Work Text:
January 1st 2024
Hey, dad.
Happy new year!
It’s been a year, that’s for sure! Honestly, it feels like three years were stuffed into one. But I’m doing really well right now! Miles better than the first day of 2023, but that isn’t saying much. You know what happened... I still occasionally have nightmares about being isolated for days. That awful jail cell. I just wanted to go home to mom, Brand and the camp fam.
The only happy moments were the moment I first saw the camp fam again and we just hugged and held each other for a really long time, and when we all found out Ben survived. Well— Brooklynn kinda told us. She found out from Gia, who somehow spoke to her. Turns out, Gia posed as a reporter to get evidence of how badly we were being treated to pressure the authorities into treating us better! I’m afraid we’re a bad influence on her. We already were a bad influence on poor Zayna. Probably for the best Ben and Gia broke up. (I’ll explain more about that later.)
But yeah... January and February were pretty rough: that was when we were still stuck in Biosyn and we went on trial. We were allowed to be released in exchange for helping out with the Biosyn repairs and looking after the dinosaurs. Kind of like community service, except somewhere in the wintery Italian mountains. It sucked, don’t get me wrong. I was freezing my ass off, and I swear I almost got frostbite. At least I was around dinosaurs and the camp fam. I love them so much, dad. You’d love them too. I wish you could be around to see how much happier we are now. Not just individually, but as a group. They mean the world to me. There’s no one I love more than them (and you, mom, Brand and God, obviously).
Anyway, we finished our community service, and took Biosyn to court. It was difficult, especially since all of Brooklynn’s evidence was lost in Malta, and all records of the Theropod Axis Program were kind of... destroyed. But thankfully, Davi helped recover Brooklynn’s evidence (along with some of his own), and we had enough witness statements to back us up.
I’m not proud of a lot of what happened. I broke the law, and I swore to you and mom I wouldn’t ever do that in my life. I acted on emotions, and made mistakes, and I kept feeling like I failed you. I’m so sorry, dad. I really want to make you proud. I hope you are proud. I did what I had to in order to survive, but even then I sometimes feel like I should’ve tried harder to do the right thing. I know it’s what you’d want me to do. But at the same time, I feel like my whole life since Nublar has been impossible decisions.
Until, actually, the end of the court case. Things got a lot easier after that. I finished up helping out in Biosyn (my boss put me in charge of a whole team), and I finally got to go home. In Oakland. That family cabin, remember? Kenji and the girls were living there while I was finishing up, and Ben was recovering in hospital. And I never thought a place that used to feel so lonely could feel like a home. I loved it there.
Why past tense, I hear you ask? Well, actually, we decided to move pretty quickly after we all got back together as a group. The cabin wasn’t big enough for six people, especially since Ben was using a wheelchair, and Yaz and Sammy liked their alone time (aka, they broke up for three whole days and couldn’t keep their hands off each other). Plus, we could all tell Sammy wanted to be back in Texas. She’s a farm girl at heart.
And turns out, so are all of us! I never would’ve expected to enjoy working on a farm, but it genuinely is only a few hours a day with five of us pitching in (Ben’s still too disabled to work, but that’s okay!) And if we get up at six am, have a quick breakfast, and start right after, we’re done by ten am. Right before it gets too hot to work, and then we spend the rest of the day doing our own work or just enjoying ourselves. (Most of us have temporary part time jobs.) My favourite animals are the birds, especially the chickens (they’re so cute, dad!) and I think I permanently smell of animal now, but it’s cool. Honestly, the animal smell reminds me of spending time with the camp fam. I really like it.
Christmas this year might’ve been one of the best of my life! I only say it wasn’t the best, because I loved having Christmas with you, mom and Brand too. Maybe next year we’ll invite them over too, but this year it needed to be just us six. We need the time together as a group. Mom and Brand came over for a few days before Christmas, but being at their church over Christmas is very important to them. I couldn’t have taken them away from that.
The six of us had a really good day. You know the matching pyjamas tradition? I got matching pajamas for the six of us! And in the evening we all curled up on the sofa in our matching pajamas, and fell asleep in a giant cuddle pile. It was heaven. I love long hugs. Possibly one of my favourite things. I remember back in June, I had this horrible nightmare that the camp fam all died, and it was in detail too... I hated it, it felt so awful. But the camp fam hugged, held, and comforted me all morning, almost all day. Even though they all had stuff to do, one of them was always there.
Anyway, back to Christmas day. We were eating lunch, and the song War is Over came on. And I don’t know what it was, but we looked at each other and just started slowly, quietly crying. It felt so good, yet so painful. Because our war is over. We made it. And we ended up hugging each other in the middle of the kitchen.
New Year’s Eve was also SO fun! Our party just finished, and the remaining food is still out on the kitchen table (but we ate most of it!). It’s weird to be in a room where a party just happened, kinda melancholy, but everyone’s gone to bed now. I always write these letters to you by myself, and they all respect that. I’ve asked them not to read these either, if they come across them, and they respect that too. They know you’re important to me.
And the best thing happened: it was eleven thirty, and we were all getting tired, somehow. Brooklynn joked that we’re all getting old, and we all went really quiet and looked at each other, and were silent for a moment, before Kenji yelled something like “Oh my God, we’re old!” and we all started laughing and cheering and hugging each other. I know we’re not actually old, but we feel old. And there were many times on the islands we genuinely didn’t think any of us would get to turn eighteen. But we did. We all grew up.
And if we can do it, maybe that’ll be a beacon of hope for other people.
Hm... what else haven’t I said?
I got locs in March. Just after everyone got back, and we were all living together. There’s this really nice, accommodating barber near Oakland! (Kenji said I was getting “locked in”... I hate that that’s kind of funny) And I’m gonna be honest, I get a little emotional looking at how much my hair’s grown since then (okay, it’s not loads, but still. I notice it). I’ve grown so much. I look so much happier and healthier now, too. I sleep more, I eat better, I look after myself. If not for my sake, so the camp fam follows my example. I’ve never fully given up my leader tendencies, to be honest.
Oh— Yaz and Sammy got engaged! Literally about half an hour ago. How great is that? I’m so happy for them, dad. They really are meant to be. Like you and mom were! I remember how happy you were together. She still hasn’t remarried, you know. That’s how much you loved each other, and I think that’s really beautiful.
Speaking of romance... I’m aromantic. I sorta realised in late 2022, but with everything else going on, I didn’t think about it for a while. If you don’t know what that is, it means I don’t feel romantic attraction — well, some aromantic people do feel some degree of romantic attraction, or might feel it differently, but I’m not one of those people. I didn’t know how to feel about it at first, because I was scared I was going to be lonely my whole life — but looking back at this year, I’ve been so... the opposite of lonely, whatever that is! It’s almost 1am, and Brooklynn’s probably gonna rip my ear off for leaving her in the cold, dark, lonely abyss of our bed (she has a heated blanket, she’ll be fine). We’re not a relationship, we’re just... us. She means so much to me. I love her, dad, I really do. Not in a romantic way, but she’s my partner. In crime and everything else.
Also, Ben and Kenji got together! I would never have seen that coming, but honestly, I’m really happy for them. They make each other so happy. As do Yaz and Sammy. As do we all, as our own little family unit.
It’s weird to think how far we’ve come. I met these people in 2015, when I was only twelve. I can’t believe it’s been so long, having these people in my life, but at the same time, it feels like I’ve known them forever, even though it’s only been nine years.
I’ll be twenty one in a few months — can you believe it?! I still feel like a kid. Mom still has that envelope you put that ten dollars in to buy me my first drink. And I’ve never drank anything alcoholic in my life, I swear. I wanted you to give me my first alcoholic drink. I wonder what I’ll have... probably a wine cooler. Kenji loves those. And I might have one, just to be safe. I don’t want my first alcoholic drink to be gross. Brooklynn takes straight vodka shots, I don’t know how she does it. I stayed sober tonight, but I’ve had enough sugar to make me feel a bit weird and tipsy.
It’s past one am now, and I’ll finish here. I’d like to get some sleep tonight. I take care of myself a lot better now; I don’t need to be told off for gaming at three am (okay, occasionally I do). But I’m tired.
I love you, daddy. I miss you every single day. I keep wondering how you would intersect with my life now, but if you didn’t die, would I have ever gone to Camp Cretaceous? I don’t think I could make that choice between having you, or knowing the camp fam. Only God knows, I guess.
But I really am happy in my life. I love my family, and dinosaurs, and God, and the natural world. So much is going so well for me.
And I hope 2024 carries that on and more!
Lots of love,
Your son, Darius 🦕