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Mike’s gaze was glazed over, and inside his mind was a raging war, a battle fought by his feelings. Will was… Will was… Mike could not even say it in his head. I don’t like girls, was what he had said.
It’s not my fault you don’t like girls, echoed in Mike’s head. He should have said something. He should have apologised, preferably on his knees. He does not deserve Will’s forgiveness. He was so stupid. Why had he said that?
You weren’t talking about Will. No! Shut up!
He needed to find Will, talk to Will, apologise-
“So… who do we think Will’s crush is?” Lucas said with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. If Mike had been holding something, he would have dropped it. Dustin suppressed a wheeze.
The three of them were alone together in the recording booth. Mike could not remember how they had gotten there, but here they were.
“What?” Mike said, not really processing the question. Will’s crush. Yes, he said he had a crush on someone, his Tammy, whatever the fuck that was supposed to mean.
“Will said that he had a crush on someone, yes?” Lucas explained, and Dustin and Mike nodded to show they were following. “It’s obviously one of us! I mean, who else has he been interacting with? The way he spoke it sounded like he’s had a crush for a while, but that he was undermining it, how big the crush was, or is.”
That was something Will would do, always suppressing his own emotions for everyone around him. And Will had never really had anyother male friends. Unless his crush was on Steve, but that was not really likely, considering the way he spoke about his crush.
“I couldn’t be anyone from California?” Dustin questioned. Mike frowned.
“No,” Mike blurted out harshly without processing he had spoken. “I mean, he would’ve said so if it were someone from Lenora.” Mike did not actually believe that. But Lucas apparently did, so his weak explanation was saved.
Lucas nodded. “Exactly. So ergo, it has to be one of us.” Mike let that sink in. “My guess is either Mike or me.”
Mike was burning up. His body was on fire, his brain was in lava, and why could he not think? He knew Lucas was right, obviously it had to be one of them. For a second, Mike imagined Will and Lucas sitting close together, close on a couch, kissing. The thought made him seethe. No, Will could not like Lucas.
Then the same scene popped up in his head, but instead of Lucas, it was Dustin. Mike was still repulsed. He wanted to drag Dustin off of Will, then he wanted to replace Dustin and kiss-
It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!’
…
“I mean, it’s me, it has to be,” Mike said hesitantly. Images flew through his mind, memories of their trip through the desert, them living together and slowly repairing their friendship, nights falling asleep together from their childhood, Mike and Will’s first meeting and how Will had looked yesterday after he had killed the demos.
“No way! It’s me! I’m the most attractive!” Lucas pouted. Mike felt oddly defensive. Not because of his claim that he was the most attractive, objectively, he was; he had always been. But Will would not like Lucas; Will had to like him.
“Uh, hello? What about me?” Dustin protested. “Why would he not like me? Why am I out of the equation?”
“It’s not you!” Mike said with finality. The way Will specifically said I don’t like girls, Will never breaking eye contact with him, their… history. If it was not him… No, it had to be him! No one knew Will as Mike did; no one would be good enough for Will except Mike. Mike was probably not even good enough for Will.
“Oh, yeah? And why is it you?” Dustin countered.
“Yeah, Mike, why is it you? Is it because he’s known you the longest?” Lucas said. Mike knew they were not really arguing. This was not a fight; they were bantering, but Mike still felt like he had to defend himself.
“It just has to be! I’m his best friend! I’m the one who knows him best!” I’m the one who said it’s not my fault that he does not like girls.
“I thought you didn’t have best friends? That we were all your best friends,” Dustin said and raised his eyebrow sceptically. “Remember? When Will was missing, and you and Lucas were fighting? You said that we’re all your best friends.”
“Yeah, well, it’s not you, it’s me.” Mike knew he might be acting like a petulant child, but all the signs were there. He, Mike Wheeler, was Will Byers’ crush. That was the truth, just as the sky is blue. He was sure of it.
“What’s Mike acting childishly about now?” Max’s voice came from behind them. El was pushing her wheelchair, and the two girls joined them in the recording booth. El closed the door behind them so the conversation stayed somewhat private.
“We’re discussing who Will’s crush is,” Dustin explained. “Mike thinks it’s him; he’s very adamant. Lucas says it’s him because he’s the most attractive one. I say it’s me, just for the sake of arguing.” Even Dustin agreed it wasn’t him!
“Did you consider it might be someone from Lenora?” Max asked, contemplation on her face.
Before Mike could argue, El answered. “ I do not think it is someone from Lenora. I suspected there was someone he liked, but he did not talk to many boys in Lenora. I also believe it is one of you three.”
Another puzzlepiece fell into place in Mike’s head. Will’s painting a lot, I think there’s someone he likes. The painting! He had had it in the airport! It must be the same one he had given him in the van. You make her feel like she’s not a mistake at all. What if…
It was a crazy theory, but it could be likely. He just needed to know. He’d ask El about it later.
“Hm, I think it’s Dustin,” Max said, her words barely processing to Mike at all. “Remember last summer, or my last summer? You three had obviously fought about something, maybe Will felt like everything would be better if Dustin was there, and then he realised he had a crush on Dustin?”
“Thank you, Max!”
“That wasn’t even relevant to our argument! Will was upset that we didn’t want to play DnD with him. We were assholes, yes, we only cared about you two breaking up with us, we should’ve paid more attention to him. He had been through hell and back, after all, and then he left after he and Mike fought.”
“He and Mike fought?” Max said. Mike was still internally breaking down, but he was still processing their voices, barely. It was like they were talking underwater.
“Yes, then Mike came running back downstairs screaming about how we had to go after him, even though it was pouring.” Lucas’ voice had an annoyed tone, and Mike remembered how Lucas had whined quietly about having to go outside in that weather.
“He’ll come crawling back to you, begging to take you back,” El said. It sounded as if she was repeating something someone, most likely Max, had said to her.
If Mike had been looking at Max, or if he was processing more than just their voices, he would have seen a light going off in Max’s head. He would have seen Lucas’ confused look between the two girls.
“What are you talking about?” He asked.
“Mike,” El said, and Mike snapped out of his mind. “We need to talk.”
-
There were only five minutes before they actually had to leave; their plans were a little delayed due to Hopper needing to triple-check everything. El was holding Mike’s hand, rubbing comforting circles.
“When I dumped you, Max said you would come crawling back to me begging to take me back,” she started. “This was not what happened.” Mike knew this. He had subtly tried to follow Lucas’ lead and hope that El would eventually take him back. She had.
“And then we left for Lenora, we were together, and everything was supposed to be fine.” It had not been fine, Mike knew this. He had not been able to tell El he loved her. “But as your letters arrived one after the other, I could not help but feel like you did not love me.” This was not new information to Mike. “You never wrote it, and this made me feel… insecure. Did you not love me because I had lost my powers? Or was it something else? Someone else?” Something twisted in Mike’s gut.
“El, I-”
“Mike, let me speak.” Her voice was not sad; it was accepting. “You arrived in Lenora. It was… weird. I was still upset you hadn’t said you loved me, and after the roller rink, I had given up hope. You did not love me anymore.”
“That’s not true. I loved you, I love you.” Mike’s words were true, but they weren’t.
“I know, but let me finish.” Mike shut his mouth. “You and Will, and Jonathan and Argyle found me in the desert, then I piggybacked to safe Max. When I thought all hope was lost, I heard your voice, and you spoke. Your words were exactly what I had wanted to hear. You said you loved me.” There were tears in El’s eyes, and he wanted to wrap his arms around her and comfort her. “But in the end, that wasn’t what saved me. You telling me you loved me made it worse. The vines tightened around my throat, and I knew…”
She stopped to catch her breath, and Mike squeezed her hand tightly. “It did not match. The words you said did not match your actions. You said your life started the day you found me in the woods, but how can that be true when you would not have been there if it weren’t for Will’s vanishing?”
Mike wanted to cry now. “You could not say you loved me in Lenora, why could you then, Mike?”
This Mike had an answer for, even though he did not believe it. Not after everything Will had said. “In the van, Will gave me a painting,” he started. “He said that you had commissioned it. He said that you had said I was the heart of the group, and that I made you feel better for being different and that you… that I made you feel like you weren’t a mistake. The words he spoke to me were what I needed to tell you that I loved you. Though, in light of recent events, I think that what he said was not about you.”
The silence between Mike and El was pressing. El seemed to process Mike’s words, and Mike could barely process anything.
“I never commissioned a painting.”
Mike’s fears were confirmed. And if the painting was not from El, that meant… The words Will had said could not have been from El. The words were Will’s. Will needed Mike, and he always would.
Something lit up in Mike’s chest. He thought that all he would ever need was to be needed by El, but El did not need him. She had proved that to him over and over again. But Will had said that El would always need him, but now he knew.
He’s just my Tammy.
What the fuck did that mean? Who the fuck is Tammy?
“Mike,” El said. “Are you saying what I think you are?”
Mike considered this. “I am. I don’t think I… I mean… I love you, but I love you like how I love Lucas and Dustin and Max.”
El ignored the absence of Will’s name. She smiled sadly at him. “It’s okay, Mike. I think this is for the better.” She stroked his cheek and kissed him softly, one last time.
-
The world was ending, and Mike Wheeler was in love with Will Byers.
Before Mike could process that, Hopper called out to all of them, and it was game time. Mike could think later, if there was a later.
The world was ending, and Mike Wheeler was in love with Will Byers.
The world was ending, and Mike Wheeler had always loved Will Byers.