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“Now I hope you've been keeping up on your studies, son.”
“Yes, father.”
“And you're avoiding befriending any troublemakers too, son.”
“Yes, father.”
“That's good to hear…”
Glad my bare-minimum participation was enough for you, father. After all, I can count on one hand the amount of times you've seen your son this year. You only come back here to use your bed in between business trips, getting in past midnight and leaving before dawn. When I was younger and we lived in Osaka, I used to peek through the crack between my door and its frame when you came home, hoping to catch a glimpse of the man who apparently loved me as his son. Hoping something would change. As I've become a teenager, I've strived to become a son you could be proud of and stopped engaging in such foolish behavior.
“And you're eating healthily, Souji-kun?”
“Yes, mother.”
‘Souji-kun?’ That's a new one. I wonder what parenting book or magazine mother read this time. Guess she finally realized how little affection there is between us, and is trying to jumpstart it like a dead car battery. The problem is that jumper-cables only work when one of the batteries is healthy and has the energy to form the electrical bridge necessary to reenergize the dead one.
Yes, mother, I have been. I've had to teach myself how to cook, and since I know the only thing you can genuinely give me is expectations and a credit card, I've learned dozens of healthy recipes to make sure your son doesn't go hungry or fat.
Even so, it's rare for them to show both their faces in front of me. I know what's coming: we're moving again. That means a new town, a new school, and new acquaintances. This is what, the eighth time now? I used to sulk in my room when I was younger when they told me, but I've grown accustomed to it. After all, it is how it is.
“It’s very good to hear you doing well, son. We have some news. In about a month, our business is sending us off to the United States for an extended stay. About a year, right dear?”
“Yes, dear. Souji-kun, it couldn't be helped. I apologize since you seem to be doing so well at your school.”
“It’s no problem, mother. I understand.”
Force that mask on your face, Souji. Grip it like a vice.
“I always wanted to know what the States were like…”
Both mother and father shot concerned glances back towards each other. My anxiety slipped through my eyes.
“Your mother and I have talked, and it would be best for you to continue your education in Japan. I fear taking you to the states would expose you to their unrefined and ponderous depravity.”
I suppressed my urge to bite back. ‘Then why am I still leaving my school?’ I wanted to bitterly respond. But I knew better. Father was never impressed whenever I tried to take anything for myself.
“That's why, Souji-kun, you're going to Inaba to stay with my younger brother. Dojima Ryotaro. I heard he has a daughter, who's 5! That will be fun, right Souji-kun!”
I feel as though I'm gripping onto my mask so hard it will just shatter. At least I know for a fact that mother is definitely trying something she did in a book. You don't refer to your own family that formerly and spew out the most vague facts about their life if you truly cared about them.
“It does, mother.”
Father claps his hands.
“Well, that's settled then. Good to hear you're doing well, son.”
I bow, shallowly, flashing an insincere smile before returning to my bedroom to study. I expect both of them to be gone in an hour, back to work in some way or another. Is there something wrong with me? Why am I treated like this? Was I just a result of some drunken accident between two coworkers in love? Why have they only shown me what they are obligated to give? What else can I do but scream in their face for them to treat their son like their son?
Why don't they love me?
Despite her namesake, Yukiko only liked winter days during midday. The sun revealed itself for its brief tenure to warm the earth and air, so the bitter cold was much more bearable. It would even melt away some of the fallen snow, which was currently turning the town of Inaba into an icebox. Water flowed from the snow-covered grass onto the cleared, stone pathways that led up to the Amagi Inn. They darkened the stone where they stretched in smooth, drop-like splotches, not unsimiliar to the brackish sludge that many Shadows in the TV World were comprised of. However, as soon as her mind went to such thoughts, she shook them away. They had just defeated and compelled Adachi to turn himself in not two weeks ago. With the murderer caught, they, the Investigation Team, would likely never go back into that world. She had to remind herself of that fact several times since then: they likely would never have to go back inside again.
‘Not that it wasn't fun, working together with all my friends. I guess I just never really considered how scary things were in there…” She pondered to herself. Taking a few calming breathes, she looked out over the horizon from her window while she wore a simple kimono: simple colors and durable. It was perfect for work around the inn. She awoke about an hour ago to prepare for the workday on her day off, but rather than assisting around the inn, she opened the door to mother, insisting that she take the day off. Despite Yukiko's protests, her mother chastised her, saying she was burning the candle at both ends and it showed. Yukiko could only nod in agreement.
So, the girl found herself in her room, dressed for work and watching the sun finally rise above the horizon in the distance. She had yet to change into anything more comfortable because she was still stunned by her mother's decision to give her daughter a break. After all, the Inn was her supposed inheritance, one she eventually came around on accepting. If she considered it earlier in the year, she saw the lumber struts and showing walls as nothing more than a particularly beautiful cage. But as the months passed, she slowly realized two things: her inheritance was only hers if she truly wanted it and she cared so much for everyone who worked there. The mistake her mother and father made was not clearly communicating this to the girl, allowing the town's traditional views and her resentment to construct a prison around her.
‘I guess, in part, that's why she wants me to rest.’
However, as noble and saintly as that motivation made her mother, Yukiko pursed her lips because she knew what other part motivated her mother's decision. In fact, he had just knocked on her door.
“Yukiko, your mother said that once I'm finished folding this laundry, we can spend time together. Meet me in the garden?”
Souji Seta, her boyfriend, spoke plainly behind the wooden door.
“Souji-kun! Yes, that sounds lovely.”
She heard him hum in affirmation followed by the dull, repeated thugs of houseshoes on wood planks. She turned back to the sun, pouting as her cheeks turned a pinkish hue.
‘That woman…. ever the matchmaker…’
The central garden of the Amagi Inn was very much reflective of the inn itself: quaint and simple, but elegantly constructed. A single Pine tree outstretched its branches over the entire garden, which was no bigger than a bedroom suite. A small rock pond, currently inhabited by no fish, stirred quietly as the wind passed over. Tōrō flanked each corner, but none were lit and hadn't looked like they had been since New Years. A single bench made of cherry wood served as the garden's sole seat for any weary traveller. Otherwise, the garden's only notable quality was that it had a particularly impressive view of the town of Inaba, with nearly all of the nearby landmarks being somewhat in view.
Souji took particular note of the gazebo near the Samegawa flood plain. It was stilled, almost ethereal from this vantage. It looked both out of place and like it had always been there. It was also where he first truly met Yukiko. She wasn't just the namesake of the Amagi Challenge: a chauvinistic challenge conjured by the other high school boys to deal with the fact she wasn't interested in dating any of them. She also wasn't just Chie's friend, a hanger-on who walked along for his first day in town while the kung-fu fanatic took it upon herself to welcome a stranger. She became Yukiko under that gazebo: a girl facing tremendous pressure to live up to expectations the town had placed on her and wanted nothing more than anyone to take her away from that.
That desire, made more clear when they rescued her from the Midnight Channel, had struck a deep chord with Souji, even if he never really allowed himself to analyze it. After all, he was too busy trying to solve the mystery and make sure he had enough allies so he could do it. Igor and Margaret definitely made him aware of his special gift, and he needed to take full advantage of it if he wanted to stop any more potential murders.
The power of the Wild Card. The ability to weird multiple masks and use their limitless powers. The ability to fully change oneself for another, so they would feel comfortable divulging secrets they wouldn't share with anyone else. The ability to be everything for everyone.
His thoughts soured. But before they could continue to pollute his thoughts, he heard his girlfriend speak up.
“Thank you for your help today, Souji-kun.”
“Oh, it's not an issue at all. I kinda live for completing a task set before me.” Souji said, voice tinged with light-hearted self-deprecation.
With an appreciative smile, Yukiko nodded in acknowledgement before shuffling over to join her boyfriend in the garden. With a quick, awkward shuffle, Souji made enough space on the bench for both of them. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders as she relaxed into his side, butterflies filling both their stomachs. They had officially started seeing each other for several months, back in October. Yet, here they were, in the brief comfort of the sun providing some warmth against the bitterly cold January winds, acting like blushing middle-schoolers. A cold-sweat went down Souji's back as he imagined Nanako seeing her “big bro” act so uncool. However, the thought managed to cause Souji to giggle, of which Yukiko immediately took note.
“What's so funny?” She asked, sniffling her own laugh.
“N-nothing! Just thought about what Nanako would say if she saw us right now…”
“Oh?” Yukiko's eyebrow raised as her voice took a mischievous turn. “Afraid that the steely-cool demeanor she loves would be destroyed when she finds out how much of a dork you are?”
“Please, Yukiko. She already knows how much of a dork I am and loves me for it.” Souji proudly retorted.
Yukiko snorted in response, biting back her usual uncontrollable laughter. Not out of shame, but rather to make sure the time they spent together wouldn't be wasted on Souji trying to get her to stop. “I'm glad you have such a good relationship with her. It must have been hard after what happened in November...”
Souji felt a frown form. “Yeah, it was. But she's safe and doing better.” He tried to ignore how terrified he was during that time. While he wasn't ever her real “big bro,” Souji understood the significance behind her words. He was both guardian and confidant, something Dojima couldn't fully fulfill aside from the former. Souji could protect and teach her about a ton of things, just like Dojima. But her father, given what Souji knew about the man, couldn't step out of that position of authority in Nanako's life. Souji was probably the first family she had that she could talk about her feelings with and have them taken seriously. Although only a cousin to her, he was her big bro. He cherished that she treated him like that.
So, when she was kidnapped, he felt something that he had forgotten in Inaba. Something that he was all too familiar with back with his parents, but worse. It's a feeling he had hoped his parents had felt all those years when Souji was younger, leaving him alone in the care of some hired caretaker while they focused on their careers. A feeling that he saw in Nanako when he first came to Inaba, when Ryotaro was taken from his time off to work the beat. A black pit where children fill with neglect and abandonment. And the thought of Nanako thinking her big bro had done that to her twisted his gut and filled it with bile.
He was thankful that Yukiko and Chie were there to bring him and Yosuke down when they were planning on throwing Namatame into the Midnight Channel. He needed their clear heads to point out the inconsistencies, else he would have let his hatred of the culprit and, more importantly, the hatred of himself throw out all logic when he needed them the most.
With a subtle touch on his hand, Souji was shaken from his thoughts by Yukiko. “Souji, are you okay?”
“U-uh, yeah. Just a bit lost in my thoughts…” The boy laughed, trying to ease Yukiko's worries.
Yukiko grimaced, “No, I apologize. I shouldn't have brought up something so traumatic for you…”
Souji raised his hands to his chest apologetically, “No, no! You have nothing to be sorry for!”
Yukiko gulped, and relaxed into her seat, “Alright…”
The two teens turned away from each other, and looked out over Inaba. In a bit of serendipity, they both eyed the gazebo standing alone near the Samegawa Flood Plain. Bittersweet feelings flooded their minds as they both stole glances at each other, with both piecing together what the other was thinking. However, it was Yukiko who took the first step.
“Remember when you first arrived in Inaba? It was such a chaotic week…”
“Yeah, it was…”
“Obviously being thrown into a murder investigation that involved a world inside the TV made up of the unconscious thoughts of people would be… strange. But at least us locals still had our routines to rely on.”
“Yeah…”
Yukiko grimaced as Souji's voice went hollow and monotone. Having been around him for around three quarters of the year had given her enough exposure to notice certain quirks of his. They became much more noticeable once they started dating.
Whenever he would prepare food at home, he had a tendency to slow his knife cutting when he got too absorbed, making sure to pull back his other hand further from the blade. While generally amicable with the locals, he seemed to subtly shift in personality with each new person he met. But most concerning to Yukiko at the moment, she noticed that whenever he got truly angry, he didn't rage or scream: he got cold, curt and distant. Like he stopped being human. Like he was doing so now.
“Not only moving to a new town, going to a new school on top of all of that must have been hard…” Yukiko tried to soothe the anger she was spotting. She gently touched Souji's arm with her right hand, rubbing his back with her left. An affectionate gesture she borrowed from her father whenever she was upset as a child. She had hoped that it would at least bring the teen boy back to his senses.
However, with his sudden, jerking movement up, it failed. Souji quickly turned to face Yukiko and bowed, saying, “Thank you for your time today, Yukiko. I'll see you tomorrow at school.” The words left his mouth so quickly that Yukiko barely had enough time to process them before the boy made his way out of the garden. His gait, while measured and calm, was urgent. As if he heard some terrible news about Nanako and needed to leave immediately without making too much of a scene. Yukiko, despite only being 17, had spent enough time around the Inn and its guests to understand the urgency of a man who needed to keep something bottled in.
It didn't take much else to convince her to follow him.
Souji had barely paid attention to where he was going when he left. He just needed to leave. Because if he didn't, he knew everything he had built would crash down around him. With just a few words, he would remove the masks permanently affixed to his face and show Yukiko what laid inside his heart. And he couldn't do that. There was so much ugliness. So much darkness. So much effluvial grime that he only saw in the shadows they fought in the Midnight Channel. Shadows that made mocking caricatures of the people he would call friends, revealing deep shames and ugly truths they desperately wanted to hide. Yet, he was exempt from this. His Persona awoke protecting Yosuke from danger. There was no doppelganger provoking him with every nasty thought he had ever felt, every buried resentment, and every pit of shame he fell into.
For the longest time, he assumed it must have been because he had accepted what his shadow represented, so there was no fight to win. No Faustian deal to strike. Thus, his Persona emerged easily from his mind to help fight back the darkness of the human soul. But now, he wasn't sure. After all, his friends in Inaba seemed to get better as time went on and he became integrated into their lives. They still had problems and insecurities, but with him by their side, they seemed more willing to tackle them head on rather than let them fester. Not him, however. Those feelings he refused to acknowledge lingered throughout the year, only buried under the noise of his obligations and responsibilities. With the killer caught, there was nothing distracting him from those thoughts any longer.
“Souji-kun! What's going on?”
He was pulled back to reality by Yukiko's voice. No longer staring off in the distance at nothing in particular, he realized he had made his way back to where their relationship started: the gazebo on the Samegawa Flood Plain. He looked around, confused as his mind rushed to take everything in and process it. Soon, he stumbled out a response,
“Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just tired and needed a break…”
“Souji…”
Yukiko knew he was hiding something. Over the months they spent together, both just as friends and as a couple, she knew he was good at it too. Despite seeing nearly all of the investigation team's deepest secrets, none of them ever learned anything about Souji's apart from the bare minimum: he was staying in Inaba with his Uncle and Cousin while his parents went to the states on work. No information about who he was or who his family was outside of that information. Any notable hobbies or activities seemed to be stuffed he picked up while in Inaba. His knowledge extended solely to school work, with the bare minimum invested in any pop culture. It seemed like he sprouted up, as is, one day, with a cute, calm smile and nice demeanor.
However, she knew no person truly existed like that. He had to have had something in his life that mattered. Something that spoke to his inherent humanity. However, she also knew that he wouldn't divulge that freely, or at least as freely as their friends would. He would need to be provoked…
“Souji, please stop this.”
The boy looked over Yukiko, fully drawn out of his stupor by her stark words. However, Yukiko interrupted him before he could respond.
“I know you're the team's leader, so you feel like you need to maintain composure, but I don't like seeing the man I love holding all his feelings in.”
A bitter frown spread across Souji's face. “That's why? You think I'm holding all this in because I need to be strong?”
Yukiko maintained a stern face before Souji as she internalized her response, ‘No, but I hope it will convince you to finally talk about it.’
“Whatever. I told you I'm fine.” Souji spoke coldly, before squatting down on the gazebo seating.
Yukiko grimaced in response, ‘He threw his wall back up!’ Not willing to accept failure, the girl took a seat directly next to the boy and stared ahead. It was a move she copied directly from guests at the Inn. A disgruntled partner giving the other the silent treatment while never leaving their personal space. A gambit to force the other to admit or apologize, showing both anger and love, hoping to inspire guilt. A dangerous tactic for sure, as she knew communication between them should actually resolve this. But with him hiding himself behind walls, she needed to guilt him a bit if she wanted any progress.
Regardless, the boy's will was like tungsten: unbending and resolute. He sat still as she stole glances at him, waiting for him to finally make a move. However, as he repeated several times in his head, he would not break. He would hold in all those buried feelings even if it killed him.
“Poor, poor, Souji Seta. The little boy that no one wanted.”
Souji's blood turned to ice in his veins. For certain, he heard his own voice. It was distorted, as if multiple versions of it were layered on top of each other. But regardless, he recognized how identical it was to his own, but what hearing it meant. It was the same as the shadows of his friends in the Midnight Channel. Without turning his head, trying to maintain composure, his eyes darted around for its source. After all, neither him nor Yukiko had wandered into the TV World, so the shadows shouldn't be able to manifest. Regardless of the metaphysical nature of shadows, he eventually found it. Or at least, part of it.
It was a black haze, not too dissimilar to TV static, standing in the middle of empty park. Its form resembled a human, but lacked any definite characteristics. Nothing but the vague shape of a person, with no detailed lines or ridges. Even so, there were two golden orbs that shifted with the mood of the beings speech. They seemed like this ‘thing's’ eyes.
It wasn't until their eyes met that it continued.
“I've come to hate this town, to be honest. Life before was easy, after all. No relationships to be maintained if mom and dad were going to move me anyway. What's the point of friends when my parents couldn't allow themselves to love me, much less let me find those who would?”
Souji grimaced at the shadows words.
“No wonder we're so good at changing masks: becoming anything for everyone makes the inevitable much more tolerable. A quiet, easy life where we have no impact on other people's life and no one has anything bad to say about us.”
A pit formed in Souji's stomach. Whenever he was out of earshot of his friends, he always wondered why they rejected their shadows. It was so unnecessary; admitting to your faults stops them from building up. But as he sat on this bench, with Yukiko by his side, he finally understood why his friends jumped to reject their shadow and their words. It fucking hurt hearing your voice say things you knew were honest but didn't want anyone else to see. No matter how exaggerated or provocative they were in practice, they were true at their core. It was taking nearly all his will not to spit back at this phantom. So, the edges of his mouth tensed as he held his mouth shut while he grew angrier and angrier.
“However, I can't be surprised that we would abandon everything we've known the moment we got here. We're surrounded by everything we want. Our friends. Nanako and Dojima. Yukiko. Every single one has roots here, a place to feel like home. Maybe… just maybe… if we tried hard enough, we could grow them here too…”
Souji bit his tongue, hoping the physical pain would be enough to distract his weakening will. He could bide his time until the shadow grew bored and left.
“Souji…. Is that what I think it is?”
The boy sharply turned to face Yukiko, who was staring in fear at the amorphous blob of darkness. His eyes went wide. He was so absorbed into not letting the shadow get to him he had failed to test whether or not it was solely a product of his imagination. His stomach sank, because now he truly understood where his friends came from. A fear gripped his heart, compelling him to hide this thing from Yukiko.
“Exactly, what am I? I'm your shadow. So, why don't we disperse with the silent treatment and tell Yukiko what we truly think of her, and the rest of the town as well?”
“Yukiko, don't listen!” Souji blurted out without thinking. His eyes shot over to Yukiko, trying to distract the girl from what the shadow might say. The girl looked frantically between her boyfriend and the mass of darkness who had stolen his voice while she balled the fabric of her yukata. Definitely, the shadow continued.
“C'mon me, let's stop being cowards, for once. After all, Yukiko should be thankful that she at least has parents who care about her, no matter how many expectations they let her be burdened with. She should've just committed to leaving back in May or talked with her parents from the beginning. Just like the rest of our friends, they took advantage of a new kid to dump on trauma rather than talk to the adults in their lives about their problems.”
Souji began to shrink into the bench of the Gazebo as he felt the shadows gaze on him intensify.
“Yosuke's petty jealousy which compels him to seek approval. Chie's insecurity over her perceived lack of femininity. Kanji's overwrought bravado spurned from his own insecure masculinity. Rise's struggles to find her core identity after having an industry plastic over her with fake ones. Naoto's desperate desire to be taken seriously ruining her ability to enjoy life. Teddie's fear over the the meaninglessness of his existence. All of these problems are solved with a sympathetic mask and a willing ear. All problems they should be able to see and solve themselves. But we make sure that we're the ones who solve them. Because if we don't, then no one would ever need us. There's no one else in our lives that value it enough to care.”
Yukiko looked over at her boyfriend, who had slumped over on his seat, gripping his head in his hands. He looked like a child, scared and alone. She could only control her quickening breaths as the shadow continued.
“This whole town is like that: backward hicks unwilling to spot the problems in front of them until an outsider takes on that burden from them. And we'd gladly accept it, because maybe if we took on their burdens, we'd finally find people in our life that would take on ours.”
The shadow glided across the grass, its movements not disturbing the blades as their form crossed through. It stood mere feet from the couple.
“Of course, you already know this, me. Now tell me that I'm wrong…”
Yukiko was never a girl who was easily scared. Chie's constant complaints over her infatuation with ghost stories were never exaggerated for effect; Yukiko loved the macabre. She was never scared during their adventures into the TV World, even when she had to confront her own shadow. In fact, the most negative thing she ever felt was anger while they traversed the shadow-filled Midnight Channel. So, it came as a shock when this phantom approached the two of them and she felt dread for the first time. She felt afraid. But it wasn't for anything the shadow might do. She was confident that if push came to shove, she could will Amaterasu into reality despite all evidence to the contrary. She would defend Souji, no matter what.
No, she was afraid that what the shadow said was true, at least in part. She knew their shadow-selves had a tendency to exaggerate their other self's darkest secrets. Nothing they said was wholly true. But, it was never wholly false either. And the fact that Souji's shadow just accused the boy of being a fraud who told everyone around what they wanted to hear, and his only motivation for doing so was because he didn't think his life was otherwise worthwhile chilled Yukiko to her bones.
‘Were all our conversations genuine, or just an act? Did he mean anything he said to me, even when he said he loved me?’ She pondered, feeling that same rage build up inside her. But as soon as she allowed herself to be mad that she was used again, she remembered how the shadow mocked him for desire to be loved. Sadly, she thought, “He never really brings up his parents…”
However, as soon as she let those thoughts cross her mind, she refocused. She couldn't let the feeling of unmooring dominate her. She didn't have him to keep her grounded in the face of the shadow saying such vile things, but she knew Souji needed her now more than ever.
She shook her head to banish her doubts, and reached out to Souji.
“Souji-kun, are you okay? What's been going on?”
Souji bent back up and turned his head away. Yukiko gasped as she caught a glimpse of his eyes; they were red and puffy. His hands were glistening from where he had placed them. The boy nearly screamed, “Nothing! Nothing has been going on!”
Yukiko grimaced. She knew he was holding back, just like the rest of them. He was smart enough to not fully deny the shadow, but clearly didn't want to accept it either. Grasping his free hand, she forced him to face her.
“Don't lie, Souji! You know what happens when you deny them!”
The boy shot up from the bench and began to pace the gazebo. “What should I do, Yukiko?! Just agree with it when it says I secretly hate everyone here because I'm always the one they confess stuff to?”
Yukiko stood up and matched Souji's gaze, standing firm in his stance, “Yes! He's your feelings! They may be exaggerated, but they are yours!”
Souji clenched his fist as he felt tears sting the edge of his eyes. He began to pace around the gazebo as piercing yellow orbs followed his every movement. His voice began to strain as he said, “You don't get it! Did your shadow want you to admit to being a pathetic manipulator? No!” Tears began to flow freely from his eyes.
Yukiko flinched at Souji's words, but not out of fear. She felt sad, seeing her boyfriend and team leader like this was heartwrenching.
Souji continued, voice choking through gasps as he tried to fight back against his tears, “That thing makes it seem like I'm some heartless monster who's tricking people into liking me. Is it wrong to finally feel like I can have friends for once? Is it wrong to want to be loved after being deprived of it?”
Souji began to sob uncontrollably, collapsing down to his knees as he wrapped his head in his arms. Yukiko had never seen him wail like he was, even when Nanako was kidnapped. However, as she thought back about it, she figured something like this was always underneath the surface. His eyes were always tired even as he flashed genuine smiles. She would spot him when no one was looking, psyching himself up to deal with whatever came his way that day. She knew he was trying so hard every day. So, she did what he did for her when she was confused and breaking down: sit and listen.
She knelt down, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. She felt him gasp at the touch while he let his tears continue to flow. She moved her hand up and down, rubbing his back to comfort him. However, she let no words escape her lips. She remained at his side while he let everything come out, just as he did for her and countless others over the past year.
As time slowly passed, she noticed out of the corner of her eye the shadow's form dissipated into motes of light. It brought her a small comfort; she didn't necessarily want to test whether it was possible to summon a Persona to beat down a berserk shadow outside of the TV World. However, with as much fog enveloping Inaba these days, the real world was resembling the Midnight Channel more and more. Regardless, it did seem as if Souji was accepting what the shadow had said. She was still unnerved by what it revealed about her boyfriend, but she chastised herself whenever the thought crossed her mind. Everyone in the Investigation Team had secrets and thoughts they didn't want the others to hear, but they were anyway and accepted regardless. It was only natural and inevitable that Souji would too.
“How are you feeling, Souji-kun?” Yukiko asked as she stopped her hand.
Souji groaned in response as he picked himself up from the floor, only to fall back onto his butt. His hands gripped the wood behind him to keep himself upright.
Yukiko giggled, holding her hand to her mouth. “It’s a lot, huh?”
Souji breathed heavily before continuing, “A part of me always thought the exhaustion was a bit much, y'know?” He laughed in relief before stopping to catch his breath again. Yukiko reciprocated with a laugh of her own. Soon, she devolved into an uncontrollable, snort-filled laugh. She gripped her sides, trying not to double over. Souji could only smile in response.
Soon, the two of them recovered from the laughing fits and took a seat on the bench under the gazebo. They leaned on each other as they watched the pervasive fog start to lift, giving them a clear view of water channel that people regularly fished out of. The silence was comforting as they took each other in abd enjoyed the time. It felt truly peaceful.
However, Souji felt a well of anxiety build up inside of him. Rather than bottle it up, like he had been, he spoke.
“I really like your family, y'know.”
Yukiko turned her face slightly to catch a glimpse of Souji. He stared forward, unaware. She responded, “Hmm?”
“When we started hanging out, while I never said anything, I admit I was a bit jealous…”
Yukiko stayed silent as Souji talked. She knew the shadow definitely got to him, at least on some level.
“I mean, you were right to feel like the town was trapping you in a role you didn't choose for yourself. But no matter what, whenever your parents come up, I felt a small twinge in my heart…”
“Souji-kun…”
The Samegawa Flood Plain laid still.
“No matter what pressure you felt, at least your parents still cared about you. Because if their work, I could never tell if any attention my parents gave me was out genuine love that they couldn't fulfill as much as they wanted, or was just an obligation to save face.”
Yukiko folded her hands together as she saw Souji stare off into the distance. His eyes glazed over while he spoke.
“I'm just glad they finally told you is all…”
Yukiko let his words sit with her for a moment.
‘No wonder he was so concerned for Nanako and Dojima. No wonder he tries so hard to be in our lives….’
However, despite those thoughts saddening her mood, she knew she had to act to stop him from spiraling. Just he had done for her and so many in town. Admitting to one's problem is only the first step. Over these months, both with the team and the inn, she realized how important having people who care about you is. How they keep you moored in the storm of one's emotions. How they ease your heart knowing that they will be there for you. She needed to be that for Souji. Lighten his load, and let him relax.
“Souji, I know some part of you feels like you need to do this all stuff so you feel like we won't ever abandon you. Your parents seemed to have starved you of attention from them and others. So the moment you find those willing to give, you think you need to latch on in the hopes you will never have to let go. But that takes so much effort.”
Souji gasped as his eyes met Yukiko. The girl he loved. The girl he thought would never understand him, but secretly hoped she would. Her eyes looked so kind, gray and evervescent.
“If you need a break, let us know. Let me know. You can let us in. Don't be fearful that we will abandon you, cause I know we won't.”
Souji sat silent as a gentle breeze past by them. His eyes were tired of crying for the first time in while. Even so, his heart soared. He thinks he finally understands the meaning of a word he heard all his life. A word other kids would say flippantly, and some with derision. A word he never truly felt belonged to him.
But in Inaba, in his friends, in Nanako, in Yukiko, he found it. He found home.