know what this guy was on about. Yes, he was drop dead gorgeous, that was the only reason he gave him his number. But he was also so fucking awkward. He met a lot of men in his life. Good and bad ones, but never answered one of his dates that to his obliviously flirty question.
“Are you taking the piss out of me?“ Adam snapped his neck towards him so fast, that Nigel was worried it was about to snap. “I don’t want to take your urine out of your body, Nigel. That‘s unsanitary and disgusting.“ Adam clarified with such a puzzled expression, that Nigel could barely hold back a laugh.
“Fuck, no! Jesus, are you fucking kidding me?“ Nigel couldn’t hold back his laugh anymore and hollered away.
His laugh was loud and chaotic. Two things Adam usually hated, but with Nigel it was bearable. He even let a small, genuine giggle escape his mouth.
Nigel slowly came down from his high, when he heart the soft, but still deep giggle coming from Adam. “I just wanted to fucking ask if you are making fun of me, gorgeous.“ Again, Nigel‘s flirt attempts (wriggly eyebrows and a small grin) got unnoticed by Adam.
‘Fuck, was he playing hard to get now, or is he just that goddamned oblivious?‘ Nigel was asking himself for the third time that day.
Adam widened his eyes as he shook his head. “No! I just didn’t know what you meant.“ Adam explained, not wanting Nigel to think, that he wasn’t taking him serious.
Nigel hummed. ‘Maybe he was just fucking slow?‘ Nigel thought, but than again, Adam worked at the fucking observatory out of all places, so he sure as hell wasn’t fucking slow.
They arrived at a crosswalk and Nigel pressed the pedestrian light, before he continued. “To answer your question, I‘m forty-five years old.“ While Nigel waited for a reaction, he lit another cigarette on and instinctively took Adam‘s hand to cross the street, once the light turned green.
Adam flinched at the sudden touch, but didn’t find it as bad as he thought he would.
Nigel hand was big and warm. A welcoming warmth to the colder weather. It wasn’t sweaty or too soft, Adam didn’t like those things, they felt weird on his skin. But the rough, strong hand was a bearable sensation.
Adam looked down at their intertwined hands and then back up at Nigel‘s eyebrow. “Okay,“ He smiled at Nigel, without looking into his eyes.
He started to like Nigel, more than just a college or friend. Something he felt before, but didn’t know how to act out on it.
“I‘m thirty-four.“ Adam stated at what Nigel pursed his lips and let out a low whistle. “Fuck, gorgeous.“ Nigel exclaimed. He let his burned down cigarette stud fall on the ground and stomped on it. “You have a problem with me being an old motherfucker?“ His voice sounded different than before, with an undertone Adam couldn’t make out.
“No, age doesn’t matter to me.“ Adam stated, but Nigel thought it was some kind of flirt attempt, so he just chuckled at that. His gaze lingered on Adam‘s plump lips a little too long.
“Why are you looking at my lips?“ Was something on them?
Nigel felt caught, but tried to play it cool. “Your lips are fucking captivating. Never saw such plump lips.“ Adam smiled at that. “Thank you, you‘re the first person that said that to me.“ The smile Nigel got from Adam brightened up the younger‘s face, his cheeks turned a light red colour (half due to the cold, half due to the compliment from Nigel).
“You‘re so fucking cute. Holy shit.“ Nigel brushed with his free hand through his hair. Adam turned his asshole heart into a bleeding one every passing second.
Adam didn’t say anything, but Nigel knew that he heard it and hoped that he appreciated it.
“When are we at your apartment?“ Adam asked as he looked around the apartment complex. Nigel let go of Adam’s hand, to take his keys out of his jeans.
Adam‘s hand felt strangely cold. It was nice sensation, having Nigel‘s hand intertwined with his own. He wanted to hold his hand again.
“The one on the left.“ Nigel stood a bit behind Adam and pointed at one slightly rundown apartment on the far left side. It was located on the fourth floor and had a tiny balcony. It looked like every other apartment in this side of the city.
“They all look the same. Why?“ Adam asked bluntly. He was the first time in this block. It looked a bit like a prison campus from where he was standing.
Nigel chuckled whole heartedly. "You never heard of fucking social housing?“ They stopped at the entrance door. Nigel took out his keys to open the door.
“Of course I heard of them, but I never knew how they looked like.“ Nigel, ever the gentleman, held the door open for Adam to enter. He even bowed his head down and gestured towards the staircase, which was two steps away from the entrance.
“You didn’t miss anything fucking important.“ The door fell in its lock with a loud bang. Adam flinched instinctively, at what Nigel had to grin.
“Come on, gorgeous.“ Nigel went ahead of Adam and took his hand swiftly in his when he walked past.
The apartment looked not the same as Adam imagined it.
It was on the smaller sight, but was still spacious. The white walls were covered in all different kinds of wall decor. Basketball players, football games and framed tricots. A few of them were even signed.
The living room had a big flat screen hanging on the wall. Most of Nigel‘s soft furniture consisted out of leather. When Adam asked if it was real, Nigel‘s answer was “Fuck no, I‘m not an asshole.“
They were sitting side by side on one of the leather couches Nigel had in his living room. Nigel’s arm was resting behind Adam‘s shoulder over the couch. Adam found it okay. He had his personal space around him, while he still felt Nigel’s comfortable presence.
Nigel tapped his foot on the ground, as if he was waiting for something. Adam on the other hand, was looking at Nigel‘s decor with interest.
Adam was looking forward to get to know someone. He felt out of place most of the time, but talking with Nigel felt right and he didn’t make fun of him in any way. Maybe the decor could be a good conversation starter? Adam read many books on how to talk with people and how to have a solid small talk.
"So,“ Nigel began slowly. His body turned towards Adam, who in return turned his gaze from the decor to Nigel’s face, well… to his eyebrows specifically. "How do you wanna fucking do it?“ Nigel bit his lip as he looked Adam up and down. Adam wasn’t quite sure why Nigel looked at him like that.
"I thought that maybe we can start with your interest and then I will tell you mine.“ Adam smiled at Nigel, that time it was again a genuine one. This was one of the pro tips from a bestselling author. Always start with hobbies or the weather.
Nigel nodded at Adam’s suggestion. He thought of a more active and direct approach, but it was fine with him.
"I like a lot of fucking stuff.“ Nigel sat back against the leather couches as he looked at Adam’s hair and face. "Bondage, cock warming, teasing, hair pulling, lots of fucking cum and stuff like that.“ Nigel winked at him.
Adam only looked at him in silence. Why was Nigel telling him such intimate things?
"Why are you telling me this?“ Adam’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. He didn’t mind topics like that, he was just not used to talking about them openly with another man.
Then it was Nigel’s turn to look at Adam in confusion. "I thought you wanted to fuck?“ He exclaimed with a bit irritated voice. He was waiting the whole fucking day for this moment. What the fuck did Adam think they were going to do today?
"What do you mean?“ Adam’s voice was the definition of 'I don’t know what the fuck is going on‘.
Nigel pulled his arm from behind Adam. He stood up, mostly to put space between them. His hand was scratching his stubbled chin roughly. "Is that your twisted way of flirting?“ Nigel asked in confusion.
Adam swallowed, feeling the urge to say something about his autism. But he didn’t want to, what if Nigel didn’t want to talk with him anymore because he was a retard?
Nigel paced around on the floor. He felt as if he was a massive fucking pervert. The whole day he was sexualising Adam in his mind. Well, he did that a bunch of times already, but with Adam it felt different. He was so pure in some kind of way.
Nigel didn’t know why he was acting like that. Usually he would just say that the person can fuck themselves for wasting his time or something, but he really began to like Adam. He didn’t want to fuck it up with him. Hell, he wouldn’t even be fucking mad, if they didn’t fuck.
Adam bit his lip, while his fingers began to tap on his thigh, trying to hold it together. His heartbeat picked up in speed. He hated the way he felt, the familiar fear of being rejected.
"I sometimes don’t understand what other people say.“ Adam blurted out when Nigel didn’t stop his pacing. And even then, Adam couldn’t take his eyes off Nigel’s broad, big figure.
Nigel stopped and turned to him. "What the fuck does that mean?“ His eyebrows furrowed together. Only then did Nigel see how worked up Adam was. His whole body was tense and his fingers were wildly tapping away on his thighs. He didn’t want Adam to feel scared because of him.
"I have autism.“ Adam said without looking into Nigel’s eyes, he was rather looking at the wall behind him. He stopped tapping on his legs and focused more on his breathing. The last thing he needed was a panic attack right in front of Nigel.
Nigel opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. The atmosphere was quiet and thick at the same time. Adam noticed how Nigel’s jaw lost its tension. His eyes were skipping over Adam’s face, as if he was searching for something.
He walked over to the couch and sat down, this time with more distance between them. Adam didn’t like that.
He braced himself for slurs and mocking from Nigel. He wouldn’t be the first person that kicked his trust with his feet.
"Do you know what that is?“ Adam asked, his eyes were resting on Nigel’s neck tattoo. The lady moved as Nigel laughed at what Adam said. "Of course I know what it fucking means. I’m not some dumb motherfucker.“
Adam smiled at that. Nigel didn’t call him a retard or some other slur. "Are you okay with that?“ Adam asked and earned a 'tsk‘ from Nigel in return. "Don’t ask stupid questions, gorgeous.“ He said with a smile as he scooted closer to Adam.
Adam squinted his eyes at that. How was that a stupid question? But before Adam was able to say something, Nigel interrupted him.
"You know,“ He started, his arm found its way back behind Adam‘s shoulder to rest on the couch. "A lot of things make fucking more sense now.“ He stated with a laugh.
Adam scooted closer to Nigel while they were talking. They weren’t cuddling, but their thighs were touching. It was the first time Adam wanted to feel closer to someone. Of course Nigel noticed it and had to bite back a smirk.
"What do you mean?“ Adam wanted to know what Nigel noticed, but the other only shook his head. "Doesn’t fucking matter, gorgeous.“ He winked at him.
Nigel stood up and walked over to the small table under the TV. Adam’s gaze lingered longer than it should have on Nigel’s broad back. Adam blushed when he caught himself thinking about how it would look like with nothing on. Was it hairy? Or maybe even more muscular than it looked like with clothes on?
Nigel turned around and held two DVD‘s in the air. "James Bond or Fight Club?“