Chapter Text
“Ugh.”
Dan sat up, rubbing his eyes. He glared at the window, unable to open his eyes more due to the sunlight.
“Mr. Mumbles, remind me to add the sun to my list… when I find my pants.” He stumbled out of bed, pawing the mess to find his cleanest pants. He stepped into them with annoyed grumbling.
As he managed his way out of his apartment, he noticed smoke. Smoke coming from…
“MY CAR!” Dan shouted. He bolted down the stairs, met by an even more aggressive smoke. Thankfully, it wasn’t from his car. Unthankfully, it was from something much, much, MUCH worse.
People.
Smoking.
Dan had no issue with tobacco, marijuana, or anything else a person could smoke. He had an issue with people waving open flames around and making it look like his car was in peril.
“Hey! Jerks! Don't you know California has a pollution problem?” Dan shouted at the group of six– no, seven smokers. They looked dangerous; leather jackets, long hair, sunglasses, and scowls upon their faces thanks to this angry little man shouting at them.
“Like ONE cigarette is the issue!” One of the smokers scoffed.
Dan agreed whole-heartedly, but he was enraged nonetheless. “Well can you smoke somewhere else? You're stinking up my car!”
“I thought it was abandoned…” Another smoker mumbled. The rest agreed.
“We'll move when we finish.” The first flicked his ashes. The small embers danced down, down, down and landed in a puddle. Of oil. Leaking from Dan's car. The ember ignited and trailed up, up, up the puddle. Of leaking oil. From Dan's car. He stomped on the fire aggressively, splashing the flames directly onto his pants, but sparing his tires in the process.
“These are my good pants, ugh!” Dan snatched the soda from one of the smoker's hands and used it to extinguish himself.
“Hey!” The smoker yelped, his now free hand clenching into a fist.
“Don't smoke near my car next time!” Dan threw the can at the smoker he snagged it from. The smoker, in return, put his cigarette out on his forehead.
“Whoops.” He said flatly, sunglasses glinting from the morning sun.
“Was that supposed to hurt?” Dan challenged. “I'll have you know that I've been getting cigarettes put out on me since diapers.”
“Then these won't hurt.” The rest of the smokers twisted the butts into Dan's arms.
“Waste of cigarettes if you ask me!” Dan spat as they all walked away. That pissed him off more than the fact that they put it out on him. He shook his fists at them. “SMOKERS!”