Chapter Text
It was the final rehearsal before the performance the next evening, to a sellout crowd, all eager to hear a popular violinist perform. And no doubt there would be increased attendance by certain sections of the press, particularly after the recent gossip and lurid headlines.
CLASSICAL MUSIC WORLD IN SHOCK!
BRILLIANT COMPOSER & VIOLINIST WIFE TO SEPARATE!
DISCORD DILEMMA!
Charlotte sighed. If only she could rewind the last few months. It would certainly have meant less stress and heartache. The truth was, she had panicked and acted impulsively, thinking it was best to handle the situation on her own and not bother Sidney. Especially when he was completing a sellout European Concert Tour. But as she should have learnt by now, nothing was ever straightforward and before she knew it, everything had imploded and caused a serious rift between them. Sheer stubbornness prevented the reconciliation which should have happened and it was unnerving experiencing the speed at which everything unraveled. Sidney had been sleeping on the sofa bed in his study for months and they were barely able to say anything civil to each other, which was probably why he appeared to be constantly busy. She was determined to manage a substantial conversation and resolve the impasse. As soon as this concert was over. Which had been an unnecessary last minute addition to the calendar, purely to avoid being at home, although the huge payout was definitely beneficial.
MEES HAAYWARRDD!!!
Interrupted from her thoughts, Charlotte was mortified. The Orchestra were waiting for her and that odious conductor was scowling at her, tapping his baton impatiently on the music stand. He was the principal reason why accepting the late request to perform was a huge mistake. His reputation for being Extremely Difficult was well earned. When Esther heard about it, she was aghast.
Are you mad, Charlotte?! That man’s a nightmare, they don’t whisper ‘Jackass Justin’ about him for nothing, especially with those ridiculous staring games he subjects his unfortunate victims to. Some of the musicians I know who’ve experienced him say it helps to imagine him as a troll or ogre, like Shrek, but worse. I know you and Sidney are struggling, but it really would be better to actually try talking to each other. It’s called COMMUNICATION!!
Charlotte gritted her teeth. She should have listened to Esther. I can do this, just get through the next couple of hours and get home. Giving the man her most charming smile, she lifted her violin and bow in readiness.
Phew.
Back in her favourite dressing room and some much needed privacy. At least, the remainder of the rehearsal had gone well, just the performance to get through and then, the calendar was free for a decent length of time, enough for her to put the plan into action.
#OperationHusbandMakeUp
Charlotte couldn’t wait to spend time with their family, free of tension. It could be hard work with five children to contend with, but she had absolutely no regrets. Picking up her phone, she messaged their car driver, to let him know the rehearsal was finished. Hopefully, it wouldn’t take him too long to arrive. Checking her other notifications, there were plenty of friends and family wishing her luck for the upcoming performance. But Not Her Husband. Charlotte sighed and closed her eyes, the flashback memories flooding her mind again.
***************************
THREE MONTHS AGO
It had been a normal day, she had seen the older children off to school and taken the twins to nursery. Then, a serious practice session and lunch, before heading to the gym for a workout and swim. There was just enough time to shower, before leaving to collect the children. Afterwards, Charlotte wasn’t sure how she kept going, because her brain was fixated on that moment. She had felt a lump. Tiny but still there. Once they arrived home, she disappeared into the bathroom. It hadn’t been an illusion. Her mind whirled with the implications and the recurring thought was this:
Sidney can’t know about this, not after the trauma he and his children experienced with losing Eliza, plus the time he had spent grieving. It would ruin The Tour as well, which wouldn’t be great publicity.
Her husband was away, performing in Europe, the lifestyle of a professional musician. They made it work, making sure to prioritise their relationship and family. Charlotte made an urgent appointment with her doctor and crossed everything that she was worrying for nothing. Sidney was always a bit distracted while on tour. It won't be a problem, she told herself.
But a week later, the doctor scheduled an urgent online consultation, having received the scan results. Fortunately, the timing was workable. But now, Charlotte felt incredibly anxious, especially as Sidney was due to return home in fourteen days: the children were getting excited, ticking the days off their #DaddyCountdownCalendar. They had decorated their precious project with countless photos of him, while trying to keep the twins from adding their attempts at ‘drawing’ and eventually, Charlotte intervened, making her toddler cherubs their own version. Sidney had adored the regular screenshots she sent him of these Calendars and cheekily suggested she should make one for herself - he was very willing to provide pictures!
Normally, the family reunion was an occasion to remember, in all sorts of ways!. Again, she willed everything to be fine. Protecting her husband was essential. Forcing herself to ignore the little voice that kept saying But What About You??
It appeared The Universe was against her. Dr Lambe outlined the next steps.
Unfortunately, the mammogram results indicated further investigation will be necessary. There’s a very good Clinic near you in London, I can send an urgent referral and expect there will be more scans and probably a biopsy. Try not to worry, it’s at least been caught early, but quite often, it turns out to be benign.
Charlotte felt numb. She agreed and hoped an appointment would come through quickly. In the meantime, she needed to talk to someone. But she was still determined to keep this information from her husband. So, she messaged Esther.
Later that evening, she thought back to her friend’s advice.
I’m so sorry, Charlotte. Let me know when you get an appointment and I will come with you, it’s important to have support. But honestly, I really feel Sidney should know. He won’t break and I reckon it would hurt him more to find out his wife chose not to confide in him. It’s understandable that you want to protect him, but this has the potential to cause problems between you. Really, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell him, put yourself first for once.
Charlotte sighed. She just couldn’t do it, much as she knew facing this on her own was the hardest thing she’d ever done. If he knew, Sidney would cancel everything and come home. She just had to be strong for all of her family.
Thankfully, the Clinic appointment came through quickly for an assessment, which then required further testing and the possibility of a surgical procedure. Two days before her husband came home. Maybe, I should tell him. It might be hard to disguise any after effects, particularly when we usually indulge in very enthusiastic reunions. No, best to see this through on my own. It was tight, but workable, especially if there was no surgical procedure. She arranged childcare and tried to keep to the normal routine. Sidney was clearly looking forward to being back home, judging by his messages.
I am so looking forward to seeing you all again. Remind me not to agree to these tours again, even if they do throw huge payouts at me. Xxx
How about we organise a Sleepover Weekend in Sanditon for the children? Mary mentioned it to me. We could make the most of it, stay in bed all day. An opportunity to practise for #Baby6, like we talked about, before I went on tour?! Xxx
Charlotte cursed. She had forgotten about That Conversation. There had to be an excuse she could think of to delay discussing it.
The Consultant at the Clinic was very reassuring. There were more scans, followed by a biopsy procedure. It was actually more painful than Charlotte expected, even with a local anaesthetic. She was glad the children were staying overnight with friends and also, that Esther was with her. Hopefully, the results would be available within a week and life could move on.
By the next morning, the pain relief had worn off and Charlotte was feeling incredibly sore, which she had been warned might happen and to rest as much as possible. Later in the afternoon, the children arrived home, all happy and excited to tell her about the wonderful time they had. She was upstairs in the bedroom, taking more pain relief and deciding on the best takeaway option, when there was the sound of a car hooting loudly outside. A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. Charlotte frowned. Who could that be? The last thing she needed was visitors. She opened the bedroom door, hearing Jenny opening the front door.
And Then.
IT’S DADDY!!! she screamed. Four pairs of feet all stormed to greet him, the twins shouting to be picked up. Charlotte heard his voice responding to them, which usually delighted her. But for once, she was frozen, filled with trepidation. This was going to be impossible to hide from him.
Why was he home a full 24 hours early?? How on earth was she going to manage this?
Sidney’s voice brought her back to reality.
Hey monsters, it’s great to see you too. But can I come in? It’s a bit cold outside. Plus, I have presents for all of you. And where’s Mummy? I can’t wait to see her too.
Charlotte made her way downstairs, plastering a smile on her face.
Here I am, just popped upstairs for a moment. Sidney, you didn’t tell me there was a change of plan! I had no idea.
Their eyes met, Charlotte saw his surprise at her tone.
Well, Mrs Parker. I wanted to surprise you all. Now come here and kiss your husband.
Charlotte stepped forward, as he held out his arms to embrace her. But as their lips met, she flinched; pain radiated through her at the close physical contact and she quickly pulled away, just about managing not to groan. Sidney looked at her, frowning and then, attention quickly diverted to their family, all eager to be reunited with him.
Much, much later, when five over excited children had finally gone to bed, Sidney and Charlotte were finally alone.
I’m sorry if my surprise was unwelcome. There was a problem with the final venue and it was too late to reschedule, so we decided to return home early. I missed you all so much, I just couldn’t wait, he confessed.
Charlotte shook her head, keen to clear up any misunderstanding between them.
Honestly, Sidney, it’s wonderful to have you back home. It’s just that I hadn’t been feeling too well for the last day or so, some kind of stomach bug, it’s still a bit sore.
Her husband looked relieved and Charlotte instantly felt guilty. I will make it up to him, when this is all over, she promised herself.
When she woke up the next morning, the pain felt worse. Sidney must have already got up, he had sent her up to bed early last night, telling her to rest. Charlotte hadn’t realised how exhausted she was and sleep came easily, she didn’t even stir when he came up to bed. There was a gentle knock on the door, before it opened, revealing her handsome husband carrying a tray, laden with breakfast.
I thought you deserved some pampering, darling, especially after all these weeks on your own. Don’t worry about the children, I’ll get them to school and nursery. Just relax.
Charlotte smiled her thanks, while still feeling guilty and they said goodbye to each other. Breakfast in bed was definitely a treat and she took advantage of the peace and quiet to lie in bed dozing.
Unfortunately, the next few days proved to be quite difficult. The pain she was experiencing in her breast was increasing, despite the painkillers and there were signs of inflammation. It was getting harder to use her arm too. Plus, the complications of needing to avoid close contact with her very gorgeous husband (how did he do it?), despite wanting the complete opposite and she knew he noticed, but chose not to comment. Just a few more days before I can tell him and then forget about it.
Charlotte was expecting the Clinic Consultant to ring tomorrow, so she was already feeling anxious, especially as the other symptoms weren’t improving at all. Today, there was a meeting scheduled with her Recording Company, to discuss the next potential project. Sidney was in his study and she told him where she was going. He looked mildly irritated.
Charlotte, what did I do wrong?! It feels like you’re avoiding me ever since I returned a week ago. I thought we might take the opportunity to reconnect, in our bed, like we’ve done before. I mean, we did talk about trying for another baby, before I left. I just don’t understand what has annoyed you so much..
Of course, he had noticed. TELL HIM, YOU IDIOT! Esther’s voice echoed in her head, but that other voice, Stubborn Charlotte, persisted. No, No, No. Tomorrow, you can tell him there’s nothing to worry about, it’ll be fine.
The last few weeks of anxiety and pain all morphed together and she snapped at him irritably.
Honestly, Sidney, is that all you can think about?! Another baby is the last thing I need right now, especially when you’re not here and I have five children to manage, alongside my own career. Or is that less important to you?!
The look on his face cut her to the quick. Why could she not control her temper? He didn’t deserve that tirade. Especially when it wasn’t really true. She did want to try for one more child and he was a wonderful, supportive husband.
Not knowing what to say or do to make it better, Charlotte walked away, feeling like the worst human being in existence.
She returned a few hours later, feeling more positive, planning on apologising to her husband and making things right. Starting by cooking his favourite dinner.
Usually when Sidney was home, Charlotte would hear him working in his study or the studio, but it was deathly quiet. Had he gone out? There was no sign of him downstairs and he didn’t respond to her voice calling him. She felt a little uneasy and the twinges of pain were niggling again, so she went upstairs to take more painkillers.
Opening the door of their bedroom, she was met by the sight of her husband sitting on the end of their bed. His arms were folded, he looked stern and displeased, an icy expression in his eyes, a bit like the version of him she first encountered, when she moved to Sanditon. Charlotte froze, unsure what to do or say. Sidney stood, keeping his eyes fixed on her. She realised he had been waiting for her to return.
Tell me, Charlotte. When were you going to be honest? Did I not deserve to know?
She didn’t know what to say. He continued.
There was a phone call for you. A Consultant. Calling from a local Clinic, with the biopsy results. Asked for you to contact her. I had to pretend I knew what she was talking about. Is this the reason for your strange behaviour over the last week?
Charlotte’s mind whirled. Ugh. What A Nightmare. She had to tell him now.