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The chaotic wash of noise from the Kronia Relay was shut off as Candida transferred back into her Orbiter. She stood in the body of Mesa, staring past the reinforced glass of the cockpit at the busy dock. No sound came through the reinforced glass. The seals were all shut tight. Even the radio communicator had been turned down by Ordis the moment Candida had gotten back aboard.
It didn't help.
A whirl of Void energy later and Candida stumbled out of the Cradle in the very rear of the ship. The sudden sense of lack that always came when she stopped the Transference was easy enough to push down and away. It even helped, not having to handle the hyper-tuned perceptions of her frame. The roaring static still inside her head was a different matter. Candida pressed a hand to her forehead and hissed. "Ordis," she called out, wincing at her own raised voice.
"Yes, Operator? Is it that bad? Ordis is here to assist if you need," the helpful little Cephalon said, bobbing over. Candida shifted her hands to cover her eyes instead. Well, eye. Unbidden the memory of the Zariman filtered back through her mind. Falling from her bunk at the alarms, the cut on her cheek, staring out into the Void as the whispers of angels entered through the wound, rotting, taking, tapping-
"The usual place." Candida hated how pathetic she sounded. She cleared her throat and shifted her voice back up into the register Margulis taught her. "Please."
Ordis didn't respond. His eyes simply flashed and he darted off back to the cockpit. Candida let out a shaking breath. Fingers fumbled with her headpiece. She liked how she looked. The Tenno Princess. One of the few of that ancient warrior caste that was awake. What everyone expected her to be. Made things easier. Made things fun when she got to prank them. Only now that role weighed and bit and clawed back. Candida ripped the diadem from her brow and flung it off. Mistake. The clang made her want to vomit. Too loud, too loud, too loud…
"Ordis," Candida croaked. Ground yourself, remember the lessons. Feel the smooth metal of the floor. The rumble of the engines. Try to ignore the sensation of sandpaper scraping against the orbital sockets that sparked with every thought. She pressed her hands over her ears and focused on her breathing again. Her heartbeat was rapid. That needed to be calmed.
The lights flickered. Ordis had heard her. "Can… can you shutter the tank, too?" Another flicker. Relief. "Thank you." Again with the shaky and small. Candida hated this weakness inside her. This liability. If anyone found out, would they respect her? Or would they just see an opening. A crack in the invincible Tenno to wriggle inside and steal her freedom away.
Like before.
Candida grit her teeth and pushed up off the floor. She stumbled through the door, keeping one hand on the wall to her left. The pulsing life that came from the Helminth pushed against her senses. Candida had to swallow hard again to keep from puking up her breakfast. The engines stopped their purr.
How did her other self manage? A laugh here and a wink there. Nothing phased Dia. Just rolled off her back. Impossible to know if there was anything like the insufficiency that plagued Candida under her skin. Just one more thing to be annoyed about regarding the Drifter.
One step in front of the other. Easy as algebra. Easy as killing. She stumbled through door to the ship's observation room. A wave of her hand set the room lights to dim, the door locking behind her. Candida's spine itched. She swore she could hear the tapping again, underneath the static…
Metal shutters cut off the harsh blue light of the fish tanks, to which Candida was grateful. Figuring that out when it was this bad today wasn't something she was looking forward to doing. One hand on the wall- okay, floor then. One hand on the floor as she almost tripped over a floof she had left out. 'Thanks, past me,' Candida grumbled internally. Thinking robbed her of the desire to stand back up, so she crawled down the stairs instead and flopped on to the couch.
The lights turned off, leaving her in the cold and quiet. Candida stared into the darkness. Only a few stars illuminated this angle. A rare find that Candida had stumbled across before she Awoke from her long dreaming, and one that she was grateful to mark down the coordinates for.
The pain had begun after she remembered she had an actual body, without the buffer of that Void tinged slumber. Tingles and itches at first.
Simple headaches.
There was probably a cause for it all. Or at least a tipping point that made it debilitating some days to even think. Candida had asked Ordis to look into it, only for the Cephalon to come up blank. There might have been a source for this… weakness that she forgot in the Old War, or maybe even before the Zariman. She idly rubbed at her cheek, feeling the scar tissue peeking out from under the covering. Possible. But following that thought trail wasn't the best idea right now. Especially since it felt like her skull wanted to peel back to get some air.
Candida shuffled so she was fully on her side, looking through the window. Quiet. Absolute, vacuum enforced, quiet. She steadied her breathing. A kind of meditation she had figured out after one of these little episodes made it impossible to do anything but writhe for hours.
In and out.
The tinge of recycled air filled her lungs. Darkness primordial filled her eye. Candida caught the reflection of its glow in the window before she began to drift into a relaxed state. In. And out. Candida let the silence wash over her. No one could see her here. Nothing could bother her. Let the cold and the dark dampen the burning radio static in her head. Just let go. In. And out. Peace, on an island of silence.
.
.
.
.
Dia tapped the hilt of her sword as she sat in the backroom of the Höllvania Central Mall. It was quiet here. Too quiet. She kept glancing around, expecting the walls to melt away and for everything to be revealed as a great big joke from Dominus Thrax. Toy soldiers jumping out and shouting "Surprise! You're here forever, idiot!" Then she'd get stabbed again. Yeah. That felt like something Thrax would do.
And it would be preferable to the other fear. That the walls would melt, but the rocky interior of the cave system wouldn't be there. The smooth buildings and roiling sky of Duviri never showing up. No. Dia was terrified that she would blink, and the Void touched walls of the Zariman would be there instead. The screams of distant angels echoing down the halls. Broken glass that was half melted and half gas and half solid and staring at her. Ancient blood that twisted into sculptures in mid-air from where someone's parent or sibling had died before the doors could be barricaded.
She flinched bodily. Dia couldn't stay here. She needed to move, she needed action. But Arthur would never allow another mission. Not today, at least. She could hear him now, telling her to rest up. Amir saying even he was getting tired looking at her. Lettie wouldn't say anything, just purse her lips and do that eyebrow thing she did that made Dia's heart flutter.
Something clanged. She didn't know when she had stood up, Fangs out and ready. Cold air drifted down over her neck. She was back. Dia was back there and she was stuck and she was never, ever, EVER GOING TO-
The door slammed into the wall. Out. Dia didn't care what Arthur would say. She stumbled into the railing. "Fuck, fuck, fuck…" she hissed, resisting the urge to slam her hand into her head to make everything shut up. She needed to kill something. Anything. Aoi's face flashed in her mind and Dia did slam her forehead into a wall. ANYTHING BUT THEM. Fuck. How did the kid do it!? Just dance in the energies that plagued Dia's nightmares constantly. Just be blasé about anything and everything. Pouting when she didn't get her way but moving on anyways. Was it Duviri that ruined Dia like this? Made her unable to trust her own mind this way? Made it so nothing was real? Just paper cutouts that could be torn to shreds and reset over and over again just to see how many ways they could be die!?
If so, that was just one more thing to resent the Operator over.
"Marty, hey," Quincy called out. Dia blinked. When had she…? "Everythin' alright, bruv?"
"Totally," Dia drawled out, forcing herself to stand up and shoot the sniper a lazy grin. Don't let them see. Make yourself useful so they can't find cause to toss her aside. "Just heading out. See about a supply run or something. Need anything?"
Quincy frowned. Cold sweat trickled down Dia's back. Shit. "Nah, got nuthin' I need," Quincy said slowly, before tapping his fingers on his gun. "Didn't you just come back from a run, Marty?"
"No," Dia lied.
"Alright," Quincy said. "Then I guess you don't mind if I pop a question to hero boy about it, yeah?"
"We don't need to bring Arthur into this-"
"Bring me into what?" Sol dammit. Dia turned around, giving a lazy grin to the Hex's leader who was striding up with Lettie.
"Nooooooothing~!" Dia said, clasping her hands together. "Just, having a little talk with Q over here, that's all."
"Uh huh," Arthur said, expression dropping. He glanced at Quincy. There must have been something there, because Arthur's brow furrowed. "…Dia." Ah beans. Actual name time. Meant he was serious. Lettie noticed too, her eyebrow raising. Double beans.
"Okay, I was just heading out to see if we needed anything more is all," Dia said, shoulders slumping. Would the Kubrow-Eyes work here? Or maybe flirting. No, Quincy could flip it on her easily. Might not be a bad idea, on second thought…
"No more missions for today," Arthur said, tone final. "We have everything we'll need for a bit, and Scaldra is upping the patrols to try and figure out where and how we get to places, so we're lying low for a bit."
"Doctor's orders, babas," Lettie added. No talking her way out of this one then. Cold air brushed Dia's neck again and she flinched.
A blink. Her mind filled with screams from beyond a locked door, every other child vanished, leaving her alone, alone, alone and they're coming in, coming to get her.
Another blink. Lettie was standing over her. "You grow or something, doc?" Dia asked, trying to put her smirk back on to hide the shakes in her hand. It didn't fit right.
"More like you fell on your ass, tonto," Lettie said, flicking a penlight on. She checked Dia's eye, humming. "Nothing I didn't see during my first examination," she reported to Arthur, clicking the light off. "Still unnatural as fuck, but no concussion."
"Dia," Arthur started again.
"Just a little hot memory stove is all, Arthur, come on!" Dia said, trying to sit up. Lettie put a finger on Dia's chest, keeping her down.
"Been talkin' to Amir again, have ya?"
"Ten höllars and I'll tell you."
"Enough!" Darn. Cut off before the banter could make them forget Dia had just fainted it seemed. She looked over at Arthur. He was rubbing the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. "…You've been pushing yourself too much right now, Dia. Take a break, would you? No use to us exhausted or whatever is happening here with you."
Ice in her veins. No use. Dia didn't know there was an upper limit to working. Her fingers twitched. "Alright then, any suggestions, my knight in Techrot armor?" That got a snicker. And also a frown. Square one still.
"Take a break," Arthur said, frowning. "Sleep, talk with someone, I don't know. Just make sure you don't go fainting down stairs or whatever just happened."
"You got it boss!" Dia saluted from the floor. Lettie's lips twitched into a smile. Score. She let Dia get up from the floor.
"Going to tell Amir and Aoi now. Eleanor already knows. Meantime, find a good spot to sit, babas. I'll be by later to check on you." The ice thawed a little.
"You're so busy though," she whined, getting up, but grateful.
"And you're important. So stop acting like you're invincible."
"I technically can't die, sssooooo…." Dia shrugged, flashing another smile. It came easier now. The shakes had stopped too. Lettie snorted and rolled her eyes before flicking Dia on the shoulder and walking off with Arthur.
"Smooth," Quincy chuckled. "Now go sit down someplace, Marty. You heard the doc."
"Yeah, yeah, I heard," Dia said waving her hand. She strolled off to the central food court, hearing Quincy's gun start back up. Arthur and Lettie's hushed conversation helped fill the quiet, the clicking and pinging from the arcade swaddling everything together. Dia sat down on a hard plastic chair and closed her eye. That… had helped. The back and forth, the concern, the letting her have her space but still wanting her close… "Love you all! Only thing keeping me sane!" Dia called out.
"Quit bein' sappy!"
"Get some rest, babas!"
"We'll talk about that later."
"Awww, thanks Marty!"
"Love you too!"
"Gay."
Dia snickered and leaned back, the whispers in her mind growing silent. Peace, in a sea of noise.