Archive of Our Own ^beta

(this is after they defeated Vecna.)

The truck ride home feels like a fever dream. It’s rocky and fast, way too fast. They did it. They defeated Vecna. And somehow, somehow, by some miracle they’re all alive. Everyone is here, safe, and so unbelievably happy. For the most part. The happiness is a mixture of relief, the promise of safety on the other side of this, and the fact that everyone they love is here, together. The kids made it, Holly’s alive and ok, and nobody died to that god-awful monster. Their plan worked, and all that’s left to do now, is blow up the upside down. Fuck yeah.

Mike is sat awkwardly in the truck, his knees almost to his chin, the lack of space almost claustrophobic. There are far too many people in here, but that’s amazing if you think about it. He’s annoyed because everyone is here, taking up space. He chuckles from the irony, and also from sheer joy, because they did it. It’s almost over. They’re so close. He’s sat next to El, and he is so in awe of her right now. El, his El, had basically taken on an entire Godzilla-like creature, and defeated Vecna, with barely a scrape left on her. She’s insane, a real life, freaking superhero. He hasn’t asked her about it at all yet, about how she for one thing even managed to get into the abyss, and how she managed to know exactly how to destroy the most horrific, insane thing he’s ever seen, but he will later. He almost feels embarrassed by his contribution now, he's nothing in comparison to her.

‘Nearly there people, just hold on tight!’ Steve’s voice echoes through, and Dustin’s cheer is the loudest, followed by everyone else’s. It’s a war cry, a joy filled war cry. This is like Mike’s most incredible D&D campaign come to life. Funny how that worked out. From 4 kids playing a make belief game in his basement, to the real fucking deal. If only he could talk to younger him.

He knows that they’re out the upside down just by the immediate change in the air. It’s warmer, and purer almost instantly, and it’s addicting. He breathes in a real, deep breath, one that he honestly thought he wouldn’t get again. He’d been so certain, so sure, that he would die earlier. So sure. Before El had showed up, they were all goners, and he’d accepted that. Accepted his fate. And it was a horrific thing to do, but also, freeing. Death didn’t need you to keep secrets, to lie, to fake anything anymore. Just the promise of pain, and then an end to it all. And just before he’d thought he was about to die, one thing had stuck with him.

Will.

After everything, he thought of Will. His final thought, or what was going to be his final thought, was of him. He’d been smiling, maybe even laughing, and it had lit up every nerve in Mike’s body. His final act of acceptance.

He loves Will Byers. And after he realized that, nothing else mattered. Not his parents, not the bullies throughout his life, not even El. In that moment, it was his love for Will that defined everything. And the main thing he’d noticed was the volume of regret he’d felt. Soul crushing, torturing regret, mixed with guilt. He’d never got to tell Will how he felt, and never would. And that hurt more than even the idea of dying, because dying without Will knowing he loved him was hell itself. So now…

Now it could be his second chance. After all this is over, after they finally end this, he could- tell him. He could confess everything, every moment of doubt, of hurt, of happiness, of love, that he’d been so stupid to hide. To forget. Because he doesn’t want that anymore. He’s done hiding.

He looks over at Will, and he’s smiling. Really smiling. He’s holding onto Mrs Byers, with this look that Mike’s never seen on him before. He’s not quite sure how to describe it, but it’s like true, pure happiness, mixed with every bit of pride, relief, grief, and acceptance that comes with a fight like that. Will has been through it all, seen it all, dealt with so much. And now, it’s over. Vecna is gone, really gone, and Will can be finally free from his torment. That fact alone fills every nook and cranny of Mike’s stupid heart. Will can finally heal, finally be happy.

There’s shouting up front, and the van pulls to a stop. Everyone freezes, confused, until the screams of the military break through the walls. Before he can even blink, the van door is thrown open, and pure chaos erupts. Soldiers are pulling people out the van, shouting and screaming at them, putting guns to people’s heads and bodies. Mike is forcefully grabbed by one, who’s shouting in his ear, and he desperately tries to break out of his grasp, to fight, but he’s too strong, too forceful. He’s thrown against the side of the truck, surrounded by everyone. Almost everyone.

‘Where’s El?!’ He shouts at them, and everyone has the same look on their face. Fear, and confusion. Where the hell is she?! He looks around desperately, trying to find her, and then, he does. And he wishes that wasn’t true.

There she is, standing in the portal, alone and still. She isn’t fighting, isn’t speaking, just standing there. Mike screams her name and tries to get to her, pulling and fighting the soldiers grasp, but it’s no use. Then all of a sudden…

Something just happened, and he has no clue what. What the hell? It’s almost as if he’s been taken from his body, from where he just was. It’s dark, and weirdly quiet. There’s water lapping at his feet, the only thing different in this whole place. What is this place? He scrambles to his feet, and spots El, who’s running towards him. His heart drops, and he runs to her, tripping almost every stpe of the way. They finally reunite, and Mike grabs onto her, checking if she’s real.

‘El!?’

‘Mike.’ Her voice is soft, broken.

‘El! What’s going on, where are we, what-‘ He can’t speak, can’t think, can’t breathe.

‘It’s the place I told you about, the space in my mind. I pulled you into it. Your presence is here, but your body isn’t.’

‘I’m in your head? Never mind, that isn’t important. El, what are you doing?’

‘Mike I-‘ she chokes, her eyes glassy, with this defeated look in them.

‘I’m staying in the upside down.’ Mike can’t think, can’t move.

‘What?’

‘I have to stay Mike. I have to go with the upside down, have to stay there. This is the only way that things can work. The only way.’

‘What do you mean the only way? El, why the hell are you staying there, you’ll die!’ His voice is cracking and he hears the desperation in it, but doesn’t care.

‘I know Mike.’

‘What do you mean you know!? Are you saying that you’re choosing to die? El, that’s, your crazy, no, no way-‘ El presses her finger to his lips, and cups his face with the same hand.

‘Mike, it is the only way. And I don’t expect you to understand right now, I don’t expect anyone to. But I need you to tell them Mike, tell them why. Tell them that I had to do this.’

‘No, no, you don’t! Remember, the waterfalls, the happy ending! We can still have that El, together, all of us! We can be happy, we can live.’ El smiles, and her tears are flowing freely now.

‘You can Mike. You can be happy.’

‘No, no, El, I- I can’t lose you! Not again!’

‘Mike.’ El exhales deeply, and stares into his eyes. ‘Ever since I first met you, I knew how important you were. You rescued me from the bad men, took me in, saved me. You were so kind, so caring, even though you did not know me. And that’s who you are Mike; it always has been.’ He’s sobbing now, and can barely breathe.

‘You’ve always been there to help people, to protect those that you love. And I love you for that. But you cannot fix everything, you have to know that.’

‘I know, but you don’t, you don’t have to do this El!’ El shakes her head, and presses a hand to his chest.

‘Can I show you something?’ Mike can only nod, before the scene around him changes. It’s sunny and warm, with the scent of summer in the air. He can hear children laughing, and notices them everywhere, running around him, laughing, playing. He recognizes this place, and does a double take when he spots something. A swing set. Not just any swing set. The one where he and Will-

It’s a memory. It’s his memory. And as he expected, right there on the swings, is a young Will. He’s staring at the floor, swinging slowly and sadly. He remembers this day, remembers this moment so well, it’s pretty much engrained in his mind.

‘Why are we—'

‘Just watch’ El holds his hand as they walk towards the swings, towards Will. She stops right in front of him, and Mike sees her smile.

‘He looks so small here, doesn’t he?’ Mike smiles too.

‘Yeah.’ El’s gaze is now focused on something else, and he follows her eyeline. There he is, young Mike Wheeler. He’s so small, so innocent, and it hurts to see that. To remember who he was. Young him makes his way to the swings, to Will, and sits down next to him. And there it is, the 5 words that changed everything.

‘Do you wanna be friends?’ He’d been so hopeful, and a little scared, until the boy next to him had smiled, and nodded. His whole world had changed then, and he’d had no idea.

‘Why are you showing me this? How are you showing me this?’

‘We’re in your memory Mike, visiting it, like I’ve done with others before. And I am showing this to you because-‘ Because what? El is facing him, holding both his hands, smiling softly.

‘Because I want you to be happy Mike. And this, Will, makes you happy.’

‘I don’t understand, what—'

‘Mike, I know. I know how you feel about him. I’ve seen it, watched you two together, and seen into both your minds. I know what he is to you, how important he is to you. And I don’t want to get in the way of that, of you two being happy. That’s all I want Mike. For you to be able to live, and be happy, without worrying about me.’

‘El I, I love you!’

‘I know you do Mike. I love you too. But that love isn’t this, isn’t what you have for him. I love you in the way that a sister loves a brother, in the way of a childhood bestfriend. You’re so important to me, but it was never like that with us. I realise that now.’

‘But, after everything, you still, you’re ok with this? You should be furious, you should hate me, should stop this! It’s wrong, and I hurt you El, I know I did. You didn’t deserve that, you don’t.’

‘It isn’t wrong Mike. Love is never wrong.’

‘But I, I don’t know how to, I thought—' He’s sobbing uncontrollably, and crushes El into a hug. She grips him tightly and whispers into his ear.

‘I love you Mike. I’m so sorry it has to be this way. Please be happy, live for me. I can rest knowing that two of the people I love most in the world are able to get what they deserve. Get their happy ending.’ Mike pulls El away from the hug, clinging on to any hope he has left.

‘You deserve that too El! You deserve your happy ending, deserve the waterfalls, and someone that can truly love you. You don’t have to end it like this.’ El cups his face with both hands, and presses a soft peck to his lips. Not in a romantic way, but instead as a goodbye. She looks at peace, as if she’s finally pieced together the last piece of her puzzle. The memory fades around them, until it’s dark again.

‘Goodbye Mike.’ Suddenly, he’s thrown into the air, and back into his body. He’s disorientated for a second, until he comes to his senses again. No, no, no, no. He thrashes and fights until he manages to get out of the guard’s grasp, and runs towards El, to stop her, to stop this. Until…
A bang, and then, a flash of a light. The bomb, no not the bomb, not yet, not yet, no! The upside down is disappearing before his eyes, a wave of rubble and matter crashing behind the portal. And there she is. El, standing there, not even shaking from this all. She’s so brave, she always has been. He knows he’s screaming, but he can’t hear it, can’t hear anything. It’s all happening so fast, he can’t get there in time, he has too, before-

A final flash of light hides and silences everything, and he’s desperate to see, to know. And when he does, everything turns fuzzy, and he can’t breathe. The portal is gone, only rubble behind it. And El, El, is gone.

He doesn’t remember much else from that night. How could he? After the explosion, everything was a blur, the military, the questioning, the anger, the eventual release. He slightly remembers getting into his house, seeing his bedroom trashed, and staying there anyway. He’d laid beside the rubble, sleep claiming him in seconds.

Sleep was never an escape though. For weeks he’d dreamt the same thing, over and over. El standing there, and him trying and failing to get to her. Sometimes he would reach her, but she’d just hug him and throw him back, or sometimes she would just stand there and stare at him, as he would scream at her to live, to keep fighting. Over and over, each night waking up in a sweat, his voice hoarse, and would cry until sleep claimed him again. This pain, this emptiness, was unlike anything he’d felt before.

One night, it had gotten so bad, that he’d ended just getting up and leaving the house. His first instinct had been to see Will, but he was in Hopper’s cabin, and he couldn’t, he wouldn’t go back there. How could he? So instead he’d found an empty park bench, and just sat there until sunrise. When he’d finally come home, nobody even noticed he’d been gone.

Time passed weirdly after it all, slow and fast all at once, blurry and clear. Seconds were too long, days too short. Weeks passed before he’d even blinked an eye.

Soon, the nightmares died down, and life returned to normal again. Well, not really, but it tried too. His house had gotten fixed, his room getting a makeover. He’d stuck endless posters and paintings on the walls, trying to make the room seem less like the place that his nightmares happened in. He needed a safe space, and had lost that after everything. El wasn’t necessarily his safe space, but after she was gone, nothing felt right. How could it? It was like the first time she’d left, except so much worse. He’d been heartbroken the first time, but not to this extent. He hadn’t known her then like he does now. Or did, should he say.

His parents and sisters were so supportive and sweet, too much so, until they’d started to move on. Maybe they’d hoped he would too, which he was trying too, but it was so damn hard. Everything was. Eventually, Nancy had left for college, as well as Jonathon and Robin, and he and the rest of the kids returned back to school. Life was moving again, but it didn’t feel like he was.

There were some good things though. Max was finally back at school again, and her and Lucas were, still are, inseparable. They were finally able to date, and be happy together, which had been all too deserved after everything they’d been through. Dustin had thrown himself into new projects, and his schoolwork, and was finally starting to heal from his grief. And Will was grief stricken too, but started to learn to be happy, to accept himself. He’d draw all the time, always holding a pencil and his sketchbook.

At some point, Will had become his anchor. He wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but all he knows is that it did. It was small things at first, checking up on him regularly, constantly asking if he needed some time, some space, or some company. At first he’d chosen space, and a lot of it. Will had respected that, but was still always there for him. He probably needed it too, as he was dealing with the grief of losing his sister. And then, after a while, his company filled a gap in his heart. It had started with just a bike ride around town and a quiet moment in the park, to one-on-one hangouts regularly in his house. Will would come round at random times in the week, and they’d sit in the basement, or his room, and just exist in each other’s company. There was never any pressure with Will to be a certain way, to have to hide around him. He got it. He got him.

At first, they’d mainly just rest and just co-exist, Will drawing and listening to music, Mike sitting with his thoughts or writing. He’d done that a lot, write. Every little thought he had, every idea, moment, emotion he felt. He’d sit with a journal and write it all, letting every thought pour out of his mind. I guess that was his way of coping, and healing. And maybe it was working, though he wasn’t sure. But it didn’t matter if it did work, because it brought his mind off of his grief, and onto something else. And that was all that mattered.

After a while, they’d start to talk more, or do things together. They’d watch a movie, or listen to a record, or just have a conversation about anything. Will would never judge, never care, only listen and understand. Their shared grief gave them an ability to truly understand each other, and to be able to relate in a way that nobody else really could.

He remembers the first time he’d laughed after it all, really laughed. He’d been in the basement with Will, sitting side by side on the sofa, and they were talking about school, about different people. He remembers the conversation turning to Lucas, and about his relationship with Max.

‘He’d tried making a mug for Max out of clay, and it’s, well it’s special. The only resemblance that thing has to a mug is the fact that it has a hole. Not just one hole though, but many.’

Will had taken him so off-guard, and he couldn’t help it. He’d laughed, and Will did too, even though it was obvious how surprised he was that they were doing that. It had lasted only seconds until guilt had crept back into him, causing him to stop in his tracks. How can you be laughing, after everything! El’s gone and you’re laughing. Will had noticed his sudden silence, and instantly put a hand over his. He’d taken it, and leaned his head onto Will’s shoulder, trying to silence the thoughts in his head. He’d cried that day, only a little, and Will probably didn’t notice. But even if he did it wouldn’t have mattered, because Will would never judge him for it.

After that, he’d started to notice more scenarios like this. Smiling when the party is all together, joking and just hanging out. Laughing at Lucas and Dustin arguing over something dumb, and then at some point, he’d started to join the arguments. Slowly but surely, he’d started to let himself be happy, even if it was only a little bit.

It was mainly Will that had led to this though. They’re hangouts were always fun and easy, and they were constantly laughing, debating random things, just being themselves. Everything felt right when he was with him, it felt like he could finally breathe again. And one day it had hit him.

Will is his safe space.

It’s a few months after it all, and he’s, as per usual, sitting in the basement with Will. He’s sat next to him, drawing something, but he won’t show Mike what it is. Even after relentless begging, he still won’t, so he’d been forced to give up. For now. He’s sitting opposite him, lost in his thoughts, jotting down random things.

The basement looks smaller for some reason

What is Will’s drawing?

Will looks cute today

He’s started to notice Will more lately. After El, well, yeah, he’d hardly been able to move, let alone think through anything. It was a miracle if he got out of bed each day. But as time has moved on, and he’d started to heal a little, he’d tapped back into his feelings. It was small at first, nothing too heavy, just his love for his friends, and family, and the grief that came with that. And then, he’d started to feel certain things again.

He'd notice Will’s outfits each day, how his hair looked, how his smile lit up his whole face. He’d feel embarrassed about touching Will, about being too close to him. He’d constantly stare at Will, in class, when the party hangs out, especially when it’s just the two of them together. These things were kinda like before, only subtler, yet also way more obvious. Mainly because he was, is, aware of his feelings for Will now. Before defeating Vecna, he’d still had these feelings buried, still tried to pretend they didn’t exist. How stupid was that, huh.

So now, it’s pretty clear how he feels about Will. It doesn’t make this easy though. He recalls how he’d felt before they’d left the upside down, the desperate need to tell Will how he feels. That need had gotten buried by his grief, and he hadn’t had the will to dig it back out. But now, as the feelings have gotten more obvious and bigger, he has to say something. However, the idea of telling Will feels like betraying El, that by letting himself have this, it wouldn’t be fair to her.

‘I can rest knowing that two of the people I love most in the world are able to get what they deserve. Get their happy ending.’

That conversation constantly plays on repeat in his mind. What El had said, what she’d meant by this, was too much to take in. Instead of being angry, she’s just wanted them to get what they deserve. A happy ending. So maybe, it would be ok to let himself be honest, to be able to love someone that isn’t El. The truth behind her words was obvious, and hopeful. She’d want him to be happy. And although it kills him that she can never be happy, can never get her ending, she’d want him to have his. I love you El, and I’m so sorry.

He exhales deeply, and contemplates his next move from here. Is he really going to say something? After everything, after all their years of friendship, Will coming out, the grief they’d shared, the love they have for each other, after everything- how do you begin to put that into words. He has to try though, he know he does.

‘Will?’ His heart is pounding in his chest, and his head is spinning. Will looks up from what he’s doing, and after seeing Mike’s face, he seems concerned.

‘Mike, are you ok?’

‘Yeah um, I am, it’s just—’ He breathes deeply, desperately trying to think of how to say this.

‘Mike?’ Will’s voice is soft, comforting, and it seems to stir something in him. It’s just Will. He can talk to Will, he’ll be able to understand.

‘Do you ever, look at something you have, like really look, and realise that it’s more than what it is?’

Will tilts his head in confusion, and Mike inwardly groans. Ok, this is gonna be harder than he thought.

‘Wait, that makes no sense, never mind. Just—’ He tries to find a different angle to this, and thinks of Will instead.

‘When did you, know for sure, that you liked guys?’ This question seems to throw Will, and he blushes, Mike swears he blushes.

‘Um, I’m, I don’t really know. I guess I always kind of knew, deep down. And then it all seemed to hit me at once, and these feelings I had for someone, well, I realized they weren’t just normal, friendly ones.’ He laughs, clearly embarrassed. Of course, the mysterious crush. When Will had come out, he’d spoken about them, saying they were his Tammy. Which by the way, they’ve never spoken about, because who the hell is Tammy?

‘Those feelings, for that someone, were they, obvious?’ Mike knows how stupid he sounds, but he has to try and ask this, try and say what he needs to say.

‘Um, not really to begin with. At first it was more subtle, like I started noticing small things about them. The way they spoke, acted, looked, mainly their presence. I felt weird around them, and then realized that was just nerves. Always being nervous is the main thing.’

‘Huh.’ Huh? Why is he only saying huh? Will laughs.

‘Insightful.’ Will jokes, and Mike realizes how he must sound. He doesn’t want Will to think that he thinks this is weird, but to understand that he just needs to know.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant,’ honestly, he’s not quite sure what he meant.

‘Mike, it’s fine.’

‘No, no it isn’t. I need to say something, but I don’t know how.’ Mike sighs, and Will looks him in the eyes, with a smile.

‘Just, start with anything. I can try to unpick what you’re saying.’ He nods at this, and Will takes this as his opportunity to sit up properly, to really pay attention.

‘So um, when you came out, I was all over the place.’ This catches Will by surprise, but he doesn’t interrupt him.

‘I was feeling so guilty for not realizing sooner, for not being there for you because of that. And I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d said that day, in the rain.’ Will nods, and his face drops slightly.

It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!

‘I hadn’t even meant to say it, I didn’t really even think that was true at the time to be honest. I guess I was just, being a shitty friend, and sort of maybe—’ he breathes deeply, afraid to say the word. ‘Projecting?’ Will looks so lost now, and Mike needs to try and make this make sense.

‘I’d felt so weird at the time, with trying to be in a relationship, and also dealing with these, feelings, at the back of my mind. With, El-’ her name causes him to pause his ramble, but he tries to keep going. He has to.

‘With El, it never felt quite right. I was kissing her, but I didn’t really want to. It felt like something I had to do, instead of it being something I wanted to do. And when I said that you didn’t like girls in the rain fight, and you ran off, I felt so guilty because… I felt that way. I was projecting my confusion about my relationship onto you.’ Will looks like he’s having a mini crisis, and Mike can’t think. He tries to keep going.

‘I kept pushing my feelings down, and down, and then when I came to Lenora and saw you, I was a total jerk because of it.’ They’d spoken about how he’d acted then already, and he’d apologized, but that doesn’t feel like enough anymore.

‘I was so happy to have you back, and I felt guilty because, I was happier to see you then I was to see El. And I was so confused, and hurting, so I pushed you away. I pushed you and El away.’ If he only he could go back in time and slap himself, for treating both of them so badly.

‘And then you came to live with us, and I was so happy Will. Even though we didn’t speak much at first, when we finally became close again, it meant everything to me. I didn’t realise just how much I’d missed you until I had you back 24/7.’ Will smiles at this, and Mike knows that he felt the same too.

‘And when El and I broke up, I was even more confused, and lost. But having you here, made it ok, made it easy. I had my bestfriend back, and that’s all I’d wanted, for what felt like forever.’ Will’s eyes are glassy, and he nods at that too.

‘Yeah, that’s all I’d wanted too.’ Mike smiles at him, before attempting the home run.

‘When I saw you kill those demogorgons, I just, I don’t even know how to describe it. I was in awe, and shock, and mainly, well, I was totally obsessed.’

‘Obsessed?’ Will’s voice is squeaky, and Mike laughs.

‘Yeah. You looked, insane, and I couldn’t look away.’ Will blushes at the compliment, and Mike makes a note of how adorable he looks.

‘I was still trying to push down what I was feeling, for ages after that, and then you came out, and I started to really think. I’d felt sad, and proud, but mainly, hopeful at you saying you didn’t like girls.’

‘Hopeful?’ Mike can’t quite read Will’s expression, so he just keeps going.

‘Yeah, hopeful. It felt like something had clicked inside of my head, the ‘ohh’ moment. I didn’t realise why that was important until way later. Until well, the battle.’ He exhales, and stares at Will. He looks so confused, with something else there as well. Hope? No, it can’t be.

‘I nearly died, and before I thought I was toast I, this is gonna sound so corny ugh. I, thought of you.’

‘You what?’ Will’s eyes are a little to wide, and he sits up straighter.

‘I thought of you. I was about to die, and all I could think about was how I was never gonna be able to see you again, never be able to tell you. Tell you, how I felt. Will, I realized that, well, I’d been burying feelings for you.’ They’re both silent, and the only sound is there uneven breathing. Will looks a little shell-shocked, and Mike might die then and there. He just admitted that. Guess there’s no turning back.

‘You, you, what?’

‘I know this is a lot, and I’m sorry for just throwing this at you. But yeah, I had, still have, feelings for you. And it was only in that moment that I finally seemed to wake up and realise. I had been such an idiot up until that point, and all I could think of was how stupid I’d been not to tell you. The regret was eating at me.’ Will looks like he might combust, so Mike doesn’t wait for him to respond.

‘And when I survived, I was so ready to tell you. I had to, it was all that mattered to me after that. I’d gotten a second chance almost, and I didn’t want to blow it. But then, well, everything went to shit.’ He breathes shakily, and Will seems to snap back into reality, instantly understanding.

‘I never told you what, happened, with me and El then.’

‘What do you mean?’ Mike braces himself to say this, after keeping it to himself for so long.

‘She pulled me into her like mind space, and started to talk to me about, what she was doing.’ His throat feels like it’s being wrapped in barbed wire, and he can’t breathe. How can he say this out-loud? Will rests a hand on his knee, as a tether, a way to say, keep going. Somehow, just knowing that it’s Will he’s saying this to, make’s it a million times easier.

‘She told me about her, sacrificing herself, and how she had to do it. And then she, she showed me one of my memories.’

‘A memory?’

‘Yeah. It was of me and you actually. The first one ever, the one by the swings.’ Will’s mouth drops, and he looks genuinely shocked by this.

‘She took me to where we were, and started telling me how, she wanted this for me. Wanted me to be happy, to accept myself. She knew how I felt about you, and wanted me to let myself choose you. She said she’d always suspected how I’d felt, and she knew our relationship wasn’t meant to be romantic.’

‘She said that she wanted us to get what we deserve, a happy ending. She called you one of her favorite people in the world, Will.’ Will’s crying more openly now, tears flowing freely. Mike knows he is too, and he lets himself cry.

‘And then, she said goodbye and threw me out, and I was gone. And then, she was gone.’ Mike stops speaking, letting the words rest in the air. El’s absence will never not feel like a punch to the gut, so there’s no point trying to hide it. Instead, he just lets himself feel each and every word he’s saying, allowing El’s sacrifice to be known, properly. He knows the grief will never go away, but he can learn to live around it.

‘So I buried the feelings again, too heartbroken to acknowledge them. And Will, I don’t know where’d I be right now without you. I probably wouldn’t be able to talk, to laugh, to live properly. You’ve been my anchor in all of this. And I know you’re dealing with so much too, and I really shouldn’t dump something more on you. I don’t want this to stress you out, or make things worse between us. I just, need you to know. Because after everything, I’ve realized more so how much I need you, how much I really want you. And it’s ok if you don’t feel the same.’

Mike finally stops talking, and instead waits for Will. He just poured his heart out, and knows he needs a minute to sift through his thoughts. He’s always been careful with stuff, making sure he thinks things through before doing anything. He wishes he could be more like that; he just throws himself into things headfirst and hopes for the best. Will is staring at him, properly staring at him, studying his face. Will breathes deeply, and finally breaks the silence.

‘You, is this all true? You aren’t just, saying this?’ What? Will has to know that he isn’t lying, how could he be?

‘Of course it’s true, why would I lie about this?’

‘I know, I just need to know. Mike, I, you’re such an idiot.’ That startles a laugh out of him.

‘I’m what now?’ Will rests his head in his hands, groaning.

‘Mike, of course I feel the same. How the hell did you not know that?’ Mike just stares at him, a little in shock.

‘You, what now? What do you mean how did I not know?’

‘I mean, I’ve been so obvious about my feelings for you!’ Feelings for you, wait a second.

‘You, what?’

‘I mean, I basically confessed my feelings for you when I gave you the painting, you know.’ Mike sits up straighter, and the pieces start to click into place. Everything Will had said, how El had felt ‘lost’ without Mike, and needed him, how he was the heart. He’d known that El hadn’t commissioned the painting, but he’d never really thought about what Will said.

‘So wait, in the van, what you said that El felt, that was?’

‘How I felt about you, yeah.’

‘Shit! Will, I’m so sorry, I’m officially the world’s biggest idiot.’

‘Yeah, I think you are.’ Mike sticks his tongue out at him, and Will laughs.

‘So, the crush everything, was about—’

‘Yes Mike, it was about you.’

‘Do you still, feel that way? Because you said that you had a crush on someone, and that they were your Tammy. By the way, who the hell is Tammy?’

‘Tammy’s just this girl that a friend said they’d had a crush on, and got over basically.’ Oh, that makes more sense. He’d had so many stupid theories, and that one makes a hell of a lot more sense then whatever he was thinking.

‘Oh. So, if I’m your Tammy, then you’re over me?’ He feels deflated, and Will panics.

‘No, no, not at all! I just said that because I was trying to convince myself I was over you, but I wasn’t. I’m not. I’ve been in love with you for years, you don’t just get over that.’ Mike’s heart might explode out of his chest, and he knows his smile is way too wide.

‘You’re in love with me?’ Will blushes, and Mike leans closer to him. He smells like vanilla shampoo, and his embarrassed face is officially the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

‘Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t have said that.’ Mike shakes his head, and presses his forehead against Will’s.

‘I love you too.’ Now Will’s smiling way too big, and he can’t help what he does next. He cups Will’s face, leans in, and kisses him.

It’s nothing at first, barely a brush of the lips. Will’s taken by surprise by his sudden movement, and Mike’s afraid that he made the wrong call, and pulls back slightly. Before he has the chance to say sorry, Will tugs his shirt and pulls him in.

Oh. So this is what people meant when they spoke about kissing. He’s done it a lot before, but it’s never been any good. This though, is so much different.

It’s slow at first, hesitant and soft, both of them feeling the weight of what this means. Will’s never kissed anyone before, he knows that, so Mike applies more pressure, trying to guide Will through it, but he doesn’t need to. As soon as Will slips his hand into Mike’s curls, Mike knows he’s done for.

Their lips are parted under each other, and it’s too much, yet not enough. So Mike deepens the kiss, letting their mouths collide, open-mouthed and breathless. They’re lips are parted, and it’s hot, and messy, and so right. Will’s hand is still in Mike’s hair, pulling and twisting his curls with his fingers, and Mike might melt right from the touch. He pushes Will onto his back, hovering above him, and kisses him even harder. Mike takes his lip between his teeth, earning a gasp from Will, and he’s electrified by the fact that he was the cause of that sound. Will digs his hand into Mike’s back, and Mike pushes closer, desperate for more contact. It’s new, and scary, but also so right, as if they fit perfectly together, were meant to do this. He’s forced to pull away to breathe, and he rests his forehead against Will’s. They’re both breathing heavy, smiling at each other, and he wants to tattoo this moment into his mind. Mike pulls back, maneuvering back into a sitting position. Will copies him and sits up straight, but they still stay close enough that their legs are touching. Now that he knows they can, he doesn’t want to stop.

‘So…’ Mike starts, and Will smiles at him.

‘So?’

‘That was, damn.’ Will laughs at him, his face still a little flushed, and Mike can’t help but lean in for another kiss. They’re both smiling into it, so it’s not much of a kiss, but it’s everything to him. Will pulls away this time, his eyes shining.

‘Damn? I’ll take that as a good thing.’

‘It is, Will, I mean—’

‘Mike.’

‘Yeah?’

‘You’re about to ramble again.’

‘I am not!’ he throws a pillow at Will, and Will throws it right back at him.

‘So, what does this mean? What do we do now?’ Will sounds genuinely concerned, and Mike hates that. He leans in closer to Will, because he can, but also so he knows that he’s here for him.

‘I think we take it slow for now. Keep it a secret for a little while?’

‘Yeah, that sounds good. And are you, ok with this? I mean, you’ve been dealing with so much, and I don’t want to add to that.’

‘Will, respectfully, shush.’ Will holds a hand over his heart, in a mock offence.

‘I’ve thought this through for long enough now, and I want this. You’re everything to me Will, my safe space, my joy, everything. I’d be broken without you, and trust me, I wouldn’t have confessed to you if I knew I wasn’t ready to. I’m never going to stop grieving, but I’m also letting myself be happy.’ Will’s eyes are shining, and he nods.

‘You deserve to be happy Mike.’

‘You even more than me, Byers.’ They kiss again, and as long as he’s with Will, and they’re doing this, then maybe, just maybe, it’ll all be ok.