Chapter Text
Judas isn’t in school today.
Logan didn’t know this when he was waiting for the bus in the morning. Or when he was sat on the bus. Or when he was messaging Judas (who wasn’t responding) about something he saw out of the window.
Logan figured — it’s fine. Judas never messages him before school, anyway. This is the first time in Year 11 that Logan had genuinely doubted Judas would be in. He’d felt it other days — that little sense of dread — but today it felt different. Like some kind of impending problem sneaking up behind him.
The feeling grows throughout period 1. But they aren’t in the same class for period 1 anyway, Logan had chemistry and Judas had biology.
That in itself Logan hates — but this combined with the knowledge that Judas might not come out of that classroom door after the bells sound makes Logan’s fingers twitch and leg bounce.
Logan leaves period 1. There’s a five-minute interval between each hour long class.
Logan stands outside Judas’ classroom, and watches the unfamiliar students disperse.
No sign of Judas.
It’s okay. It’s okay, he’s turned up during period 2 before. It’s okay.
So Logan sits through period 2. Computer science. Judas would be in philosophy. Logan hates Judas’ philosophy classmates — they get too friendly with him and make Logan feel ignored.
Halfway through period 2, he peeks at the teacher, then pulls his phone out of his pocket. Judas’ location says ‘last updated three hours ago’. That doesn’t help at all. School started less than three hours ago.
There’s no messages from Judas. If he was late, he would’ve said ‘I’M SORRY’ or ‘I’M COMIGN WAIT FOR ME’.
Logan’s anxiety starts to flare up.
Leg bounces under the table.
Staring dead at the bright computer screen in-front of him.
He’s using his hair to hide his face.
Usually he messes around with the person next to him in computer science. Not today.
He checks over and over throughout the remainder of period 2.
It’ll be okay. He’s stayed at school without Judas there before. What’s different this time? If anything, they have less classes together in the timetable now than when they did before. And Logan was fine back then, perfectly fine!
Perfectly fine.
Logan’s eyes are wet for the last five minutes of the class. But he blinks it back. He doesn’t let anyone see how much this affects him.
He sprints (well, not sprints, speed-walks) to the nearest bathroom.
It’s completely full. He stays for almost ten minutes. TEN MINUTES out of the fifteen that they have for break.
He runs to find another bathroom.
It’s full again.
He gives up.
It’s been long enough. He bolts to period 3 — spanish (where Judas would’ve had german) — and sits down, arriving early.
Once he knows it’s been long enough, he raises his hand and asks with a quiet voice;
“Miss, can I go to the toilet?”
To which he receives a nice; ‘yes, quickly’.
He stupidly leaves his book on his desk. His bag on the floor.
With his head down, he walks to the bathroom through the empty school.
There’s a few people in there. He waits five minutes for them to leave.
He goes into a stall. Promptly pulls out his phone, greeted with three messages from Judas.
‘i’m so sorry’
‘i woke up late, my mums too sick to bring me in’
‘i’m really sorry i’m not in’
And for once, his apology doesn’t feel like enough.
Logan bites down on his bottom lip, his jaw trembling as he reads the messages over and over. There’s people waiting outside the stalls, taunting him.
“Oi, what are you doin’ in there? Shittin’?”
“Hehehe, prolly cryin’ or sum.”
It’s been ten minutes. He’s been in the stall for ten minutes. He’s been messaging his mum, messaging Judas.
L- ‘judas i’m freaking out’
L- ‘im literally crying she said be back quickly this isn’t quickly it’s been twenty minutes’
J- ‘you’ll be okay, just go to the office and tell them you’re having a panic attack’
Judas is so composed. How is he so composed?
Logan asks his mum.
L- ‘judas isn’t in i’m freaking out in the toilet i’m crying and she said be back quickly it’s been twenty minutes what do i do’
And eventually, he receives the answer.
‘Go back to class and tell your teacher you’re panicking. She’ll be understanding.’
So Logan leaves the stall when he’s sure no one is there. He looks in the mirrors. His eyeliner and eyeshadow is all smudged. He can’t go to class like this, he can’t.
But he does. He can’t fix it without trying.
With his head still hung low, ashamed, he power walks to the classroom, face concealed by his hair.
He opens the door. A few people stare. He approaches the teacher and whimpers;
“Can I go to the office?”
“What?”
“Can I please go to the office…”
She takes him into the hallway, and through tears, he tries to explain what’s happened. She grabs his things for him and guides him down to the office, speaking to him like he’s an injured two-year-old.
After more crying and explaining, he’s sat in the medical room, hunched over, with a poor girl that sprained her ankle. She’s clearly trying not to look at Logan’s miserable state.
Logan is taken home. After an extremely awkward pep-talk from his tutor (in which he responded with ‘mhm’ and ‘yeah’ only), and more conversations with office people.
When he gets home, Logan throws his uniform onto the floor and changes into a big shirt and black joggers that are too big for him.
J- ‘are you okay?’
Judas only types like that when something is wrong. Logan is the opposite. Logan gets dry. His usual ‘you’ is ‘u’ and ‘are’ is ‘r’.
L- ‘mum took me home’
J- ‘so is everything okay now?’
L- ‘yea’
J- ‘i’m gonna get the bus over’
Judas doesn’t even know how to use a bus.
L- ‘u rlly don’t have to’
J- ‘i really do’
And nothing else is said until theres a knock on Logan’s door.
Logan has never felt more seen in his life.
Judas comes in without a word, and greets Logan’s parents with a smile. They quickly find Logan’s bedroom, closing the door behind them.