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Buck didn’t know why. Well, he did know, actually—like all his trauma, this one must also be his parents’ fault.
Buck didn’t like behaving this way. He knew it was exhausting. It was just that he needed physical contact as much as he needed air to breathe, and unfortunately, one day that was going to wear everyone around him out.
Hen
Buck was new at the 118 and quickly learned that Hen was incredibly affectionate. Buck assumed it was because she was a mother (a good one), which is why he wasn’t surprised when, as he sat beside her on the station couch, Hen immediately wrapped an arm around his shoulders. And Buck, a mere mortal, couldn’t resist the affection Hen radiated—so warm and maternal. He leaned into her, letting out a relieved sigh.
“Are you okay there, Buck?” Hen asked when she heard the sigh.
“I’m fine,” Buck said, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the human contact he hadn’t felt in a while. “I’m just tired, I promise.”
“If you say so,” Hen replied, squeezing him a little tighter under her arm. “Rest if you want, I’ll be right here.”
She wasn’t stupid—she could see from miles away how lonely Buck felt, and she had no problem showing her affection. “And then you complain that we all call you the baby of the station,” she joked, laughing when Buck let out a small whine. “Just kidding, baby Buck.”
She gently stroked his messy curls and let him rest.
Bobby, who happened to be walking by, saw Buck with a mix of sadness and fondness.
“It’s good that he finally got some rest,” Bobby said, ruffling Buck’s hair.
“Obviously, all thanks to me,” Hen said jokingly as she adjusted Buck more comfortably under her arm.
Chimney
The 118 was at the supermarket buying supplies for the station. Bobby had split the shopping list into teams—Eddie was with Hen, Chim was with Buck, and Bobby was with a few others handling the more complicated items.
After learning his lesson, Bobby had been forced to separate Eddie and Buck while shopping, because Buck would ask for something and Eddie never had the strength to say no. They always ended up with candy and unnecessary things.
“Buck! Come back here!” Chim called when he saw Buck wandering off for the tenth time. “Stop getting distracted—”
Chim fell silent when Buck reappeared wearing a T-shirt over his uniform and a pair of sunglasses. “Where did you get that?”
“They were on the shelf and they looked awesome, and I just thought—why not?”
“Put it back. Now, please.”
Chim watched him walk away and waited patiently for Buck to return, relieved to see that this time he wasn’t wearing anything new.
“Behave.”
“Yes, sorry,” Buck laughed nervously.
Everything was fine for a moment, until Chim turned around to ask Buck if he remembered which brand of flour Bobby needed—only to realize Buck wasn’t there.
He sighed, gathering his patience. He didn’t know why Buck acted like this. The first few times it had been strange, because Buck was always professional at work. Sure, when he could, he joked around or relaxed, but when it came to shopping, Buck just let himself go, behaving in this almost childish way that Chim found adorable and a little exhausting.
“Buck—!”
Chim fell silent when he saw Buck hurrying back, wearing an adult diaper over his pants.
“Sorry, Chim, I got distracted.”
“You’d better not have opened a new package for that, because—”
“No! I swear, it was the display one, the one they use so people can see the size. I was just curious, and I know I’m not supposed to try them on, but I—”
“Just put it back where it was and then come straight back here.”
“Yes, sorry.”
Chim watched him go, still a bit shocked by what he’d just seen. When Buck came back with nothing on, Chim finally spoke again.
“Buck, don’t wander off again, or I’m telling Bobby you’re misbehaving and he’ll leave you at the station while we shop, okay?”
“Yes, Chim, sorry. It’s just… I get excited when we’re all shopping together. I know it’s stupid, but it feels… I don’t know how to explain it. Just… sorry.”
Chim knew from Maddie how bad Buck’s parents were and how awful his childhood had been. He looked at his little brother for a few seconds, then offered his hand—surprised by how quickly Buck took it.
“Come on, let’s walk together so you don’t get distracted.”
Chim was genuinely surprised by how calm Buck was now.
Buck felt so comforted with Chim’s hand wrapped around his. He felt calm—and strangely protected.
When they finished shopping, Bobby looked at Chim in confusion, silently pointing at Buck, who seemed unusually well-behaved. Chim just shrugged, telling him with a look that he had no idea why Buck was behaving so well.
Eddie
Buck was very happy, waiting for his shift to end. He loved his job, but afterward he was going to Eddie’s house, and he was incredibly excited.
“Eddie? How long until the shift ends?”
“It’s been fifteen minutes since the last time you asked,” Eddie said, placing a hand on Buck’s shoulder. “Relax. The less you think about the time, the faster it goes.”
Eddie—with Buck, and only Buck—had infinite patience. Buck could poke him in the face with a stick for hours and Eddie wouldn’t get mad. That scared him a little—the idea of caring about someone so much that you accepted everything from them was terrifying, but also beautiful.
“I’m just excited. I really want to go to your place and watch that new animated dinosaur movie Chris wants to see.”
“I know. You just have to hold on for forty-five more minutes,” Eddie laughed. “I’m going to tell the Cap to give you a task so you get distracted.”
“Eddie, no, I won’t ask about the time again, don’t do it—”
He cut himself off when he saw Eddie heading straight for the Cap.
“Eddie!” Buck shouted, rushing after him. “Cap, don’t listen to him!”
Bobby just laughed and smiled at Eddie.
“Buck, I think you should go wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen a bit.”
“Bobbyyyy, no—”
When he saw Bobby raise an eyebrow at his tone, he sighed.
“Fine,” he muttered, grumbling about how unfair the situation was.
“Did you say something, Buck?” Bobby asked, while Eddie just laughed.
“No, Cap.”
Buck focused on washing the dishes, and before he realized it, the time had passed.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Buck!!
The moment Buck heard Chris shout his name, he walked over quickly to hug him.
“My favorite Diaz, I missed you so much,” Chris laughed.
After everyone said goodbye to Carla, Buck headed to the kitchen while Eddie helped Chris get comfortable for movie night.
Eddie went to check on Buck after settling Chris, when he heard a pained sound coming from the kitchen.
“Buck?”
He walked in and saw Buck cradling his hand, pouting.
“Oh no, Buck—are you okay?”
It was a little funny to see a man who ran into burning buildings making a pout over a small cut on his finger.
“I’m not okay. My finger, Eddie. Look at it,” Buck said, holding it up.
“It’s fine. Luckily I keep the first-aid kit in the kitchen. After cutting myself so many times while cooking, I figured it was the best place for it.”
As he spoke, Eddie grabbed the kit and quickly cleaned the wound, wrapping a bandage around Buck’s finger.
“There. Good as new.”
“It’s not good as new. I’m so clumsy,” Buck said angrily, staring at his finger.
Eddie might have been a strong man, but Buck always made him soft. Without thinking, Eddie took Buck’s hand and kissed the bandaged wound
“See? Good as new.”
Buck froze for a moment, then Eddie was rewarded with one of the most beautiful smiles he’d ever seen.
Bobby (+1)
Buck was so angry at himself. He was so useless. All he had to do was go to breakfast with his sister and his parents and stay quiet—but no. He was so stupid he couldn’t even do that. The moment his mother made a passive-aggressive comment about his sister, Buck opened his mouth and said something not passive at all—just aggressive.
Even though it felt good to let it out, now, during his shift after breakfast, he didn’t feel so good.
“Are you okay there, kid?” Bobby asked, sitting down beside him on the couch.
“I’m an idiot. I messed things up with my parents again. Sometimes I think they’re right, and that I don’t actually deserve to ask for or receive affection—”
He stopped mid-sentence when he felt a knock on the back of his head.
“Ouch! What was that for?”
“Well, I’m going to hit anyone who talks badly about you—even if it’s you,” Bobby said, squeezing his shoulder affectionately before pulling his hand away.
“I want you to think about what you just said and about how much we all appreciate you here. Consider this a time-out in the corner.”
Buck stayed on the couch, thinking about all the times Hen saved the seat next to her for him at the station—even moving people if she had to—just because she knew how much Buck loved leaning against her while watching TV, and because she knew he’d never ask her for a hug.
He thought about how Chim, when they went shopping, would simply grab a cart and extend his arm toward him without even looking, waiting for Buck to take his hand—because he knew Buck felt safer that way, but would never ask.
He thought about how Eddie kissed his wounds after bandaging them because he saw his face, his eyes, silently asking for comfort he didn’t feel he deserved—so Eddie gave it without question.
He also thought about how Eddie knew when he was anxious and made Bobby give him more tasks—sometimes to tease him, but also to keep his mind busy.
So finally, Buck stood up and walked to the kitchen, where Bobby was cooking lunch.
“Bobby?”
He waited until Bobby looked at him.
“Can you give me a hug?”
He immediately felt Bobby’s arms wrap around him.
“I love you so much, kid. You deserve it.”
And with those words, Buck let go of all the ugly feelings and thoughts he’d been holding onto lately.
“Thank you.”
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
If after that anyone noticed that Buck started asking for comfort more often, no one said a word about it.