Work Text:
Exhausting, selfish, too much, burden, not enough........
Buck was sitting in his shabby new apartment with its 80's wood panelling living room wall, its pink sink and bath, the carpet throughout the house was lime green. Even in the bathroom and kitchen. He hated it. He hated this crappy house so much, but it was all he could get on such short notice.
Eddie and Chris had moved back only giving Buck 2 weeks notice, yes he could have fought to stay but that would put Chris in a difficult situation in between his father and Buck. And just like of Buck had asked Eddie to choose, if he asked Chris he knows he would lose. Not that he would want to split them up anyway. So it was just less painful for all if he went.
Buck didn't feel comfortable around Eddie after the trial's and tribulations fight. It's not the first time he's seen Eddie's anger and it's not the first time it's been directed at him. Not that Eddie was trying to contact Buck, he had pretty much shut Buck out since the fight and the rest of the firehouse has done the same. Even his sister who had said she'd never shut him out or leave him ever again.
Ravi was the only person at the firehouse who would speak to him socially, if not for him and May the only person who would be there for him was TK. The time fighting a bushfire side by side and stealing a fire engine to save Owen and Hen forged a tight friendship. They laughed about the TK assuming Buck was hitting on him, they laughed more when Buck found out he was bi TK giving him an "I told you so".
It was 3 hours before his shift started and he was eating his breakfast and packing his duffel before getting ready to leave for a shift. He was now on the complete opposite side of LA to the firehouse. A 20 minute commute has turned into 1 hour on a good day, on a bad it could take up to 2 hours yay for LA traffic. Buck have himself 2 hour travel time he wanted to grab a coffee and croissant on his way in.
Buck made it with 10min to spare, handed Ravi a coffee on his way through to the locker room to change. Ravi followed him in.
"Have you had more thought about what your going to do" Ravi asked
Pulling on his LAFD shirt Buck let out a dejected breath "no, it's not like they are going to let their punching bag leave. And to be honest I don't want to leave you with them. If they find out you knew I even thought of leaving you'd become undesirable number 2. And it doesn't matter Chim has already blocked 2 transfer requests and than chewed me out, for me to them get a call from Maddie chewing me out again"
Ravi scrunched his face up "this is why family aren't meant to work together, personal and professional shouldn't bleed together. I'm surprised HR hasn't brought that up"
Buck finished up putting his boots on "HR, is giving the 118 a wide berth at the moment with Bobby's death. But it's time to become old after lawsuit Buck again yay" he said sarcastically
"You stock the engines and I'll hit the ambulance?" Ravi suggested
He got a thumbs up and they both got to work checking and stocking equipment and med-bags.
As Buck was finishing up with the trucks Chimney lent over the loft railing.
"Locker room glass looks disgusting hop to it Buckley" Chimney boomed before turning to Ravi "hey Ravi come join us for a game of Mario cart" before he turned he yelled over his shoulder "now Buckley"
"Yes Captain Han" Buck called back
Ravi looked at Buck confused, he didn't understand why Buck was being singled out. Buck signalled for Ravi to go join the team. When Ravi didn't move Buck signalled again and mouthed "I'm good, go". Buck could see Ravi's internal struggle before he gave in and went upstairs.
Buck put in his head phones and cleaned, once he finished the locker room glass he cleaned the bunk rooms linen. While that was running he reset the bunk room with new sheets, before throwing the now clean sheets into the dryer when the tones went off. Buck ran out to put on his gear for Chimney to make him man behind. Buck sighed as he watched everone leave, then he turned back to the store room to organise and tidy the shelves while he waited for the linens to dry which he folded and put away.
By the time the team came back Buck was halfway done scrubbing the bathroom.
"BUCKLEY" Chimney screamed out
Buck ran out to find out what was wrong "Captain?"
"Why is this floor a damn mess, there's muddy boot prints everywhere" Chimney growled at him
"I'm on it Captain Han" Buck knew there was no point talking back, buck had worked with this version of Han before. But it seems only he was dealing with his autocratic behaviour this time.
After Chimney had headed upstairs Ravi approached.
"I've never seen this version of Captain Bligh, sorry I meant Captain Han before?"
Buck smirked "give little Napoleon power"
Buck gestured for Ravi to go join the team and then went back to cleaning. Dirty turnouts on was while he mopped the equipment bay. As he mopped Hen and Eddie walked passed not even trying to hide that they were talking about having a family get together
"So all the kids can hang out, we can have a drink" Hen mused
"So that's the Wilson's, the Diaz's, the Buckley-Han's ohhh what about Ravi" Eddie questioned
"Yes, I'm unsure about Athena and the kids. Athena is still buried in work. Now food w--" Hen was cut off by the closing of the locker room door.
That hurt, another "family" party he was excluded from it's been 6 months since the funeral and Buck is at breaking point. He looked up at Bobby's name on the plaque near the entryway. Bobby would have hated that sign, he would have taken it down with his bare hands if he was here. He also wouldn't have liked Maddie and Chim naming their baby after him. This isn't Bobby's firehouse anymore, this isn't his firehouse anymore.
Buck was offered the Captaincy not long after Bobby's passing, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't imagine sitting in Bobby's chair, the idea felt wrong. Maybe if Bobby was alive and retired he would have but not now, and it's not like the team would follow his lead anyway.
He had a shift the next day filling in for one of the team on C shift, so he was glad to only have an eight hour shift today. The sooner he got out the better. The team was called out to 4 other calls while buck was on shift, Buck was kept behind each time. Even when one needed someone to repel down a building, leaving Ravi as the only one qualified on site. That didn't stop Captain Han sending Eddie down and putting Ravi on the winch.
When the time to leave came Buck jumped at the opportunity, as he was walking out with his bag on his shoulder when Chimney called out
"Where the hell do you think you're going, we're on shift?"
"Check the roster Captain, my shift just ended" Buck called back not stopping
As Buck got into his truck, he felt his phone vibrate
Probie
Oh he's lossing it.
Batten down the hatches
She's gonna blow
Buck chucked before reversing out of his spot as Chim, Hen and Eddie ran outside. Buck gave them a little wave as he drove off. Almost instantaneously his phone started vibrating non-stop. Buck waited till he got home and had a glass of wine before looking at his phone. 20 missed calls and 67 text messages. All coming in waves, a pattern that was shown by Ravi's messages.
Probie
Lord Farquard is having a good old scream
He's calling his 👸
🔔 🚨
Heading back to station prepare for assault
Oh Eddie is so pissed, he's like 🍅
Hen is trying to calm them both down
(Video sent)
🔔🚨
Back they're sucking the joy out of this for me they're all one note
😡😡😡 meet Eddie, Hen and Chim they are angry little 👶
🔔🚨
Thanks for the laugh look after yourself
Buck couldn't help but giggle at Ravi, the messages from the rest of the team were all the same, how dare you, you're selfish, you make everything about you, you are meant to stay your whole shift, you walked out in the middle of a shift...... the last messages he looked at were Maddie's
Maddie
Why did you leave your shift early
Why didn't you tell Howie you were leaving early
It's not all about you Evan
You're meant to be a team Evan
Why arent you answering my calls
Answer me
Stop acting like a toddler and answer me
You're so selfish Evan always making it about you
Maddie this is none of your business
As soon as the message was sent Maddie was calling, Buck prepared himself for the onslaught and answered the phone. Before he could get a word out Maddie was screaming through the phone
"You petulant, selfish ingrate. You should be in shift like your Captain says, i don't care what you think that is your job to follow his orders...."
Before she could continue Buck ended the call, 10 seconds later she called back so he answered
"How dare you hang up on me...."
He hung up again. Buck did this four more times until Maddie stopped yelling soon as he answered the phone.
"Hello Maddie are you ready to be civilised or do I hang up again?" Buck asked
"Fine" she barked back
"Now who's the petulant child" as Maddie went to say something Buck continued "this is none of your business Maddie"
"Of course it's my business I'm Howards wife"
"But you are not Intrum Captain Han's wife. Your marriage means nothing at work, and Im sure this phone call alone would get him fired if the brass knew he was using he's personal life to bully he's subordinates. You have no standing in the LAFD Maddie you are a dispatch operator, a dispatch operator on leave. Maybe if your husband did his job and looked at paperwork he would have seen I swapped shifts with someone so they could do something with their family. It was even signed off by an actual Captain. And I'd be very careful how you respond as this call and the previous ones are recorded. It's something I've stayed doing since your husband brain has turned to mush and doesn't remember what he says"
"You're recording" she asked
"Yes Maddie I'm recording for work purposes. Considering this is a call for work purposes it's recorded"
"But it's not for work purposes I'm telling my brother..."
Buck cut her off "you're telling your brother of about something from his work, there go work purposes. If you don't like it Maddie then stay out of 118 business"
Maddie screamed "FINE" through the phone and hung up, as Buck got a message from Athena "would you like to join me for dinner and wine" with a smile on his face Buck replied "love to mamma" he grabbed his keys and headed off.
Standing in front of Athena's new apartment, it didn't feel right knowing Bobby wasn't on the other side, before he knocked Athena had opened the door.
"Hey Buckaroo, come in" she welcomed him into her warm house and arms "I miss you"
"Miss you too" Buck smiled at her.
"Come on come sit, sit. It's been so long since I've been to a family gathering, how's everything going?" She asked
Buck looked at Athena "sargent you're losing your touch, I'm guessing Ravi told May who told you"
"I may still have a few birdies up my sleeve" she said with a smile.
Buck grabbed both plates and Athena grabbed the wine. They spoke about general topics and how Athena's work has been going. The whole time Buck's phone would vibrate for extended periods then stop for a while before starting up again.
"Why are they coming in waves?" Athena asked
"Calls, Ravi sends me a bell and a flashing light emogi and the messages and calls stop and when he tells me they're back they start up again. Maddie has stopped messaging since she found out I'm recording my calls and I called her out on her interference in LAFD issues"
"Smart boy, you do know Bobby wanted you to take over after him" she spoke softly
"It was offered, but I couldn't do it with Bobby being gone. If he'd retired I probably would have, but looking at how the team is behaving I don't think it would have been a good fit. They still see as the probie from almost a decade ago"
"They really don't understand do they? It's probably because they haven't grown up themselves. You put the work in and have become the man both he and I are proud of"
Buck stood up and walked over to Athena and wrapped his arms around her.
"While I have you here there are somethings I need to give to you" She took his hand and walked into her spare room and pulled out a small wooden box.
The sight of the box brought Buck to tears "Athena you should keep that, that should be yours"
Athena kissed Buck's hands "no baby, this is yours. He wanted you to have it, and I think out of everyone you would get the most use and joy from it"
Buck took the box from her hands and opened it finding recipes written in Bobby's hand that he had taught Buck to cook with. He must have zoned out for a second as when he looked back at Athena she was standing in front of him holding something behind her back.
"Now there are some other things Bobby bequeathed to you but this is something I want you to have" from behind her back she pulled a black helmet out, it had the 118 insignia and the word Captain on it
Buck fell to the floor "no no no no no, that's yours Athena, that goes to the surviving family, its yours" tears streaming down his face
Athena with tears in her eyes smiled at him "you were his family too Evan, you saved him so many times. You are his son blood be damned. This is for you a gift from a widow to her step son. You wouldn't turn down a gift from a widow would you"
"That's evil and underhanded, and you know it"
she smiled back at him "no what would be evil and underhanded is to tell you I'm moving to Minnesota and I would like you to come with me. There's a captains position at Bobby's old firehouse, and I think you should go for it"
"I've tried leaving the 118 Athena, my transfers keep getting blocked"
"They can't do that baby, they have no right to block you. And to be honest I think you can go straight to HR about a transfer and everything going on. You on C shift tomorrow night right? " Buck nodded "talk to Captain Peterson, she will know the best way to go"
Buck gave Athena a hug before she spoke again "now I think we both need some Ice cream and trashy tv, mint choc chip work for you?"
Buck laughed "I'll grab the ice cream you choose the trashy tv show, as long as its not a cop drama. You get very picky about the inaccuracies"
"Oh please you and Bobby are the same with fire shows, so no stones in glass houses" she responded
The two relaxed and yelled at the people on the tv marrying strangers. When Buck hugged Athena goodnight and kissed her on the cheek she whispered in his ear "you are better than they make you out to be"
Once Buck got home he placed the recipe box in the kitchen and Bobby's helmet on Buck's night stand. Before he had a shower and crawled into bed.
The next morning Buck felt better than he had in a while. He was still in this crappy appartment but he felt like he had options, but no clue what to do. He could stick it out at the 118, he could transfer somewhere within LA, he could transfer out completely or even leave fire fighting all together. The last was the least likely. He decided to call TK for advice.
TK answered the phone on the second ring "Hey brother from another mother, what's up?"
Buck burst out laughing as he heard Carlos in the back ground "please don't do that again"
"Yeah T that was bad" Buck tried restraining his laugh
He could hear TK's frown "fine I'll hang up now"
"Noooooo I need smart people advice, so hand me to Carlos please" Buck openly laughed again
"Rude. What do you want Buckley I've put you on speaker so everyone with an IQ higher than yours can hear"
"That's not hard I only have a single digit" Buck replies
"You two are imposible and possibly share one brain" Carlos joked
"If that was true I wouldn't need to ask him for advice"
TK poked Carlos "yeah what he said babe"
Carlos starting to get frustrated with his own personal twedal dee and twedal dum "what do you want Buckley"
Buck ran through his thoughts with the two men and the options available to him
Once Buck was finished TK spoke "damn babe, not to add more choices for you but you were dads first choice for Lieutenant when we rebuilt the 126 before Judd came back, I'm sure Judd would jump at the option to have you now he's Captain. And I'd definitely say dad would probably have a few spots for you in New York possibly even a Captaincy"
"TK you're making it worse but what I'm getting from you is get out of LA" Buck layed his head into his hand
"Sounds about right" Carlos adds
Buck sighed "thanks guys, well you've helped answer one part now to choose where"
Buck spends the drive to the station mulling over his options. He was greeted out the front by Captain Peterson
"I've been informed you might need someone by your side during change over, that some tempers are high because you're helping out one of mine by swapping shifts"
Buck smiled but shook his head "just an excuse to put me in my place cap. I was going to talk to you later but I'm guessing a certain sargent beat me to it"
"She's on a war path Buckley, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere near her targets when she catches them"
Buck laughed "she knows where they are at all times, she's playing with her food at the moment"
"Interestingly I would have to agree with you, come on work to be done lives to save" she smiled at him as they entered the station
When they walked in the place looked like a pig stye the engines and ambulances needed restocking, the wash trolly was overflowing, no linen in the bunk room, bathrooms disgusting and the engines and ambulance were covered in mud and dirt.
Captain Peterson took one look around as Ravi ran up to her
"I'm sorry Captain, I tried to get everything done. I'm not as good as Buck at doing it all" Ravi hung his head
With a stern growl she ordered "Buckley, Panikar my office wait for me in there"
Both Buck and Ravi hung their heads and stepped into Peterson's office, closing the door behind them.
"Are we in trouble" Ravi asked
"No I don't think so Ravi, I think she may want to talk but we're not in trouble" Buck replied
20min later Buck had filled Ravi in on everything that happened after he left the fire house until now.
"What are you thinking?" He asked
"I honestly don't know Rav, but it's looking like I won't be staying in LA" Buck replied as his phone started to ring.
"Buckley speaking"
"Hey dumb asser" Judd Ryder spoke through the phone
Buck laughed "when did we decide TK was dumb ass and I was dumb asser Captain Ryder, congrats by the way"
"Since TK told me what's going on in La La land. You'll be getting an offer or two from Austin's Cheif and possibly even Huston's. Now get your dumb asser ass out of there, I'm sure you'll be getting more calls today"
"Thanks Cap, watch over dumb ass for me" Buck sighed, Captain Peterson catching the tail of the conversation.
"You talking with other stations Buckley, because that definitely wasn't the idiot up stairs" Peterson asked
"That's Captain Ryder with the 126 in Austin, he's a friend. He was letting me know that there will be some offers being sent my way from Austin and possibly Huston. I'm guessing I will be getting a phone call from Chief Strand in New York at some point, I'm friends with his son and he tried to steal me before when he was just a Captain"
Peterson was shocked "I knew you were sought after in LA but hell..... just go get ready for your shift, well talk later and the sooner I talk to Ravi sooner he can go home"
Buck fist pumped Ravi and went to get changed. The house was taken off-line while they got the station back into working order. Buck was half way through restocking the ambulance when his phone rang, with out looking he answered it
"Buckley speaking"
"Where is it" Maddie screamed down the phone
"I will hang up like I did yesterday, use your nice person words. You know the ones you use with everyone but your brother"
Maddie was quiet for a moment " you were meant to make a cake for desert, where is it"
"What cake Maddie, you never asked me for a cake"
"Yes I did, I told you I needed your triple layer chocolate lava cake with the choc orange filling" she responded
"No you didn't, and I wouldn't of said yes as the oven at my current place is too small for that" Buck could feel a migraine starting to form
"I did ask and you said yes, I messaged you about it" she was starting to get worked up again
"Go check your messages other than yesterday I haven't heard from you in weeks"
"I'm sure we spoke about it in the group chat"
"You may have but not in any group chat I'm part of" he was really starting to get tired of this "Maddie you've never asked me you haven't spoken to me to ask. You've ditched me again like you have before. This is the 5th time you've ditched first when I was 11 then when I was 19. Then you chose to side with my bully's after the lawsuit, you left again after Jee was born resulting in your now husband punching me in the face for doing something you asked me to do and now you've done it again and your husband has turned into the worst version of himself and so have you. It's my turn now, I'm now ditching you have a good life with Doug 2.0 this one is just as toxic and also makes you toxic as well, what an upgrade. Maybe we should change your names from Maddie and Howard to Margaret and Phillip"
Buck heard a sudden gasp as he ended the call and continued his work.
After everything was put back in order Buck went to sit on the couch when his phone rang again, it was a New York area code.
"Chief Strand, how is New York" a few heads turned in his direction
"Afternoon Buckley, by that welcome in sure you've guessed my son had spoken to me about you" Owen was trying to be professional, he was always more a casual kind of guy "look Buck just call me Owen and we'll keep this casual. There's a lot of chatter about you at the moment, from the sounds of things you're going to be getting offeres from all over the place, your over qualified for the role your currently in and the amount of commendations you've turned down is ridiculous"
Buck jumped in "I haven't turned down any commendations Owen, the only one I have is for the cruise ship that everyone got"
"That's not what your file says" Owen sounded shocked
"I'm sorry Owen I don't want to be rude but I have to go check some stuff"
"Ok, I'll send my personal mobile if you need help with anything"
Buck thanked him and ran to Bobby's old office, Captain Peterson on his heels.
"What's going on Buckly" she asked
Buck was frantically going through cabinets looking for his file "cap is there some way someone can reject commendations on your behalf"
"No it would need your signature for it to be rejected, why?" Concern etched on her face
Buck feel onto the office couch "Chief Strand just told me my file has a lot of commendations that I turned down. Like I don't really care about them but shouldn't I know about them especially if I rejected them"
"Ok I can pull up your file and we'll see what it says", she sat in Bobby's old chair and logged on to the HR portal while directing Buck through the filing cabinets
Peterson found what she was looking for "your file says you've turned down 7 commendations so far with 1 given"
Buck found his hard copy personal folder.
"Damn Buckley that things thick its about 3 inches"
"Probably all my write ups" Buck joked
"Different folder this is a personal file your write up would be in you disciplinary file, you probably have a whole draw to yourself" she joked
They sifted through all the paperwork to find what they needed each rejection of commendation form had a signature that didn't match Bucks. Buck pulled up Athena's number and put her on speaker
"Hey baby I thought you were on shift"
"I am 'thena I've got you on speaker with Captain Peterson. We found some issues in my file I've been offered commendations 7 times that I didn't know about, and they'd been rejected supposedly by me but the signature doesn't match. I don't want to ask but you know I have to" Buck was terrified of her response
"No baby it wasn't Bobby, he left that sort of paperwork to his Lieutenant so he could focus on the mundane ones. I think his Lieutenant was"
"Chimney" all the said at once
At that moment the tones sounded
"Sorry 'thena the bells toll" Buck hang up and ran for his turn outs.
It was a simple call out, a cat up a tree. The C shift probie was sent up, the poor guy was cut to shreds but laughs were had by all. When the team got back to the station Buck sent the probie up to the loft couch while he grabbed the med bag to patch the kid up.
"How are you so good at this" the kid asked
"Lots of practice, I've had a few bad cat rescues myself. Unfortunately its the plight of us beautiful people" everyone laughed
The sound was cut off by a face time call from Ravi. When he answered the call he saw Ravi's face with a fingure infront of his lip. Buck put himself on mute as Ravi changed the camera angle. He could hear and see Athena yelling at Chimney.
"You're a disgrace Howard Han, you treat Buck like he's a child. How many times have you forged his signature Howard" everyone gasped on both ends of the video link. Buck looked back at Captain Peterson and hit the screen record button in his pull down menu.
"How many times have you forged Buck's signature Howard, I know of 7 already how many more?" She screamed at him
"I don't know what you're talking about"
"You're a crappy liar Han, I know about the commendation rejections you've forged. Wouldn't be hard to get a specialist to verify" her eyes had turned cold
Chimney raged "He didn't deserve them, I've been doing this a lot longer than him. Did you know Bobby had him set to take over the 118, I had to hide all the paperwork"
Athena laughed in his face "he was still offered the position, he has also been offered positions at other stations"
"No I rejected those too and his transfer requests. He doesn't deserve to move up, he's a damn child. I deserve it more, I should be Captain" everyone heard him
Athena got up as close as she could without touching him "you know what's funny Howard, I heard earlier today that Buck is being offered positions all over this fine country, and most of them are for a Captaincy. I guess you failed"
Chimney screamed "nooooooooo"
Athena turned towards Ravi and grinned "baby I'm taking him in for falsifying legal documents would you like to add charges, you could also go civil"
Buck unmuted his side "sounds like a plan mamma" all eyes turned to Ravi "while you're at the station can you also work on restraining orders for everyone there, i can send you screen shots of their messages, audio of the phone calls and voicemail plus I've been recording this too"
"Yes please"
Buck heard someone clear their throat, he looked up to find Chief Simpson.
"'Thena I've got to head off someone is here to talk to me"
"If it's the Chief he already knows everything from before this video" she spoke as she put Howard into handcuffs
"The Chief also saw this facetime call" everyone flinched at the Chief's booming voice "Panikkar can you please come to the station, the rest of you I'll deal with later"
Buck hung up the call and stopped the recording.
"I would like a copy of those files you're giving the sargent if possible" the Chief spoke calmly
"Yes sir I can send it directly to your email address?" Buck asked
"CC HR as well, A shift has turned into a cluster---" he sighed "let's go talk in Bobby's office" the Chief directed.
Once they were seated the Chief spoke "Buckley I'm sorry the LAFD has failed you again. My predecessor failed you before which resulted in a lawsuit and now I have. I know you have recieved offers from out of state. I have seen some of the offers and spoken to other Chiefs unfortunately I can not give you any better offers other than a Captaincy here at the 118 after I've cleaned house, a Captaincy at the 88 or a Lieutenant position at the 217. I'm sorry that's all I have. But some good news all you commendations will be reissued and the pay increase for each will be back dated, you also were meant recieve a commendation of valour for what you did during the tsunami. This will also be reissued. I will be going through every scrap of paperwork to do with this whole debacle you have my word"
"Thank you Chief" Buck pulled out his phone and sent every file to Athena the Chief and HR. By the time he had finished Ravi walked in.
"Sit please Panikkar, neither of you is in trouble"
Ravi relaxed at those words
The Chief continued "now I'll be going through this place with a fine tooth comb, and I want to keep you both safe as the primary victim and a possible secondary as a form of revenge. Panikkar I am giving you a temporary transfer to the Academy, you will still get all the benefits and pay as if you were working A shift, once everything is sorted you can choose to stay there or go to a different house, I don't see any house not wanting you, you're an amazing and dedicated fire fighter. Buckley I'm putting you on leave but just like Panikkar you will be paid as if you're on active A shift duty as well as you pay increase, until you decide your future whether it be here in LA like I hope or else where"
"Thank you Chief" they both said in unison
3 months later Buck is walking into the firehouse a figure on either side of him, a picture frame in one arm and Bobby's Captain helmet on the other. He made his way to the kitchen and hung the frame filled with images of Bobby at work from Minnesota and LA, and above that he hung the helmet. It wasn't a plaque, it was actual memories May and Athena hugged him from each side.
"This he'd like, a spot in the kitchen watching over your cooking" a tear fell down Athena's Cheek.
Harry stepped up behind them having finished his time at the Academy 4 weeks ago. "Captain, fire fighter Panikkar and the rest of station 47 of the Minnesota fire department are awaiting your inspection"