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Battat was not one of them.
That much was obvious to everyone, especially the other Pippins. He just… was different, even beyond his green color in comparison to their red. He behaved differently, reacted differently. It irked him to some level, but his mind ran faster than his observations, so he wasn’t irked for long.
It was only in moments like these that Battat couldn’t fully ignore such differences.
He found himself at the bar, sipping whatever concoction Ramb had prepared for him. Frankly, he couldn’t remember if he had even ordered anything specific. He stared at the counter, mind seemingly racing and at a standstill all at once. A slight green flush stretched across his face as he took another drink.
Ramb idly cleaned a glass as two red pippins hopped up on the stools to Battat’s left. They ordered something and spoke quietly to each other as Ramb prepared it. They snickered between their hands and giggled each time Battat would look their way. Eventually, the green Pippin couldn’t hold it back.
He swiveled his chair to face them. “What’re you two laughin’ at, huh?”
The two tensed, but their lips were tight, as if holding back laughter. They looked at each other before giggling again. “It’s just– this is the quietest we’ve ever seen you.” The closest to him explained. “You always talk too much!”
“Oh,” Battat nodded groggily before his mind caught what had been said. “Wait! What do you mean, I talk too much?! I talk a perfect amount!”
“Nuh-uh,” The red Pippins replied with a shake of their heads.
“You miss your chance every time,” one said with a sigh.
“You probably don’t even know you have the chances,” The other replied.
“I bet,” The closest one poked his chest, “you don’t even know what we’re talking about.” It smiled playfully, though the gleam in its eyes seemed more malevolent.
Battat’s flush grew larger, mainly from frustration. “Well, what do you mean, then? How’s anyone supposed to figure out anything when everyone here’s so damn cryptic?!” Then a thought raced through him. “(Do these idiots know something about Mike? Do they know something I don’t? Something I’ve missed?)”
The furthest Pippin only shook its head. “Ask nicely, and we’ll tell you.”
“Maybe even offer our help,” The other added.
The green Pippin grumbled and sneered at the duo. The idea of essentially begging made his fingers twitch. He closed his eyes and tapped his foot impatiently as he weighed the options before him. His dignity against his need for answers. A few moments passed, and with forced politeness, he asked as kindly as he could manage.
“Can you please tell me what you mean?”
The duo smiled. “That’s more like it!” They replied in sync.
The closest wrapped an arm around Battat and leaned in. “Okay, first things first…” They whispered low as the other Pippins looked behind their backs. “No one wants to kiss someone when they’re mid-sentence.”
Battat blanked. “(What?)”
“Too risky,” the other nodded.
“And you talk all the time. Usually about that Mike guy. How do you think your partners feel about you talking about another guy, hm?”
He gained a bewildered expression. “(W h a t ? ? ?)”
“Have you even kissed anyone before? It’s easy!”
“What are you two talking about?!”
“You and that Zapper!”
“You and that Shadowguy!”
Battat’s face couldn’t have grown hotter or greener.
“Are you nervous? It’s just a kiss,” the Pippin closest snickered.
“Yee-e-ah,” the other draped an arm around its friend. “You don’t want to be talkative. You just-“ It grabbed its friend by the face and brought it close, but had a few inches between them. “Oh, I lo~ove you,” it said with fake passion. “Mwah, mwah, mwah!”
“Ew!” Battat sneered at their display. “You’re wasting my time! Jeez, how old even are you?” Their teasing stopped only to laugh at his reaction. He shook his head and turned away. “(How dare these idiots- ! And what are they even talking about? Kissing…? Who would I even…)” He blinked. Their words had fully formed in his half-inebriated mind. “(Jongler and Pluey?)”
They were still laughing when he tuned back in to his surroundings. He frowned and hopped down from the stool. “Whatever.”
They chuckled after him. Only stopping when Ramb asked who would pay for Battat’s drink.
Battat stumbled under his own legs as he looked up at the Mike Board. “(Do I talk too much about Mike?)” he wondered. “(But what else is there to talk about)?” He couldn’t even remember what his conversations had been like before Mike. It all seemed so trivial.
A clang from behind made him jump.
“Oh, Boss!” Jongler welcomed. “We’s didn’t know youse was comin’ today.” Pluey stood to their side and waved happily. A happy note escaped her lips.
Battat shrunk. Somehow looking even smaller than normal.
Jongler paused. “Boss…?” They shared a brief look with Pluey before the two went to Battat’s side.
Pluey replied with soft, hormonic notes as she kneeled next to Battat. She rubbed his back gently, cooing a tune low and gentle.
Jongler joined the duo, kneeling to Battat’s other side. “Boss, what happened to youse? Did…” They tensed, their expression darkened considerably. “Did Tenna says somethin’s to youse?”
Battat stepped away from their embrace, “No. Nothing like that. It’s just… Do I talk too much? Does it get in the way of… us?”
Pluey and Jongler both tilted their heads at the same angle. “Us?” Jongler asked.
Battat groaned, “Yes! Us! Us as in you two and me! Us as in a group, more than one, but including me! Us!”
Jongler hummed as they thought. “Well, the way I sees it, we’ve been us for a while. Figured we’s three weren’t gonna label it. All’s that matters is we’re us together.”
Battat’s mouth dropped. “What are you talking about???”
“Aren’t we’s all dating?”
“H U H??”
Pluey nodded enthusiastically.
Battat exclaimed in shock, “Since when?!”
Jongler shrugged, “Just figured.”
Pluey replied with a long string of notes that sounded vaguely like a question. Somehow, the duo understood her perfectly.
Jongler nodded, “Youse right, Plue. We’s can just make it official now, can’t we’s? Whaddya say, Boss?”
Battat, horrified and embarrassed, could barely keep up with what was transpiring. And yet, he found himself nodding. “Do… Are we supposed to kiss now? Later?”
Jongler shrugged, “Whenever.”
Pluey nodded along nonchalantly.
“You two are making this so difficult!”
Battat slumped to the ground in a heap. He rested his head between his knees and covered his head with his hands. Surely this was supposed to go differently. There must be a reason and rhythm to things such as this. Yet, Jongler and Pluey didn’t seem to care much about that. They did as they saw fit, and somehow it all worked out! Their luck was as charming as it was frustrating!
Jongler nudged his side. “Youse know… We’s don’t got to say ‘nothing, Boss. If you don’t wants to.”
Battat looked up at them in shock. “How do you not say something, though?” He groaned and dragged his hands across his face. “Like, do you just go for it? What about a plan? There won’t be any confusion or problems if we plan it all out. I know it’s not exactly romantic, but it’s something, right? And I do want to kiss you- Oh, I can’t believe I said it out loud!” He ducked back into his lap. “Now the moment’s gone! This was a bad idea. I should’ve just left it unsaid-”
Light but firm pressure was applied to both sides of Battat's face, effectively shutting him up. Time froze, along with Battat's breathing, as his mind buffered. His head shot up, and he looked between the two with bewildered eyes.
“’Dere you go, Boss~”
Pluey gleamed brightly.
All at once, Battat's face felt hotter than it had earlier. He covered his face in embarrassment and groaned. It took all he had not to kick his legs in a fit of joy.
"D'aww, Boss... Youse blush green, too.”
“Oh, shut up!”
A melodic chuckle accompanied Jongler’s deep laugh as Battat settled into their arms.