Chapter Text
It was a nice and brisk autumn day out when Ralsei was meant to meet Noelle at her apartment. Quiet Japanese jazz that played off a record player was hardly interrupted by polite knocking at the front door as Noelle Holiday finished boiling a hot kettle of chamomile tea.
“Just a minute!” she shouted as she shut off the stove. Slipping over to the door, she opened it without even checking through the peephole.
“Rals! Just the person I’ve been waiting to see!” exclaimed Noelle with arms open wide.
“Thank you so much again for having me over today, Noelle. I brought cookies for the tea as a way of showing my gratitude!” Ralsei gripped the tin as he embraced Noelle, her hands still warm from the kettle.
“Oh you didn’t need to–but thank you! The tea’s cooling right now, but it should be just hot enough.” she said as she motioned Ralsei in, closing the door behind him. “You know, I don’t have many weekends free where Susie is out of the house, not that I mind of course. However, I saw it as a great chance to have a little Ralsei-Noelle time! Since we’ve been meaning to get together anyways.”
“Of course, I’m so glad it finally worked out!”
Ralsei set the tray of cookies on the table as Noelle brought freshly filled teacups over. They both took their seats across from each other, framed by the large bay window showcasing the classic golden colors of Hometown. Noelle was the first to take a sip.
“So, how’s your new job holding up? It’s obviously keeping you pretty busy.” she chuckled and took a cookie.
“Oh, very well, actually! Ever since the town began to expand and more goods were being offered, I was delighted to learn that someone was finally setting up a bakery! It’s been very nice to do what I love.”
“That’s amazing, I was so happy for you when I learned you got the job! And boy do you make some good cookies.”
“I’m glad you like them!”
The air was still outside and the silence felt welcome. The both of them felt calm in each other's presence.
“I see you’ve been trying out some new outfits for yourself,” Noelle said, drawing Ralsei’s attention away from the window, “you look great in floral!”
Ralsei blushed and fidgeted with his teaspoon a bit. “Aw, thank you, Noelle.” He said, turning up from his shirt to give her a warm smile.
“Well, I know I only mentioned it briefly,” Noelle began and immediately Ralsei knew what she was going to say, “but my old clothes are still up for offers if you’d like.”
“I would love to take a look!” replied Ralsei, aptly.
They both set down their tea and Noelle led the way to her and Susie’s room, where she kept a few boxes on the floor of the closet. The overall room was very cozy in a lived-in way. Susie’s items were strewn about and likely only kept neat due to Noelle. Ralsei was touched to recognize some of the furniture from Susie’s room in Castle Town. The room admittedly smelled very nice and even familiar. Noelle finally finished pulling the correct box out of the closet and to the foot of the bed, where she took a seat.
“Ok, most of the clothes in here should fit you perfectly. They’re in great condition as well, they really only fit me for a year or so.” She threw some of the items onto the bed as Ralsei cautiously made his way over.
“Take your pick! There’s a bathroom over there you can change in,” she pointed to a door ajar at the other side of the room, “Don’t feel pressured to come out and show me anything if you don’t want to, but I’ll be right here.” she said with a smile.
“Thank you so much.” Ralsei said as he picked up an assortment of clothes to take into the bathroom.
Once he closed the door, he set the garments onto the countertop in front of him and arbitrarily chose a soft, pink dress to try on first. For some reason, his paws felt shaky and he hesitated as he slipped the dress on. He faced away from the mirror. Why do I feel so strange doing this? Ralsei questioned himself. I shouldn’t. I wore a robe everyday when I lived in the darkworld. But something about this feels different. It feels more real, more wrong.
He sighed, “I should let Noelle see how I look. She’s letting me try these on anyway, and she’s probably still waiting for me on the bed.” Without even thinking to see for himself in the mirror, Ralsei opened the bathroom door and stepped out into the bedroom, timidly.
“Oh my god, Ralsei!” Noelle practically screeched, “You look so cute!”
“Oh, you really think so?” Ralsei responded, almost startled.
“What do you mean–yes! That was so the best one to start with.”
“Aw, I mean, they are your dresses after all.” he chuckled, unprepared for this response.
“Well they’re for sure yours now. I can’t get over how amazing you look in that dress, it matches your horns perfectly.” she smiled.
Noelle’s enthusiasm and natural encouragement of Ralsei made him tear up a bit, without even realizing. He hadn’t even looked in the mirror yet but he did feel pretty. Noelle noticed this change in demeanor and knew exactly what was happening.
She immediately got up and rushed over to hug Ralsei, softly asking, “Oh, Rals… what’s wrong?”
Ralsei began to cry even more as he rested his head on Noelle’s shoulder. He wanted to say so many things but didn’t know exactly what it was he was trying to convey, either. After more sobs, he managed to mutter something through a quiet, shaky voice. “I don’t know, Noelle… but it’s not the dress, I love the dress.”
“It’s okay, Rals. Come sit on the bed with me.” Noelle took Ralsei’s paw and led him over to the bed, after kicking the box of clothes out of the way.
Ralsei continued to cry as if, by letting it start, he was no longer able to hold it back. He slumped down, with his arms crossed in front of his face, next to Noelle, whose hand remained on his back.
“Look, Ralsei, I think I understand what you’re feeling. Of course, I can’t be sure, but I want you to know that you can tell me anything–no matter how confusing–and I’ll try to understand.”
Ralsei sniffed a bit, trying to hold back the tears enough to say something. “Thank you,” he managed, “I feel lost. I think I’ve felt lost for a while.
“After coming to the lightworld, I’ve had a hard time finding my identity. I had no idea what that meant for the longest time–to have an identity–but now that it’s become more of an expectation, I’ve noticed something fundamental feels wrong. I feel like I’ve been thrust into a world that expects everyone our age to understand themself. And I know what I like to do, who I like to be around, the places I like to spend my time, but something still feels off. It’s been bothering me forever now but of course I had to break-down over it the one day we get to spend together.”
“Oh, Ralsei, please don’t feel bad. You haven’t done anything wrong.” Noelle looked at her lap and hand while thinking of what to say. “You know, I meant it when I said I think I understand how you feel.”
Ralsei seemed to consider what she could mean by that before she continued talking.
“I discovered that I was a girl when I was 12 years old. It would be several more years after that before I really learned what that meant for myself, and how I wanted to look and dress. It can take time.”
“I didn’t know you were trans, Noelle.”
“Faha! That’s okay, I never told you.”
“Do you think I’m a girl as well?”
“I don’t know, it’s only a hunch.”
“Well I guess you would know what you’re talking about.” Ralsei managed to give a chuckle.
The room was silent for a bit; neither of them could really tell for how long, though. Ralsei had stopped crying as hard but Noelle had kept her hand on his back the whole time. The window behind them, on the other side of the room, had gotten dark and most of the light in the room was coming from the half-open bathroom. Ralsei was still in the pink dress, though it was a bit damp now.
Finally, he broke the silence. “You might be right, though,” whispered Ralsei.
“I’m no therapist of course, but I hope I can help if you have any questions.”
“No, you’re doing great. I’ve considered it before honestly and, admittedly, it doesn’t feel wrong to say.”
“That’s good. There’s no pressure to get to a conclusion.”
“I used to be the ‘prince of dark’ when I lived in the darkworlds. It didn’t always feel wrong then–I was just so focused on the prophecy that it was easy for my identity to become an afterthought…”
“Yeah.” added Noelle, solemnly.
“...but the more I spent with Kris and Susie–especially Susie–the more my own identity came to the forefront of my mind. It felt selfish at the time, because I believed my purpose was to serve the lightners, but now that I am a lightner… I don’t know, I guess I never learned how to explore my own feelings fully.”
“You’re not alone there either.” chuckled Noelle.
“I’m glad I’m finally saying all this out loud now. It feels more real that way.” The goat shifted in his new dress.
“Thank you for listening to me ramble, Noelle.” Ralsei said, turning to look Noelle in the eyes. For a second, he thought it seemed like she had been crying as well.
“Of course, Ralsei.” Noelle smiled softly, “It’s a shame we didn’t get to know each other sooner. We have so much in common.”