Chapter Text
Tim was a professional. He was zealously devoted to the law, the rules, acting honorably. This, as quite a few people had learned over the last few years, didn’t mean he wouldn’t act like a total asshole a lot of the time, but he wouldn’t abuse his authority while doing so. Isabel leaving him seemed to just intensify this commitment. Her addiction had caused her to violate rules, norms, and the relationship she’d sworn she would honor. Isabel’s slide into depravity just caused Tim to hold fast to the rules. He wouldn’t slip, ever. He knew this to be true. Tim was a straight shooter with a will of iron. He would resist all temptations life provided him.
For the fast few months, temptation had a name and that was Lucy Chen. His rookie was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met. Even hotter than Isabel. And it wasn’t just her looks that drew Tim towards her like a moth to a flame. It was her personality, her zest for life, her compassion, the way she would still feel like smiling after a long day going up against the worst the human race had to offer. Every single day, Lucy just wormed her way deeper and deeper into his heart. With each day that past, each hour that passed, Tim fell for her just a little bit more.
Because Tim could no longer deny it. He was really, truly, genuinely in love with Lucy Chen. Oh, he wouldn’t ever admit it to another living soul. He especially would not admit it to Lucy. Not while she was his rookie, anyway. Because Tim is and always would be a professional. It was at the core of who he was, and nothing could change that. Not even love.
But that didn’t make things any easier for Tim. He may have been confident he would never act on his feelings, but that didn’t make not doing so hurt any less. He wanted to be with Lucy almost the same way he wanted to breathe. He needed her. It was becoming a Herculean effort to treat her as her hard-ass TO – the way she had to be treated if she was going to become the amazing cop Tim knew she was capable of becoming. Every single second he saw her was a struggle not to throw caution to the wind and admit his feelings. And that would be a disaster. She certainly didn’t reciprocate them – how could she ever care for a mess of a human being like him - and even if she did, it would make things forever awkward between them. They could not afford a lack of cohesion on the job, because if that happened, they could both die.
So Tim threw himself into his work and his training and exercise and sports and basically anything which could distract him for just a few minutes from the beautiful woman, both inside and outside, he worked alongside every day. And it wasn’t working. Lucy was still the first person he thought of when he woke up and the last person he thought of when he went to bed. Sometimes even after he went to bed some of his dreams of her were decidedly unprofessional. Tim felt like a jerk, like a pervert no better than some of the people they arrested, just even having those thoughts.
Tim was a desperate man, in other words, and only a truly desperate man would have agreed to have drinks with Smitty in his trailer. Tim wasn’t much of a drinker – he’d seen what drinking had done to his father – but right now, he was willing to make an exception, especially since Smitty had somehow acquired a rather excellent vintage of wine. Tim pointedly did not ask him where he got it from. He had a strong hunch he did not want to know the answer.
But while he would have liked to blame the words finally slipping out on the drink, the truth was, Tim wasn’t that drunk. No, the wine was just a convenient excuse. “I love her,” he mumbled.
“Come again, Bradford?” Smitty said with a grin which clearly indicated he knew exactly what Tim was talking about.
“I love Lucy,” Tim mumbled, immediately regretting the words that came out his mouth, but it was too late. At least no one would believe Smitty if he ever repeated it to anyone. He was always telling wild stories. But still, even saying the words aloud felt like a colossal failure.
“Yeah, that’s a great show.”
“Smitty!”
Smitty let out a cackle. Tim knew this had been a mistake. Who in their right mind would ever agree to have drinks with Smitty? “Eh, don’t worry about it, kid. Who hasn’t had an inappropriate crush or two in our time? My first crush, it was on Mrs. Roberts. Amazing broad, legs for days, happily married, three times my age, but I didn’t care…”
“Do I look like I care about this, Smitty?” Tim snapped. “I can’t focus around her. Every time I look at her, I think about kissing her. I’m terrified I’ll let something slip to her and she’ll report me or she’ll be afraid of me or worst of all…she’ll say yes and we’ll get caught and our lives will be over.” He put his head in his hands so Smitty couldn’t see his tears.
When he composed himself, Smitty was actually looking concerned. “This is really eating you up, isn’t it?” Tim nodded. Why deny it? “Look, if I was in your shoes, I’d just ask her, but you’ve always had that stick up your ass.”
“It’s called having professionalism and ethics, Smitty, which isn’t something I expect you to understand.”
“Well, this unprofessional and unethical guy can help you. If you say please.”
Tim sighed. Exactly what did he have to lose by asking? It was probably going to be just another ridiculous piece of advice. “Please, Smitty.”
“Pretty please?”
Tim stood up. “Goodbye.”
“Okay, sit back down!”
Tim sat down and glared at Smitty, who reached into a drawer and pulled out a phial of a dark purplish liquid. “You remember how I told you my ex-wife Carol is a witch?”
“I thought that was a metaphor.”
“Oh, it was definitely that too, but she’s also a literal witch. Back when we were simpatico, she gave me this potion for a birthday present. It allows you to have a single night of lucid dreaming. You have to take the whole potion at once, right before you go to sleep, as close to sleep as possible.”
Tim was confused. “How would this help me?”
“Because, Bradford, you could dream about taking Lucy out on a date. Get those feelings out of your system. Do whatever the hell you want. You want to get out your darkest of impulses, go nuts. It’s not real. There won’t be any consequences. You could have her, just for one night.”
Tim knew he should refuse. The things he wanted to do to her…it felt wrong to do them to even a dream version of Lucy without her consent. But maybe he was overreacting. His subconscious had done them to her in the past. How much different would it be if his conscience was manning the ship just one time? Besides, this was bullshit anyway. Tim didn’t believe in magic. It was all a bunch of mumbo-jumbo.
But he…he just couldn’t bear it anymore. Being forced to endure Lucy’s magnetic personality and towering beauty without being able to even be truly friends with her, much less be romantically involved with her the way he so desperately wanted to, it was just torment. It was one of the worst things he’d ever had to endure. Right now, he was ready to do anything at all to alleviate this pain, even taking a so-called potion from one of the most dodgy people he knew. Speaking of which…
“What’s the catch?” he demanded.
“No catch. I’m just a man helping out another man in need.” Tim looked at him steadily. “You’ll owe me a favor. A big one. And this dose is it. I don’t have anymore. Also, don’t take it until tomorrow. It’s not a good idea to mix alcohol with these things.”
Tim took the phial and put it in his pocket. When he got home, he put it in his fridge and then he promptly forgot about it. Magic potions! Ridiculous!
The next day, however, proved to be even more hard to handle than average. Lucy was in a very good mood for some reason. She was very cagy as to why – merely saying an “opportunity had dropped into her lap” – and though normally she spilled her guts about practically everything at the slightest push from Tim, she was not budging this time around. Tim desperately hoped she didn’t have a new boyfriend. That would have just been his luck.
Lucy was happy and joyful and chirpy and it made Tim’s head spin and his heart beat faster. It wasn’t fair. If he’d known him in nearly any other context, the two of them could have been together already. But Tim was trapped by ethics and his own unfortunately ironclad sense of responsibility. He was who he was and Lucy was who she was and it was looking increasingly likely the two would never intersect.
So when he got home and he found the phial in his fridge, Tim decided he would give in to the inevitable. If he ended up getting poisoned, he was going to rip Smitty’s guts out. Most likely, it simply wouldn’t work and Tim would feel stupid in addition to feeling lovesick when he woke up in the morning. He poured the phial into a glass and put it by his bedside. When he felt about to slip off into sleep, he downed it all in one sitting. It tasted absolutely foul, caustic and viscous. If this didn’t work, he vowed he would make Smitty regret the day he was born.
Thoughts of vengeance dissipated as sleep claimed him. The next thing he knew, he was in the middle of the police station. It looked real and solid at first glance. Upon further examination, there were discrepancies. Conversations around him seemed to be going on a loop. His limbs felt uncoordinated, like the air was thicker than normal. Everything he wasn’t directly looking at seemed to be a bit blurrier than normal. Colors were just a bit brighter. There was something subtly wrong about it and Tim had a hunch there was a good reason why people didn’t lucid dream on a regular basis.
But all of those inconsistencies disappeared in a single instant when he saw her. Lucy, standing by a desk and joking and laughing with Angela. She was dressed in a pantsuit which made her look like a professional. A very sexy professional, one who simply oozed authority and competence. She was a detective, he realized a second later, and he couldn’t help but grin. She’d done it. She’d gotten the recognition she deserved. Yes, it wasn’t real. But it would be in time. Tim had no doubt he’d see this very scene for real in a few years. Lucy was going places. It wasn’t just his infatuation with her talking. It was just obvious.
Lucy’s breath caught a little when she saw him. She suddenly looked awkward. “Hi, Tim.”
“Hey, beautiful,” Tim’s mouth said before he could stop himself. If those words had come out of his mouth in real life, Angela would have punched him and rightly so, but instead, she just gave him a knowing look.
“Beautiful, eh?” Lucy said, her eyes sparkling with delight. “You’ve never called me that before. This is…everything I thought it would be and more.”
Tim wasn’t quite sure what she meant by that, but it wasn’t important. “We’ve been friends for a while, right?”
Lucy looked like she was at a loss how to respond for a few seconds. It was adorable seeing her so flustered, flustered for him. “Yeah…a couple of years since I walked into that briefing room, I think.”
Tim wasn’t sure how to formulate his next words. But then he realized it didn’t matter. None of his hang-ups mattered in here. He was dreaming. He could be as open as he liked. Hell, he could just take her right there against the desk in full view of everyone and no one would bat an eyelash. He wouldn’t do that, of course. Even doing that sort of thing in a dream felt like it was still too much of a line to cross. But he could.
“Lucy, I’ve had feelings for you for a very long time,” he confessed finally. Damn, it felt good to get those words out! And despite his worst fears, Lucy didn’t hate him. She just looked at him with hope and joy in her eyes. “For longer than I should.”
“How long?” Lucy asked softly.
In for a penny, in for a pound, right? “Since your rookie year,” he admitted. “I knew it was wrong – that’s why I never acted on them – but it was so hard to resist them. I’m still not sure how I managed.” He looked her right in the eyes. Everything around him felt ephemeral and, well, dreamlike. But Lucy didn’t. She felt real and solid and true. Just like real life. “I’m in love with you, Lucy.”
Lucy let out a gasp. “Really? You…you were in love with me back then?”
Tim nodded, still feeling ashamed, but interestingly, not as much as he was before. “Madly. Every day, I wanted so desperately to confess my feelings to you. But it would have been wrong. Tonight – today, it isn’t.” Lucy looked disconcerted for a second. “Today, we’re not rookie and TO. We’re just…Tim and Lucy.”
“Tell me more about being in love with me.”
Not where he thought she would be going, but one of the great parts about Lucy was that you could always expect the unexpected with her. “You’re so nice and kind and sweet and you just have a knack for seeing people as they are, seeing me as I am. You knocked down walls inside of me I didn’t even know existed.” He sighed. “I was a real dick to you sometimes. I’m not sorry for that, generally, because it made you into the cop you are today, but there were some situations I could definitely have handled better.”
Lucy laughed. “I’ll say! I, uh, I feel the same way.” A tear rolled down her cheek for some reason. “I can’t…I can’t believe I finally said that. But it’s true. I thought you were a jackass, but then I saw the real you hiding there deep down, so deep you’d hid it from yourself too. And I fell in love with you, not the asshole on the surface, but the good man underneath.”
She touched his face briefly, then looked shocked at her audacity. Tim almost laughed. They could be as affectionate as they liked inside the dreamscape. In fact, he would demonstrate. He leaned forward and cupped her chin and then drew her in for a gentle, simmering kiss. It wasn’t anything exceedingly passionate, but not a mere peck on the lips either. It was a promise of what was to come. And it made Tim feel like he’d finally let go of a weight which had been pressing on him for as long as he could remember.
“You’re so, so beautiful, Lucy.”
“We can’t do this here, Tim!” Lucy said, blushing violently red.
“Do you see anyone objecting?”
It was true. Even a PDA between sergeant (for Tim bore those sleeves now) and detective would have ordinarily incurred unpleasant whispers and, if he was anywhere in the vicinity, Grey’s wrath. Instead, in his dream, he was just getting applause and cheers from the NPCs all around him. Angela’s smirk was so big it was starting to look unnatural.
“I want to take you out on a date, Lucy,” Tim announced. “I want to give you the most incredible evening ever. Something you’ll remember for the rest of your life.” Not that she would, because she was just a figment of his imagination. But Tim decided he wasn’t going to break character at any time during this dream. It would cheapen the moment.
“Only if I can do the same for you.”
Tim gave her another, much more intense kiss. “It’s a deal.”