Chapter Text
The sound of wood crumbling into splinters and crew members scuffling their boots awakens the spirit of adventure and its counterpart: fear. Instinct completely takes a soldier by its grips as orders are cried out from the helm. Swords are drawn, cannons ready to fire once again. An assortment of creatures alike stand side by side, craning their necks upwards to behold their attacker.
The captain tries to hold pieces of the ship together, to get a grip on the rope to pull pull pull, but his yells are being muted by the tempest. Eventually, he lifts up his eye patch to gaze upon the monster, mouth gaping.
It returns the stare.
The waves and winds pick back up again as their little wooden vessel—barely aloft and working—begins to sway and tilt. The watchers of the sky have given this crew a small mercy. Either to flee and live or to die by the hands of the ocean rather than the monster. The dice is cast and a decision is made.
The storm quells.
There is no crew. There is no monster. The sea swallows the remains of the fight like it never happened.
***
It’s peaceful out here.
It’s a place in the middle of nowhere. The woods with their burgundy bark and gradient of leaves falling off branches like snowflakes. It’s quiet. Animals and creatures abide by the weather like citizens performing routines—but it’s restless. Creatures flee, hunt, burrow, and store. It’s second nature. Almost like a habit.
For Ze, it’s a custom he has not fully integrated himself in. Winter lurks just past the corners with the beginnings of a storm slowly making its way to his cabin. He would rather not go hungry tonight, so he examines the soil for hooves, bounding away.
A whistle cracks through the air. A moment passes once, twice—before a great hound with a greyish-brown fur leaps out from the bushes. Ze steps back before gesturing to the prints in the ground. “Think you can find it, buddy?” An enthusiastic bark comes as a response. “Hey, we split 50/50, alright?” The closest thing to a snort comes from the hound’s snout as he begins sniffing the trail.
Ze kept a close eye on the surroundings for any clues as to where it might’ve gone. He squints his eyes as he notices a bush unusually parted, a pile of leaves disrupted. He whistles for the hound’s attention as they continue onwards. The forest begins to darken as thick branches hide the ground from the gaze of the skies.
A bark reaches his ears, and Ze rushes over, crouching down to inspect the trail. He stops, listens, looks around before investigating.
“Blood,” he murmurs quietly as his fingers make contact with dark red. “Damn.” It’s not worth pursuing this deer any further. Whatever was hunting it seems to have already dug its claws into its prey.
“Maybe we could find, like, a bird or something,” he turns to his hound. The dog simply whines and paws at the trails. “Yeah, yeah, come’on,” he whistles for him to follow back the path they came from. Back to his home in the middle of nowhere.
He likes the quiet. He really does.
…It was peaceful.
***
When Ze awoke in the middle of the night, he registered three things. The first was the thunder outside. The second was the time, too early to be waking at. And the third was the person inside of his house.
Ze quietly got out of his bed and pressed his ear to the door, drawing his crossbow back in precaution. There was a rattling downstairs. Quietly. It shuffled and clinked in a rhythm—almost like someone was dragging their feet. A chain maybe? Was this an escaped criminal seeking refuge in his house? But what concerned him the most was what he didn’t hear. Barking.
Where was his dog? Did the criminal kill him? Even if so, the dog would’ve barked anyway if someone was breaking in. A sedation? Who keeps that on their person? Was this targeted? Was it a sleeping spell? No— Ze would’ve picked it up by now. He listened closer before quietly opening the door to slip outside.
He descended down the stairs swiftly and lightly, faint steps overshadowed by a thud thud coming from the living room. It sounded like someone was beating the floor. He made his way to the bottom before rounding his way to the kitchen. He surveyed the area, looking for intrusions. Nothing. The thumping noise was all he could hear, not even the rattling could be heard anymore.
He hid behind the doorway to the living room. Crossbow firmly wound in his hands. He steeled his nerves, took a deep breath, and entered ready to fire.
He was greeted by the familiar sight of his dog—not dead, unconscious, or poisoned—happily wagging his tail as he gnawed on a bone.
“Cheese and rice. You scared me,” Ze exhaled as he lowered his weapon, tension easing out of his bones as fatigue replaced the adrenaline. “...Where’d you get that bone from?” He frowned, tilting his head to inspect the marrow, bits of flesh still sticking. It looked like a deer bone.
“Hey man, watch where you’re pointing that thing. You could poke an eye out,” a deep, reverberating voice suddenly chimed in from behind. Like a jolt of electricity, Ze pivoted immediately to look at the attacker, arms lifting on instinct and aimed straight for the skull before releasing the arrow into—
Nothing?
“Dude, if I had a head right now, that would’ve been really fucked up.”
Nothing. Ze’s arrow landed between the doorway and he watched as it soared through where a head should be. “What— How—?” Was all Ze could sputter out as he looked between the arrow and the headless stranger. He took a step back, trying to wrap his head around what the hell he was supposed to be looking at.
A dark figure loomed over him. He wasn’t just missing a head, but part of a leg and torso too. But while everything from the neck up was just gone, the other limbs looked like they had the skin and muscles torn out from their places, leaving only golden bones.
This figure took a step forward towards him, then another. Ze anxiously looked to his dog to intervene and do something. Bite this guy! Tear off his other arm!
Another step… but this time, the figure sagged. Stumbled. As he looked down to the floor, he noticed the trail of gold following behind, the source coming from—
“Gods…” Ze gasped, looking at the freshly torn wound in this figure’s (tangible) side. “How— how are you still alive?” He lowered the crossbow, cautiously. His eyes wandered to the body that was still there.
It was like looking into a void. If Ze stared long enough, eventually he’d see his sad reflection looking back. “Oh, this?” The figure gestured to his bones. “Nah, it’s— it’s normal.” His speech slurred as his movements began to stiffen. “Not this one,” he pointed to the wound. “Or…” he grunted, trying to reach behind his back. For what? Another weapon?
Instead, a slow, sick crunch accompanied pained groans as the mystery man took out a piece of wood from his back. “Nope… definitely not supposed to be there,” he mumbled, inspecting the piece like some sort of prize.
“Are… are you a God?” Ze stared.
“Depends on how you look at it. Look, just give me some bandaids or whatever and I’ll… be on my way.” He moved closer to him. On instinct, Ze raised his crossbow at him, shoulders tensing once again. “Woah!” The stranger raised his hands. “Hey, I’ve got enough holes in me to last a lifetime. Try not to poke another in, alright?”
Ze paused, attempting to steady his breathing enough to think clearly.
“...third cabinet to your left. In the kitchen,” he said, finally. He watched as the figure slowly made his way to the kitchen, leaning on the walls and counter for support. The chain around his ankle—the one Ze heard from earlier—rattled around in measured steps, the sticky, golden blood making a squelch noise with every motion.
Ze looked back to his dog. “You’re useless,” he huffed and lowered his crossbow.
Ze followed into the kitchen, inspecting the damage. Gold was plastered all over the area, but it wasn’t any gold Ze was familiar with. He was no expert in Godly biology, but… for their blood to sizzle? And burn? He had meant to ask about it. He had taken his sights off the guy for one second, only to find the kitchen completely empty. He looked around for any more trails of blood, anything he could track, but everything stopped at the cabinet. The third one to his left. It was open, but empty.
That was the first encounter.
***
“HEY!” Ze called from his window. “I see you! You’re not slick!” His dog whined from a corner as Ze leaned out the window to get a closer look. “Nuh-uh” said the stranger. He was currently hiding behind a tree for reasons completely unknown to Ze. Except he was only really hiding half of his body. The half that was transparent anyway. The actual “body” part was completely exposed.
Maybe Ze had met the God of Dumbasses. Funnily enough, he doesn’t remember praying to him.
Either way, this guy just kept coming back. Even when Ze wasn’t home to catch him. He knows he’s been here because lately, things have begun to change around his house. Not in a way that was emotional and actually meaningful, but in a way that pissed Ze off.
Things started to go missing, furniture was moved around, paintings were tilted just a little off centered.
It’d become such a bother that Ze had set aside an hour in his schedule to fix everything. He was very tempted to just hammer everything to the ground, but he knew that he'd just find all the nails placed neatly at the front of his bed the next morning. And a hammer through his window.
“I see you,” he sighed one day, not even bothering to look up from his map. He just sensed his presence in a hole in the cliff. “No you don’t. I’m not even here,” the stranger replied. Ze just rolled in his eyes and continued walking. “Hey— wait, where are you going?" He didn’t entertain a response.
The next thing he knew, he heard a crack from the ground and a groan of pain. He glanced over his shoulder to see the man flat on the ground. “Godsdamn…”
“Holy fuck,” Ze rushed over. “Youjus— why would you do that? Why the fuck would you jump off?” He inspected his body for any injuries or that gold ichor. The second he laid his hands on the torso, however, it disappeared into a puff of smoke. “And now I make my grand escape,” a voice echoed through the forest as Ze coughed the fog out of his lungs. A cackle was heard growing more and more distant in an echoing effect. “‘Cause you’re stupid and I hate you… hate you… hate youuu…”
“Sorry for trying to be considerate,” Ze yelled out. “Asshole.”
***
“You’re not actually a God, are you?” Ze asked. He didn’t have to look up to know that Regect was lingering on his ceiling today. “Sure I am. I’ve got the blood to prove it, see?” He cut open his palm with one of his claws and let the blood trickle down all over Ze’s new charts. “Oops,” a glow came from his head… space thing whatever as a sharp gold smile revealed itself. It was the closest thing to a face Ze was going to get from this guy.
Regect climbed down from his post, legs swinging in the air, before landing next to Ze. “What? Disappointed I can’t fulfill your wildest mortal dreams?”
“I’d rather die in a hole than have you grant my wishes.”
Regect whistled. (Ze’s not sure how though. The guy doesn’t have lips. Not that Ze was looking for them in particular anyway.) “What’s your fuckin’ problem with me today man?”
“I just got these charts.”
“Well, I can’t just control where I bleed!”
“How long are you going to be staying here for?” Ze suddenly interrupted, grabbing a cloth and trying to clean off the blood as much as possible before it burned through the table too. “What are you talking about, man? Hey, until you start pulling your weight around this house, you cannot be giving out orders to me—”
“Pulling my weight? Are you kidding me? It’s my Godsdamn house, I do what I want!”
“It’s our house.”
“It’s my fucking house! Who invited you here? You’re just—like a guy who invites himself to parties!”
“Don’t speak to me that way, I pay for the rent—”
“It’s in the middle of nowhere. Who the hell are you paying to?”
“MONTHLY.”
The exchange usually lasts the night, it’s how Ze finds himself spending all his evenings lately. In noise. What was once a quiet ecosystem completely disrupted by a foreign element. Every time he threatens to kick the entity out, it usually goes like this:
ACT 1, SCENE 1
Ze: Regect, I think it’s about time you leave.
Regect: FIREBALL!
(END SCENE)
And every time Ze curses him out and scolds him for having wasted such precious time, such valuable resources, a new house will just magically appear out of nowhere. He knows he should be more concerned about his living status—it’s an invasion of his freedom! His privacy!—but by now, he’s pretty sure he’s been desensitized.
Maybe it’s not so bad. He thinks to himself. Maybe hold out for a few more months. He’ll be gone by then.
For now, Ze lets go of his moment of peace.
***
“...go find another house or something. I dunno move out! Why are you in the fuckin’ woods anyway? This is some Slenderman shit!”
“You can’t kick me out of my own house!”
“Oh, but you can kick me out of—”
“—That’s not how it works—”
“...Hey, has that page always been there?”
ACT 1, SCENE 2
(SLENDERMAN BREAKS DOWN THE DOOR!!!!)
Regect: FIREBALL!
(EXPLOSION)
Ze: Holy shit Regect!!! You’re so cool! Come live in my cabin with me in the middle of these ominous woods!!!
Regect: heh… I know
(END OF PLAY)