Chapter Text
Things have always been different in Hawkins, at least for me. Especially now. Is that crazy to say? Making deadlines and walking around campus, thinking about how I used to crack Russian codes, and get shoved into vents to uncover military operations. I can’t help but feel that at seventeen, I’ve lived more than I ever will again, in Hawkins, that is.
Amidst my thoughts, I stare out the window of the library, and I see, no- hear the sound of Steve clanking up the road with a trailer that doesn’t fit on the ungreased hitch.
Henderson might feel embarrassed because the damn trailer makes so much noise, I knew I should’ve greased it before I left. I’ll just make him do it whenever we get to our first destination. This trip had been planned before his first semester of college even started. I promised the little shit we’d do something together over the summer. Fifty states in fifty days sounds insane, maybe it is, but there’s more to the world than this little town.
Before Dustin left for college, I practically lived at his house. He wouldn’t let me out of his sight. Almost two months with the kid is nothing.
I looked down at my watch and felt proud to know I’ve made it just in time. The door to the library opens, and I see that smile that never fails to make me smile. He jogs over towards me, and I embrace him tightly in my arms.
“Hey, buddy.” I’ve really missed this kid. He pulls back with that same smile on his face. I ruffle his hair just a tad. It’s good to see him feel more comfortable with himself without a hat.
“You ready?” I ask him.
He nods and climbs into the passenger side of the truck.
~𖥔☾𖤓☽𖥔~
The familiar smell of Steve’s truck, like leather, and the cologne he’s worn since he was sixteen, reminds me all too well that we’ve been here before. It’s the same way the beamer smelled, you know, before the fucking interdimensional black hole it got sucked into.
Steve gets into the driver's seat and looks at me with a smile plastered across his face, "Aren't you surprised? I made it here on time.”
I look back at him and smirk, “You didn’t leave much to the imagination, that’s for sure. The way you were clanking down here.”
Steve rolls his eyes before handing me a map, “Can I trust you to navigate?”
“No, I can navigate the upside down, but not the town I grew up in, Steven.”
“You little shit-” I grab the map and shove it in his face, “In twenty minutes, we’re going to stop and fill up. And while we’re there, we should probably take a leak.”
“Alright. There’s a Sunoco on the corner of Seventh Ave.” He tells me.
I nod, “Okay, we’ll stop there, and you can pick out one snack. Only one though, I’m not made of money.”
It’s only a three-hour drive to get to Kentucky. Once we get there, we’ll make a list of things to do, but for now, it’s time we take a quick stop at a gas station to fill up and grab some snacks for the road. I notice that Dustin doesn't say anything in response. I turn to look at him, but his attention seems to be focused on the view outside.
I cleared my throat, “How was your last day of class?”
“It was okay, just weird, to think about it all being over.” As I gaze out of the window, it all comes back to me again. The gym, ransacking the cafeteria for pudding for a girl we just found in the woods, the snowball, dancing with Nancy, science club, making the sensory deprivation tank, running from the military, all because our friend had powers. I wonder about her. If she has friends where she is now, wherever that is. I hope they’d ransack the cafeteria for her, too.
I feel a warm hand on my knee, “Hey man, you okay?”
“I don’t know, Steve. I don’t know if I ever will be.”
Steve frowns and gives my knee a gentle squeeze.
“Was walking the stage wrong? I feel like I’ve started a new chapter I’m not ready for. I heard Mike say it felt like it meant moving on. I haven’t done that yet, Steve. Will I ever?”
~𖥔☾𖤓☽𖥔~
“Hey, no, none of that.” I bring my free hand to cup the back of his, “You know you deserved to walk that stage. You deserved that diploma; you didn’t just graduate for yourself but for El. And I know that if she were there, she would be so proud. El will always be remembered and be in your heart. We’re going to find those waterfalls for her.”
I rub my thumb against his curls, “Moving on doesn't mean forgetting. It doesn't mean you’ve stopped caring, it just means you’ve moved forward, and I know she’d be so happy to see you accomplish so many things.”
“I wouldn’t take back anything, Steve. If it meant living a normal life and never meeting El, I wouldn’t want it any different. I just wish I could tell her how much we cared about her, that we would’ve run forever with her.”
“I know you would. But I’d miss you, and I know she would want your life to be more than just running from the military.”
Dustin sighs, facing the window again as we pull into the Sunoco, and I take the key out of the ignition. “Two snacks. You can get two.”
Dustin's lip quirks up into a half-smile as he follows me into the Sunoco.
~𖥔☾𖤓☽𖥔~
Dustin and Steve take their time trying to find the perfect snacks for their roadtrip. Dustin grabs bags of chips and candy while Steve continues to look around.
“Are you going to get anything?”
“I’m trying to find these damn peanut butter boppers.”
Dustin giggles.
“What’s so funny?”
“You have all these options, and that’s what you want?”
Steve puts his hand over his chest in mock exasperation, and Dustin rolls his eyes.
“I thought this was a safe space.”
“Found them.” Dustin pulls a bag off the top shelf, handing it to Steve, and grabs caramel bugles for himself.
The rest of the car ride passes by quicker than anticipated, as Dustin reads a book while helping Steve navigate there, occasionally looking up every hour when it’s his turn to put his playlist on.
It didn't take too long to cross over Kentucky's stateline. The view was gorgeous, open roads that seemed endless, mountains in the distance that seemed closer than they really were, horses and cows could be seen out in the open fields, and small hills took up the majority of the pasture.
~𖥔☾𖤓☽𖥔~
“Steve, pull over here? I want to take pictures with the horses.” Dustin looks over at me.
I nod before pulling over on the side of the road. Dustin rushes over towards the horse, yelling at me to hurry up as I grab the digital camera out of my bag. I swear, that kid is so impatient. I walk over towards him and watch him pet the horse. It’s not like we’ve ever seen horses before, but the atmosphere here just feels and looks so much different.
I step back to get a good angle of Dustin and the horse; the mountains in the back really bring the picture together. I told Ms.Henderson I’d take pictures so she can make a scrapbook. I snap a picture of Dustin's cheesy grin and the horse that's staring off into space.
Once the photo prints out, I shake it just a little and wait for the picture to form. Dustin doesn't seem to care about looking at the photo I just took. He’s really into horses.
“You want to go get something to eat?” I ask him.
“Yeah, where do you wanna go?”
“We can just look around and see what there is?”
“Okay. I saw there’s a place to leave the camper about ten miles up the road, maybe there's something near there.”
We leave the camper at an open RV park, mostly desolate, due to it being an odd time of year.
We get back into the truck and drive ten miles down the road. Lucky us found a diner that’s open 24/7 and isn’t packed with people. Dustin and I sit down at a booth and plan on splitting a large plate of pancakes.
~𖥔☾𖤓☽𖥔~
The waitress walks over with menus and a smile adorning her aged face, as she asks our drink orders. At this point, we’re so tired of being confined to the truck that we ask if we can put our order in with the drinks, so we can start our venture through Kentucky and get back to the camper before it gets too dark out.
About ten minutes after we get our drinks, the waitress walks back with a steaming plate of pancakes, which Steve butters immediately, using the knife to spread it between them, stacking them back, using the heat to melt it down. I take the second serving plate she offers, and cut myself half and put syrup on them.
We finish eating and stack our plates, pushing them to the front of the table so they’re easier for the waitress to grab later, and as she comes over to hand us the bill, she smiles appreciatively.
“You boys are so charming, I’m sure your mother is proud.”
Dustin looks over at Steve, his eyes flicking over him, gleaming with almost an admirable look.
“Thank you ma’am. I’d like to think she is.”
~𖥔☾𖤓☽𖥔~
After a fulfilling breakfast, the truck makes its way down the narrow mountain roads, and Mammoth Cave comes into view. The air smells of damp stone. Although it’s summer, the temperature feels cold. The cave feels endless, but it’s not claustrophobic like how most movies make out caves to be. It’s wide with passages that disappear into darkness. The top is high overhead, some of the rocks are smooth and pale. Others seemed to be rough and cracked. The cave has been there for thousands of years, it seems.
Their footsteps echoed as they walked throughout the cave. Water drips down somewhere and the air feels heavy. There’s been names carved into the walls of the mountain. Some of the dates go back decades ago. The cave is massive and although it’s mapped out, it’s not really fully known yet. Once stepping out, the sun hits Dustin and Steve aggressively. Before leaving they asked someone to take a picture of them standing next to the cave.
The camera clicks - Steve’s arm around Dustin as he gives a smile, and the photo is fed out of the bottom of the camera. They walk out to the truck, shaking the photo as it develops, setting it on the ledge below the gauge cluster. The sunset falls over the mountains as they drive back to the camper, exhausted from the day they’ve had.
~𖥔☾𖤓☽𖥔~
Steve clicks on the camper light, leading Dustin inside as he takes in the interior of the camper, already in anticipation of the dinner conversations they’ll have at the table, the open window the sun will peer through when morning hits, the card games he’ll beat Steve at (he always does.)
As they walk through the kitchen, he catches sight of the entrance into the room, seeing glimpses of him adorning the walls on his side of the room, a special edition hardcover of his book at the foot of the bed. “Steve..”
Dustin envelopes Steve in a hug that borders on overbearing- and it all hits him at once. Steve is his person. Beyond the interdimensional…stuff, Dustin hasn’t had a particularly rough childhood in comparison to his friends. The thought of having a brother always crossed his mind, but he’d decided it was a selfish thought, especially with the absence of his father. He realized earlier at the diner, just how special he felt to be Steve’s brother, at least assumed to be.
Dustin wakes midway through the night to the sound of Steve tossing and turning in his bed, and the sight of him in a cold sweat, mumbling incoherent pleadings sobers Dustin immediately. Before his mind registers the action, his feet move toward Steve’s bed, and he kneels by his bedside, shaking him softly to wake him. “Hey, hey…Steve. It's okay, you’re safe. I’m here.”
“I told you, I don't know anything..please..not the needle again..” the sound of Steve’s pained voice hits Dustin like a shot to the heart. Before the guilt of it all floods Dustin’s mind, he’s snapped out of it.
Dustin feels the warmth of Steve’s hand on his arm. The wave of realization crashes into him quickly. Steve was a kid once too and he never really had the chance to have a normal childhood.
Dustin’s stomach drops as he stares at Steve, shirt clinging to his skin. He’s seen Steve bleed. He’s seen him bruised, drugged and beaten. But Steve always joked through it.
All the memories come flooding into his mind.
The junkyard. The tunnels. The mall. The Russians and it’s all because Dustin asked him.
Not all of the events that have taken place are his fault but enough of them are. If Dustin didn’t need help with Dart. If he hasn’t trusted the wrong people and pulled Steve into the Upside Down.
Steve almost died more than once because of him and Dustin acted like Steve was unbreakable.
But Steve was so young. He’s still young.
Dustin fucked up big time. He needs to step outside and breathe for a second.
When Steve wakes up fifteen minutes later, the fog of it all clears.
Shit.
He hadn’t told Dustin about the nightmares he’d been having, and not only did he inadvertently tell him tonight, he let it slip that they were about what happened in Hawkins. He knows Dustin, knows that he’ll internalize this. He rolls over, and Dustin isn’t in bed.
Despite his best efforts to fight his eyelids, sleep pulls him in again.