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Mike didn't know why he felt so uneasy. Truthfully he knew. He looked at himself in the mirror; the tight black suit seemed to suck all the life out of his face, and it was as if he were looking at a corpse.
Not particularly festive.
Definitely not suitable for a wedding.
A quick glance at his watch told him that in a few hours it would be time. Will Byers would stand at the altar and marry the love of his life. And Mike would stand in the crowd and watch his childhood friend, as a spectator, just a guest. A friend. Because that was what he wanted.
Different from Mike, Will was always surrounded by men and some unlucky women, who wanted to blow their shot with him, immediately after he left Hawkins. At the start Will seemed hesitant, but it was shortly after his first semester in university of high arts, that he started dating for real. He was never someone for causal hook up. When Will loved, he loved with everything he had.
Dating. A thing Mike hasn't come close to since... well... Eleven.
He hardly heard anything after that, only that the relationship Will was in seemed to be pretty serious. Little did he know.
The last thing Mike heard was, that Will was now a reknowed artist in New York City, filling one art gallery after another and with a contract for an upcoming light novel already under the belt. Truly, he came a long way. Of course, it was thanks to his skill and incredible talent that he had made himself a name, a fact Mike had never ever doubted, but Will had connections. Among other things, through his boyfriend, now fiancé, and the man he would marry in a few hours. Owner of one of the best known art galleries in New York and trusted critic, Andrew Carver, soon Will Byers husband.
"Will Carver." he tasted the name on his touge and frowned.
Mike felt sick.
The moment the law was passed, Will and Andrew went to Massachusetts, the first state that legalised gay marriage in the US. The two weren't just any lovers, they seemed like kindred spirits. Mike didn't like to admit it, but anyone who spent time around the couple could see it. They were connected by things like D&D, a difficult childhood, a love of art and a vivid imagination. All things that Mike could have provided. But Andrew gave Will something Mike never could.
He was able to say "I love you".
He was able to commit and he made Will happy, something Mike seemingly had forgotten how to.
Mike had tried to smile and congratulate him when Will called him in happy tears to tell him that Andrew had proposed. He wasn't even the first one told.
From the way Will described it, it also sounded like the most romantic moment ever. After a perfect dinner, in a quiet corner under the light of a street lamp, snow all around them, Andrew had got down on one knee and asked the fated question.
Not to mention, Andrew was not only romantic, but also good-looking. Taller than Mike, with wild strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes, always framed by some vivid colors and bold strokes. This and his way of style made him stand out in the best way possible. A real model type, and he treated Will like the king he was. Mike had heard this hundreds of times during the wedding preparations. Not only from Will, but also from Lukas, Dustin and even Jonathan.
In the end, Mike didn't want to complain. He was lucky to have been invited at all, considering that he was the one who had hardly called Will in almost 10 years. And yet, kind as ever, he had wanted Mike there. Not as best man, that was Jonathan, but as a friend.
Friend.
That damn word.
But that was what Mike wanted, right?
He had no right to feel anxious. So what if he still had no new girlfriend and was the only one showing up to the wedding without a plus one? Max had Lucas, Robin had Vickie, Dustin had found a new girlfriend and even Steve had found a nice lady to accompany him.
Nancy had simply given him a sympathetic glance.
Both of his sisters had left Hawkins, Nancy to become a reporter and Holly to study in Europe. Only Mike had never taken that step. He lived in a house a few streets away from his parents and visited them every week, while his friends only came by every few months. Every time they visited, they seemed so cheerful and talked about their lives far away from home and all the things they had seen and achieved.
What had Mike achieved?
His career as an author ended before it could even begin. Barely halfway through his first book, he gave up; the plot just seemed too much like a biography. The biography of Will Byers.
And so he was now sitting here, in the car on the way to the wedding venue. Lukas and Max had picked him and Nancy up from where they had shared a hotel room, and when they got out of the car, his sister ran towards Jonathan and fell lovingly into his arms.
So much for the relationship being over.
After a while, everyone else arrived and they made the final preparations before the ceremony. Only a hour or two later, the place looked like a scene from D&D, magical and fairy-like. Flowers and white silk everywhere. Mike felt like this was the biggest thing he had ever contributed to in his life, and all he had been responsible for was laying out the serving dishes.
"The first guests are arriving, everyone to their positions!" shouted Hopper, who still had an authoritative air about him, even with his age.
"I'll check on Will!" Jonathan said, and Mike would have given anything to go with him. The last time he had seen the other brunette was at the stag party, where, after an extensive visit to the bar, they had played a partie that lasted for hours and ended perfectly for the local sorcerer. Everybody was just playing and having fun, while Mike couldn't stop staring at Will.
He never could.
And soon they were all sitting there, a room full of people who had come to celebrate Will and Andrew. Mike sat in the front row and looked at the groom, who stood at the front in his elegant suit, holding his best man's hand for support and talking to Jonathan. He already had tears in his eyes and a contagious smile on his face. Well, contagious for everyone except Mike.
It had always been that way. Everyone loved Andrew, except Mike, and slowly he could no longer convince himself that he didn't know why.
When the music began and everyone stood up to watch Will step out of the swinging doors, Mike held his breath. Will was beautiful. Of course he was.
His hair had grown a little longer, but he still wore it in small waves around his ears. His white suit was delicately embroidered with small stars and shapes that sparkled like silver in the light. His smile was radiant, and when his gaze met Andrew's, they both immediately began to cry. It would have been cute, magical even, but not to Mike.
In this room full of love and life, who was he there anyway? Not only did he have no partner, he had no plan, no purpose, nothing to show that he had ever even lived. Everything that once defined him, his love for Eleven, the protection he could offer Will, none of that was needed anymore.
Mike Wheeler was no longer needed.
He imagined what life would have been like if Eleven had stayed with them. If he had married her and loved her and had children with her. Would he have been happy then? There was no point in lying to himself. There was only one thing he wanted.
Mike watched as Will walked up the steps to Andrew at the altar and the state representative began the ceremony. Everyone around him cried quietly as Will gave his speech, but Mike felt nothing but emptiness.
That should have been him.
It was the truth. That should have been his happy ending, and he had had the chance to get it. Back then, shortly before their journey into the Upside Down, when Will still loved him. When they were still friends. Before they became strangers. But he had thrown it away, and for what? For a life of carefree normality that got him nowhere and left him lonelier than his parents. For the fear he could never overcome. The words he could never say.
He was pathetic.
Without realising it, he had completely missed Andrew's speech, and only the last words were etched in his memory forever:
"I love you, Will Byers, and I'm not afraid. So kiss me, kiss me."
And with these words and their vows, they ended the ceremony and kissed like in a fairy tale.
Surrounded by cheers and shouts of joy, Mike sat there and cried. He cried for the future he had lost here.
Because after all this time he was still afraid.
What followed was dancing, more speeches and the cutting of the cake, which Mike couldn't stomach a single bite of. The smile, bright as the sun, never left Will's face even for a second, and he planted a kiss on his husband's lips at every opportunity. Mike couldn't take it anymore.
After the son-mother dance, Mike asked Will to step aside, and he looked at him so happily that Mike almost lost his nerve. What was he doing here? What did he think he would achieve by doing this? He did it anyway.
"And what did you want to tell me?" Will asked innocently as the two moved away from the event.
"Andrew will probably be waiting for me soon." He didn't say this in an annoyed tone, but rather as if he couldn't wait to see his husband again. Now or never, Mike thought.
"Um, I just wanted to say... I'm proud of you. How far you've come, what you've achieved and... who you've become." His eyes kept drifting down to Will's lips. The years had only made him prettier.
Will starred at him surprised, before he shyly looked away.
"Oh, you. You could have told me that with the others around. Thanks anyway."
"Right," Mike muttered.
Why was this so difficult? It was like with Eleven back then, only this time he knew what he wanted. Except that the other person wasn't waiting for it this time. The words he could never say.
" I also wanted to apologise. I shouldn't have ignored you, and I did some things back then when we were kids. I'm sorry about the painting and Castle Byers." Mike said instead.
Will's eyes widened.
"You still remember that," he nodded.
"I mean... thanks, I guess, for the apology. To be honest, I haven't thought about it in a long time," Mike's heart sank at his words.
This was all he could ever think about in the last few weeks. Months. The painting on his wall like a reminder of his failure, a mistake he could never fix.
" I've been thinking about it," Mike admitted, gathering his courage.
" And I've been thinking about you, a lot. About our childhood. About the winter we defeated Vecna. About what you said at the radio station."
Will's hasty coming out, his confession that he loved Mike, the acceptance in his voice when he gave up on that love. Mike's missed opportunity.
" And I wish I had realised it back then. I mean, I did. I knew it back then, but I was afraid. And now, now it may be too late, but I have to tell you. I... Your feelings. I felt the same way."
No one spoke after that. Will looked at his face, as if waiting for Mike to explain that it was a joke, that it was just a silly prank. Mike held his gaze. After a while the man just signed and a sad look filled his eyes. His wedding day and Mike was the one to make him sad.
" Mike, what are you trying to do here..." Will just seemed so tired.
"I just... I needed to tell you." Will shock his head.
"No, you needed to tell me this 15 years ago. I'm married now and for once I am happy." there was no lie in his voice.
"I mean, what were you thinking? That one apology, one real apology, for all the stuff you pulled, would be enough? That I would leave my husband for you, a long forgotten crush? We're friends, just friends. I thought you of all people knew this. "
Mike swallowed. He knew. God he knew and still.
"I..."
"I what, Michael? "
"I love you."
Silence.
And then. Laughter.
Will buckled over and laughed.
Mike felt so stupid.
"Oh my, you can't be... I can't even..." tears sprang to his eyes and he wiped them away to keep on laughing.
"You truly are something Mike. Was that the first time you said that without someone rubbing your back? A fine heart you are, really."
After what seemed forever the laughing stopped and Will gave Mike one last glance.
"I hope you find happiness, I really do." and Mike believed him, because Will was kind. He could never deserve his kindness. He could never deserve that boy. Still he reached out and his eyes widened when Will pulled away.
With sobbed words Mike's asked:
" What am I supposed to do? How can I live with feelings like this?",
And Will just looked at him for a moment, then smiled.
"I don't know Mike. It's not my fault you don't like girls.",
and with that he turned around and left Mike to himself. Alone, pathetic and miserable. And he had noone to blame but himself.