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Hopper had a love-hate relationship with his job.
On one hand, he liked helping and keeping people safe from danger.
He didn't like waking up at the ass crack of dawn in February only to be met with an unnecessarily cold breeze that somehow seeped through his jacket and numbed his skin.
Unfortunately for him, that was the situation he was in. His car slowed to a stop in the parking lot of the Hawkins police station, and he let out a long, tired, irritated sigh before opening the door of his car and stepping out.
When Hopper pushed open the doors and walked into the station, his brain still not fully woken up, he expected to be greeted with a smile, a good morning, and a hot cup of coffee.
“Chief, there’s someone waiting for you in your office. Go talk to them as soon as possible, they were very worried.”
Not his ideal morning.
He trudged begrudgingly to his office, ready to tell off another lunatic who bothers him over anything, whether it be garden gnomes or other bullshit. When he turned the knob and opened the door, his carelessness vanished in record time and the irritated expression on his face dropped.
“Mrs. Wheeler.” He greeted, walking around the desk and sitting down in his chair. Mrs. Wheeler’s leg bounced in what Hopper could only assume was anxiety, which didn’t help the concern creeping under his skin. She took a breath, trying to gain her composure.
“I— I can’t find Mike. I noticed he was taking a long time this morning so I went to wake him up and then—” Her voice was slightly panicked, and she took a breath before finishing her sentence. “When I went back downstairs I saw the back door was unlocked. I think he left, or— I don’t know. He didn’t leave a note and all of his stuff is still there. I just don’t know if– if he got—”
“He could be over at a friend's house, maybe. I can go check.” Hopper reasoned, but Mrs. Wheeler shook her head, rubbing her eyes. Her makeup was already a bit smudged.
“I already asked Joyce, Sue, and Claudia, none of them have seen him. I asked Susan too, but she hasn’t seen him. I don’t know where else he could’ve gone.” She told him stressfully.
Hopper nodded, understanding her worry. Mrs. Wheeler had become far more anxious and protective over her kids since Holly was taken and she discovered what all of them had been dealing with since ‘83. It’s no wonder that now she’s concerned about this, because for Mike to have just disappeared, especially on a school morning, with none of his stuff with him was not a normal situation.
“I’ll find him, don’t worry. I’m sure he’s just fine. You know, he likes to rebel a lot.” He reassured, and the tension in Mrs. Wheeler's shoulders released a bit. She let out a sigh, nodding in agreement before pushing herself out of her seat.
“Thank you. I’m sorry for being so…” She trailed off, not quite knowing what word to use. Hopper still nodded, letting her know that he understood.
“I’ve got it. I’ll find him as soon as I can, top of my list.”
It was around the time of the year where it was beginning to get warm, but it was still cold outside. The warm breaths of spring would come and go with warm breezes in the afternoon, but it wouldn’t stay around at night and through the morning. Hopper would rather be sitting in his office with a cup of coffee hot enough to burn his tongue, but instead he was running around town in search of one troublemaking kid. He knew that everything with Vecna was over, but it still made him unreasonably worried for Mike’s safety.
Hopper adjusted his hat as he continued on the rocky path through Sattler Quarry. He scanned his surroundings lazily, only seeing bushes, dirt, and rock. His car wasn’t far behind, but he decided to continue on foot. There wasn’t much reason to believe that Mike would be here, since as far as he can remember, there was nothing significant that happened here. Still, it was worth it to check. It wouldn’t be the first time kids did stuff they weren’t supposed to up there.
After a few more minutes of walking, the brightness of the sun began shining in his eyes. He squinted, fixing his hat again to block out the light and continuing. He was just about ready to turn around to head back to his car, after at least twenty minutes of nothing, but he froze when he heard something that sounded awfully close to breathing. Scanning the premises, he noticed that the sound was coming from around the corner, past a few patches of grass and rocks. It could just be an animal, but the closer he got, the more human they sounded. Approaching quietly, Hopper looked around the corner.
A bit of relief came to him at the same time that his stomach spiked in worry. He could see Mike sitting at the edge of the rock that overlooked the water. His shoulders were hunched and shaking slightly, as if he were crying, which was only further proven by the small choked sounds coming from him. The sight was concerning, considering that he was sitting on the edge of a very deadly drop, but Hopper assumed that he was only there to catch a bit of quiet. Even with everything that happened, the world was still far too loud. It was peaceful here.
Hopper didn’t want to startle the boy, so he made his footsteps loud. His shoes thudded loudly on the ground, echoing slightly. As soon as Mike heard the shuffling of small pebbles, his shoulders tensed. He tried to silence his sniffles, and he didn’t turn around. Coming to a stop at a small distance, Hopper opened his mouth to speak.
“Your mom’s worried.” He announced, trying to keep his voice neutral. Mike wasn’t the kind to open up easily, or at all. Half of the time, nobody even knows what goes on in his head, even his closest friends. Hopper didn’t want to push, since he and the young boy already don’t have that good of a history. Mike made no acknowledgment of his words for a moment, sitting still as if nothing had been said. Hopper contemplated repeating himself, but as soon as he opened his mouth, Mike interrupted him.
“I know.” Mike whispered. His voice sounded dry, and it cracked from what Hopper could only assume was lack of use. He wondered for a moment how long Mike had been out. It was already bright outside, but Hopper had been looking for a while, and according to Mrs. Wheeler, when she’d gone to check on him, he wasn’t there and the window was propped open. He could only assume that he’d been out since night.
“It would help if you went home, told her you’re safe.” Hopper suggested. He tried not to come off as rude, since it seemed like Mike was struggling, but it was early in the morning and Hopper didn’t have enough time to grab coffee, so his voice came out a bit harsh. Mike sat quietly for a few moments, his breathing shallow and anxious. He didn’t move from his spot, he just stared down, past the rocky ledge and towards the water at the bottom.
Hopper could hear Mike opening his mouth, the sound of his breathing growing more labored, before he finally broke the deafening silence.
“I want to kill myself.”
Hopper felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach at the blunt statement. Usually, when he saw Mike, he was either acting sassy with him or all lovey-dovey with Jane. That’s how it used to be. After everything ended, he barely saw the kid, except for when he wanted to talk to Will and Jonathan. Whenever Hopper saw him, he looked somber, but he didn’t get the opportunity to really talk to him. He had no idea how bad it was, but it reminded him of himself back when he lost Sara, so he couldn’t be too surprised. Cautiously, he stepped forward, while Mike continued speaking.
“I really want to. I don’t know how to— it’s just too much all the time. I don’t know how I’m going to graduate, or go to college, or find a job. I don’t know how to do anything,” Mike expressed. His breath still shook, but it seemed like he’d given up on trying to hide the fact that he was crying. “Sometimes I wish I was never born in the first place. So that none of this would’ve happened to me. To us.”
“Mike,” Hopper said as softly as he could. “Can you move away from the edge for me?”
“I’m not gonna do anything.” Mike muttered, swinging his legs casually over the edge. His fingers tapped against the rocky surface underneath him. It was too loud yet too quiet at the same time. The buzz of insects, the wind blowing softly, and the sound of Mike’s sobs filled the silence between every long pause of conversation.
Hopper’s expression tightened. He didn’t want to take that for an answer. Mike could be lying, for all he knew, and he wasn’t going to take that risk, so he took another cautious step forward. “Look at me. You’ve done a lot of—”
“I haven’t done shit!” Mike yelled, causing Hopper to flinch, the sound echoing across the quarry for a moment before the boy continued yelling at a quieter volume. “What good have I done? Who have I saved? I wasn’t able to save—”
He cut himself off, practically choking on his sobs. His chest heaved, like every breath was running away from him, like his throat was closing in on him. Hopper stepped forward again, kneeling down to place a gentle palm on Mike’s shoulder. Mike’s eyes darted around the surroundings, his eyes drifting down to the water and rocks below again. He pressed his palms harder against the stone beneath him, as if he was getting ready to push himself, and Hopper’s fingers curled a little tighter around Mike’s shoulder.
“It makes me sick. I’m a child. I stood there and I didn’t— I didn’t do shit. She needed me and I didn’t do shit. She needed me to save her and I didn’t. I needed to save her— I had so much I wanted to say, I had so much and she— I can never tell her. I can never do the things I wanted to do with her. I had so many plans that I wanted to surprise her with and now— now I’ll never— I’ll never—” Mike blubbered, stumbling over his words.
Hopper didn’t need to hear her name to know who Mike was talking about. He silently pulled the kid into a hug, and Mike didn’t push away. His hands gripped tightly at the material on Hopper's jacket as he let out open mouthed sobs into Hopper’s shoulder. Hopper subtly pulled both of them further and further away from the ledge, leaning himself on a large rock behind him.
“I should have run faster— or said something, but I didn’t.” He said after a moment, lifting his head. His voice was still cracky and broken, and tears still ran stubbornly down his face
“I didn’t.” Mike repeated quieter, swallowing tightly before opening his mouth again.
“She’s dead.” Mike spat, dropping his head back into the crook of Hopper’s neck. He said the final two words as if he’d been holding them back for too long.
Hopper knew Mike was holding those words back, denying it. He had heard from Mrs. Wheeler that Mike had hidden notes where he would write about waterfalls and secret passageways, notes that were putting together a fake story to bring comfort. Hopper couldn’t deny that he had done that too, back when Sara died. He so desperately wanted to believe that Sara wasn’t really dead, she was just sleeping. She wasn’t really dead, her mind was running off in Wonderland. But in the end he accepted that the only place Sara was, the last place Sara was, was in that damn hospital bed.
After a few minutes of silence, Mike’s cries finally calmed down to a few droplets of tears slipping out of his eyes and staining the thoroughly wet part of Hopper’s jacket. Guilt rose like bile in his throat, and he slipped out of Hopper’s arms like he was burnt. Hopper gave him a confused look.
“Um. Sorry. I… fucked up your jacket.” He said hesitantly. Usually Hopper would tell off the vulgar language, but he let it go for now.
Hopper shrugged. Yes, his jacket was uncomfortably wet now, and Hopper did not plan on taking it off in this weather, but he was far from upset and there wasn’t much he could do about it now. Pushing himself up from the ground, he extended his arm to Mike to help him stand up. Once Mike was on his feet, he stumbled a bit, since he’d been sitting in the same spot for hours, but he tried to play it off.
“C’mon, kid. Let’s get you home.”
They began making their way back to where Hopper stopped his car, which wasn’t too far away. It was quiet again, and neither of the two spoke for a few minutes. After a while, Mike’s steps slowed, and he stared in the other direction, where the water was. Hopper slowed too, and they both eventually came to a stop.
“…Do you think— was it my fault?” He asked quietly, still looking away.
“No. None of that was your fault.” Hopper immediately reassured. “I’ve been where you are before, and I blamed myself completely. It almost killed me. I understand how you feel, and I can say for a fact that it was not your fault. You did everything you could.”
Mike looked up at him, another wave of guilt washing over him.
“You’re— I’m sorry for always being so rude to you. I know you just wanted what was best for El, and I was such a douche to you for that,” Mike apologized. “I’m… I’m glad Will and Jonathan have you. You’re a good dad.”
Hopper smiled, patting Mike on the back.
“Thanks, kid.”