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Will came back down the stairs.
“Mike, I think I forgot my- jacket…” He stops as he sees Mike standing in front of the bookshelf, his hand over the two books that showed both their names in blue and yellow colours. He senses something is wrong with him. The way he stands there, he looks sad and lonely.
“Mike…? Are you okay…?” He doesn't move. He just nods, not turning around, he just keeps staring at the books.
Will slowly walks over to him. “Mike?” He asks quietly, more gentle than before. Mike still doesn't respond, it's like he's frozen in time and space.
Will slowly lays a hand on his shoulder, softly pushing him to turn around. Mike doesn't stop him. He slowly turns his face towards Will. Silent tears are running down his face and it's contorted with pain.
“Mike-” Will draws him into an embrace. Mile doesn't move, but he also doesn't protest and lets himself be drawn towards Will.
Will has never seen him like this. When he thinks about it, he has barely ever seen him cry. He's not sure if he saw him cry at all. And he's known him for so long. He knows him better than anyone. Almost better than he knows himself. But this is new.
Will knows he's not good with his feelings. He could always sense when he's hiding them, when he's struggling, suppressing. But he also knows not to pressure Mike to talk. He knows that would only make it worse, make him feel guilty for not opening up.
He looks down at the boy he loves, he had always loved, laying in his arms, completely limp, as if his muscles stopped working for him. As if they gave up, like the rest of his body, trying to keep up the walls he had built around him to hide his deepest feelings. The most pure and vulnerable part of himself.
Will holds him tighter, carrying his weight, stopping him from just sinking to the ground. He is so worried. What could make him act like this? What could be so disturbing that it made him lose control over the walls he managed to keep up for so long?
Will can feel his own tears rolling down his cheeks. He can't endure seeing him like this. He can't endure seeing him hurt. So deeply hurt.
“Mike…please talk to me…” He whispers softly as he strokes over his head.
It takes a while before anything happens. It's just Mike hanging in Will's arms. And Will holding him tight in an attempt to not let him fall down. His arms hurt from his body weight but he doesn't care.
“I- I…c- can- can't…” As Mike tries to speak he starts sobbing, uncontrollably and his muscles come back, only to cling onto Will. He claws at his back, his fingernails digging into his skin and even through his shirt he can feel the pain of Mike's hands squeezing as firm as they can. Mike presses Will against him, squishing his chest, making it hard to breathe, but he doesn't care. Mike had never hugged him like this. But he's just glad he's close to him. He's just glad he can be there for him and he's the one he can open up to.
But he also crumbles under witnessing Mile like he is right now. It's killing him. He's crying with him and he slowly makes them both sink to the ground, not letting go.
They sit there for a while. Maybe half an hour, maybe three hours. Will doesn't know. And he doesn't care.
Mike eventually stops sobbing. He's calmer now. His breathing aligned with Will's.
Will slowly stokes over his head and through his thick, black curls, trying to comfort him.
After more time passes, Will dares to speak again, gentle and quiet.
“Is it about El…?”
Mike slowly nods. “She told me she loved me…before she-”
Will looks down at him, his full attention on Mike, on what he says and on how his body reacts.
They had never talked about her. Not really. Not like that.
Mike seemed to have some of his walls back up. He looks like he's feeling nothing at all now. Pale and with the lack of an expression on his face. He just stares completely blank. But he keeps talking. Maybe that's what keeps him talking. The walls. Preventing him from breaking down again. Preventing him from speaking because he couldn't stop sobbing.
“She told me she loved me. And I never said it back-”
Will swallows. He doesn't know what to say. He has experience in managing Mike's feelings about El. Trying to help him, even though his insides are screaming. Screaming and wishing those feelings were about him. But now everything is different. His sister is gone. And everything sucks.
“I never said it back. Not because we didn't have time.” He pauses. “That's what I've been trying to tell myself. That we didn't have time. That I didn't have time. That that was the reason-”
His voice sounds dry, like it's almost breaking with every word that leaves his mouth. His face stays stiff, blank.
“But it wasn't. I couldn't tell her. I could never tell her. That I loved her. Because it wasn't true.”
“Mike…?”
“It was never true. I loved her as a friend. Like a best friend. But she died. She died believing that I loved her, as more than a friend. She died believing a lie. A lie that I told her. And I could never tell her the truth…believe me I wanted to…I tried…but I couldn't. And I would've hurt her so bad. But knowing she never learned the truth. Knowing she died, believing I was always honest to her. She died loving me. While I couldn't. It hurts so much. Because she didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve any of this. And she didn't deserve me. I am a horrible person. I'm disgusting. And I hate myself for that.”
Will is the one to stay silent this time. He doesn't know what to say. He tried to wrap his head around everything Mike just confessed to him. He tries to make sense of it. But he doesn't understand.
Mike looks up to him for the first time. He looks into his eyes. Deep down in Mike's eyes Will can see an emotion, but none he can identify.
“Will…” Mike slowly sits up, so that he's on the same level as Will, still gazing into his eyes. He lays one hand on Will's shoulder. One single tear rolls down his face.
“Will- the reason I couldn't say it- say I love you- to her- It's because I love someone else- It's because I love- you. I love you. I've always loved you.”
Will sits there, completely perplexed. He didn't know what he had expected. But it was not that. His head should be spinning right now. There should be thousands of emotions running around in his head. But it's blank. Just as blank as Mike looks.
But it doesn't matter. They will have plenty of time to think about it. To talk about it. They have their whole lives ahead of them.
“I love you too.”