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The only sound in my room was my humming and the soft scratching of my pencil in my sketchbook. In the Light World, I always carried a sketchbook with me, but I never brought it into the Dark World for fear it might transform into a Darkner. Luckily, in one of the drawers of the desk in my Dark World room, I had discovered Ralsei had provided me with several empty sketchbooks to use while I was here.
I was spending time in the Dark World because, quite frankly, I didn't have anything better to be doing in the Light World. I needed some quiet, and my cozy room in the Dark World just seemed like the best place for that. I could just about hear the sounds of the city below, heavily muffled by the castle walls. I found myself humming Ralsei's lullaby that he had sung as an ACT on Kris's command a few adventures ago.
My thoughts were interrupted by a timid knock on the door and the soft voice of the same fluffy prince who was just on my mind.
He gently called my name from behind the door. "May I... come in?" he asked, then quickly added, "I- I know you said you wanted some quiet time, but..."
"Yeah, no, I don't mind," I answered. "Come in."
Despite asking if he could enter, he merely opened the door a crack, looking at me through it. He seemed nervous. "Can... can I... talk about something?"
I was slightly taken aback that he was asking. He typically didn't come to anyone with anything, not wanting to feel like a burden. I was pleasantly surprised he was speaking up.
"Of course," I responded, closing my sketchbook and replacing it in its spot in the desk drawer. Usually, I wouldn't leave a sketch unfinished, but this was clearly more important, especially if Ralsei had gathered the courage to speak up about it. I looked back up at him. He was still peering through the slightly open door. "Are you going to come in or not?"
He seemed to suddenly realize he was just hovering outside the room. "Oh! Um... yes, I-I am." He tentatively opened the door just enough to slip inside, then quietly closed it behind him.
I stood, gently took his hands, and guided him to sit on the edge of my bed with me. I waited for him to start speaking, but he seemed to be preoccupied with fidgeting with his paws.
"What did you want to talk about?" I prompted.
Ralsei flinched as if I had startled him out of his thoughts. He looked up at me, meeting my gaze, but immediately looked away. "You, um, told me I should... say something, if something is... bothering me," he began.
I nodded, hoping to encourage him to keep going.
"It- it's not about you!" he clarified, suddenly flustered as he raised his hands and waved them as if trying to take back his words. "You didn't do anything to upset me, I... I realize it might sound like I'm implying that..."
"I wasn't thinking that," I assured him.
"I- I'm not mad at you, I promise... th-this doesn't have to do with you, or Kris, or Susie, or... a-anyone...-" he made a vague gesture, as if unsure what to do with his hands "-except for myself."
I placed my hand on his shoulder in what I hoped was a reassuring gesture. "Take a breath," I suggested. "You're doing great."
Ralsei nodded as he took a very shaky breath, closing his eyes and clutching his hands over his chest. He paused a moment before opening his eyes, still unable to make eye contact, and continued, "I... I'm always called... the Prince of the Dark. I-it's what the Prophecy says I am." He rested his paws in his lap, attempting to calm his movements, but began fidgeting with the hem of his robes instead. "A-and... I..." His voice caught in his throat. "I..."
I gently rubbed circles into his shoulder with my thumb.
He whined and hid his face behind his hands, shoving his glasses out of place. Suddenly, he practically jumped off of the bed, the round frames falling to the floor, stuttering out, "N-nevermind, I- I'm s-sorry, I'll... I-I can't- I'll just go, I-"
"Wait!" I cried, grabbing his sleeve before he could bolt. "It's okay! Sometimes it's hard to put your thoughts into words."
Ralsei didn't reply, or even turn to look at me, but he didn't pull away, either. I leaned down, retrieving his glasses from the floor. I moved in front of him, resting my hands on his shoulders.
"Talking about things that make you uncomfortable can be difficult," I told him. "But, if you share your discomfort with other people, they can help you. I can help you, or at least try my absolute best to."
He looked up at me for a moment, finally making eye contact that lasted more than a second. His pastel pink eyes were wide with fear. I gently ran my thumb across his cheek, wiping away a small tear that was making its way down his face, dampening his fur. His gaze dropped back to the ground, or perhaps my shirt. I unfolded his glasses and gently replaced them on his nose. He blinked at me a few times as I came back into focus.
"I'm sorry," he managed.
"Mm-mm," I answered, softly pulling him into a loose hug, giving him an easy escape if need be. "No, you're not apologizing for this."
He made a quiet sound as if he wanted to protest, but then decided against it and wordlessly melted into my embrace, resting his head on my shoulder. I gently combed my fingers through the cloud-like fur on the back of his head.
"It's okay," I whispered. "Admitting things is hard. Talking about discomfort is hard. I promise you can't upset me with something like this."
He didn't respond.
"Here." I let go of him, retrieving a glass of water from my night stand.
He didn't take it immediately, staring at it through teary eyes. "That's your water," he stated.
"Yeah, and I'm offering it to you," I replied. "Take a sip. It's not cold, but it's... it's water."
He hesitated, but finally took the glass and tentatively raised it to his lips. I again took a seat on the edge of my bed, hoping Ralsei would do the same. Once he finished what he wanted of the water, which was only a few sips, he did sit, holding the glass in his lap.
"So," I prompted, "what were you saying about being called Prince of the Dark?"
He gazed at the floor, his fingers tightening around the glass. "I... I don't... like it."
I opened my mouth to form a reply, but he continued.
"I've been called... names I dislike before. But... this is... th-this is... different, somehow. It feels... worse than those, but... it's not even supposed to be an insult."
"What about it don't you like?" I questioned.
"I don't know. It's... it's what I am, so it shouldn't... it should be fine, but..."
"Is it the 'Prince' part or the 'Dark' part?"
Ralsei hesitated a moment before whispering in a barely audible voice, "Prince."
I nodded. "Do you think it's because that word carries a lot of weight?" I offered. "It's a royal title, so it has an air of a lot of responsibility."
He thought for a moment, then shook his head. "N-no, I... I don't have any issues with... acting as a prince."
"Is it... because that's what the Prophecy calls you?"
He frowned. "Maybe? I-I'm... not sure..."
"Does it feel... forced? Like, you dislike it just because it was the title given to you?"
He shrugged.
"Well, how about we just... find a different word to use?" I suggested.
He whipped his head around to look at me, his eyes wide. "H-huh?"
"We're all about changing the Prophecy, right? Let's start small, with this."
He looked away from me for a moment, then back. He pressed his lips tightly together and gave a slight nod. "Okay," he breathed.
A few minutes later, we were sitting on the floor of his now sparsely decorated room. There was barely any furniture occupying the space, but it was better than it had been a day ago. I had pulled a thesaurus off of the small bookshelf in the corner of his room, laying it open in front of us on the floor as we sat side by side.
"Alright," I said, flipping through the pages. "Prince. P... P-R... here." I stopped on the page that had the words "pridefulness-procreative" at the top, running my finger down the list of words. I came across the word "princely," but-
"What the- where's 'prince'?" I asked no one in particular, or perhaps the thesaurus itself. I scanned the list of words again. "This thing has synonyms for 'princely', but not just 'prince!' What?!"
Ralsei frowned down at the page. "Are you sure you didn't miss it?" he asked.
"Yeah, look!" I pointed to the words as I read them out. "'Primitive', 'primordial', 'princely', 'principal', 'principle'... it completely skips over the word 'prince'!"
Ralsei gaped at the book in confusion. "Is- is there another thesaurus on that shelf?" he wondered aloud, looking up at the line of books.
I stood up and scanned the rest of the books on the shelf. Surprisingly, there were several thesauruses, all in different areas of the shelf due to being sorted by the color of the covers. Before, I had simply grabbed the first one I saw, not expecting there to be several. I picked out another thesaurus, then returned to Ralsei. I shoved the previous book out of the way with a little more force than I meant to, sending it skidding across the floor until it lightly bumped into the wall, the cover falling shut.
"Whoops. I, uh, didn't mean to send it that far."
Ralsei hid an amused smile behind his paw as I opened the new thesaurus.
"Let's try this again." I flipped through the pages, stopping at a page with the words "primary-printing" at the top. This time, I found the word 'prince' near the bottom of one of the columns. "Here we go."
Ralsei leaned forward at the news that I had found the word. I read out the synonyms.
"Monarch. Ralsei, Monarch of the Dark. Sounds kinda cool, I think. It rhymes."
He frowned. "N-no, that... sort of makes it sound like I exert a lot more authority than I really do."
"That's fine," I answered. "King. That one probably has the same problem, huh?"
He nodded.
"Okay... Ruler."
"No..."
"Sovereign. Isn't that an adjective?"
"It can be a noun... but..." He shook his head.
"Noble or nobleman." I frowned. "Noble of the Dark. Sounds, uh..."
"Odd," Ralsei offered.
"Pretty much. Next... chief."
"I-... no..."
"Sw-" I blinked, pausing in the middle of the word I was reading, a little confused. "Swell guy?"
Ralsei blinked. "Swell guy?" he repeated.
I pointed to the page. "Look, it says it right there! 'Swell guy'!"
"T-that's... that's not..."
"Ralsei, Swell Guy of the Dark."
"No!" he giggled. "That sounds so... just, not what we're going for!"
"Are you saying you're not a swell guy?" I teased, lightly shoving his shoulder.
"Well, no," he replied, pushing me in return, albeit with much less force; it was more of a tap. "But, it... doesn't necessarily sound like a royal title."
"Not even close," I agreed, looking back at the thesaurus. "Oh- oh, that one's slang."
"Oh... I suppose that would explain it."
I laughed. "I've never heard that before, though."
"Neither have I!"
I sighed, straightening my horrible posture. "Well, that's all it has for synonyms for 'prince'."
"O-oh, that's... that's it?" Ralsei looked disappointed.
"Yup. I guess we'll get another thesaurus and see if it has anything different." I took one last look at the page. "'Princess' has even less synonyms," I remarked, pointing to it. "Just 'queen' and... 'crown princess', which I don't think counts."
Ralsei froze.
"...Ralsei?"
"Um," he answered just to give some semblance of response. "I..."
"Are you okay?" I asked, gently placing my hand on his. He didn't react to the touch. "Is there something wrong?"
Slowly, he shook his head. "Princess," he mumbled under his breath.
"Princess?" I repeated.
He startled, as if he hadn't meant to say that out loud. "I-I... um... I mean... y-yeah, I suppose we should... get another thesaurus!" He leapt off of the floor and rushed over to the bookshelf.
"Ralsei."
He abruptly stopped as he reached for another book on the shelf. "Y-yes?"
"Are you a princess?"
He stood still for a moment, before quickly snatching the book he was reaching for and returning to sit next to me. "N-no," he answered as he opened the book on top of the previous thesaurus, "I- I'm not- I'm n-not a princess. Of course not. I- I can't be."
"Why not?"
He didn't seem to process my question, practically tearing through the pages to get to the P section. This thesaurus was laid out very differently from the other two, with the first three letters of the words in each column displayed at the top instead of the first and last words of the page. He stopped on a page with one column labelled "PRE" and three labelled "PRI". "'Prince'," he read, pointing to the word. "Um... 'Master', that's a new one. I-I don't-"
"Ralsei."
He abruptly stopped his babbling and looked up at me, his eyes wild.
"Why can't you be a princess?"
"W-well..." He faltered. "I... I just... I can't. Th-the Prophecy-"
"I didn't ask you what the Prophecy says you are," I told him. "I asked you what you say you are."
He stared at me, his mouth open as if he wanted to reply but couldn't find the words to do so.
"If I tell you that the Prophecy doesn't exist, and you're allowed to be a princess if that's who you really are, what would your response to that question be?"
"I- I..."
"Ralsei, Princess of the Dark."
"I.."
I closed the thesauruses and fully turned to face him. He seemed particularly interested in the floor.
Something clicked in my mind. Aside from being mostly regal titles, the only thing all of the words that Ralsei refused had in common was most of them were descriptors of male rulers. "Princess", the only female term, was the first that he didn't outright reject. It would make sense, I realized, for the masculine title of "prince" to make him uncomfortable if he wasn't a boy at all.
"Ralsei is my favorite girl in the whole world," I stated.
He didn't appear to react to the statement, but I noticed his breath quicken.
"She's so kind," I continued, "and beautiful."
He looked conflicted.
"She cares so much for everyone, and she's so good at always staying positive."
He squeezed his eyes shut.
"And I love her more than anything."
I took his hand.
Her hand.
She met my gaze.
Then, she threw her arms around me and began to sob, nodding against my neck. I immediately reciprocated the embrace, holding her tight.
She took a few breaths, calming herself down enough to ask, "Is- is it... a-are you sure it's... okay that I... feel... like this?"
"Like... what?"
"Like... like a princess instead of a prince," she clarified.
"Of course," I answered. "Identity is important. It's valuable to pay attention to what makes you feel... right."
"But..." She pulled away from the hug, wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand, displacing her glasses. "I'm... I'm a Darkner. I- I shouldn't have an identity, I... I shouldn't-"
"Ralsei."
She opened her eyes, looking at me through her tears as her hand lowered from her face, her round frames still askew.
"Does being called a princess make you happy?"
She paused, then nodded vigorously. "Yes," she answered, fixing her glasses when they threatened to fly off her face again. "Yes, it... it does."
"Then that's all that matters." I leaned forward and planted a soft kiss between her horns. "I guess that means you can't be my boyfriend anymore."
"W-wait, wh-"
I held out my hand. "Would you like to be my girlfriend, instead?"
Ralsei let out a breath as she took my hand, whining my name. "Don't scare me like that!"
I giggled as she wrapped her arms around me again. "Sorry," I whispered.
She laughed through fresh tears. "It- it's alright. And, I... yes, I..." She pulled back and locked eyes with me, a smile across her face. "I'd love to be your girlfriend."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I stretched as my eyes opened the next morning. Careful not to jostle the bed too much, I slowly rolled over to see Ralsei's sleeping face.
One of her ears covered the lower half of her face. As gently as I could, I moved it out of the way so I could see her properly. Apparently I wasn't gentle enough, as her eyes slowly fluttered open. She squinted at me, struggling to see without her glasses, and mumbled my name drowsily.
I smiled. "Good morning, princess."
Her eyes opened a little more. "Prin...cess?" She blinked a few times, rubbing her eyes. "That... wasn't a dream?"
I pulled her close to my chest, rubbing her back, my hands gliding across the soft silk of her teal nightgown. "What wasn't a dream?"
"Th-the talk we had about... me being... a girl."
"Right, that one," I teased. "No, that was real, Ralsei. You're my girlfriend, now."
She looked down to hide her face, as if that would prevent me from seeing the bright blush appearing across her cheeks. I laughed quietly and gently scritched behind her ears. She sighed sleepily, nuzzling her face into my neck and wrapping her arms around me.
"I love you, my princess," I whispered.
She giggled softly, slightly kicking her feet under the blankets. "I love you, too."