Chapter Text
Lo’ak had always been the quieter one, While Neteyam would try to make friends he would have to drag his younger brother with him because Lo’ak would rather stand awkwardly to the side rather than introduce himself.
When Lo’ak fell off a tree branch while learning to climb with Neteyam and his father, he didn't wail when blood dripped from a cut in his shin. Instead he silently cried as Jake plucked out the small leaves and bark splinters that had gotten caught in the torn skin. An occasional sniffle breaking the tense silence as Neteyam worried for his brother and Jake kicked himself for not paying more attention to the thickness of the branches Lo’ak had tried to climb.
Staying quiet was more peaceful than making noise, with every sentence and remark a million things could go wrong. But when you did not speak no one could find fault in the missing words. Not only was staying silent preferable but being in silence was Lo’ak’s preferred state. The time between conversations or activities when the family would sit in silence all doing their own thing. Kiri would be making flower crowns, Jake sharpening daggers, neytiri fixing her arrows and Neteyam making beaded accessories. The family in silence but not empty, Lo’ak would sit by himself staring into the trees or drawing on tree bark.
The quiet filled his body comfortably like he was laying on a safety net, however as the youngest son grew he was eventually coaxed out of his quietude by his worried parents. He pretended not to notice their nightly conversations discussing whether their son was okay, whether he was mute or deaf. And he pretended not to notice the stark relief on their faces wherever he would hold conversations that made his body tense and shake with tension as he tried to string together the perfect sentences. He ignored the wide smile that would fill Neteyam’s face when Lo’ak actively started conversations rather than just going along with the ones he was forced into.
When the family adopted Spider, Lo’ak found himself choosing to talk. Not just compelling himself to converse to not worry his family but genuinely wanting to talk to the boy. The two were similar in age making their friendship and brotherhood even easier, While Lo’ak loved his brother their difference in age and maturity caused areas in their relationship they could never cross. Spider immediately noticed Lo’ak’s reluctance to talk and had introduced the boy to other ways of expressing his attention rather than forcing himself to talk. Things like humming in agreement, nodding his head or simply making different faces. The concept was so simple yet to Lo’ak it felt revolutionary. His parents stopped their late night talks and instead would whisper about how much more attentive their youngest had become.
Attentiveness was a lie though, now that he could look invested without saying a word Lo’ak found himself blanking out when someone talked to him. Accidentally retreating to a far away place in his mind and coming back only to realise he had no idea what the person had said, however no one had noticed yet so Lo’ak continued his mental escapism. Unlike his brother Neteyam words were not the language Lo’ak gravitated to, instead he chose to let his actions speak before his mouth ever did whether it was the shrug of his shoulders before he verbally expressed his confusion or the slump of his body before he disagreed with something.
The small gestures that would go unnoticed did not evade his fathers sight, for Jake these minuscule actions were painfully familiar. He remembered his childhood when he would get into physical fights when in arguments, always choosing action rather than words. The cycle would frequently get him into trouble,in every scenario his older brother Tommy would have to help him and now looking at his youngest son the pattern felt pitifully similar.
Jake had made it a point to have numerous discussions with Lo’ak about his habit, snapping his finger or tapping his shoulder when his son blanked out. The process of trying to get through to his son and watching Lo’ak’s eyes glaze over as he stared into space sent worry through the fathers heart like an arrow.
Neytiri had assured him the bad habit would go away with time and age and Jake held onto that sentiment like a lifeline. He has recognised that look before in his friends back when he was still in the army, the empty stare that made them look dead already.
Lo’ak knew his father was worried about him, however as war came and went and as the sky people took more of their forest, more of their family and more of their friends the heavy concern he felt lifted. Distracted with the tense conflict that became part of their lives, the same conflict that forced them out of their forest and into the Metkayina clan.
Neytiri hated it, she hated the fact that sky people had driven her and her clan out of their home, she hated how they had taken her home tree and she hated how she adopted one of them into her family. With every passing day Spider became more like a roommate as Neytiri’s frustration grew. Lo’ak felt bad for the kid and along with Neteyam, Kiri and Tuk the five would run around in the shallow water, the cold crisp waves slapping against their legs.
The Metkayina were hospitable on the surface however The family knew their stay should not be over stepped. As much as Lo’ak wished to continue his life in quiet he quickly understood that if he didn't speak out he would go unheard, which usually he wouldn't mind .
But as Kiri got picked on by a group of Metkayina boys Lo’ak stepped in, back in the forest the Omatikaya people held a reasonable stigma towards Avatars and the half blooded children they would have. Their wariness justified due to the people they had lost however Jake had proven himself over and over again, eventually earning their respect. Other than a couple looks Lo’ak and Kiri didn't face much bullying and Lo’ak was not about to let that change.
“Hey! Don't touch my sister!”
He yelled trying his best to sound confident in his words, at the loud remark Kiri looked at Lo’ak. The boy had definitely yelled before but to a group of strangers was unbelievable for Lo’ak. The youngest son’s words did nothing to stop the boys as they started to pick on Lo’ak instead, insulting his extra finger, his eyebrows, the words didn't make it past Lo’ak’s ears, every insult being something he had heard a million times over.
As Neteyam appeared and mediated the altercation the group eventually broke up as the Sully siblings walked away, but as the leader of the boys Ao’nung hurled one more insult Lo’ak snapped.
“Demon blooded family.”
The insult to his entire family frustrated Lo’ak, maybe if the comment was directed solely to Lo’ak he would have walked away. The youngest son was used to the self-deprecating comments he would make to himself, but when confronted with the thought of his youngest sibling Tuk hearing something like that his blood boiled as the will to teach the Metkayina boys a lesson ran through his veins.
“We might be demon blooded but do you want to see something cool we can do?”
Lo’ak turned around speaking with fake genuineness in his voice. Neteyam and Kiri stared on wondering what their younger sibling was doing, the usually isolated and quiet boy choosing to continue an argument rather than just going quiet and walking away with a growl.
“So i curl my fingers up like that and i leave my thumb outside and-”
As soon as Lo’ak was done balling his hand into a fist he swung at the boy's face, hitting him hard and directly in the cheek. Lo’ak managed to sneak in a few more hits before Neteyam dragged him away back to the family Marui.
Lo’ak internally beats himself up for snapping and hitting someone, and anticipating the upcoming scolding from his father he finds himself retreating back into his mind. He is only snapped back to the present when Jake clicks his fingers in front of Lo’ak’s face.
“Kid are you even listening right now?”
Jake asks, a genuine question propelled by his frustration towards his youngest son. Lo’ak never physically acted out like this, sure every now and then when truly pushed he would yell and snap, but punching someone was starkly out of character for him. Jake sighed as he watched Lo’ak’s eyes focus back to him, in a way he couldn't be that mad at his son. The new surroundings and the loss of their home had caused tension for everyone in the family.
“Hm- yea yea, im sorry”
Lo’ak responds, hoping that his response makes even some sense. Jake straightens his back with a sigh, anger yet understanding carved into his features
“Just.. just go apologise to them.”
Lo’ak tilts his head, his eyebrows knitting together confused by his dad’s stance in the situation.
“this is their home, Just go apologise but dont let me catch this becoming routine okay?”
Lo’ak exhales and looks away before leaving, not bothering to waste his energy on talking more. The punishment for physically fighting someone was lighter than Lo’ak expected, however the fact his father didn't bother to hear his side sent frustration through him. Then again maybe Jake had and Lo’ak just wasn't listening, The youngest brushed it away as he begrudgingly walked towards the Olo’eyktan Marui.
“What did the other kids look like?”
Jake asks Neteyam as soon as Lo’ak is out of ear shot as he observes a small patch of dried blood near Neteyam’s nose he had sustained from the fight matching the one his brother had. Neteyam tries and fails to hide the pride and mischief in his voice.
“Worse.”
Jake slightly smirks at the information that his kids won a fight before turning back to Neteyam.
“Good now get out of here”
Neteyam nods before walking back to his section of the Marui, Jake patting his shoulder before he leaves. The proud yet guilty expression on his eldest son's face mimicking the one Tommy used to wear was like some sick reminder of the people Jake had lost. Neytiri sat inside the Marui with Tuk and Kiri as the adopted daughter explained the fight to their mother who wore a sad yet understanding emotion in her eyes.
As much as Jake was angry about Lo’ak’s recklessness, another emotion consumed his mind.
Concern.
The father recalled his youth with Tommy and a deadbeat alcoholic father. He remembered when he got into fights almost every day at school and how Tommy would drag him out of them every time. He remembered how he swung every time he felt unheard or he felt like his words would never be enough.
Deep down Jake was concerned about his youngest and the traits he had shown since childhood. The dissociation, the silent anger and now his lashing out, as he walked and sat down next to Neytiri she looked at her husband with worry in her eyes that practically screamed for him to check up on his youngest son and Jake just nodded. The couple was able to read each other so perfectly as if they had once been the same person and Jake promised himself that tonight he would have a sit down conversation with Lo’ak for the first time since moving here.
Lo’ak inhaled deeply letting the air reach the very bottom of his lungs before walking into the outskirts of the Olo’eyktan Marui, where he saw Ao’nung and his other friends stand with spears and crossbows in their 3 fingered hands. As soon as Ao’nung’s bruised eye spots Lo’ak his nose scrunches.
“What do you want, forest boy.”
Lo’ak sighs knowing how difficult this is gonna be, he takes a couple steps forward so he is in earshot without him having to project his voice.
“Listen im sorry for hitting you, so many times”
The sarcasm in Lo’ak’s apology does not go unnoticed by Ao’nung but instead of calling him out Ao’nung smiles and pretends not to realise before a plan for revenge seeps into his mind.
“You know what's fine, Lo’ak right? Why don't you come hunting with us? Just outside the reef”
The Metkayina boy asks, ignoring the confusion in his friend's eyes. He is met with a shocked expression from Lo’ak before he shakes it away.
“Im not allowed to go outside the reef, thanks for the offer”
Lo’ak says, spinning on his heel, ready to walk away when Ao’nung speaks up again.
“Looks like I asked the wrong brother.”
The smirk audible in his vindictive words. The simple yet infuriating comment makes Lo’ak turn back to the boys, grabbing a crossbow off the weapon rack as everyone looks at him.
“Let’s go”
Lo’ak says before Ao’nung roughly pats him on the back, the group heading out into the water.
“Thats the spirit forest boy”
The group saddle up their Ilu’s and Lo’ak follows suit, while he just learnt how to ride one Lo’ak had taken a special affinity to diving and riding water animals partly thanks to Tsireya’s teaching. After everyone mounted they started the journey, diving and dodging coral as water rushed past their ears. Despite the unknown group Lo’ak found himself smiling, Back with the Omatikaya Lo’ak didn't have many friends thanks to his introverted nature and this feeling of going out with a group of kids his age was unfamiliar and inviting. After the group made it to a small cave alcove near an island outside the reef they hopped off their Ilu’s and sat on the sheltered sand Lo’ak following suit. The group put their weapons down, leaning them on the cold stone wall before sitting in a circle as Rotxo pulled out a small waterproof woven pouch from his bag. The stench of leaves hit Lo’ak as he opened the pouch, revealing bundles of dried plants that were crushed.
“Is that some sort of bait?”
Lo’ak asked genuinely in which he was met with laughter that made the Omatikaya boy want to shrivel up.
“No this is dried fantail, somewhat toxic when eaten but when dried and smoked it makes you feel great.”
Lo’ak stared at the pouch with apprehension, Jake had talked about substances like these before Weed, Mushrooms and other drugs. His father preached about how much it could change someone and in High camp Lo’ak had read many human books about these different drugs. So as Ao’nung used some thin leaf to roll the dried coral up and lit it before offering a puff to Lo’ak the boy shook his head.
“Nah im good”
Lo’ak responded, willing his voice to sound steady and sure Ao’nung looked at his friends before turning back to Lo’ak.
“It's fine, next time we will invite Neteyam too and he can try it.”
Ao’nung said with a catty ring to his sentence, and Lo’ak stilled at the comparison of him and his older brother again. The perfect, golden child of the Omatikaya, with no human features and a prodigy at everything he does. The comparison is enough to make Lo’ak reach his hand out and grab the joint Ao’nung held out for him.
“Just breathe it in and breathe out”
One of the boys said and Lo’ak followed suit, mimicking what Ao’nung and Rotxo had done, bringing the rolled coral up to his lips, breathing it in and blowing out coughing slightly as exhaled. Some of the other boys whooper and Lo’ak smiled however he didn't feel the same happiness as the other boys as his gut churned at the realisation of what he had done.
“Not bad for your first hit Lo’ak”
Rotxo said lightly punching Lo’ak’s shoulder. After passing the joint around a couple more times the roll had become shorter and they put it out.
“Lets go hunt now”
The group picked their weapons back up, the stench clinging to their skin like salt water as they dove in. taking their Ilu’s with them the boys got to an area with a bit deeper water and they used sign language to talk. Lo’ak felt the gap between him and the Metkayina boys as all he could do was stare at their fast moving hands in confusion. Lo’ak looked off to the side and spotted a pretty big fish and with one of the signs he knew he signaled it out to the group before swimming into a complex of coral to hide himself and aiming with his crossbow.
He felt the coral he had just inhaled start to take effect, his body heavy and his mind fogged but with whatever clarity he had he took aim and managed to spear the fish perfectly. He quickly grabbed the dead animal, taking the strung harpoon-like arrow out of it before turning back to the group to celebrate his catch. However he was met with nothing but water as he looked behind him. He bit his lip, almost hard enough to draw blood as he insulted his naivety.
‘Why would a group of kids you just met take you hunting and act so friendly’
‘It was obviously a set up’
‘Neteyam wouldn't have fallen for something as obvious’
Thoughts rung out in his head, his brain feeling unfocused as he reloaded his harpoon and got ready to board his Ilu, go home and forget about this. As he looked back he found his Ilu gone just like the group and dread settled in his stomach. Why would his Ilu swim away? They never abandon their riders.. Maybe the boys took the Ilu? But Lo’ak would've noticed. He struggled to get to a conclusion as every thought became more scattered and muddled than the last.
He surfaced and took a breath of air however the breath was short last as he felt the water vibrate, submerging his head he saw a giant black shadow approaching and without a second thought Lo’ak willed his body to swim into the same coral he was in before. The structure was too small and the creature couldn't get to him but as slammed head first into the coral Lo’ak knew his hiding spot wouldn't last long. His Ilu must have sensed the Akula and swam away, he felt relieved knowing his mount had made it out safely but less happy knowing he had to make it out now.
He grabbed the crossbow shooting the Akula in the mouth and it stunned the creature for a second as it released a pained cry. However the peace did not last long as the Akula bit the cross bow before Lo’ak could reload and kept gnawing away on the coral as it broke into pieces, chipping away at Lo’ak’s safety. The Metkayina had nowhere to go and the mix of the comfortable high and air deprivation made Lo’ak’s head faint, before he could try and swim through the gaps in the coral a sharp searing pain spread through Lo’ak’s body however it didn't truly reach his head.
He knew he was in pain but it was like he felt it in third person, the experience was almost… pleasurable as he felt so out of body and light however as he watched the water around his leg turn red he realised what just happened. Before he could even come to terms with his blood poisoning the water around him a creature slammed into the Akula and Lo’ak realised it was a Tulkun. The akula whined as it was pinned into the jagged rocks and quickly slithered free before swimming away and as Lo’ak lost consciousness while he tried to surface he felt a large mass beneath him.
Lo’ak opened his eyes to see the darkening sky but before he could admire it his body instinctively shot up and heaved water out of him. With a cough he looked around as he realised he had washed up on some sort of island. His head still feels airy with a weird overcompassing feeling of something akin to happiness. Before he could try to find the root of his daze, the island beneath him….. Started moving?
With a low rumble it turned and moved forward slightly, reminding Lo’ak of what just happened, how the Tulkun beneath him slammed into an Akula. Lo’ak jumps into the water and swims up to the eye of the Tulkun before using one of the signs Tsireya had taught him.
‘Thankyou’
The Tulkun hummed and trilled but it didn't sound like the ones he had heard before, it sounded garbled and almost painful. With a scrunch of the eyebrows the Tulkun flicked his eyes to look at one of his fins. Lo’ak followed his gaze to see a metal rusty Harpoon in his fin and his expression loosened as he found the cause of the Tulkuns' pain. He surfaced for a minute taking a deep breath of air.
“Dont worry bud im gonna get that out”
He said hoping the Tulkun could hear him before diving back down to the harpooned fin and putting his feet on the skin while using his arms to wrap the harpoon and shimmy it out. After a couple tries of twisting, pulling and resurfacing for air before trying again the harpoon came out and sank to the ocean floor as the Tulkun released what Lo’ak assumed was a happy trill.
The boy surfaced and lay back down on the Tulkuns back and talked about what happened, he didn't know if the animal could even understand him but the combination of daze in his head from the smoking and adrenaline from the near death experience made Lo’ak want to fill the silence. Over that time he had managed to befriend the Tulkun as he said the word and made the hand sign only to be met with excited trilling and the animals fins flapping, almost waterboarding Lo’ak. The usually reserved but personable boy chatted into the evening sky for who knows how long before a familiar exhaustion settled in his bones.
“Im gonna take a nap… goodnight friend.. Sorry i don’t know your name”
With a low hum Lo’ak let sleep take him and in his subconscious he kept hearing one word.
‘Payakan’
By the time he woke up it was night and he looked to the animal beneath him.
“Payakan? That's your name isn't it?”
The Tulkun named Payakan trilled and Lo’ak heard the noise in real Navi words, his eyes widening as he realised he understood him. After a couple minutes of them introducing themselves to each other Lo’ak sighed.
“I want to stay here longer but I have to go back to Awa’atlu… could you take me there?”
The Tulkun shakes his head.
“I cannot go there”
The comment confused Lo’ak and after a beat Payakan added on.
“I am outcast.”
Lo’ak’s face scrunched in confusion and he asked for answers only to be met with a head shake. However after more questioning the Tulkun eventually opens his mouth.
“Use Tsaheylu, i will show you”
Lo’ak nods and swims inside Payakan’s mouth, silently praying to Eywa he won't be swallowed whole and as he finds the Queue he connects his Kuru and sees flashbacks of Payakan when he was a young cub. The blood, the wailing and the sight of Payakan’s family perishing pains Lo’ak and as he disconnects and resurfaces, he hugs Payakan near the Tulkuns eye.
“I'm sorry, Payakan. You didn't deserve that brother”
The Tulkun is silent and without a word he starts moving, knocking Lo’ak off his balance.
“I will take you to Awa’atlu then come back here”
Lo’ak smiles, a warm and genuine smile and he thanks Payakan and before long he sees the Metkayina, all the torches are lit and he sees most of the clan outside their Marui’s despite the later hour. As he gets closer he sees Jake and Tonowari standing there and they quickly spot him and move to the edge of the floor. Payakan stops once Lo’ak can reach the woven floor and he climbs onto the structure before signing ‘i see you’ to Payakan before he swims away. In front of him is Tonowari and Ao’nung next to him, blind searing rage filled Lo’ak’s body as he sees the boy that left him for dead but before he can do anything Jake steps in front of him placing a firm hand on the boy's shoulder.
“Lo’ak i apologise for what my son did, he will be punished for this”
Tonowari says, his voice strong with authority and Jake tries to respond but Lo’ak beats him to it.
“It wasn't Ao'nung's fault I wanted to go beyond the reef…. He tried to convince me otherwise”
Lo’ak said, the lie slipping off of his tongue. Something about the anger and disappointment in Tonowari’s eyes brought out sympathy in him and he decided to take the blame. Jake's grip tightened ever so slightly.
“Ill take care of this”
Jake says and the rest of the night passes in a blur as Lo’ak slips into his mind again. He remembers hearing his father scold him
“You brought shame to this family”
He remembers his mother disinfecting the wound on his leg before bandaging it as his sibling watched on in concern, Neteyam’s face looking especially guilty as he stared at his blank faced younger brother. He decides to check up on his Ilu, Tsireya had told him it had swam all the way back here in distress and she had to calm her down. As he stood in the Ilu pen feeding a clump of seaweed to the animal as a treat he heard footsteps behind him. Turning around he saw Ao’nung and the same anger from before returns.
“Why’d you take the blame for me there?”
Ao’nung questions his voice with a mix of confusion and concern as his eyes land on the bandages Neytiri had wrapped around his calf.
“I don't know .. Better for one of us to get into trouble rather than both”
Lo’ak said, skipping over the fact he had pitied Ao’nung for a minute. The taller Metkayina boy looked at his feet in shame knowing his actions almost got someone killed.
“Listen, I'm sorry.. Really i didn’t mean for this to happen”
Lo’ak places his saddle on the rack near the pen.
“It's fine, I made it out anyway.”
Lo’ak said before Ao’nung stepped closer with a pouch in his hand.
“Here, as a way of making it up i guess”
The pouch was the exact same one Rotxo had but with extra layers that Lo’ak assumed was to mask the smell. He takes the pouch from Ao’nung’s hand with hesitation before thanking him and walking away. Staring at the substance he had been warned against in his hand Lo’ak can't help but remember the strange happiness it had given him a type of light airiness you feel when you're dreaming.
That night as the rest of his family went to sleep Lo’ak sneaked out to a cave near Awa’atlu and smoked a lousily rolled joint wanting to see if the high he felt was from adrenaline or the Fan tail coral. The same happy yet sleepy feeling filled his body and mind as he leaned into the sensation, the sound of waves hitting the shore and the smell of smoke and salt water in the air. It's not like he's gonna get addicted or anything, at least that's what he told himself after he took hit after hit.