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mike queerler lowkirkenuinely SLIMES OUT his bf's epilogue boyfriend

Summary:

um mike queerler kills epilogue boyfriend and byler kiss about it

Notes:

bro the finale was shit from a butt im crine😭😭😭😭😭😭this is canon to me idgaf😭😭😭😭

Work Text:

Will had been sitting at the bar, tapping his drink nervously, waiting for Epilogue Boyfriend 3 to show up. Wondering absently if Mr. Queerler will do anything about it. 

 

Once Epilogue Boyfriend 3 showed up, he and Will exchanged light small talk and Epilogue Boyfriend 3 brushed his hands against Will’s arm. He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can–

 

–a car SLAMS through the wall and into Epilogue Boyfriend 3. Evil laughter can be heard from the suspicious vehicle. Sigh. Everyone in the gay bar scatters and shouts, calling for help or an ambulance. Will sits and stares, exhausted and done with his life. What the fuck

 

Epilogue Boyfriend 3 seems to be unconscious; he's unmoving and bleeding from his temples, which cannot be good, but Will honestly doesn't give a gaf. The guy was sweet and all, but he could never be Mike. He could never understand him the way Mike does. But Mike was also lowkirkenuienly a bum. So. 

 

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear, is what people say, because the moment Will even thinks Mike’s name, someone is getting out of the car and walking through the car-shaped hole in the wall over to him. 

 

It’s Mike. Because of course it is, he’s Mike Queerler after all. Jfc. He has done this two times already, to Will’s other epilogue boyfriends, Epilogue Boyfriend 1 and 2, in various ways. He doused Epilogue Boyfriend 1’s burger with poison and crushed Epilogue Boyfriend 2 with a hydraulic press machine, where Will doesn’t even know where Mike got the money for from. He’s probably a part of a money laundering scheme. Mike was weird now. White boy…...

 

Mike sauntered over to Will, pleased with himself, and caught Will in a sloppy, heated kiss. Will melted into it, immediately forgetting about Mike’s Dumbass Doings. Jarvis, can we PLEASE kill that guy. 

 

“I’m so in love with you, thanks for the painting,” Mike Queerler himself says to Will. It was about time, jesus CHRIST. Boys are idiots. Will smiles despite this, happy that Mike has finally admitted it, even though it was only due to the Epilogue Boyfriends Will found to make him jealous. 

 

They kiss as though nothing could fall, which is what should’ve happened if the homophobe brothers weren’t PUSSIES. Mike also finds a way to ward off prison time for his killings, don’t ask me how. He has homo magic, okay. And Homotron3000 and Homotron7000 live gayily ever after.