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The shrill whirring of the screwdriver finally stopped, drawing his attention back behind him, “Are ye done Doctor??’ He hissed, "They're getting closer!”.
“Quick Jamie, in here!” His tone was also frantic, an exasperated whisper through gritted teeth. The Doctor grasped at Jamie's wrist, perhaps a little too hastily, accidentally pinching his skin in the process - but there was no time to protest, he was already being dragged inside this upright tubular pod thing or whatever it was.
Truthfully he hadn't been listening to the details that closely while the Doctor was first explaining it, too busy marvelling at the sight of the impossibly high ceiling obscured by tangled pipes and dangling wires. But he’d managed to get the jist, and from what he had gathered, they had landed on a long abandoned colony ship. One that used to be home to thousands of people, the Doctor had gleefully explained amid his usual scientific babblings. These capsules that lined the walls used to be their sleeping quarters, upright pods with space for a person to stand inside. A sort of “cryostasis” as the Doctor had put it, but he wasn't totally sure what that meant and hadn't taken in much of the long explanation that followed. He understood these pods must have kept them alive somehow, for their long journey across the galaxy, but that was about it. “Hundreds of years”, the Doctor expounded. He liked to hear the Doctor talk, even if he wasn't as knowledgeable about the subject himself, and this was one of those times.
Where this particular ship was headed or where its passengers had gone, there was no indication, but it’s wildly off course now anyways. An old model too apparently, worn away by time and left an eerie hollow shell of itself. Its current state is a rusty wreck littered with remnants of life left stagnant, covered in dust under flickering, yellowed bulbs.
Landing on the broken down relic of an unknown society floating aimlessly through space was perfectly interesting on its own, no need for any additional antics. However, as is usually the case, it appeared it wasn't as quiet here as they had first expected when they arrived. No such luck for a “quick look around” as had been promised - typical. According to the Doctor, a long forgotten android crew roamed this network of corridors, and their primary objective appeared to be hunting down intruders. Or at least it would have been, in the past. After seeing them dormant on the glitchy holo-map data screen, the Doctor had theorised that they might have been an anti-pirate crew for protecting the passengers while they slept, and that seemed plausible enough. He emphasised they were harmless now, likely broken down or out of power. Jamie didn't think about it further. Until just now.
Upon hearing the androids suddenly approaching, stomping through the steel halls, rattling the frail grates underfoot and barking harsh automaton instructions, they began to panic.
“I thought ye said they’d never wake up!? They're old, ye said! ‘Decommissioned’!!”
“Yes, well... It appears I've made a slight misjudgement this time! Oh but I do promise you that's usually the case on other ships I've stumbled upon!” he lamented, hand rubbing his chin in thought, even despite the ever increasing danger, “Oh crumbs!”
With nowhere to go, no rooms to lock themselves in, and no real weapons to protect themselves with, the Doctor had begun working on opening up one of these pods to use as an impromptu hiding place. It had taken him a painfully long time, between his mutterings and sighs Jamie had figured it must be locked, or so old its inner workings were gummed up with age. Either way the situation was becoming more desperate by the second, they didn't have all day while he fiddled around with these broken circuits, and Jamie considered for a moment simply trying to pry it open himself with his dirk.
Much to his relief, eventually the hatch did pull open, sliding upwards with a hiss of escaping cold air and a light showering of dust. With seconds to spare before the androids rounded the corner, the Doctor frantically pulled him inside, closing the heavy hatch back down behind them with a final whirr of his screwdriver. It shut with a loud metallic thunk, followed by the click of the locking mechanism.
It was dark in here, and terribly cramped. It was made for only one person after all. The Doctor had gotten in backwards, facing the hatch, as one would be expected to if you were actually using this thing for its intended purpose. Jamie had been yanked in rather unceremoniously facing the Doctor, with no time for any re-adjustements. There was very little light, save for a weak ambient glow from the singular, small window situated at eye level on the hatch itself. Well, eye level for whatever creatures were supposed to be making use of this pod, they were both much too short to see directly out of it. It wasn't much use to survey their surroundings with anyways, dirty and fogged up with grime.
He wouldn’t like to remind the Doctor of this right now, but small spaces such as this weren't exactly his idea of a good time. The suffocating air in here was already getting to him and it had only been a second since they clambered inside, he scrunched his eyes tightly and tried not to think about it. The last thing they need is him causing more problems, on top of everything.
They were face to face, chest to chest. The Doctor's arms were pinned straight by his side now, after a minor struggle to get his screwdriver tucked back into his pocket. His back was flush against the firm cushioned plating. Jamie's hands were either side of the Doctor’s ribcage helping to stabilise himself against the wall and attempting (poorly) to keep a sliver of distance between them. The capsule was very slightly tilted, it appears the passengers didn't stand completely upright when inside, but instead were meant to lay back a little.
His breath hitched, the air frozen in his lungs as the androids thundered rhythmically past their hiding place, ignoring it entirely. Then a few beats of silence. The worst was over… for now. They both sighed in relief, and took a moment to catch their breaths, taking in this respite. Gradually getting his bearings, it was beginning to dawn on Jamie just how horribly awkward this position was becoming…
It was so quiet now, all the previous noise snuffed out; the things you don't notice hearing until they're gone, like creaking pipes and whistling valves and the background buzz of electricity. The sound of the androids was still present however, but muffled. He could feel the vibrations of their patrol beneath his own feet, varying in distance as they circled the area, and it made him increasingly more anxious. He wasn't sure what would happen if they caught them, but he suspected it was nothing good - the Doctor had brushed that off earlier, perhaps not wanting to go into the gruesome details he now realised… he shuddered. He hoped they wouldn't be smart enough to look inside.
Although claustrophobic, his personal nightmare, there was something slightly comforting about being this close with the Doctor. Knowing he’s right here, they're together in this at least - quite literally.
With this newfound silence all he could focus on was the blood still roaring in his ears from the adrenaline, gradually dissipating as he regulated himself. Standing there, Jamie was slowly becoming aware of the two other heartbeats hammering so closely alongside his own, their chests rising and falling in unison. It was a strange feeling, one he couldn't quite place. Was it comforting? Or slightly unnerving? At least it was sufficiently distracting, taking his mind off this enclosed cubby space. Noticing his posture, he turned his head to the side, not wanting to be facing directly into the curve of the Doctor’s neck lest things get even more awkward.
He wasn't adverse to touching the Doctor of course, they made casual contact all the time. A touch on the shoulder here, a grip of the arm there, it was what friends do, don't they? This however felt much different, much too intimate. Yes, they were forced into this unfortunate position, and yes, they were hiding from bloodthirsty robots, but there was an air of something else settling now. Being very slightly shorter than the time lord wasn't helping, his face was practically buried in the Doctor’s neck, mere millimetres from resting his chin on other man's shoulder. He could feel the Doctor's strangely cool breath on his left ear, gently tousling through his hair.
Neither of them moved a muscle for a good few seconds, that was until he felt the Doctor's hand suddenly rest gently upon his lower back. Jamie almost yelped in surprise at the touch, but managed to stifle it and simply jolted instead. “Sorry…” whispered the Doctor in an apologetic tone, “It’s rather wonky in here… the floor panel is loose..” He gestured downwards by jerking his chin. Redistributing his weight from foot to foot slightly, Jamie tested the floor for himself, and sure enough they wobbled just a bit. “Stop that!” hushed the Doctor indignantly, displeased with this little experiment, and Jamie couldn't help but crack a smile at the ridiculousness of it all.
He could feel the Doctor smiling too now, letting out a low and quiet chuckle he could feel reverberating through his chest. He didn't need to look, the proximity was so close he could practically feel his expression.
“Och ye always get us into some trouble like this. How long do we have't be in here?” Jamie asked, his smile still lingering. Perhaps some chatter would help their clumsy predicament.
“Oh but you never refuse to come with me” replied the Doctor, a playful smirk in his voice. He paused. “I don't suppose we’ll be stuck here too long… I hope. And a few extra minutes wouldn't hurt, we have to be certain they've moved on. I can still hear them. Then we’ll run to the Tardis.” He continued in a more serious and pondering inflection this time. He paused again.
“Why? Bored of my company already?” that playful tone was back, spoken through a downturned cheeky grin.
It was Jamie's turn to chuckle, a toothy beam of his own spreading across his face “Oh Aye”, and with a final shared snicker they both fell back into a natural silence.
He didn't really have anything else to say, he was straining his ears for any sign of the bots approaching and suspected the Doctor was doing the same. They were getting further and further away now, down the corridor, but there was no way to be sure they wouldn't double back. Better to just wait. Getting lost in his own thoughts again, he couldn't help but think about how this felt different. Not much different from their usual banter, but this time it felt as if they were sharing something private, not just making friendly raillery. Whispering in each other's ears like this just inches away, the Doctor holding him, he never removed his hand - it all felt like an action reserved for people who were much closer than friends.
He turned his face a little back towards the Doctor, it was starting to become uncomfortable, twisted away like that, and his scent was so comforting he just couldn't resist. The Doctor wouldn't mind if he adjusted a bit, right? He smelled of old books and honey chamomile tea, and that old shabby coat of his. Jamie had to admit it was having quite the calming effect, quashing his anxieties about both the robots and the enclosed space. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting that lovely smell of the Doctor fill his lungs.
He’d stopped trying to keep any space between them now, it was far too much effort to prop himself up for practically nothing anyways, and there was hardly any room behind him, so he’d allowed himself to relax a little into the Doctor. It was nice, he felt safe like this, which was odd given the circumstances. The disquietude from just minutes earlier was gone, slowly replaced by warmer feelings of security. Thoughts of laying with the Doctor like this drifted briefly though his mind, he’d like to do this again, in a more comfortable setting maybe. He didn't sleep well most nights, plagued with images of Culloden usually, so he imagined that with the Doctor there it could be quite different. He knew it was just wishful thinking on his part however, in what world could he ever ask his friend for something like that?
Perhaps foolishly he had let himself get lost in this moment, finding himself leaning in quite a bit closer than he’d anticipated, his nose and lips brushing against the Doctor's skin as his face nestled into the crook of his neck. He hummed contentedly, taking in another deep breath full of that reassuring scent, the Doctor’s hair was now lightly tickling his face; another strangely soothing sensation. He could stay like this forever, he almost felt sleepy, and overcome with a feeling he couldn't quite describe. Happiness? Fulfilled? Regardless, his heart squeezed but in a good way, it felt nice.
He froze, his eyes shooting wide open, lips firmly pressing closed in an instant. He repressed a gulp, his whole body stiffened like a board. He was all of a sudden struck with that familiar rising sense of prickling shame and embarrassment, the kind that creeps up your spine and makes you hot behind the ears. This was wrong, surely. Should he be enjoying the smell of the Doctor like this? Thinking of him like this? All while in this position?? What on earth was he doing, he was touching his neck for god’s sake, envisioning sleeping beside him - was he mad?! These were definitely thoughts he shouldn't be having. If anyone could see them, they'd get a rather interesting impression of them both, and that alone made him overcome with an immediate sense of disgust and guilt, a dark churning pit deep within his stomach.
Privately in his room aboard the Tardis he’d affirmed over and over that whatever he felt for the Doctor, it was all just feelings of friendship, of gratitude and respect, nothing like that. He would never. He’s a good lad, he helps people, he’s virtuous, he's not one of them. He’d let it leak out now, he’d acted on it in person. When had he become so complacent to allow these thoughts? He felt like a fool.
Jamie finally swallowed, trying to hide his nervousness, what could the Doctor be thinking? Was he repulsed yet too polite to say anything? The thought of having made his best friend uncomfortable stirred a new, equally horrible sadness in him. What if the Doctor had interpreted his actions as … something else. This was never his intent at all, he was simply comforted by the Doctor's presence and let himself get too comfortable, but even just admitting that felt humiliating.
Somehow an even worse thought came to him; the Doctor was in fact an alien, no matter how human he looked. The twin heartbeats, once comforting, had suddenly become a loud and unavoidable reminder of that. What if he could sense it, feel his shame somehow or feel a change in his heartrate or something? What if he could read minds or .. or...didn't he say something about “tele-pathy” that one time? He could only half recall what that meant and it did nothing to quell his worries. Oh god. How badly he wanted to get out of here couldn't be put into words; dare he say this was actually worse than running from murderous androids.
If he ripped himself away too hurriedly now he’d only be drawing more attention to what he’d done. The Doctor would know for sure if he hadn't noticed already somehow. Jamie was frozen in fear, his mind going a mile a minute, that cold sweat was back and all the possibilities of a later confrontation were eating away at his mind. All of a sudden this thin-knit sweater felt very clingy. The dread he felt earlier as the robot crew approached was nothing compared to now, he’d take fighting a beastie over this any day. He hopes to god they never have to speak of this again when they finally make their way out, that's if the Doctor isn't so uncomfortable with this unintentional advancement he decides to drop Jamie off somewhere else.
The Tardis is HIS home after all, he doesn't have to bring Jamie with him anywhere if he doesn't want to. He wasn't sure he could face that. As if it couldn't get any worse, he felt the beginnings of tears stinging behind his eyes - had he gone and ruined it all with this one stupid mistake? He wasn't sure why he would be crying, the embarrassment perhaps, mixed with the fear and overwhelming unease at his confined situation. He was spiralling. What the hell was he thinking…
Clearing his throat with a quiet cough behind closed lips, he sucked some air awkwardly through his gritted teeth and shuffled himself, turning away again with a silent wince and trying his best to back himself up a bit once more. He hoped that inch of space would indicate to the Doctor that he respected his boundaries and that this was all an accident. Attempting to hide his face, he squeezed his eyes tightly for the second time, this time not with fear but with an unbearable cringe as he forced back the tears. At least it was dark in here, as he was positive his face was currently bright red. The Doctor remained still as ever without even the slightest reaction, although he could feel his piercing blue gaze on him somehow, watching Jamie carefully out of the corner of his eye.
He was brought back to reality by the Doctor’s careful grasp on him. While before he was only lightly resting his hand upon Jamie for balance, now he was purposely rubbing delicate circles over the small of his back with his thumb, his grip was ever so slightly firmer. The Doctor’s other hand came up to gingerly rest on his opposite hip. Jamie didn't know what to think. Was this a direct response to what he’d done? Or was the Doctor simply doing this of his own accord. It was nice, either way. Grounding. Though, he didn't make any indication that he’d noticed it.
“It’s - ah, rather alright you know …” The Doctor's steady voice cut through the thick silence, splitting the tension that was now engulfing them. Jamie's heart jumped.
What did he mean by that?? It was feasible that the Doctor could be mistaking his sudden tensing as simply his aversion to cramped spaces and nothing more. He was somewhat aware that this was one of those things Jamie wasn't too fond of, and this could be his attempt to comfort him. Perhaps he was just overthinking everything, catastrophizing maybe.
“Hm..?” Jamie responded, his attempt to appear nonchalant failing miserably. The noise was terribly weak and strangled. He kicked himself mentally one more time.
“I don't mind … it's quite cramped in here…it’s not like we can help it…I - ah -” He tapered off his statement with a flat nervous chuckle, not quite completing his sentence.
Jamie softened, sighing through his nose, nibbling at his lip in a self-soothing action. Was the Doctor telling him it was all okay? Or was he simply giving him an out, turning a blind eye so to speak? He was grateful for either. He was still tense of course, but the spiralling thoughts were slowing. He would deal with this properly when they were back on the Tardis, but no use overwhelming himself further with it now. There seemed to be no harm done, the Doctor was obviously trying to make that clear.
“Oh aye yeah…” He tried his best to come off casual, as if he hadn't noticed anything even occurred. He knew the Doctor knew better though.
Several more moments of silence passed before he decided to make another move. Where this bravery had come from not even he was sure, but it was growing quite uncomfortable again and he just knew he had to move eventually. The reassurance from the Doctor had helped. Maybe this wasn't so bad… It was just them after all. Giving the time lord ample time to protest, he cautiously raised his arm and deliberately hovered over his destination. The Doctor gave his hip a light squeeze, “go ahead”, and Jamie finally rested his hands gently upon the Doctor's shoulders, feeling that strange pulse beneath his palms. It was faster now. He pulled back a bit, turning to face him at eye level.
“Is.. that alright?” Jamie asked quietly, fighting the fluster in his voice.
“Oh yes, very much so” the Doctor replied in an unusually friendly manner. He sounded much more relaxed, like this was something they do every day, if only his heartbeats weren't betraying him. Getting a good look at the Doctor’s face now for the first time since his eyes adjusted to the darkness, the murky amber light from the window above providing almost nothing of value except illuminating the floating dust particles, he could see that he really was just fine - no apparent hint of disgust or awkwardness at all, just his usual musing countenance. Taking an extra moment to glance over the contours of his face, delicately half lit, Jamie could only think about how he was so handsome underneath all that scruffy hair and the silly bow-tie; just as quickly as he thought it, he pushed it away.
Although… the way the Doctor’s eyes reflected in the dark, unnaturally shiny, darting around with a strange precision despite the low light levels as he was absorbed in contemplation. It made Jamie wonder, with a diminutive unease.
“Do ye think they're gone?”
“I say a few more minutes, they couldn't have gotten far since they first passed. They seem to be on a programmed path of sorts, the route will lead them back soon. Although.. If you're - ah- feeling impatient we could perhaps -”
“No.” Jamie cut him off “Dinnae worry. I don’ love it in here, mind… but I'd rather be in here than out there” he smirked a little, things were starting to feel a touch more normal again.
The Doctor smiled and met his gaze exactly, in one swift motion that made Jamie feel a little unnerved. The glint of those steely blue eyes seemingly reflecting off of nothing. He’d seen that look only in photographs, after receiving back a particularly possessed image of himself from a “photo booth” he tried out with Ben, the Doctor had explained it was simply a reflection of the camera’s flash. But there was no flash in here.
“Can ye see?” He found himself asking before he could stop the words from rushing out. His curiosity was piqued and this cycle of silence needed to be filled.
“Pardon?”
“In the dark. Can ye see? Yer eyes…”
“Oh. Yes I can actually. It’s - ah, simply in my peoples physiology. It's not perfect mind you.”
“Ye dinnae think to mention this earlier?”
“Well, no actually. It hasn't really ever come up. Quite frankly, I forgot you humans have lesser vision.”
“Oh aye, us primitive humans” Jamie feigned mild annoyance, rolling his eyes, but still smiling.
“Oh hush, you know what I mean” The Doctor responded, false exasperation in his voice, he was still smiling too. "I'm not scrutinising you, if that's what you're worried about” he clarified, somewhat rushed and unprompted, which only made Jamie think that he absolutely was indeed scrutinising.
A second ticked by, and Jamie's eyes widened with realisation. So it was all but verbally confirmed then. His previous anxieties about the Doctor's alien nature were actually true, and he’d definitely seen his facial expressions at the very least. What else had he picked up on? Jamie began to feel that creeping heat again, the blush spreading back across his face, he could feel it burning profusely already. And it only worsened when he remembered the Doctor could see this too.
Breaking their eye contact, the Doctor laughed fondly and looked down, that now familiar vibration passing through his chest once more. “You really are endearing Jamie...” He said tenderly, almost under his breath. He slipped his arms further around Jamie, his hands sliding over his back, embracing him properly and pulling him closer, if that was even possible. With Jamie's own hands on the Doctor’s shoulders, they were fully entwined now. The only space left between their entire bodies was the gap between their faces, mere inches.
There were a few seconds of quiet nervous laughter from them both followed by yet another stretch of comfortable silence as their eyes met once more.
“Doctor…” Jamie began breathlessly, he wasn't even really sure if he had anything to say, his eyes darted to the Doctor’s lips, and back up again. When he met the Doctor's eyes it appeared he had done the same.
His heart began to race even faster, he couldn't tell what beats were his and which were the Doctors anymore. This felt so wrong yet extremely right, and he hoped to god he wasn't misinterpreting this somehow. Everything he had ever known was screaming at him to pull away, to be ashamed, yet he just couldn't. He felt so secure in the Doctor’s arms like this, seeing the affection in his eyes, this close, it just couldn't be mistaken. He tried his best to push the doubt away.
His eyes fluttered closed, tilting his head and gradually leaning in, and felt the Doctor reciprocate. This was really happening. So many nights laying in bed he’d repressed this fantasy, so many times his mind had wandered while watching the Doctor work and he’d scolded himself, and yet all this time the Doctor had felt the same. Their situation no longer crossed his mind, the capsule, the ship, the androids - all forgotten. His grip on the Doctor's shoulders tightened in anticipation.
Their lips grazed, hesitating, before finally connecting. It was everything Jamie had been trying not to imagine and more, tender and gentle, so full of affection he could burst. He felt the Doctor’s hand trail up his back and burrow into his hair, rubbing his fingertips over Jamie's scalp with such soft compassion. Everything he did was just so considerate, so perfect. He felt … safe? Jamie deepened the kiss, holding the Doctor’s lapels, and letting out a soft hum of contentment, and the Doctor followed his lead. Passion was building, the kiss becoming a tad more desperate, months of pining leading up to…
They were interrupted.
That horrible metallic cacophony was stomping back towards their direction, still with those raucous search instructions blaring, gears grinding and old casing clattering as they approached. The robots had gotten much closer without being noticed than either of them would like to admit. They jerked apart, wide eyed, both shocked that the androids had somehow managed to sneak up on them despite their noise.
Jamie gulped, rolling his lips together; they’d brought him back to reality alright. He and the Doctor held their breaths again, not daring to move an inch lest they alert them now and all this time hiding be rendered useless.
The Doctor cleared his throat quietly as they passed for the second time, back in their original direction and turning the corner. “I think.. Ah ..I think they've completed their inspection… They should be heading back to the charging terminal… Now's our chance...”
Jamie said nothing, only doing his best to give the Doctor some room to search for the screwdriver. Why on earth were his pockets always so deep in such time-sensitive situations anyways?! After a little squirming he finally had it, and that whirring began once again as he worked on opening this hatch back up from the inside. He was leaning around Jamie's shoulder but keeping that single steady palm on the small of his back. That was a good sign, right?
A million and one things were rushing through his mind, but he could grasp at none of them right now. He was overcome with disbelief, happiness, and a deep anxiety all at once, and he wasn't really sure what to do about it, or what he should say - if anything. In that split second after they had pulled apart, he worried that perhaps this was a mistake, that he actually had done something wrong after all. He’d felt a pang of panic that the Doctor wouldn't be able to see him the same way again, that their relationship had been changed for the worse all in an instant. Somehow this single hand still pressed against him was reassurance enough that this wasn't the case.
The hatch cracked open with a creaking hiss, breaking his train of thought, and truthfully Jamie couldn't be more relieved.
They both stumbled out, gasping a little for fresh air and squinting in the comparatively brighter light.
Jamie bent over putting his hands on his knees and taking a few deep breaths while he stared at his boots and gathered his thoughts. He was grateful to be out, but all these other emotions were proving to be too much, he needed a minute. He’d have to fully process this later, and he hoped they’d get the chance to talk properly once they were back in the Tardis - but there was no time for that right now.
Finally straightening up, he did his best to adopt a neutral expression and faced the Doctor, awaiting the next step in their escape plan. He was currently brushing himself off, adjusting his tie with slightly shaky hands. His hair was even more of a mess than usual, and Jamie couldn't help but notice that a faint orange blush had spread across his cheeks. One that he was desperately trying to hide by avoiding eye contact.
Clasping his hands together with a soft clap, the Doctor spoke. “Right… well then... Let's go.. The Tardis is - ah,, this way I do beleive…” He motioned the direction with a jerk of his head.
His tone was kind however, if a little flustered, and a small smile was tugging at the corner of his lips.
Then he turned on his heel and began walking briskly away, leaving Jamie to hurry after him.