Chapter Text
People did not need any special power to fall in love. However, when they did fall in love -or when there was a chance for love to bloom- they needed someone’s help to be able to come together. When people were open to love and a spark formed between them, someone had to make sure they didn’t drift apart, to support them under all circumstances and help kindle the bond between them. That person was called a Cupid, in other words, an angel of love.
These angels could see the sparks between people, guide them, and strengthen them. Ensuring that the true loves reunited and never separated again was their duty. Of course, humans were fickle beings; true loves did not always stay together. Some people chose logic over their hearts, some parted ways because of misunderstandings. And then there were those who decided on their own what their true love was, neither sparks coming from others nor angels of love could stop them. After all, angels’ interference with humans was limited; they could only create situations and environments, strengthening sparks when possible. Before sparks, thoughts and feelings mattered most. But angels of love, unable to access thoughts and feelings, could only guide sparks. Because of this, the world was full of unfortunate people who devoted their lives to someone else because of a spark, even though they loved another.
Angels of love were also part of this flawed system; they too were mortal beings. For now. Once they reached a certain level and reunited enough lovers, they earned the right to become guardians and ascend to immortality. That was the sole purpose of angels of love. They felt no emotions toward anyone, and after binding true loves, whether the outcome was successful or not, they moved on to the next cycle until the end of their existence. Angels of love could not feel anything toward ordinary humans; even though they guided love, they did not understand it and could not possess feelings.
Of course, none of this applied to Go Hyuntak.
He had realized long ago that he felt things he was not supposed to feel, towards his closest friend, Park Humin.
Rumors about angels like Hyuntak circulated often, but he had never seen one with his own eyes. Angels capable of feeling love were practically nothing more than mythology. How ridiculous it was to entrust the management of love to a community that did not understand it. Hyuntak had never seen a single angel truly care about human feelings. They simply flew toward the glowing spark like moths to a flame. But Hyuntak was different. He was one of the different ones. He had never bound two people together without considering their thoughts, even if he could not access them directly.
His story of becoming an angel of love happened much later than most. Until then, he had neither seen sparks nor sensed anything unusual about himself. Back then, the only thing on his mind was what he and his best friend would do for the day. He loved him deeply, and he had realized long ago that it went beyond normal affection. But it was something he had to hide. Perhaps keep to himself until death. His unrequited feelings were his burden alone, and he had to support Humin in his love life no matter what.
As he approached the shop where they always met, his steps slowed. He was still quite far away, but he had seen it. A small spark glowing between two people. Humin and a girl he had never seen before stood facing each other, talking. Humin was giving directions with his usual kindness. What they were doing didn’t matter. Hyuntak had seen it. Seeing the spark between them meant something.
He had been given a chance. Cupid stories were told to everyone from childhood. They hid their identities while playing major roles in people’s lives. Now he had to choose: swear to protect this spark and others like it, step back and forget everything, run away before love chose him, or try to break the spark.
He chose the first.
He chose to protect the love that would make his friend’s life beautiful, even if it hurt him. That day, he didn’t go to him. For days, he waited for his feelings to fade. He had to forget them. Angels of love could not possess true love. These feelings did not belong to him, they belonged to someone else.
But as days turned into months, the feelings stayed with him, gnawing at his mind every second. And now there was a couple he was responsible for. It felt as if he wanted to kill himself, one moment of childish emotion had sentenced him to a lifetime of.... this. He had never planned to become a guardian; he had never even imagined becoming a cupid. Now he carried a heavy responsibility and two great secrets he had to keep to himself.
Loving Park Humin had never been a choice.
That was the most cruel part of it. If it had been something he decided on, something deliberate, then surely he could have decided to stop. He would have buried it, dissected it, destroyed it if he had to. But love did not ask for permission, and it did not explain itself. It simply happened. Quietly at first, then all at once, until it occupied every corner of his life.
He tried to remember when it began. There was no clear starting point. No moment he could point to and say this is when it went wrong. It had crept into him slowly, disguising itself as familiarity, as comfort, as habit. Laughter shared too easily. Silences that never felt awkward. A presence so constant that its absence felt unbearable. By the time he realized it was love, it was already too late.
Humin existed in his life like gravity. Hyuntak orbited around him without thinking, drawn in by something he could neither fight nor escape. Every day, every trivial moment. Meals, conversations, shared walks felt important simply because Humin was there. And the worst part was that Humin never noticed. Or perhaps he did, and simply didn’t understand what it meant.
Hyuntak told himself that this was enough. That standing beside him, close but never chosen, was something he could learn to live with. He told himself that love did not need to be returned to be real. That wanting, on its own, could be noble.
Some days, he almost believed it. Other days, it felt like suffocation.
There were moments -small, unguarded ones- when Humin would smile at him in that familiar way, soft and unthinking, and Hyuntak’s heart would betray him completely. His chest would tighten, his breath would catch, and for a brief, dangerous second, he would imagine a different world. One where that smile meant something else. One where it was meant for him. He hated himself for those moments. Because imagining was the most dangerous thing of all. Loving Humin meant constantly restraining himself. Measuring every word. Watching every gesture. It meant learning how to look without staring, how to care without reaching, how to stay when every instinct told him to lean closer. It meant swallowing confessions that rose to the back of his throat at the slightest provocation.
Sometimes, when Humin leaned in too close or called his name too softly, Hyuntak wondered how much longer he could survive like this. How many more years he could spend wanting something that was never meant to be his. How many times he could smile and nod while Humin spoke about someone else, about plans that did not include him.
The jealousy was quiet, but it was relentless. It didn’t explode or demand attention. It sat inside him like a dull ache, present in every heartbeat. Every time Humin laughed with someone else, every time his attention drifted away, Hyuntak felt it tighten. Not sharp enough to destroy him. Just enough to remind him of his place.
Second. Always second.
And yet, he loved him anyway. Helplessly.
There was a kind of shame in it. Loving someone so openly in his heart while pretending indifference on the surface. It felt dishonest, even though he had never acted on it. He wondered sometimes if Humin would be angry if he ever found out. If he would feel betrayed, or burdened, or simply uncomfortable. That fear alone kept Hyuntak silent. Because the thought of losing Humin entirely was far worse than the pain of loving him alone.
So he stayed. He listened. He supported. He smiled when Humin spoke about his relationships, offered advice he didn’t believe in, encouragement he didn’t feel. He helped him chase sparks that burned in someone else’s hands. Every time, it hurt. Every time, he told himself it was the last. And every time, he failed.
At night, when he was alone and the world finally went quiet, the longing became unbearable. There was no one to distract him then, no role to play, no mask to wear. Just the truth of it, heavy and unrelenting. He wondered what it would be like to be chosen. To have someone look at him the way he looked at Humin, without hesitation, without doubt. He wondered what it would feel like to be loved back.
But those thoughts never lasted long. Reality always crept back in, cold and unkind. He reminded himself that some people were not meant to be loved that way. Some loves existed only to be endured, not fulfilled.
Perhaps this was his punishment. Or his purpose.To love deeply, sincerely, and endlessly, without ever being allowed to claim it. And still, if he was given the choice again, Hyuntak knew he would make the same one. He would choose Humin. Every time. But now his only job was to protect, support, and observe his friend's love life from afar. His sole task was to strive for his happiness until he finally found it, and his foolish feelings didn't matter.
-Back to the present
The couple he was responsible for sat across from him, talking about something. To his right, another couple Suho and Sieun sat discussing their vacation plans, the spark between them blazing as brightly as the sun.
Life was playing a cruel game with Hyuntak.
Suddenly, his heart ached. Humin and Eunjoo must have been fighting. No matter how hard Hyuntak tried, he hadn’t been able to grow the spark enough. He was terrible at this. He didn’t even understand why he had been chosen. There had to be a mistake. He wondered if there were other cupids as unsuccessful as him.
Pulling himself out of his thoughts, he focused on the couple. The pair beside them remained in their own world. As the spark between Humin and Eunjoo flickered, the pain in Hyuntak’s chest intensified.
“Hey. Hey! What happened this time?” He interrupted their argument, forcing both of them into silence. After frowning at each other, they turned back and claimed that nothing was wrong. But Hyuntak knew why they had been fighting. Humin was stubborn, he must have refused to budge again. And if Humin was stubborn, Eunjoo was ten times worse. It was impossible for them to agree. Hyuntak often thought that one day he would die not of judgment, but of a heart attack. A love that shouldn’t exist, his secret of being a cupid, and this couple’s increasing bickering were piling weight upon weight onto his heart.
Hyuntak rubbed his face with a groan. He had to make them reconcile now. Asking permission from Suho and Sieun, he stood up from the table. After gesturing toward the door with a come on, he waited for Humin to follow.
Humin excused himself and followed him. Hyuntak didn't miss their angry glances at each other at the last minute. Eunjoo must be really pissed this tim because she hadn't even said anyhting when Humin got up and go outside with him.
Fuck. He said to himself, reconciling them was gonna be a hard job to do this time.
Juntae couldn’t come today because he was sick; normally, he handled these situations without Hyuntak needing to step in. But today, Hyuntak had to do it himself.
“What’s wrong with you two again? You’ve been arguing a lot lately.” Hyuntak crossed his arms over his chest. Humin stayed silent, avoiding his gaze as usual. Feeling the tightness in his chest again, Hyuntak grew irritated but tried to stay calm. As if the pain in his heart wasn't getting worse with each passing second, now he also had to deal with his friend's sulking.
“If something’s going on, I need to know. I didn’t tell you my secret for nothing, Baku.” Yes, he had eventually been forced to tell his closest friend his secret. Humin had known for about three years that Hyuntak was a cupid. Of course, he had noticed that Hyuntak was hiding something and had practically forced the truth out of him. Strangely, he hadn’t seemed very surprised. But Hyuntak remembered his expression clearly, eyes wide, shouting and drawing everyone’s attention to them.
“If you break up, what am I supposed to tell my superiors again? Every one of your relationships ends in failure.” Humin looked at him with eyes filled with betrayal.
This was Humin’s fourth girlfriend so far. Hyuntak had to give a different explanation each time, though the reason was simple: Humin was impossibly stubborn and exhausted everyone, except Hyuntak. He could never grow tired of him.
Eunjoo was his longest relationship so far. As much as it hurt, Hyuntak wanted to finally bind a relationship and move on to other people. Because he didn’t think he could keep watching Humin with someone else forever. That was why this was the relationship he had worked the hardest on.
Whenever he searched for another spark, Humin was always the first person he encountered. Cupids were tasked with following the first spark they saw until it extinguished, and Hyuntak was exhausted from trying to save Humin’s relationships.“I know, Gotak, but what can I do? We have very different opinions, we fight all the time. The fact that we’ve made it this far is a miracle.”
Hyuntak didn’t let him continue. “Alright, Mr. Hopeless. Just tell me what you were fighting about.”
Humin rolled his eyes and began explaining. “She said she wanted to go on vacation during annual leave. I suggested you come along too, you’d stay in another room and do your own thing, but if we fought, you’d be nearby. She started saying things like, ‘Why are you bringing your little boyfriend on a couples’ vacation?’ I told her to be respectful and not talk about you like that, and then-”
Hyuntak didn’t think he heard anything after the word boyfriend. His heart began to race, and he felt heat spread from the back of his neck. In that moment, he imagined breaking every rule, confessing his love, and being with Humin even if he knew he would be punished.
“Hey, are you listening, Mr. Angel of Love?” Humin’s voice snapped him back to reality. Hyuntak didn’t ask him to repeat himself.
“Why do I have to spend my annual leave with you?”
He was now asking questions he already knew the answer to. The reason was obvious: in case of any fight or weakening of the spark, Hyuntak needed to be there. If he missed it, he would once again witness the end of a relationship. Then everything would start over. Hyuntak didn’t want his life to continue like this forever.
Humin raised his eyebrows without answering. Even though Hyuntak was a cupid, he still had a job he needed to work to survive. The conditions were terrible. He wondered if he would've chosen this path if he had known everything from the start, though, honestly, he probably still would have, with the mind he had back then.
As the ache in his heart grew stronger each day, Hyuntak wished he could wake up one morning, realize this was all a nightmare, and simply go on with his day.
“You know how much I hate going anywhere without you, Gotak.” His tone was sweet, this was the voice he always used when he wanted something from Hyuntak. And Hyuntak could never refuse him.
He pretended to think for a few seconds. They both knew he was gonna say yes. “Fine, I’ll come. But I think we should invite the others too, it’d be awkward if it’s just me.”
Eunjoo would have been even more angry about this, of course, but it was better than just Hyuntak coming. Humin nodded, grinning widely. His eyes crinkled as Hyuntak’s heart began to ache even more violently.
This pain was different. It was the pain of something he could never have, standing right in front of him in all its brightness.