Work Text:
A knock on your door prompts you stand. “Better not be another damn marine..” you say aloud, to no one in particular. Opening the door, you look around and see no one.
That’s odd.
Glancing down, you notice a white envelope with golden letters.
“OPEN IMMEDIATELY”
Should you even bother picking it up? You were retired after all. Weighing your options you decide to open it. This was either going to be a waste of time or something worthwhile.
The letter reads:
YOUR ISLAND HAS BEEN SELECTED FOR THE CELESTIAL DRAGON NATIVE HUNTING COMPETITION
- Do not panic. (Panic suggests guilt, and guilt invites correction)
- Listen carefully. (The shells will sound at noon, three long notes, one short.)
STEP ONE: IDENTIFICATION
- If a man in a bubble helmet steps onto your shore and calls your name incorrectly, that is you now. Answer promptly. Do not correct pronunciation. Celestial Dragons do not misspeak; history does.
- Children are to be counted as “small game.”
- Elderly citizens are to be listed as “stationary terrain.”
STEP TWO: COMPLIANCE
- Weapons are prohibited. Tools may be confiscated and reclassified as “sporting equipment.”
- If a Marine officer tells you this is for your own safety, thank them. Gratitude is a stabilizing behavior.
- Do not run in groups larger than three. (Packs are considered unsporting and will be dispersed.)
STEP THREE: TERRAIN MANAGEMENT
- Forests will be thinned. Hills will be labeled. Rivers will be drained or dyed for visibility.
- If you live near a cliff, congratulations, you are now an obstacle.
- Any attempt to hide underground will be marked as “clever.” (Cleverness is encouraged once per island.)
STEP FOUR: SURVIVAL TIPS (UNOFFICIAL)
- Wear neutral colors. (Brightness attracts attention)
- Learn to hold your breath. Silence is a language even Dragons respect even if briefly.
- If you see someone fall, do not stop. (Stopping turns witnesses into trophies.)
STEP FIVE: AFTERCARE
- Survivors will be relocated. Homes will be renamed.
- Graves will be smoothed into walking paths.
- You may apply for compensation.
REMEMBER:
- This competition exists to preserve peace.
- Peace is fragile.
- You are replaceable.
Issued with care by the World Government.
“That’s fucking stupid.” You mutter to yourself as you crumple up the paper.
Your eyes widen as you hear something.
Three long notes. One short note.
Fuck.