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El has just impaled Vecna, and the group has finally won. This torment they have been dealing with their whole lives, it’s done. The entire party begins to free the children from the prisons Vecna held them in. One by one, each of the twelve kids wake up, and expel mind flayer particles from inside of them. Everything is perfect, the party can go back to Hawkins knowing they’ve just saved the day…except. There’s something-something holding them back.
The entire party shares this feeling, all looking to each other in fear. In synchronization, everyone turns to look at Vecna, checking if the evil bastard is actually dead. His corpse, limp and lifeless, is still impaled.
That oppressing feeling still looms over the group, as they search for what could be causing this feeling; the mind flayer? A demogorgon?
A loud fall outside of the deceased mind-flayer corpse prompts the group to check who made the sound. Steve and Robin stay behind, protecting the children while the others carefully approach the noise-makers.
It's Matt and Ross Duffer.
Matt had taken a fall, and was holding his ankle. It was clearly sprained or injured in some way, as he was beginning to cry. That, or maybe he’s just a big fucking crybaby (most likely). Ross Duffer, the gay one, was kneeling down, helping his brother as he heard a collection of footsteps in front of him.
“Hey… Dustin!...and everyone else”, Ross said with a confused look on his face as his eyes studied the rest of the group.
Classic. Ross Duffer didn’t even know the rest of the group, because he never actually took the time to finish developing their characters. Classic.
“Why are you here?” El demanded, her face growing more disgusted as she looked at the gay Duffer. She was able to maintain her composure when Will said he was gay, but when she looked at Ross, she felt an odd, yet comforting voice in her head telling her to “run over that slut”...strange
“Eleven! Oh it’s you Eleven, sorry I forgot your name. We didn’t want to intrude, we just…wanted to see what you guys were up to, that’s all” Matt said looking up at the rest of the group. There was a slight quiver in his voice that made the entire group realize he wasn’t telling the truth.
“Bitches don’t lie!” Mike said angrily. Why wouldn’t the Duffers tell the party the real reason why they were there?
“Ok! Ok, fine. We needed to make sure everything was going to plan. So, everyone needs to go back to the right-side up, and Eleven you…need to kill yourself” Matt said.
What the fuck?
“Oh, so that’s what this is. That’s why we’ve all been feeling weird. It’s because these two mouthbreathers are trying to tell us how our character arcs end!” Lucas yelled, riling up the group.
“So you guys are the reason I haven’t been able to convey any sort of emotion…It’s you fucks who ruined my character!!!” Mike screamed out, pointing his finger directly in front of the Duffer’s faces.
“No, no! I mean…partly, yes, but…we weren’t the only ones who ruined your characters” Ross, the gay Duffer, said, staring down at his toes. Suddenly, the group heard a noise behind Matt. It was someone trying to run.
El used her powers to move the rock that was hiding the unknown person, only to reveal…Shawn Levy!?!
“It’s you! It’s the guy who made me such an unlikable, homophobic asshole, and a complete dick to El!” Mike said, pointing his finger, yet again, directly at Shawn Levy.
“He-hey guys!” Shawn said timidly, like he wanted to be anywhere else at that moment.
“You are all fucks! You’re the guy who made me come out to the entire fucking town of Hawkins! You’re the one who made me an awful cliche caricature of the “queer acceptance arc” that will only ever satisfy straight audiences, while you douches claim it’s empowerment!” Will cried out, raising his volume louder than the party had ever heard before.
“Listen, listen…”
“NO! All three of you. You’ve ruined us already, so what’s to say you won’t butcher our characters more after this? We need to get rid of them” Joyce said, looking at the group for approval. Everyone agreed with her.
“Get- get rid of us? What could that POSSIBLY mean?? You guys aren’t going to kill off the straight white men who created you all, thats ridiculous." Ross Duffer said.
The entire party erupted with laughter, including the twelve children, Robin and Steve.
“Straight? You are the gay Duffer, which is why it makes it so much worse that you wrote the most elaborate queerbait in modern television history” Will said, trying to suppress his laughter.
While Will was talking, El heard that voice in her head again, “get the gay one”.
Just before Ross Duffer could rebut Will’s statement, the party heard a loud “hey guys!” behind them. Three military helicopters sat behind the group, controlled by Murray, Hopper, and…Barb?
“Oh my god Barb! It’s you Barb, you’re back!” Nancy giggled as she ran over to Barb.
“Nancy, I missed you so much. While I was stuck in the trashcan of the writer’s room, I thought about you. Let’s get married Nancy” Barb said, and the two shared a short and sweet kiss.
“Disgusting” Matt, Ross and Shawn Levy said in unison.
“Shut the fuck up! Let’s get rid of these homophobe misogynists once and for all!” Jonathan shouted.
El then began to use her powers to lift Matt, Ross and Shawn Levy into a helicopter specifically designated for them.
“Don't do this! We will never be able to queerbait again!” all three of them cried.
“I don't care ”El said as she flung the helicopters into the abyss.
That feeling that had been weighing the group down ceased to exist. Finally, freedom was achieved for them.
When they reached the rightside up, there were no military personnel who’s plot line was fucking unbearable to watch, it was pure sunshine. As soon as the last party member finished walking out of the portal, it immediately closed, and El didn’t have to kill herself.
Kali suddenly appeared, and El hugged her tightly. The two left to pack their bags, as they planned their trip to Iceland to see three waterfalls.
Nancy and Barb hugged each other, encouraging Robin and Vickie to join. As soon as they did, the four wrapped themselves in a lesbian pride flag.
Max and Lucas hugged each other, as Max fully regained power in her muscles. In fact, she had gained even more power than before she got vecna’ed. So much power that she was able to pick Lucas up in order to play catch with Dustin. Classic Max.
Joyce and Hopper were happy and went to Enzo’s and got engaged.
Mike and Will were finally able to be themselves without being controlled by the Duffers. Mike didn’t have to be a homophobic asshole and a petty dick anymore, and Will didn’t have to be the stereotypical gay boy who suffered. They looked each other in the eyes and said, “let's kiss”, which they did. Mike got down on one knee and asked Will to be his wife, and Will said yes, he said yes. Everyone clapped.
Jonathan and Steve were watching the byler kiss when they both turned to look at each other.
“Whoa. I didn’t know Mike was gay, I guess it does make sense. Still, it’s pretty strange” Jonathan said, chuckling.
“Yeah, it is strange. But I've seen stranger things” Steve said, staring into Jonathan’s eyes.
“Hold on…say that again”
“I don’t need to” Steve said just before he pulled Jonathan in for a kiss. After they kissed for 7 minutes Jonathan pulled away.
“You and me. Let’s move to Chicago.” Jonathan said breathlessly.
“Another version of me I was in it”, Steve.
The end.