Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Where is my baby?” Ilya asks as soon as he opens the door to the Pikes’ SUV when it pulls into the parking lot of Christ Church Cathedral. 

“Lovely to see you too, Rozanov,” Hayden says as he opens his car door. 

“Hi, Hayden,” Shane says from behind Ilya. “Lovely to see you. Please ignore my husband.”

Ilya can’t even be bothered to snark back at either of them, because today is his big day. 

Well, mostly. It’s sort of Amber’s day, too, he guesses, and kind of Shane’s as well if one were to look at it from a very specific angle, but mostly it’s Ilya’s. 

And as Amber gives him a cheesy grin when she sees him (a new development as of the last couple of weeks), Ilya knows even his boring husband and his boring husband’s loser best friend can’t ruin this perfect day.

Because today, Ilya’s becoming a godfather.

And yeah, Shane is too, but Ilya’s never been great at sharing, and he’s already determined that this sweet baby will like him the best, so it doesn’t really matter. 

He unlatches her car seat, thankfully remembering how it unfolds into a stroller, and smiles at Jackie, who’s still in the front seat, looking completely amused at his antics.

“Where are the other three?” he asks, slightly disappointed he’ll have to wait for hugs and attention from some of his favorite small people.

“They’re with my mom and dad,” Jackie says, unbuckling her seatbelt and exiting the car. “We were struggling to get everything ready in time to be here to meet the florist, so she’s bringing them in a little bit.”

Shane and Hayden clap each other on the back, and Jackie gives both Shane and Ilya kisses on the cheek. He is thankfully spared from having to touch Hayden because of the stroller that’s between them, but that doesn’t stop him from running over the back of Hayden’s foot as they start to walk inside. 

“Jesus Christ,” Hayden curses loudly, turning to glare at Ilya while they walk up the ramp. 

“He is right inside, Hayden. There is no need to yell,” Ilya tells him before turning his attention back to Amber, cooing at her as he continues to earn smile after smile.

Once they’re inside the massive church, Hayden and Jackie head to talk to a man Ilya assumes is the reverend, while he and Shane stand to the side with Amber. The service isn’t for a couple of hours, but they’d insisted on getting there early to help out however they could, which Ilya had not so secretly hoped meant spending time with Amber.

“Hello, my perfect angel baby,” he says to her in Russian. Her whole face lights up, and she starts to kick her legs. “Today is our special day.” 

He can feel Shane’s eyes on him, and Ilya turns his head to look at his husband. Shane looks sinfully good in a brown three-piece tweed suit that Ilya can’t wait to take off of him later. 

Shane has one eyebrow raised, and his head is slightly cocked to the side. “You do know she’s not actually your baby, right? Like I think it’s really important you acknowledge that out loud.”

He knew teaching Shane his native language would come back to bite him in the ass someday. The annoying over-achiever had understood every word Ilya said to his goddaughter.

He bends down and undoes the straps on Amber’s car seat, lifting her up into his arms. “Do not listen to the short, freckled hockey player, my little love. He is only here to ruin our fun.”

Shane blinks at them, his eyes wide. He bites his lip and his cheeks stain a light pink while he’s lost in some thought Ilya isn’t privy to. But he seems to shake himself out of it and says, “Hey, she’s my goddaughter too, you know.”

“Yes, and I am sure that will come in very handy one day when she needs to do her taxes or something…” What’s another word for boring? “...mundane.”

“Dick,” Shane says without any real heat. 

“You said that last night, too,” Ilya says, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, and Shane instantly looks mortified. “But it was something more like give me your–”

“Oh my god, Ilya, not in front of a literal baby and Jesus.” 

Ilya’s laugh echoes against marble and high ceilings. God, he loves this neurotic man. 

Jackie walks over to them then, her phone clutched in her hand and a somewhat pained expression on her face. “The florist is here but I need to walk my mom through a couple of things on the phone, would you mind helping them? I don’t trust Hayden with this, and he’s on the phone trying to direct his parents here.”

“Of course,” Shane says. “Whatever you need.”

“Ilya, you remember the boards I showed you with what it’s supposed to look like?” 

He nods, recalling the afternoon they spent together pouring over her ideas while Shane had done his best to pretend he was interested. 

“Just make sure they don’t royally screw anything up, will you? And are you good with her?” She moves closer to Amber, and tickles her stomach. “She should be totally content to just be for a little while, I would take her I just—“

“Go,” Ilya says gently. “We’ll be fine.” 

“Thank you,” she says. “You’re the best.”

“I know,” Ilya says needlessly as she walks away. “It is a heavy burden, but is my cross to bear.”

“Rich of you to say while standing in a church,” Shane quips while they move to the doors to meet the florist. “And she was talking to both of us.”

“Was she, Shane? Was she?”

oOo

After Jackie gives her seal of approval on the florals, Ilya hands Amber off to her for a bottle and a diaper change. He’s smiling after them when Shane suddenly grabs his hand and begins to drag him down a hallway. 

He checks the handle of the first door they come to, and when he finds it unlocked, Shane pulls Ilya inside the room. 

Ilya doesn’t even have a second to take in their surroundings before Shane is on him, kissing him like he’s been starved of Ilya’s taste for a lifetime. 

“Not that I am complaining,” Ilya says, breathily as Shane finds the juncture of his neck and shoulder. “But what–” Oh, shit. Shane’s tongue laps at his pulse point. “What did I do to deserve this?”

Shane moans at the question, his hands pushing into Ilya’s suit jacket to rake over his chest and down to his abs. “You just…” He kisses Ilya again. “Seeing you with a baby and ordering people around. It just–fuck.” 

Ilya’s chuckle turns dark as Shane runs his finger over Ilya’s bottom lip before he leans in and nips where his touch has just been.

“You liked that, did you?” Ilya says, grabbing at Shane’s ass and loving how it fills his hands and still spills over. All at once, Shane’s wide-eyed stare from earlier make complete sense. “You love it when I’m in charge.”

Shane grinds his hips against Ilya in response, and Ilya can already feel a hardness pressing against him. Wicked, entirely not appropriate for church, images fill his head. It wouldn’t take long to take Shane apart, and Ilya desperately wants to feel the weight of him in his mouth. All he has to do is drop to his knees and–

Someone’s throat clears. Someone who is decidedly not Ilya or Shane. 

They spring apart, both breathing heavily as they see the reverend standing before them. It takes Ilya’s eyes a second to focus, but when they do, he realizes they’re in something that looks very much like an office.

Oops.

“Gentlemen,” the reverend says with an admonishing tone, while his face remains unmoved. “While we are a very affirming congregation, and I recognize your love for each other is…great–” 

Shane makes a choking sound. 

“I would kindly ask that you refrain from using my office for such…” he waves his hand in their direction. “Activities.”

Shane starts to panic, his hands coming up in front of him like waving them around will somehow help him explain why they’d been using a minister’s office to nearly have sex. “I am so sorry…he just…I was…I didn’t–”

Ilya decides to mercifully come to his rescue. “Excuse us,” he says, grabbing Shane’s hand. “We will leave you to your office.”

They leave as quickly as they can as Ilya can haul Shane down the hall, making their back to the front of the church. 

When they reach relative safety, Shane leans against a wall and closes his eyes, and Ilya watches as he starts to silently mouth words. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, slightly concerned Shane might finally be having a mental breakdown. 

Shane opens one eye, leering at him for a moment, before he shuts it back. “Praying.”

That’s unusual. “For?”

“Lightning to come and strike us down.”

oOo

Lightning does not in fact strike them down, but five minutes before the service is supposed to start, a different kind of disaster strikes. Or as Ilya likes to look at it, opportunity. 

They’re standing outside the sanctuary when Amber decides to projectile spit-up everything she’d eaten just a few minutes before. Luckily, she’s facing outward with Jackie’s hands under her bottom so she misses getting anything her mother, but manages to cover her entire front in the mess.

Her frilly white dress is completely ruined.

“Shit,” Jackie mumbles. She somewhat frantically turns toward Hayden, while Amber just sits in her arms, looking like totally unbothered. “Where’s the bag with the extra clothes?”

Hayden suddenly looks whiter than normal, and it’s his turn to say, “Shit, I think I forgot it.” 

Jackie looks like she’s about ten seconds away from killing him, and it’s clear Hayden knows he’s fucked up. “I’m so sorry, babe, it was chaos and I just–”

“It’s always chaos, Hayden.”

“I-I know, I just…I’m sorry, let me run home, and I’ll fix it–”

“There’s no time,” Jackie hisses. “We’re getting ready to start.”

“Are you sure you don’t have a spare outfit in the car or something?” Shane asks in an attempt to be helpful, as he looks extremely uncomfortable at the argument happening in front of him. 

“No, it was all in that bag,” Jackie says, her eyes still glaring daggers at her husband. “The one thing I asked you to get.”

Ilya’s initial feeling of dread for his friends, quickly turns into 

“I might have a solution,” Ilya offers, looking at Hayden with a grin that has Hayden looking more than a little concerned. “But you will not like it.”

Shane immediately clocks what he’s getting at. “Ilya, no.”

Hayden looks back and forth between them, not at all processing what’s happening, but Jackie clearly doesn’t care. “I’ll take a paper sack at this point. Hurry,” she says to Ilya, and he wastes no time exiting the doors and heading towards the car. 

He finds what he’s looking for and takes it out of the bag he’d planned on giving the gift in later in the day. Jogging back into the church, he’s practically vibrating with excitement for what’s about to happen.

When he reaches the group again, he holds up the clear solution to the problem: a tiny Ottawa jersey with the Centaurs' ridiculous logo on the front and the number eighty-one emblazoned on the sleeves and back, along with his name. 

“See?” he says proudly, enjoying the range of expressions he gets from the people in front of him. Horror from Hayden. Annoyance from Shane. Borderline hysterical amusement from Jackie. “Is perfect, no?”

“There is no fucking way,” Hayden says far too loudly for the sacred space they occupy, earning offended stares from the few stragglers that still linger in the foyer. He looks like he’s about to have an aneurysm. 

“You should have thought of that before you forgot the bag with the extra clothes,” Jackie says, taking the jersey from him. “Besides, you knew this was inevitable anyway. It’s Ilya.” 

“Yeah, but not at her christening,” Hayden counters as they walk away, arguing with Jackie until they disappear into the restroom.

“I still don’t know why you thought that was a good gift idea,” Shane says, his gaze annoyed.

“Clearly, it was an amazing gift,” Ilya defends. “Besides, you would not let me get her the Bugatti.”

“She’s a baby, Ilya.” 

“Not forever, Shane,” he says smugly. And then Shane starts to pout. 

“I don’t understand why you didn’t have one made of my jersey, too.” 

“Because Hayden would have liked yours a little too much.”

“And why would that be a problem? Is everything going to be about annoying Hayden for the rest of our lives?” Shane sounds exasperated, and Ilya tries not to let it show how much he’s enjoying annoying his husband.

But at this point, Shane probably already knows.

“Of course it is.”

Jackie and Hayden reappear, with Hayden’s face looking the perfect mixture of pissed off and resigned, just as the reverend comes up and asks, “Are we ready?” 

To the clergyman’s credit, he only spares a fleeting glance at Amber’s new outfit, having no reaction to the oddness of it, which makes sense. 

Ilya personally knows he’s seen way worse happening under this very roof. In his own office no less. 

“Let’s try to keep this family-friendly, boys,” he says as they line up, and Shane’s cheeks flush red immediately, while Ilya’s lips quirk up, unashamed

“What was that about?” Hayden asks as they walk into the sanctuary. 

“You don’t want to know,” Shane replies, the flush of his cheeks deepening to the point he pulls on his shirt collar to try and get more air to his skin. 

Ilya makes a mental note to tell Hayden all about it later.

 oOo

The service goes off without a hitch. Amber wears Ilya’s tiny jersey with no further spit-up incidents. Ilya manages to renounce Satan without laughing. Jackie is rock solid as per usual. Hayden manages to remember his kid’s name. And Shane only looks slightly constipated when it’s time for photos.

There’s a two hour break between when the service ends and lunch starts, and since they can’t go home in between like most of the rest of the guests attending, they head straight to the Pikes’ house, where they’re greeted at the door by Jade, Rudy, and Arthur. 

Ilya gets to them first and scoops all three of them up into a giant hug. In the busyness at the church, they hadn’t gotten to see them except in passing, and Ilya makes up for it by kissing all three on the cheek as he squeezes them while they giggle. 

“Uncle Ilya, Uncle Shane, you have to come see the backyard!” Ruby says, bouncing on her feet in excitement. “It’s like a magic fairy garden!”

She takes them both by the hand while Jade pushes them from behind, and when they reach their destination, Ilya lets out an impressed whistle. 

The Pikes’ backyard is normally a mess of toys on top of a perfectly manicured lawn. But today, he finds Ruby’s description to be the most accurate, it truly does look like a fairy garden. 

There’s flowers everywhere in all differnet shades of pink and purple. Arches are set up around the space, completely covered in vines and even more flowers and floral rings and lights hang from nearby trees. The tables are decorated with delicate china with accents of gold on the cups and napkin rings, and name cards with gorgeous calligraphy sits at every seat.

Ilya remembers the plans Jackie showed him a month before, but those are nothing compared to what it looks like come to life. Jackie has truly outdone herself.

The twins lead them around, showing off all the decorations, while members of Jackie and Hayden’s families start to slowly trickle in. They’re introduced to so many people: Jackie’s parents (who seem less than thrilled with their existence), her siblings and their kids and cousins and grandparents, and the list goes on for so long, Ilya can’t even manage to remember one person’s name. 

He loses track of Shane briefly when Shane excuses himself to get a drink, and as the party space starts to fill up with more family and most of the Voyagers hockey team, Ilya looks in the less crowded areas for his husband. Without fail, he finds Shane standing next to a hedge near the back gate looking like he wishes he could disappear into the leaves.

“You look like you could use a smoke,” he says, and Shane wastes no time in scowling at him. 

“I like living, thanks,” he snaps back. 

“Could have fooled me with that look on your face,” Ilya says

Shane’s tense shoulders drop a little, and he sighs. “Sorry. It’s just a lot sometimes. Being around them after everything.”

Ilya reaches for his hand and rubs his thumb across Shane’s skin. “I know.”

Neither of them get the chance to say any more, as voices filter to them from the other side of the hedge. 

“I cannot believe you allowed Amber to be baptized wearing a hockey jersey,” a women’s voice says with more than a little contempt.

“Mom, I told you, Hayden forgot the bag with extra clothes,” Jackie replies, her own voice sounding done. “Shane and Ilya saved us, because without them, she would have been christened in a vomit dress.”

They hear her mother scoff. “As if it wasn’t enough of a spectacle already with you naming those two as her godparents.”

Ilya and Shane share a look. Neither of them move. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“I think you know exactly what I mean.” 

“I really don’t,” Jackie snaps. “They’re our best friends, mom. They’re wonderful people.”

“Be that as it may, there were obviously more appropriate choices–”

“Mom–”

“And yet you continue to ignore what I have to–”

Shane moves first, and before Ilya can stop him, he’s rounded the corner, making his presence known to the two women on the other side. Ilya’s right on his heels, considering their hands are still threaded together.

“Everything okay, here?” Shane interrupts, looking directly at Jackie. Her clenched fists relax at the sight of them, and she exhales a deep breath. 

“We are fine,” her mother grumbles, clearly annoyed at her criticisms being interrupted. “I’ll speak with you later, Jackie.” She stalks off, and Ilya breathes his own sigh of relief.

“I…” Jackie starts like she wants to say something, but then thinks better of it, “I’d better go check on the food.” She walks past them, and while Ilya knows they both want to follow her, they also realize it’s probably not what’s best. At least not right now.

“That was…” Shane starts, apparently at a loss for how to describe what they’d just seen. 

“Not great,” Ilya supplies. “Have you ever met her before?”

“No,” Shane shakes his head. “Jackie’s barely ever mentioned her. Guess I know why.”

“I hope Jackie is okay,” Ilya says, hating the fact that she might be feeling anything less than wonderful on this beautiful day. 

“Me too,” Shane says as Ilya offers him his arm. “Shit, I hope we’re not at the same table as her mom.”

Ilya grins. “Do not worry. I convinced Jackie to let us sit at the kids table.” 

Shane laughs, a gorgeous smile on his face, the one Ilya has only ever seen directed at him, and he falls a little bit more in love. “I knew there was a reason I married you.”

“Really?” Ilya acts surprised. “I thought it was for my amazing body and sex skills.”

Shane looks around to make sure no one is watching them, and then he lightly pinches Ilya’s ass. “Oh, that definitely had something to do with it, too.”

oOo

Right before lunch is served, Shane has to give a speech. Ilya’s not really sure why. It hadn’t really made sense to him when Hayden had asked them, and he’s not good with expressing mushy things in front of people. Because yes, this day means more to him than he could probably express, and he’s so happy to be considered family by these people, but that doesn’t mean he needs to tell everyone that. The people who matter know. 

So, he leaves it up to Shane.

“Uh, hi everyone,” Shane says, and it only sounds slightly nervous. “I’m Shane Hollander.” Ilya shares a look with Amber, whom he’d taken from her mother when lunch began under the guise of allowing her to eat in peace. He rolls his eyes while she stares up at him with a searching expression. As if everyone there doesn’t already know who Shane is. 

“My husband Ilya and I are Amber’s godparents, and Hayden and Jackie asked me to say a few words before we eat, but I promise I’ll only say a few, because this day isn’t about us.”

“Yes, it is!” Ilya calls from their table amongst the kids, who all laugh at him, along with almost everyone else in attendance. 

Shane glares at him for a beat and then goes on. “Hayden was my first friend when I moved to Montreal, and when he met Jackie, I figured that would kind of be it. That we would drift apart as his life changed and mine stayed the same. But it didn’t. Jackie took me in just like Hayden did. She invited me over, she fed me, and she gave me hugs after some really hard losses. And then the kids came along, and then Ilya, entered our lives, but their friendship stayed the same. I was always welcome. We were always welcome.”

For the most part, Ilya adds in his head, thinking back to those early days after Hayden had discovered their secret. It had been rough, and he and Ilya had nearly come to physical blows about it at the first dinner they shared. But for all the shit Ilya gives Hayden, he and Jackie really have been there with them through everything. 

Shane pauses and rubs the bottom half of his face, and Ilya can tell he’s trying not to get emotional. He knows this day means a lot to Shane, too. Recognizes fully how much Shane cherishes his small circle of found family.

“I was an only child growing up, and while I had an amazing life, I never had a big family. I have always wondered what it might be like.” He looks to Jackie and Hayden. “You’ve given that to me and to Ilya, and I speak for both of us when I say we couldn’t be more grateful. We love you both, and your children, and it’s our goal to make Amber feel even half as loved as you’ve made us feel over the years. Thank you for trusting us with her.”

Applause fills the backyard, and Ilya fights back a laugh as Hayden jumps up and engulfs Shane in a huge hug, clearly shaking from his own tears. 

“Did Uncle Shane just make Dad cry?” Jade asks as if she’s seeing some horrifying scene play out in front of her eyes.

Ilya definitely isn’t crying himself when he answers, “Yes. Yes, he did.”

oOo

Amber starts to get fussy as lunch nears its end. Ilya looks around for Jackie but doesn’t see her, so he decides to head inside to see if she has any bottles made up in the fridge. 

He leaves Shane at the kids’ table in the midst of a very heated game of Go Fish and makes his way towards the kitchen. 

He hears frustrated voices and almost turns around, but he can tell Amber is really close to letting out a full-on wail, so he presses on.

“Do you not think of these things, Jackie? What are you even doing here all day while Hayden works?”

Jackie takes a deep breath through her nose. “Mom, how many times do I–”

She catches sight of Ilya and stops. Her face looks almost relieved as she turns back to her mother. “Go back outside, please. We can finish this later. I need to get my baby something to eat.”

Jackie’s mom looks at Ilya with more disdain than he thinks he’s ever seen, which is saying a lot considering he’s a queer professional hockey player whose secondary personality is ‘rage baiting asshole.’ 

“You should have been with her all along. You’re her mother. He shouldn’t be carting her around–”

“Ilya is her godparent, Mom. You know the thing we did today because you insisted she needed to be christened? He’s been helping me because I’m a little busy hosting, and he loves my kids and wants to spend time with them, which most people would think is a wonderful thing. So, can you please go back outside so I can keep doing what I need to do?”

Ilya wants so badly to step in. Seeing anyone treated in such a way, and by their parent no less, makes his skin crawl. But he doesn’t move towards them or speak; he just continues to bounce Amber in the hopes it will calm her enough until she gets her bottle. 

And besides, he’s seen Jackie handle an entire room full of hockey players that are being loud enough to wake her sleeping children. He’s much more useful doing what he’s doing, anyway.  

Her mother doesn’t move for a few long moments, her mouth set in a thin line as her eyes flit back and forth between Ilya and her daughter. She’s clearly trying to decide if continuing the battle is worth it. He’s sure there’s some insult for him on the tip of her tongue, but Ilya does his best to look completely unbothered by her presence. 

He thinks that’s what finally does it because she stalks out of the kitchen, and he soon hears the door to the backyard open and close heavily. 

“Sorry,” she says, and her voice sounds like it’s one misstep away from breaking as she opens the fridge and gets out a bottle. “I lost track of time, I should have–”

“You do not need to apologize,” Ilya interrupts, reaching out to take the bottle. “Should I heat this?”

She shakes her head. “No, she’s fine with them cold.”

They’re quiet while Amber starts to eat, neither moving as they lean against the counter. Ilya’s not really sure if he should leave it alone or not. Jackie’s his friend, but what he witnessed here and in the backyard earlier is extremely personal, and he doesn’t want to push her to talk about something she doesn’t want to.

Thankfully, Jackie speaks first. “We didn’t just name you and Shane godparents because my mom insisted on us having a christening. I’m sorry if it came across that way. It was always going to be you guys, no matter what.”

“No worries,” Ilya assures her. “As long as she likes me better than Shane, titles mean nothing.” 

“Is everything a competition with you two?”

“We are no longer rivals in hockey,” Ilya says sadly. “We have to be more creative with how I beat him these days.”

They fall into silence again, and as he watches Amber eat, Ilya almost feels like he should leave it alone. But Jackie means a lot to him, she’s his good friend, so the least he can do is ask, “Are you okay?”

Jackie sighs, looking like she wants to answer that she’s fine. It would be easier, and Ilya gets that so much. But finally she says, “Do you ever just wish your parents would disappear?”

“Uh, well,” he starts, knowing there’s no way to make this not uncomfortable. “Both my parents are dead, and Shane’s parents are great, so…not recently anyway.”

Jackie winces. “Shit, Ilya, I’m sorry.”

“Is fine,” Ilya assures her with a smile that’s only a little sad. And it’s mostly for her. “That was something. Is your mother always so…” he tries to find the right word without being too rude, but even a decade in, his English isn’t that great when it comes to vocabulary, and nothing remotely appropriate is coming to mind.

Jackie laughs humorlessly. “Judgmental? Terrible? Condescending? Bitchy?” 

“Ah, well, your words,” he says, grateful she says exactly what he's thinking. 

“She is,” Jackie sighs. “She’s been that way my whole life. Nothing I do is good enough. I try to please her, and she just…finds something else. I can’t win.”

“Have you ever thought about not seeing her?” He realizes it’s hypocritical of him to ask considering he dealt with much of the same with his own father and brother and never cut them off for years.

“Yes.” The admission sounds painful. “But more than that, I just want to prove her wrong. That I’m a great mom, and that I have it all together, and I don’t need help, but the truth is, she’s right, and it’s so hard to swallow. I’m struggling so much these days.”

“You are a wonderful mother,” Ilya tells her, and it’s not just to pacify. Jackie is amazing with her kids. He’s seen her mend scraped knees, solve arguments, make three different dinners on any given night, read books, be the queen in a made-up story…and those are just the things he’s seen during the few hours a month he spends in her presence.

“I don’t feel like it,” she says, and Ilya’s heart clenches painfully at the tear that trails down her cheek.

“Have you told Hayden how you are feeling?”

Jackie shakes her head. “No, not really. He knows how awful Mom can be, and he does his best to be the middle man, but I don’t…I don’t want to burden him. He worries so much already. And it’s not like I don’t want this. Having the kids was my choice. I do want this. I love being their mom. I just…it’s so much, Ilya. I feel like I’m drowning.”

It sounds so familiar, and though Ilya has far more good days than bad ones now, he’s always aware of the darkness that lingers on the horizon, just waiting to swallow him whole. He doesn’t want that for Jackie. 

At the same time, he can’t imagine the pressure she’s under. External and internal. Taking care of four kids day in and out with a husband whose job has him away and busy for half the year, has to be exhausting on the best of days. Not to mention the pressure the league places on wives to be literal trophies at all times. 

And while there’s a lot of her life he can’t relate to, there’s a lot that he can. Having a parent you can never hope to please, yet you still feel a responsibility towards anyway. Feeling like if you’re not perfect for the person you love the most, you’ll just turn into baggage. 

He still doesn’t have the best handle on these feelings, but it’s so much better than it was, and it’s not exactly a secret that he’s been in therapy for a while.

So he decides to share, hoping his suffering can help ease hers. 

“I spent a long time hiding how I felt from Shane. I thought I was a burden to him, too. And it made us both miserable, because I was too scared to admit how I was feeling and that I needed help. But one of the things my therapist always asks me when I mention that is, ‘What would Shane say if you told him that?’”

He stops and puts Amber’s empty now bottle on the counter, raising her to his shoulder to gently pat her back. She settles against him easily.

“What do you think Hayden would say if you told him you thought you were a burden?”

Jackie’s lips quirk up just a little. “He’d tell me I was being ridiculous. That I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him.”

“Exactly,” he says, bumping her gently with his elbow to catch her eyes. “I took on everything I was feeling by myself because I thought I had to. All Shane wanted to do was be there for me. I just had to let him.” 

Jackie looks away from him and down towards her heeled feet. Her hands fiddle with the fabric of her immaculate dress. “That made it better?” 

“It was a start,” Ilya admits. “Plus a lot of therapy and some medication.” He nudges her arm with his elbow and winks at her when she turns toward him. “And hey, I know great Russian therapist if you need one.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she says with a tiny hint of a smile. She tucks a strand of her long hair behind her ear, and he can sense some hesitation still there, but she goes on. “And I’ll talk to Hayden.”

“Only if you are ready, yes?” Ilya says softly. “You do not have to push. And Shane and I are here, too.” 

“Thank you, Ilya. I don’t know what we’d do without both of you.” Her smile grows, and it’s watery, but also much closer to the one he knows. 

“Can I tell your husband you say this?” Ilya asks as she wipes at her eyes to clear the tears, somehow expertly avoiding smudging a single bit of her makeup.

“If I can be there to watch his reaction, absolutely.” She winks at him and then reaches out her arms toward her daughter, who’s now dozing against Ilya’s shoulder. “Do you want me to take her?”

Ilya brings an overly offended look to his face, turning his body away from her as if to shield Amber from her own mother. “Jackie,” he gasps quietly in an attempt not to wake the baby. “It is our big day, you cannot separate us!”

Jackie laughs, and it’s a real one that fills up the room. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

They walk back outside together. Jackie squeezes his shoulder and then walks back to where Hayden is sitting. 

He hopes that their talk helped. Time will tell, he supposes. But as his eyes scan the small crowd, catching sight of Jacki’es mother, he knows there’s something he can do to make Jackie feel better instantly. 

He bumps into her mother as she’s taking a drink of her water and takes entirely too much delight in seeing her sputtering with a now extremely wet dress.

“So sorry,” he says without meaning it. “I did not see you because I am carrying my goddaughter.” He gives her a bright smile while she gapes at him, and her husband starts to pat her down with a napkin.

He catches Jackie’s eye in the commotion, and he gives her a thumbs up, enjoying how she laughs and mouths, ‘thank you’ to him from across the space.

Ilya moves back to the kids' table, a sense of contentment settling in him when Shane smiles at him and welcomes him back. 

“Everything okay?” he asks, handing Jade the last of the cards in his hand and then holding his arms out toward Ilya.

“It will be,” he says as he gently moves Amber over to Shane’s shoulder, where she continues to slumber away without a care in the world.

oOo

When things die down and the afternoon sun starts to slip lower in the sky, Ilya sits off to the side with Amber still tucked into the crook of his arm. There are lots of people still milling about, and Ilya is glad to see that Jackie’s mother isn’t one of them. 

Jackie sits with some of the other hockey wives, and Ilya’s glad to see she seems relaxed. He doesn’t think she’s spoken with Hayden, yet, but there hasn’t been much time that’s passed since he’d found her in the kitchen, and at least she’s free from worrying about her mother. 

A shout from the basketball court catches his attention, and he turns toward a scene that makes his insides turn into a fond puddle of familial goo. Shane has been attempting to teach the elder Pike children about the rules of basketball, but instead, he ends up having to just repeatedly lift them to the basket to dunk the ball. 

Ilya trails a long finger across the bridge of Amber’s nose, laughing lightly when she tries to follow with her eyes and they end up crossing. She’s getting tired again.

“You are lucky, little one,” he says to her in Russian, enjoying how she smiles sleepily at him. “To be surrounded by so much love so young.

“You have good parents, and that is so important, but you have so much more, too.” He glances away from her face to watch the scene in front of him again. So much adoring love fills him that he’s not sure how he contains it. “Your sisters are a little wild, but they’ll teach you to be so strong.” 

He laughs lightly as Shane struggles with a twin hanging from each arm as he tries to shoot the basketball while Arthur stands just out of bounds, taking it all in. “And your brother is quiet, but he sees everything. He won’t ever lead you astray.” 

Ilya looks back down at Amber and sees her eyes drooping like they usually do when he speaks to her in his native tongue. 

“And your Uncle Shane and I, well, we’ll teach you all the things your parents won’t. Like hockey because your dad is so very bad at it. And how to drive fast cars, and how terrible the Montreal Voyagers are.”

He smiles at his own joke. “I’m sure Shane has some useful things to teach you, too, like the importance of sunscreen and how to be the most boring, stable, perfect person in the world.”

Ilya feels the weight of his mother’s crucifix against his chest. He’s infinitely glad this child will have so much more than he ever did growing up. “And even if some of your family is not so great, you will never be alone,” he says in English as Amber’s eyes slip closed. “No matter what, you will never be alone.”

oOo

After he hands his goddaughter to Hayden’s mom to put her to bed, Ilya spots Shane standing with a couple of his former teammates. 

Even from a distance, Ilya can tell he’s a little out of it. Only nodding along every once in a while, and never really adding anything to the conversation as he sips on a ginger ale. His shoulders are tense, and he’s staring at a fixed point on the ground.  

Ilya grins as he makes his decision. 

Walking up behind Shane, he wraps his arms around his waist, placing his chin on Shane’s shoulder. For the briefest of moments, Shane tenses, still unused to the possibility of being openly affectionate in public. But as soon as the initial reaction settles, he melts back against Ilya. 

J.J. Boiziau eyes Ilya warily, and Ilya holds his gaze like a challenge. On paper, J.J. has come to terms with Shane and Ilya being together, but actually facing it in the wild? That seems to be different, still. 

And Ilya gets it. Kind of. But J.J. had been a complete asshole to Shane when he’d found out about them, and while Shane had forgiven him, and Ilya knows he should too (and he’ll work on it. Someday. Maybe. Jury is still out.), it doesn’t stop him from trying his best to make J.J. uncomfortable as hell when the opportunity arose. 

“Well, we’d better get going,” J.J. says, tapping his teammate that Ilya can’t be bothered to remember the name of on the arm. “See you later, Shane. Rozanov.”

“Bye-bye,” Ilya calls with zero inflection, and he feels Shane relax even further. “Your emotional support human reporting for duty.” 

“Thank fuck,” Shane exhales, and Ilya chuckles against his neck, taking a moment to breathe him in.

“Is been a long day.” Ilya squeezes him gently. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Shane replies. “Let’s say goodbye to Hayden and Jackie, and then we can go.”

They find them sitting at a table, and Ilya is happy to see Jackie leaning against her husband with his arm around her. She seems much more relaxed. 

Jackie gives Ilya a vice-tight hug. “Thank you,” she says simply, but he catches all the meaning in the words.  

She hugs Shane too, and says something low in his ear. “Anytime,” Ilya hears him say back before he kisses her cheek.

When they reach the car, instead of opening the door, Ilya tugs on Shane’s hand and presses him against it, kissing him lazily, drunk on a high from one of his favorite days in recent memory. 

Shane smiles against his mouth, his hands coming up to rest at Ilya’s waist as he happily returns Ilya’s kiss. 

Ilya loves this man so much. They’re perfect for each other, the rest of the world be damned.

“What did Jackie say to you? When we left?” Ilya asks once they’re in the car and driving back to Shane’s house in Montreal, which they haven’t gotten around to selling yet.

“Oh, she just thanked me for my help with the kids and her mom. Said they couldn’t have done it without me, which doesn’t feel true at all, but it’s sweet.”

Ilya knows it’s true, though. Having Shane on duty with the older kids and Ilya hogging the baby most of the day had been more of a help to Jackie and Hayden than either of them probably realizes. 

Ilya reaches over and strokes Shane’s cheek with his thumb.“You were great today.” 

“You were really great today, too,” Shane says, his eyes a little dreamy from the touch. “Watching you with Amber all day like it was nothing. You’re going to be such a great dad.”

“Mmm,” Ilya hums, unable to keep the corners of his mouth from turning up at the praise. He moves his hands to grip the steering wheel, and he waits until he can’t ignore Shane’s expectant stare any longer. 

They’re stopped at a light, and he turns his head towards Shane with an innocent look on his face. “Oh, I am sorry, were you expecting me to say the same back to you?”

Shane rolls his eyes and punches Ilya’s arm. “Asshole,” he says while Ilya’s smirk returns and grows. 

He reaches over and holds out his hand as the light turns green, and Shane takes it with only a bit of reluctance. Their fingers thread together. “You will be the best dad,” he says, and he means it, but he’s also really proud of himself for stopping there and not getting punched in the arm again. 

Shane leans back in the seat, the street lights illuminating his face and the freckles Ilya loves so much. There’s a pride in his expression that Ilya won’t forget for a long time. “Amber’s really lucky to have you.”

“She’s lucky to have us both,” Ilya corrects. “Hayden is her father, she’s going to need as much help as she can get.”

Shane groans and his head thunks against the window. “There it is.”

oOo

It’s the first day of the Irina Foundations summer hockey camp in Montreal, and things are going well. They’ve done this for enough years now that Shane only slightly freaks out about all the details and can enjoy it. 

Well, sort of. Because this year is the first year his goddaughter is old enough to join, and because he’s spent the past seven years making sure Ilya didn’t corrupt her beyond recognition every chance he got, he feels a lot of pressure for her to love camp.

He should have known Amber would have other plans. 

They’re running simple drills when the fighting starts. He and Ilya share a look when they notice who is responsible for the fray. 

“Great, here we go,” Shane says, and Ilya snorts next to him with an affectionate look on his face.

Amber has her finger poking into the chest of a boy named Henry, but they’re far enough away that Shane can’t quite make out what she’s saying, though he’s sure it’s nothing good. 

They don’t step in right away. It’s important for the kids to try to work through things on their own, and a tussle on the ice is kind of a rite of passage when it comes to hockey. But then Amber takes off her gloves and throws a right hook that sends Henry reeling backwards.

“Holy shit,” Shane says, his emotions swirling with a mixture of concern and awe, before he turns to Ilya and his eyes narrow. “You taught her that, didn’t you?”

Ilya beams back. “I sure did.” 

They skate over, and Shane easily plucks Amber off of Henry. She’s still trying to swing even after Shane has picked her up, until she realizes who has a hold of her. Ilya grabs Henry and skates off with him in the opposite direction. 

Amber goes limp, and Shane has a hard time keeping himself from laughing at the dramatic scowl she has on her face. She’s fearless like her older sisters, but she feels deeply like her brother. It’s a potent mix when things don’t go quite the way she thinks they should. 

He takes her off the ice and up into the first row of bleachers, setting her down on the edge of the row as he kneels so he can be eye level with her. 

“Are you okay?” he asks, and she nods but doesn’t meet his eyes. Shane hooks a finger under her chin and lifts her face. His heart breaks a little when he sees tears that threaten to spill out as her lower lip trembles. “Tell me what happened.”

“He…he said girls can’t play hockey.” 

Shane thinks for a brief moment that maybe he should have let Ilya take this one. He’s much better at the emotional things, and Shane could have easily handled giving Henry a lecture. But no, he decides quickly. He can do this, he loves Amber, she’s one of his favorite people on the planet, and she deserves for him to show up when she needs him.

And besides, he needs the practice.

“I’m sorry. That’s really frustrating and definitely not true,” he says, and thinks that’s not a half-bad response. “But hey, we can’t fight every time someone says something stupid to us.”

“But Uncle Ilya said–”

“What’s our rule about listening to Uncle Ilya?” He stops her, knowing nothing helpful was coming at the end of that sentence. 

“We don’t listen to Uncle Ilya,” she pouts as her shoulders deflate. “But you’ve fought before!”

“Once,” Shane reminds her. “It’s always better to use your words over your fists.”

“I did!” she laments. “I told him to eat shit, and he just kept going.”

Shane nearly chokes on a laugh. This kid. “Okay, well, maybe not those kinds of words. And besides, you know the best thing you can do when someone says you can’t do something?” 

Amber shakes her head, and Shane smiles at the earnest look on her face. “Prove them wrong.”

He’s rewarded with a small smile. “Because you can play hockey, right?” he prods.

“Yeah.”

“And you’re pretty dang good at it, too. You scored three goals on me last time we played.”

She rolls her eyes, but he can tell she’s coming around. “Only because you let me.” 

“I don’t let anybody win,” Shane tells her, and it’s not entirely true in her case, but she doesn’t need to know that.

“Not even Uncle Ilya?”

Ok, now that is just insulting.

“Especially not Uncle Ilya,” he says, probably more fiercely than necessary, but she giggles, and Shane hopes that he’s made some headway. “So, what do you say? You ready to get back out there?”

She launches herself forward and engulfs him in a hug so tight, he nearly loses his balance. “Thanks, Uncle Shane. I love you.”

“Love you, too, kiddo,” he says for probably the millionth time, knowing he’s just as wrapped around her finger as he was the first time he’d held her in the hospital after she was born. 

“Hey, can I come see the baby tonight?” she asks excitedly when they pull back, all traces of her former foul mood gone. 

“I’m sure we can make that happen if you promise no more fighting,” he emphasizes, and she nods in agreement. “But hey,” he grabs her hand and makes it into a fist, his voice dropping low. “Next time,” because he knows full well there will be a next time, “make sure you leave your thumb out, okay? Can’t have you with broken fingers.”

He holds up his hand, and she punches it lightly with proper form, a giant grin splitting her face. 

They go back to the ice, and as he watches her get back in line to wait her turn, Ilya skates over to him. “She good?”

“Yeah,” Shane replies. “Henry okay?”

“Mhmm,” Ilya says. “He will have a nice shiner, though.”

Shane bumps Ilya’s skate with one of his own. “Stop teaching her how to fight. And saying things like eat shit.”

He doesn’t look the least bit sorry. “Is my job to teach her these things.” 

Shane shakes his head disapprovingly. “It really isn’t.”

Ilya shrugs, and Shane knows he’s not going to change a thing about how he interacts with their goddaughter. “Agree to disagree.”

They watch the drill continue, and when it’s finally Amber’s turn to go, she has such a determined look on her face that Shane is reminded of so many pictures he’s seen of himself over the years when he’s playing the game. 

“We have done a good job with her,” Ilya says, voice full of pride and something else that Shane can’t quite name. 

“It’s not like we raised her,” Shane replies, even as he feels that sense of pride for her, too. 

They watch as Amber sails through the zig-zag of cones, with skill that not many seven year olds could manage. At the end, she sends the puck flying with so much force, it flies past a very stunned looking Wyatt Hayes and into the net. 

There’s an uproar amongst the kids, and Amber throws her hands up in celebration before she very pointedly turns and sticks her tongue out at Henry while she takes a victory lap around him.

Ilya laughs and turns to Shane, his knowing smile infectious, and Shane finds himself struck, not for the first time, by how much he loves the way his life has turned out. 

And Shane knows he’s right when Ilya says, “I think we have done far more than you give us credit for.”