Work Text:
"ENGIE! Bad news! I think I may be in love with you!!"
The words landed in the quiet of the workshop, before Soldier even properly entered the room, almost breaking down the door. Dell Conagher, that seemed to work on the sentry just a moment ago, now was seemingly caught off-guard.
"...Shucks." Engineer cursed to himself, quickly shoving something away, before turning around to take a look at the mann disturbing the peace, "Bless your heart, Soldier, whatcha even talkin' 'bout?"
"That's right, maggot! Doc told me that!" Soldier nodded, helmet bumping into his forehead with a dull thud on the motion.
"What in hell did ya told Doc for him to got a notion of that, boy?" Dell chuckled, setting his goggles in place, as he stood up to end up face to face with Jane.
"Yesterday, when I were talking to you, I got struck by an arrow right into my American heart!" Soldier blurted out, almost like he was talking about some war achievement, proudly smacking himself into his bandaged chest to prove the point, but groaned from the pain on the hit. "Ugh.. I said that to Doc and he told me it was all because of Cupid, God damn that son of a bitch, and it means now I am in love with you!"
Jane took a step forward, bending over just enough to match his shorter colleague, and his hand landed on Dell's shoulder.
"I don't know what any of that means for us, son. But if that keeps happening, I'm afraid I may not make it past the next battle with those BLU scum sucking bastards..." His voice now completely serious, as he pulled Engineer closer by the collar of his shirt, "So we need to kiss now, private! Before your mann goes to his last fight and dies for the honor of our Homeland..."
"...Merde." Dell quietly huffed out, wriggling in his hands, as Soldier's lips were about to touch his own.
But before that happened, Jane suddenly screamed and jumped away, almost knocking down Engie, he was no longer holding.
"Dear god... Did I just hear French?..." Soldier muttered in disbelief. "No..."
He fell on his knees, hands hitting the ground in the desperate move.
"I knew that, I always knew that..." Jane whimpered, clinging to the leg of Engineer, that for some reason had some rather elegant shoes on, instead of his usual work boots. "You are nothing but a goddamn cow-herding Canadian-"
But Soldier's speech was treacherously interrupted by the sound of bullets whistling above, and the knife falling on the floor, just an inch away from his fist, right with the body he was holding. Wait, why did Engie wear a blue suit?..
"Dammit, Jane! Y'all good?" Dell rushed to him, cocking his shotgun mid-way.
"Safe and sound!!" Soldier rolled over onto his back, face instantly flared up with a silly smile, as he confirmed his words with a thumbs-up, "Thanks, Engie, you deserve a medal for killing that evil Canadian Engie! I was just about to kiss that traitor of America!!"
"Well, I'll be that was a BLU Spah, son..." Engineer sighed, offering Jane a hand to get him up from the ground, but froze a moment later. "Wait, ya did what?"
"Yes!!" Soldier aggressively nodded in the confirmation, not bothered by the enemy Spy reveal even for a second. "This bastard almost tricked me into thinking he was you, but I clocked his Canadian ass by the baguette smell from his garbage pit of a mouth!"
"Yeah, ya indeed ain't no dumb, soldier-boy." Dell pulled out a sarcasm card, but the proud giggle from Soldier was enough to melt his heart and force the playful grin to crawl up his face. "So ya wanted to kiss me, pardner? I for sure am a real Texan."
Before giving him enough time to think and answer, Dell made a first move himself, pulling Jane in, and stepping on the Spy's head with one boot, to get taller, just enough for their faces to be on the same level.
Their helmets bumped together right with the lips, as the corpse of the Spy was bleeding out by their legs.