Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Are you sure these are the right coordinates? There’s practically nothing out here. We’re in the middle of nowhere.” Jonathan groaned angrily as he gripped the sweaty leather steering wheel, continuing to drive across the bumpy road. He was right. The scenery was nothing special to look at. It was just orange, grainy sand along with tumbleweeds and dry vegetation that were scattered all across the terrain. As if that makes it any better.

“Yeah. It literally says it on the map, dude.” Mike rolled his eyes, visibly stressed. His face was all scrunched up, thick eyebrows furrowed together as his droopy eyes dug holes into the map he held tightly.

Everyone wasn’t doing well since this trip was long and exhausting, especially without any pit stops. Jonathan hadn't slept a single wink since this whole trip started. Will thinks he can see dark eyebags form under his eyes. Argyle was just relaxed, no duh. He’s as high as always, Will thought to himself as he uncomfortably shifted around in his seat.

These seats weren’t exactly the most comfortable in the world.

Will wanted nothing but out of this van since he wasn’t doing well either. He was tired, sweaty, and hungry. When was the last time he’s eaten a proper meal that weren’t the crumbs of a chip bag Argyle tossed aside?

His gaze landed on Mike. Out of everyone here, he was the most concerned about Mike. It was always him. Will always knew Mike had anxiety and it was very visible at this moment. His hands were shaky and he picked at the skin surrounding his nails—his leg bouncing up and down as well. His grasp on the map was so tight that the paper crinkled under pressure. Will wished he could help calm him down, but where could he even start?

Ever since they had that fight last summer, it’s put a physical strain on them and their friendship. It felt as if Mike set some sort of chasm between them that Will couldn't get past. It also doesn’t help that Mike has been super distant towards Will these past couple of months. He doesn’t know why, but it feels like Mike doesn’t see him as he used to— being actual friends. Will used to be so good at reading people, especially Mike.

He knew how to comfort him as kids. It used to flow out of him so easily, but now, Will can’t even find the right words to start a conversation with him. This sucks, he thought to himself as the ride became progressively bumpier.

Damn, are they driving over straight up pebbles and rocks?

The van was nothing but silent, other than the soft tunes that blasted through the shitty speakers. Unfortunately since nobody was talking, Will was left with nothing but his own mind.

He stared down at his beat up van sneakers, lost in his thoughts. The stress from this whole situation started to cloud his mind, making him feel really unsteady. The stuffy air definitely wasn’t helping. He hated himself for thinking so terribly because the longer he made assumptions, the quicker the color on his face would drain—and the longer his lungs would scream at him for not breathing properly.

Aside from literal government officials shooting his house down and witnessing the random government agent man die right in front of him, he was scared. Scared for El. They became close during the end of summer/early spring, and he sees her as family. All he wants is for her to be okay and safe. He really didn’t want to think about the possibility of El being….y’know. Hurt.

What if El really isn’t okay and this was all for nothing? What if this doesn’t work and this map turns out to be a whole bunch of crap? What if-

“Will!”

Mike’s voice pierced through Will’s thoughts like an arrow as he was suddenly brought back to reality. He tore his gaze away from his shoes and locked eyes with the taller male.

“..Are you okay?” Mike’s face was unreadable, but it was clear that he was a little concerned for Will. He was just staring into space for the past 5 minutes. Will’s eyebrows raise as he was surprised that Mike even noticed him. He was sucked into that map, and it’s probably one of the first things he’s said to him since the road trip started.

Will was trying hard to read him—to have some kind of clue on how to respond, but his gaze trailed away from his eyes and moved to his face. His sharp cheekbones, the freckles that laid on his face. Those damn brown eyes that were so expressive, yet so dull at the same time. That mess of wavy hair which seemed to frame his face so perfectly.

God, he was so pretty.

He always found him pretty, even as kids. But why was it now that it felt different? Nothing has changed. A few seconds later, Will realized he hadn’t said a single word. It’s been a minute, and Mike is staring at him.

Will felt his face heat up as he realized he was staring at Mike, and he saw that Will was staring. That’s extremely embarrassing. He let out a cough, flustered as Mike was still waiting for his response.

“Oh–Yeah. I’m just thinking. Sorry.” Will replied, breaking eye contact as he gazed down at the floor. He was obviously flushed since he was caught in the act. He prayed that Mike didn’t think he was weird and fidgeted with his fingers, dreading his response.

“...Okay.”

Mike shrugged his shoulders and went back to looking at that stupid map. Did he think by staring at it for long enough, it would magically give him El back? Will mentally sighed as it seemed like Mike didn’t notice the staring after all. The red slowly left his face and eventually he went back to looking at the taller male.

Mike still looked super anxious. There was still a lot on his mind, and Will knew that something much more deeper was bothering him. He knew El was basically his top priority, the same could be said with everyone in this van–even Will. But that’s not all. He wanted to know more.

“Mike.”

Will felt those words leave his mouth and Mike immediately tore his gaze away from the paper to look at him. God, those eyes. Will’s mind then went blank–as if everything he was gonna say just got erased. Why does this always happen? C’mon, say something! Anything! Will’s mind was yelling at him to which Mike raised an eyebrow, waiting.

The silence was so awkward, even the music in the background wasn’t saving him. Will shuffled his feet anxiously, thinking of something to say that wouldn’t be a mood killer.

“I know you’re worried about El. We all are. But hey, once we find El, we can all rob a casino with her powers. She could make us rich–like, really rich.”

Mike raised an eyebrow.

“We won’t have to work a day because we’ll be playing D&D and Nintendo for the rest of our lives basically–” Will rambled, feeling awkward since his words were becoming all jumbled and unorganized. He stopped himself from talking and clenched his teeth to prevent any more word vomit from spilling out.

Mike was obviously uninterested, his brown eyes staring blankly at Will. His message fell flat, and Will wanted to slap himself in the face for even trying. It’s like he didn’t know how to talk to him anymore.

“Yeah…I guess. Totally.” Once again, his reply was super flat and monotone, which Will hated. Mike looked back at the map, the silence in the air being unbearable. The tension was thick for no reason. Will rolled his eyes at himself for even trying to make things better.

Mike then took one of his hands off the map and rested it on the edge of the van seat. His hands were trembling with each second, anxiously gnawing on his lower lip. He was still fixated on the map and on El’s safety. Will couldn’t blame him, she was his girlfriend. If Will had…one, he would probably react the same way.

A lock of hair fell against Mike’s face, to which Will noticed and wanted to tuck it back into place. But that’s weird, he thought. Why was Mike's mind always invading his like a parasite?

Gazing down at Mike’s hand, which rested anxiously on the tearing leather, Will had the urge to place his hand on top of his. Mike used to do that whenever they were younger, so surely it wouldn’t be weird right?

“We’re gonna make it, Mike. She’s gonna be okay.” Will attempted to make conversation again, finding himself attempting to inch his hand closer to Mike’s. His body acted before his brain could process it. He was screaming at himself internally to not do this, but his body ignored any protests made. His hand inched closer, and closer, and closer—

“Okay, but what if she’s not?” Mike’s hand flew immediately over to his knee, seeing what Will was trying to do. Mike was not interested. A wave of shame washed over Will as he felt himself get hot. Well—That was embarrassing.

He just decided not to do anything more as the newfound wave of embarrassment was enough to scare Will. Mike, however, didn’t look like he was done talking. His body turned towards Will with a frown.

“Then what? Even if we do find her, what if.. what if she doesn’t need me anymore? What if she’s done with me?” Mike’s voice faltered with that last sentence, taking in a shaky breath.

“Come on, Mike. Of course she’ll need you, she’ll always need you. There’s no reason as to why she wouldn’t.”

“ I know, I just—I keep telling myself that, but I don’t believe it. I wish I could’ve said what I needed to say.”

Mike paused.

“...I wanted to talk with her, and work things out. I probably looked so stupid to her, freezing up the way I did.”

Will was aware they had a bad fight, but this really seemed to be taking a toll on him. Mike glanced anxiously at Will, and what he was about to say would change the whole trajectory of their conversation.

“ I have this, um, fear that everybody I love just won’t need me anymore.” Mike stopped talking, nervous to continue.

Will’s gaze softened, looking at the taller male’s eyes begin to water. Why would he ever think that? It made Will feel bad, even though he knows he shouldn’t–considering how Mike has been treating him the last few months. But he can’t just stop worrying about him and get over him. He can’t.

“Mike–” Will started to say, but Mike cut him off.

“After our fight, she just—she looked so done with me. I saw it in her eyes, and that’s when I knew I messed up. I know I haven’t been myself lately, and she definitely noticed. Everyone has and I can’t blame them. Even back at your house, the letter she wrote for me confirmed the end of our relationship. I just—I care about her so much, and I’m scared she’ll think I’m taking her for granted—even if we aren’t dating anymore.”

Will is beyond speechless.

“But um—it’s not just her I'm worried about, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’ve been stressing out about uhm, other things too. Like…what’ll happen now? This doesn’t end here, and everyone plays a part with what’s about to happen next. Everyone— except me. I don’t play a part, anywhere in fact. It’s always been that way, and I never really minded until now. It’s just— I’m just so scared that you guys will leave me behind, starting with her. She’s so special to me, everyone is. You, my family, my friends. I don’t want to lose her like I did with everyone else in my life.”

Immediate silence was brought upon the whole van. Jonathan turned down the music, Will was flabbergasted, even Argyle was silent despite blabbering about some flavored weed strain just five minutes ago. Will was quiet because he just didn’t know what to say.

He first thought Mike was just worried about El and other things that may not have been important. In no world did he expect this. His heart hurt, feeling terrible that Mike felt like he was going to be abandoned. Will was unfortunately familiar with that and knew that feeling all too well. Nobody should feel like they don’t matter- especially since Mike meant the absolute world to him, despite everything.

The next few seconds were deathly quiet and it was something Will wasn’t used to. The air was so thick and foggy even though the air conditioning was turned to the max. The lack of response definitely made Mike incredibly anxious and Will could tell. Mike sighed, shaking his head–as if he was convincing himself of something. His eyes closed for a brief second before looking back at Will.

“Sorry, it’s just so stupid giving everything that’s going on. It’s just that… I don’t know I-”

“You’re scared of being left behind.” Will finished his sentence. He knew exactly what he was thinking. His suspicion was right because Mike didn’t respond to him.

That dreaded and awkward silence was intense, but an idea popped into his head. Will wanted to give this to Mike back at the airport, but he felt as if this was the perfect time. This was the perfect opportunity to heal the wounds in their friendship.

“Actually, I–can I show you something?”

Mike broke out of his trance-like state and gazed into Will's big hazel eyes. The sudden eye contact dusted Will’s cheeks with a slight red but he kept himself steady. Mike’s lips cracked into a small grin and he smiled. He smiled for the first time since they stepped foot into this van.

“Yeah.” Mike nodded slowly, his interest peaked with what Will had to show him.

He felt Mike’s gaze on him, waiting for whatever it was. Will couldn’t help but smile softly back, side-eying the painting. It was now or never. He leaned over and grabbed the rolled up canvas under his footrest. Mike leaned over to see what Will had in his hands.

The painting was something that Will spent literal weeks perfecting—putting his blood, sweat, and tears into it. Definitely more tears than anything. Will bit his lip as his body grew hot and flushed. This was it.

Without looking at Mike, he inched the present closer to him so he could grab it. Once Will felt the canvas slip out of his hands, his eyes landed back on Mike. He began to loosen the string around it as it slowly unrolled itself. Will’s heart was beating so hard he swore he could hear it pound out of his chest.

His palms got clammy just by watching this. What if he doesn’t like it? Will prayed to every being out there that the painting wasn’t somehow messed up or a mistake he didn’t notice before suddenly appearing. His worries went away when Mike gasped. “Is that—?”

A swing set. Not just any ordinary swing set. The set of swings they sat in when they met—the swing set that started their friendship. Young Will and Mike were sitting on the swings, both looking as happy and content as they could possibly be.

The background was very grassy and full, tall and vibrant, each stroke so intricate and detailed. Lanky trees surrounded them both, full of colorful leaves. Yellow, Green, hints of orange as well. The sky was clear and sunny, only a few stray clouds were visible.

It was so beautiful, so very beautiful. What stood out the most, however, was the small red heart that was placed on the young Mike Wheeler’s chest. A little red heart. That was such an intricate detail that Mike almost asked Will why he made it so noticeable.

“Oh my god–holy shit. It is! This–this is amazing! Will, you painted this?” Mike’s eyes widened, his jaw dropping to the floor in astonishment. He looked shocked that Will even made such a painting for him–a detailed one at that. Even then, the painting obviously still had some flaws but that’s what made the painting feel alive. It felt more authentic this way.

Mike’s shock turned to happiness and his smile was so big it almost started to hurt. He smiled again—because of Will. That’s all he wanted. The look on his face was something Will dreamed of, the look of love. Finally, something that went right. He was able to have something work in his favor. The air changed and it no longer felt thick and gross— It felt light and calm.

“This is the best thing I’ve ever gotten. I love it so much.” Mike’s voice was soft and sweet, just for Will. He meant what he said. He sighed and watched as Mike’s eyes absorbed every inch of the beautiful painting. Will felt warm and could feel butterflies form in his stomach. This was perfect, and nothing could ruin this now.

But then, as if Will had jinxed it, the sudden realization hit him like a semi truck on a freeway. His stomach felt like it dropped down to his ass, and all butterflies Will felt in his stomach were immediately killed. What was he doing? He was misinterpreting everything Mike did.

Every touch, every glance, every word. Mike doesn’t like him like that—no way. He was only happy because he got a gift. There is nothing more to it. He couldn’t afford to read in between the lines, not at a time like this. He isn't like Will and he never will be. He sat there, zoned out while Mike was talking. Will’s face went white and reality finally soaked in.

He felt like an absolute idiot for putting those stupid, foolish thoughts in his head. At the end of the day, Mike’s problem is still there. It didn’t vanish. What Mike needs is something to actually help that problem. Unfortunately, the next thing that came out of Will’s mouth was the biggest lie he’s probably ever told in his life.

“Yeah, yeah I painted it. Well, El commissioned me too. I told her about how we first met and she wanted me to paint it, she basically told me what to draw.”

Mike’s face immediately fell flat and his smile vanished once he heard what he said. Will saw this and pretended not to notice, biting his lip in guilt. He hated lying.

Jonathan, on the other hand, overheard their entire conversation. His concentration broke as confusion started to cloud his mind. He immediately knew that Will lied. He never lies. At this point, it clicks into Jonathan’s head. Oh my god. He decided to not intervene but he still continued to gaze out of the rear view mirror at the two teenage boys.

As much as it hurt Will to blurt that out, it had to be done. If he could turn his feelings into something that can help Mike, then so be it. He saw Mike’s face full of confusion—but he didn’t care. He just couldn’t, he couldn’t find out what all of this really meant. Will could feel his heart beating out of his chest and his face was burning up by the second. This was it—

“A—Anyway, do you see that heart? The big red one right on your chest? You bring the heart to our whole party. That’s what you do, you inspire us. I know it’s sorta random, but you’re the reason we’ve been together for so long. Without you, we would all fall apart…”

“…Even El, especially El.”
Will swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat to continue on.

“These past few months, she’s been so lost and scared without you. She knows she’s…different from everyone else. And when you’re different, sometimes, you feel like a mistake.”

Will could feel his eyes starting to water but still kept it together. He somehow felt that Mike knew what he was actually saying, but at the same time, he’s an absolute idiot.

“But you make her feel like she’s not a mistake. You make her…feel like she’s better for being different and that gives her the power to get through a lot of tough shit.”

Will let out a breathy chuckle, distracting himself from the tears that were threatening to spill out.

“If she was mean or was pushing you away—it’s because she’s scared of losing you. You mean the world to her. A-and if she was gonna lose you, I think she’d rather just get over it quick, like ripping off a bandaid.”

Now it’s Mike who doesn’t get it. Something is off. Still, he continued to listen.

“So yeah… El needs you, Mike. And she always will.”

Will was struggling to hold back his tears at this point. This was all hitting him like a train. He was digging up all of these repressed feelings he’s been hiding from himself for so long—and passing them off as El’s feelings. This hurts.

Once Will stopped talking, he waited for Mike to say something, anything. Mike’s confusion faded into a smile, a very small smile as if something was tugging on his lips. His brown eyes glimmered with a sense of hope when he finally locked eyes with Will.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

By now, Will’s voice broke as a tear rolled down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away and forces out a smile. “Thank you, Will”, Mike’s facial expression seemed to say as he went back to staring at the painting. Will turns to a window full of emptiness that went on forever. Mike couldn’t see him like this.

The tears he’s been holding in finally streamed down like a waterfall, staining his cheeks. His body shook with anguish and he could feel a sob build its way up to his throat.

Luckily, he clasped his hand on his mouth before any sound came out. He always knew having feelings for a straight guy hurt, so why was it getting him this bad? Lonnie was right, all along. That’s why he left. That thought alone was what broke Will like a vase shattering into a thousand pieces. He was right and I really am a mistake.

Will continued to sit there, quietly sobbing into his hand even harder than before. This was tearing him apart. As much as he wanted Mike to notice him and how bad this hurt him, it was better for him to not do anything at all. What could Mike say that would make things better?

The whole van was dead silent. All that could be heard were the sound of the van’s tires scraping the small pebbles on the dirt road and Will’s poor attempt of trying to keep quiet.

Jonathan was silent as he overheard the entire speech. His heart broke for Will. Will revealed his feelings only for them to not be noticed and acknowledged because Mike is an idiot. What really got him was the fact that Will thought he was a mistake. Jonathan was probably the only person who picked up on that, and it’s so frustrating. His brother, who went through hell and back, doesn’t deserve to feel like that.

His sweaty hands gripped the leather steering wheel tight as he started to accelerate. The urge to leave Mike on the side of the road was becoming unbearable. After this whole trip is over, he’s gonna strangle Mike for hurting his brother the way he did; intentional or not.

“Hey brochacho, are ya doing okay? Your face looks like a big red fireball. I like fireball, haha. Cinnamon!” Argyle laughed out loud, clearly disoriented.

“Huh? Oh. I’m fine. I’m just… thinking.” Jonathan grunted, his droopy eyes still fixed on the dirt road.

“Nah dude, you look like you’re on fire. Should I call a doctor? Doctor!”

Argyle rolled down the window and started yelling out to nothing. That’s it, no more weed and shrooms for him. The stress of finding this unknown location, his brother crying in the backseat, and Argyle’s hollering for a non-existent doctor became way too much.

“Okay, oh my god—okay! Shut up!” Jonathan lost it and yelled at the top of his lungs. He suddenly slammed on the brakes, making everyone jump forward and jolt out of their seats. Mike got lunged forward, painting still in hand. Will heard a faint fuck escape Mike’s mouth as he physically held himself back so he wouldn’t crease the painting. Will fell out of his seat, knees deep into his footrest, from how hard Jonathan slammed the brakes.

Immediate silence.

Will stopped sniffling, Argyle stopped calling out to the imaginary doctor outside the window, and Mike’s head quickly shot up.

“I am sick and tired of this. Now shut up before I lose my mind! All of you! We aren’t even halfway to point Nina, Trina, Shmeena, whatever the hell this place is!” Jonathan yelled angrily and Will swore he could see veins popping out of his head.

“If I hear one more peep then I swear to god—I will pull over and we will sit in the scorching heat and basically burn to death because I quite frankly can’t and won’t do this. Not today! None, nada, zilch. Am I clear?”

Jonathan strained his voice with the last few words, losing his breath. His red face was written with anger all over it, and everyone was shocked with his outburst. Of course, it wasn’t a surprise to Will. He was so stressed and all of this wasn’t helping.

Jonathan pushed down on the brakes to put the van in park and used Argyle’s keys to unlock his door. Mike and Will were both staring at Jonathan, wondering what the hell he was doing.

“I’m gonna step out, I need a break. Just give me a few minutes. Argyle, please watch them.” Jonathan heavily sighed and tucked some loose strands of oily hair behind his ear before angrily stepping out of the van. Argyle nodded with a big goofy grin, turning his head over to face the 2 teens.

“Don’t sweat it, my dudes. He’s just a lil bit cranky, nothing wrong with that.” Argyle was looking at the 2 boys and threw up a peace sign while smiling brightly.

Will didn’t budge from his current position and Mike forced a small grin on his face after making eye contact with Argyle. Jonathan then slammed the van door shut, which made Will jump. He turned his head to the direction of Mike’s window and he saw Jonathan, stomping on the sand angrily as he shouted into oblivion.

It was obvious he was overwhelmed with this whole situation. Poor Jon.

The next few minutes, the van was so still, Will swore he could hear non-existent crickets inside. Argyle eventually fell asleep to the faint rock music that was playing on the radio.

The hot tears were still rolling down his cheeks like a waterfall, getting the palms of his hand all wet. Will’s body was still faced towards the window, looking out at the stupid orange sand. It still hurts so much, so very much. He tried to rip off the band-aid, but it went terribly wrong. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t let Mike go.

Then, Will felt a soft and subtle tap on his shoulder that made his body unintentionally flinch. He snapped out of his trance-like state and turned his head to see Mike. There was a confused look on his pale face, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips slightly apart.

“Will. This—this wasn’t commissioned by El, was it?”

Oh shit. Will froze. He felt completely paralyzed as panic rushed through his entire body. Adrenaline pumped in his veins as he broke a sweat. How did he know? Will’s eyes widened, to which Mike then knew his suspicions were right. His cheeks were heating up and his palms were getting sweaty again. Now all the attention was shifted onto Will, as if he was the star of the show.

“What makes you say that? Of course El asked me to paint it, she—”

“I know you’re lying.” Mike stated firmly with a glare.

“In the letter El sent me… I just realized—she doesn’t know what you could’ve been painting. That you kept hiding it from her. How could she commission you anything if she had no idea?”

Will’s mouth was shut fast and it was his turn to be confused. Did she say that? Fuck. What was he supposed to say now? He was frantically digging through his head trying to find something. Another excuse, another lie to spit out like poison on his tongue. He can’t find out.

“Why would you lie to me? You made me believe that she really felt like that—“

“Shut up.”

Those words rolled off of Will’s tongue before he could even think. Mike stopped with his words and looked stunned.

“What?”

“I—I just wanted to help, okay? I’m so sick of you not seeing my efforts to try and actively help you. Then to make things worse, you act like you haven’t been ignoring me all year!” Will shot back.

Shut up, Will. Shut up, you’re ruining everything. There’s no coming back from this now. Everything was now unraveling in a messy way.

“Will, what? Where’s this coming from?”

The nerve of this guy, Will scoffed as his locked up anger was flowing through his words.

“You know exactly what! I’m tired of you pretending to care about me or my feelings when you don’t. If you really did care, why didn’t I get a single letter? That’s all I’ve ever wanted. To hear from you, or—or something!” He blew up at Mike once again. Mike froze but his facial features softened.

A nerve was struck in Mike as he opened his mouth to try and talk, but nothing came out. It was pure silence.

“I painted that for you. For us. I’m sorry but I didn't choose to be like this—and I tried getting over it but obviously it didn’t work!” Will’s eyes welled up with tears again, feeling his body tremble as his true feelings came to light.

It’s finally out in the open and while he didn’t want Mike finding out this way, this was the best he could do. He wanted to stop, but he just couldn’t. Words started spilling out of him as if he had no control over his body.

There was a heavy sense of dread inside of the van for a second as Mike just stared at the boy with an unreadable expression. What was he thinking? Was he grossed out by all of this and would never want to be his friend anymore?

Mike’s gaze softened.

“I—I had no idea. I’m sorry.”

Will shook his head, tears pouring down into his cheeks.

“Wanna know what hurts me the most, Mike? The fact that you never called me for no longer than, like, 15 minutes. Meanwhile, you and El would be on the phone for hours. Hours! If you ever had a problem with me, you should’ve just said something instead of just ignoring me all year long—“

His voice was shaky and his nose was red and stuffy. He didn’t dare to look at Mike’s eyes because if he did, he would just break down again.

“Will.” Mike cut Will off from saying anything else and immediately pulled him into a hug. A tight hug. An intimate hug. He was gripping his shirt as if he would lose Will once he let go. Will was trying to process what was happening. Mike is hugging me. He’s finally hugging me, a real hug this time.

That’s when Will’s shield broke. All of his emotions hit him almost instantly, and a sob left his throat. That was the start of it. He absolutely broke down on Mike’s shoulder.

All of the feelings he’s bottled up for so long were now being poured out onto Mike’s shoulder. This was all he’s ever wanted. Some affection from Mike, some sort of understanding, and he’s finally getting it. Will gripped him equally as tight, never wanting to let go.

Mike rubbed Will’s back soothingly, making sure he was okay. Will’s grip on Mike’s aqua blue jacket tightened as he cried even harder. Will’s tears were staining his jacket, but they both could care less right now—Mike wouldn’t let go of him until he was okay.

A few minutes passed and the boys were still in the same position. Mike’s grip was tight and he was not going to let go anytime soon. Will was calmer than before and he was no longer soaking Mike’s shoulders with his tears. As much as Will didn’t want to let go of Mike, he knew he had to. The both of them had to talk about this, whether they liked it or not.

He let go of Mike’s jacket and backed out of the hug, to which Mike slowly took his hands off Will and let him go. Will wiped the stray tears that were lingering on his face and sat up straight, fixing his bad posture.

Both boys looked at each other, not knowing what to say. The stake of their friendship depended on the next few words that they were going to exchange.

“So uh..” Mike started to say but Will cut him off.

“I’m sorry for all of that.” Will shook his head. “I just-”

“No. You don’t need to apologize. I deserved it, I really did. I can’t say I didn’t know what I was doing because I did. It was on purpose.” Mike bit his lip.

He knew it.

Will was the problem. All along, this is why Mike never called back. This was why they’re basically strangers now. This is why-

“Will. Let me finish, please.”

Mike brought his hand up to Will’s damp cheek, not even realizing that a tear rolled down again. Embarrassment rushed through him again as his hand brushed Mike’s away.

Mike chuckled, smiling softly at him. His hand made his way back to the van seat and continued to gaze at Will— making his cheeks heat up again. God, he was in love. No matter what Mike did, he could never stay mad at him for long. He just looked straight into Mike’s beautiful brown eyes to hear what he had to say. This time Will was listening, and not just hearing.

“Listen, um, I need to give you something. This honestly might ruin everything, but I just want you to know why I was acting like.. well like a dick.”

They both chuckled at that last bit, knowing it was true. Will’s curiosity rose as he wondered what Mike was possibly going to give him. I mean, he didn’t bring anything visible here so what was he going to give him? Will’s question became answered as Mike started digging inside the little black arrow-like pocket on his blue jacket.

He pulled a folded piece of notebook paper out and started to unfold it, revealing the contents of the paper. Is it a drawing? Mike must’ve read the expression on Will’s face, so he cleared his throat and spoke up.

“Okay, so uh, This is something I was going to give you a long time ago, but obviously I didn’t because it’s right here…” Mike trailed off as his face was now paler than the notebook paper itself. His eyes were everywhere but on Will while mumbling, making his heart beat even faster.

What did the paper have that was so bad it made Mike turn paler than a bedsheet ghost?

He handed Will the paper without a second glance (which scared Will) and took a shaky breath in.

Why was Mike so antsy? Is it really that personal?

Will even felt a little anxiety go through him as the boy looked like he was about to have a nervous breakdown. Will pushed away all of those lingering thoughts and finally decided to glance at the creased up paper Mike gave him.

“Dear Will,
Hey, Will! What’s up Will? It’s Mike, duh. How’s school? Are you having a good time? I’ve heard that you’ve been painting a lot more, from El of course. That’s pretty cool. So, how is it ? How is your family doing? Any girls I must know about? Hey, Will. So Do you —
Fuck this letter, I hope it goes to hell. I’m going to start over. I miss you, Will. I miss you so much, it hurts me in ways you don’t even know. I almost lost you for a week, but this is different. It feels as if we’re becoming more and more distant, and I can’t stand it. It’s mainly my fault and I’m sorry. Everytime I try calling your phone, it’s always busy. Trust me, I really want to talk to you but the line is always occupied. I can’t send you any letters either, because like this one, I can never find the right words. I mean, with El, it’s really easy. I can say whatever I want and she’ll be happy I even wrote back. But with you, it’s so difficult. I think it’s because of what I did last summer. It’s put a strain on us. I know that a simple sorry isn’t going to cut it, and you never got an actual explanation. I guess I was just projecting in a way. Those past few months have been really weird, and I was trying to figure myself out during that time— because, well, I knew something was wrong with me. I never knew what, but that summer I found out. I was just so disgusted with myself after finding out that, well, I might be queer.”

With each word Will read, his gaze softened as it seemingly started to click with him. It was like the missing piece of the puzzle was found, and it all made sense.

That’s why Mike never called him–and that’s why he never received letters. It was never because he didn’t bother reaching out…it was something else entirely.

Will’s slightly chapped lips were parted, deep in thought. Okay. Mike misses Will, but why didn’t he act like it back at the airport–and at the roller rink? That’s the only part he doesn’t understand. From the corner of Will’s eye, he saw Mike was fidgeting with his fingers in the background–seemingly very nervous. But was Will paying attention to that?

No. Not at all– and not now.

His eyebrows were furrowed, confusion written all over his face as he squinted–trying to read the last word that was seemingly scribbled darker than anything else on this letter. He bit his lip and flipped the paper around to reveal a whole ‘nother part of the letter.

“I wish we never had that fight. I’m sorry for being an asshole and just a bad friend in general. I really don’t want to lose you, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I know it may seem like I'm distancing myself away, well—I am, but not for the reasons you think. You are not the problem, and will never be the problem. This is weird, but you’re the reason I found out I was different. I always had a feeling, but the way I felt around you basically confirmed it. And It's scary because I’m with El (I’m thinking of breaking it off?). I’m just so confused with myself, even at the very moment I’m writing this. Nancy told me to write down how I feel, so that’s what I’m doing. You make me feel weird—but in a good way. It scares me and I’ve never felt this way towards anyone before. I just thought that if I don’t make an effort to talk to you, then maybe these feelings of mine would go away and I could be normal again. It didn't work and I ended up thinking about you even more. I want to tell you, but I’m so terrified of losing us. When I see you, eventually, l hope you’ll want to see me, even after everything. I hope you miss me just as much as I miss you. I miss us so much— and I hope that we can heal us.”

“Love, Mike.”

As soon as Will finished reading that last sentence, he lowered the paper onto his lap with so many emotions rushing through him at once. Wow. That was… a lot to take in. He didn’t know where to start, what to address and what to say. The clear tension lingering in the air was enough to make anyone crack under pressure.

“Mike..I..” Will stammered out.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Mike snatches the crumpled up note from Will’s hand.

“I–I know it was stupid and–”

“I forgive you.” Will blurted out, silencing Mike. He could hear a gasp come from the taller male.

Tears were forming in those pretty brown eyes of his, and Mike’s body trembled as if…this is what he wanted to hear. Mike’s lips trembled as tears started to roll down his freckled cheeks, the water clumping his eyelashes together.

He felt sorry. Truly sorry. Will could see this clearly, and any frustration he had with Mike suddenly vanished. Now he finally understood it all—and he wasn’t going into this blind anymore. They were both so lost and there was so much miscommunication on both sides. Mike and Will just needed each other. It sucked that it had to come to both of them breaking down in a stuffy pizza van to realize this.

There was so much to say, so many things to talk about and do, but they didn’t have a whole lot of time. Only because he was 95% sure Jonathan would be coming back any second now. Will tore his gaze off of Mike for a second to check up on Argyle, and of course, he was sound asleep. Thank god, Will thought. One less annoying person to ruin their conversation.

“You didn’t have to.” Mike’s quiet and vulnerable voice rang in Will’s ears, and that brought him back to their conversation. “I want to.” He gazed at Mike, watching him slowly calm down. He wiped away those tears with the sleeve of his jacket, taking in what was said.

So much has happened between them both, and Will was so lost and confused— sad and hurt as well. But this letter, the one he has in his hands right now, is the key to bandaging their friendship. If the bandaid couldn’t be ripped off completely, it would be plastered back on instead.

Will bit the inside of his cheek, not knowing how to go forward with this. They both sat in silence for a second, feeling suffocated by the thick air that was trapped in this van.

“Mike, I forgave you a long time ago. Really, I did.” Will paused for a brief moment.

“We all..say things we don’t mean. I just thought you didn’t care enough about it for me to say anything.”

“I think about it almost every night.” Mike admits sheepishly, looking away and shifting in his seat. If Will also said he didn’t think about that interaction almost every night before he goes to bed, he would be lying.

More silence was brought upon the 2 boys in the van—and it was not comfortable. “..Why? I mean, it wasn’t the biggest deal.” It definitely was the biggest deal to Will, but that’s another conversation for another time. Mike’s head shot up, taken aback by what Will said.

“Yes it was, don’t lie to me. We weren’t the same after that, and I’m sorry.” Mike wiped away any stray tears lingering on his cheeks. “It hurts—a lot. I tried to avoid how I felt for so long but it never worked in my favor. I tried to be normal. Trust me—I tried so hard to be what everyone wanted me to be. I tried to love El, I tried to become an image of what my family wants me to be, but I just can’t.”

Mike took a shaky breath.

“A—and I tried so hard to pray these feelings away. I used to cry myself to sleep on nights I was alone because I just wanted this to go away. But.. when I’m near you—“

“These feelings come back stronger.” Will finished Mike’s sentence, knowing what he was getting at. Will had a feeling of what Mike was implying, but it couldn’t be…no. This was only a mere fantasy that Will used to dream of at night—the mere possibility that Mike was like him. But Mike’s letter confirms everything and he couldn’t ignore it.

You’re the reason I found out I was different.

That sentence kept replaying in his head. There’s no doubt. This letter almost explains everything that’s happened between them. The 2 boys sat in silence yet again, unknowing of what to say next.

“Mike. I—I feel the same way.” Will lowered his voice to a whisper, extremely terrified that Argyle would somehow wake up and hear all of this. Thankfully, he was still sound asleep. He finally made it clear as to how he felt, rather than being vague like he was earlier. The knowing look on Mike’s face told Will everything he needed to know.

“I was hoping so.” Mike admitted, picking at the skin on his nails.

“I was hoping so too.” Will’s cheeks were slowly heating up with every second that passed.

They were both silent again, the tension so thick Will could slice it with a knife. Mike’s body was ridden with anxiety and a troubled expression was painted all over his face. Well, what now? The thought entered Will’s head and he pursed his lips. His eyes bounced around the dirty van, trying to come up with something to say—anything.

“Will.” Mike’s sudden volume startled Will. He faced Mike and paused, lips slightly parted in confusion.

“Yeah?”

“What are we?”

“…Whatever you want us to be. I guess.” Will shrugged, not knowing what Mike was getting at. Deep down inside, however, Will knew exactly what Mike was thinking—he just had to deny it. Yes, they both just basically confessed their feelings for one another, but Will still couldn’t let his hopes up.

Mike took a deep breath and pursed his lips as if he was processing what Will said.

“Um— can I show you what I want us to be?”

Will’s heart seemed to stop as it felt like all the air that was in his lungs was knocked out. The world became still and silent, hell—even Jonathan seemed to stop throwing his man-child tantrum outside. It felt like the only people who existed right this second were Will and Mike.

Will bit his lip before slowly nodding, the anticipation building up inside of his body. What was Mike going to do? Will’s leg was bouncing up and down due to anxiety, as the air turned thicker than a sauna.

Mike’s hands slowly trailed up to Will’s cheeks and cupped them, forcing him to look at nothing but him. His deep brown eyes locked onto Will’s, sharing looks. His eyes flashed with uncertainty for a few seconds before Mike licked his lips and gazed at Will’s lips with want.

“Fuck it.”

Those words came out rather breathlessly, but Will couldn’t put much thought into it as Mike then leaned forward and immediately smashed his lips onto Wills.

Holy shit.

His stomach did backflips as soon as Will felt the instant warmth on his lips. His whole body was on fire. He couldn’t tell whether or not the poor air conditioning from the van contributed to his hot body temperature, but it didn’t matter at that moment. He closed his eyes and let himself savor the sensation of Mike’s lips on his.

Will’s hands were shakier than ever before. He didn’t know where to rest them, so he let them trail up to Mike’s hair and tangled his fingers within his mess of waves. Their lips were moving up against each other and it truly felt like nothing mattered.

His lips were so soft and the slight taste of vanilla chapstick entered Will’s mouth. It felt so good and so right, Will thought to himself as Mike slowly pulled away to break the kiss.

The kiss only lasted for a few seconds at most, but it felt way longer, as if time froze just for them. Now Will understood the appeal of kissing. He knew that first kisses were usually a huge letdown (hearing from other people’s experiences), but this was the exact opposite of a letdown. This felt…so magical. If this is how it feels, especially with Mike, he doesn’t ever want to stop. He wouldn’t want this any other way.

Mike’s hands still rested on Will’s cheeks, seemingly out of breath which made him chuckle. The butterflies in Will’s stomach seemed to finally calm down and there was finally a comfortable silence between them. They both shared smiles as Mike leaned in closer to kiss Will again. It seemed as if he couldn’t get enough of this feeling either.

Will slowly leaned in as well, closing his eyes once more before—

The driver’s side of the van door suddenly bursted open, revealing Jonathan. Will and Mike both flinched and tore away from each other as fast as they could. Well…that was really embarrassing, Will grimaced as this was the worst time for Jonathan to come back.

“Is…is everything okay?” Jonathan raised an eyebrow and looked at the 2 boys with skepticism as he crossed his arms. Will could tell in Jonathan’s face that he definitely knew something happened, but at this point he was too embarrassed to care.

“Yeah! Uh—” Will started to say, before Mike cut him off. “Anything you saw is fake and you’re delusional!” He blurted out rather harshly, which took both Will and Jonathan aback. Will’s face heated up in shame while Jonathan physically looked taken aback by what Mike said.

“Excuse me?”

Jonathan’s voice was low and scary, it scared Will. Jonathan’s glare and big scowl on his face was terrifying. He looked like he was so close to killing Mike Wheeler and leaving him on the side of the road to become someone else’s problem.

“Mike, don’t say that.” Will whisper-yelled as he rolled his eyes and elbowed Mike’s side— hearing an audible “ow” escape Mike’s lips.

“Jonathan, it was nothing. Mike was just… getting something out of my hair.” Will lied, feeling the shame and guilt as he yet again lied to his own brother. It was silent for a few seconds before Jonathan shook his head and sighed. He knew Will was lying but unfortunately he was way too tired to care. “Alright then,” Jonathan got into his seat and turned up the radio which ultimately woke up Argyle.

“Yo, dude, you’re back! Did you finally go and see that doctor I told ‘ya about? You look waaaay better than you did like 15 minutes ago.” Jonathan groaned with Argyle’s high rambling, shaking his head with frustration. “Sure.” His sarcasm was so obvious but since Argyle was, well, Argyle, he didn’t pick up on it and grinned.

Before driving, Jonathan turned his head back towards both Mike and Will with a very serious glare.

“If I hear a peep from either of you, I’m turning back around and have those idiot government agents back at home take you out.” While Jonathan was speaking to both Will and Mike, his sharp gaze was fixed on Mike the whole entire time—making him shrink in his seat.

Will nodded absentmindedly as he was coming down from his high, still processing everything that just happened. The fact that they both confessed and kissed still hasn’t hit him yet—it felt like a bittersweet dream. He finally didn’t have to hide how he truly felt around Mike, and that was a huge weight lifted off his shoulders.

“Now, let’s get to point Katrina.”

“..Nina.” Mike corrected.

“I don’t care!” Jonathan spat out as the vehicle started moving again. This time, Argyle had the map to lead Jonathan in the right direction. This would most likely be a complete disaster, but Will wasn’t too focused on that.

Mike’s hand was resting on the edge of his seat as he gazed out the window. Will wondered what he was thinking about, but his guess was just as good as his. His hand slowly inched towards Mike’s and he finally had the courage to place it on top of his.

His thumb soothingly stroked the soft skin of his hand. Mike’s face turned a slight pink, still gazing over at the boring terrain. Finally, in a situation where the odds are always against him, he at least got one thing that went right for him. Will is okay with this.

-

After an hour or so out on the road, Mike was deep in thought. The sound of scammy radio advertisements rang in his ears, but he wasn’t paying attention to that. He finally made things right between him and Will, and for once, he felt as if their relationship was finally okay.

While Mike was deep in thought, he felt weight hit his shoulder. He turned his head to the side only to see that Will fell asleep on him. Well, that wasn’t expected. Like, at all. Mike’s breath hitched and blood started rushing to his cheeks at the sight of Will looking so goddamn pretty.

There was no anxiety or fear showing on his face, no frustration or worry either. He was peaceful. Mike smiled to himself before snaking his arm around Will’s waist to pull him closer. Mike could definitely feel Jonathan’s gaze digging into his skin, but for once, he chose to ignore it.

Once this is all over, and life can be back to normal, he could apologize to Jonathan for being well—an oblivious asshole. Hopefully, that’ll make him dislike him a little less.

Mike knew that after all of this was over, they had to sit down and talk about everything. Mike knew he had to discuss his feelings, which is something that terrifies him. As much as he would rather run away, crawl into a hole, and die—he knew he had to tell Will everything.

He was unsure how to even go about all of it from this point on, but Mike was absolutely certain about one thing. Love. He loves Will. He’s always had issues saying that phrase, but he’s never been more sure about anything in his life up until now. Mike glances out of the dusty window with a small smile to himself. Maybe after all of this is over, and everyone is okay, he can finally tell Will that—

“I love you.”