Work Text:
Grian POV:
I cried that day.
My casket was closed, thank God or else the people at the funeral would have up and left at the horrible sight.
Blood ...
Everywhere.
I died so fucking stupidly.
That girl was getting buried beside me. It was my fault that she went with me.
Dead.
Gone.
The girl's best friend just stood there, seeming to be frozen. Just watching.
I'm never going to forgive myself.
I was the one, waiting here, witnessing my own funeral, wondering why the heck I didn't even go to hell. Heaven if God above even allowed me.
If the Christians were right then I was in for a tough ride.
But the Bible never said anything about staying here.
Perhaps this was punishment.
I had looked down at my hands. Almost invisible. I could barely even see myself.
There was a chair left open beside my two closest friends. They both sat there together, one seeming to contemplate life silently while the other was sobbing, water coming down his face.
I smiled half heartedly wanting to cry with them. With my non-existent hand, I tried to wipe away one of the droplets that fell down their eyes.
Nothing happened.
It's almost poetic how I can watch them cry and not be able to do anything.
I had sat down in the chair next to them. Holding my head in my hands, I wanted to go back. To undo everything.
To fix my life.
And to fix the lives I've ruined.
But wanting won't do me any good.
Wanting won't bring me back.
So I sat down there, on the seats provided at my own funeral and I cried.
It's not like anyone will find me.
The tears that fell down my translucent face pricked my eyes.
I wonder if tears only burn when you know that the pain you've caused was your fault.
Either way, the tears kept coming.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·.˚⊹. ࣪𓉸 ࣪⊹˚。· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
Scar POV:
Sunflowers bloomed out of my windows.
I had just always thought they were beautiful.
All types of flowers had surrounded my house once. Orchids, daisies, weird purple looking flowers. What are they called again?
Until I got that stupid cat.
Now I love her of course, but the gray monster ate or tore up almost all of my flowers.
And the tomatoes I was growing.
Stupid cat.
Is she even able to eat tomatoes? I'd have to Google that later.
The only things she didn't destroy were my poppies and my sunflowers that were too high for her.
Why couldn't she murder the dandelions that grew in the cracks of the sidewalk?
At least the sunflowers were still alive.
Beautiful, beautiful plants.
Leaning on the windowsill, I watered my flowers for the day and went to get a glass of water. Actually, maybe coffee. I need to get to work.
No. Wait. Is today school or work?
I glanced over at my calendar on the wall. It said school for me.
I sighed. College was getting way too long for my liking.
Although, I'm graduating next year.
Or wait, was it this year?
I don't even know.
But when I get that degree I can get the heck out of this torturous place and work in marketing.
That's the business I loved.
My mother once said I could sell a mirror to a ghost. Although, I never really understood that because surely a ghost could see themselves in a mirror.
Maybe that actually would be a good idea.
I grabbed my cup of coffee and slung a scarf over my shoulder subconsciously. The cold October weather tinged the air with an edge of breeze.
That stupid cat was sitting so innocently on my couch. The reddish colored fabric indented under her heavy figure. Apparently, she eating my flowers and tomatoes made her even fatter than she was before.
If I let her outside she'll tear up the garden.
If I keep her inside, she'll eat my couch.
At this point, I should just keep her in a cage.
"Here, kitty," I made a few sounds to draw the cat towards me. "Outside you go," I shoved her out the front door. I decided that sidewalk crack dandelions were less important than my couch.
The cat made a squealing noise and ran outside.
Thank goodness.
I unlocked the keys to my car and threw my backpack into the passenger seat. I started driving to my campus humming some random song I made up.
God, life is so boring.
At a red light I pulled out my phone to text my cousins.
Our family had a big group chat that no one used except for my uncle showing us random videos. But I had a separate chat with my brother and cousins because, well, those people were around me so much when I was little they had practically raised me.
goodtimewithME: im bored
bdoubleboo: so?
goodtimewithME: what shold we do later?
bdoubleboo: im not free later sry
goodtimewithME: why nottttt?
bdoubleboo: cuz I have a date
goodtimewithME: no way you have a date
GaslightedCleo: :O
GaslightedCleo: DUBS YOU HAVE A DTE??
GaslightedCleo: IM SO PROUD
GaslightedCleo: Girl or boy, mister?
bdoubleboo: boy :D
GaslightedCleo: I approve then
goodtimewithME: can we meet at like starbucks or smth
GaslightedCleo: Okay be there in like 10
bdoubleboo: I can probably
slabEtho: can I comeeeee?
GaslightedCleo: no.
slabEtho: oh
bdoubleboo: they're kidding
slabEtho: ik but still ]:
The light turned green and I clicked off my cool fold-y phone. I could see how their conversation went on later. Driving safety was more important.
I arrived at Starbucks, honestly just wanting to do something different. I ordered my drink, and waited.
In a few minutes Cleo came and ordered and Bdubs and Etho came together and each ordered their drinks.
I tipped my chair back as the three sat down. "I'm so bored," I mentioned.
"Well yeah that's why we're here," Bdubs said.
"Yeah, but, like, like, I just want life to get exciting."
Etho got up and collected all our drinks.
”Get a girlfriend,” Bdubs picked at his fingernails.
I glared. "You’re just—you’re only saying that ‘cause you’re dating someone.” I rolled my eyes.
”Not yet,” Bdubs reminded “Not yet.”
“What do you mean ‘not yet’?” Cleo raised an eyebrow.
“We’ve only talked for a little bit! I don't really know the guy!” Bdubs squirmed in his seat.
"So it's a first date?" Etho asked, handing out the drinks.
"No kidding." Cleo rolled their eyes.
I laughed. Poor Etho. Cleo’s overbearing sometimes.
They had dated for a while. Cleo was my cousin on my mom’s side and Etho on my dad’s. When I got them together they dated for a bit before a really messy break up with Etho cheating on them with some dude, while never telling Cleo he was bi.
I think Etho had been slowly turning bi for a while, but now I think he’s just pan. Etho’s got such an open mind that I think pan suits him. I’d have to ask.
And Cleo’s either full on lesbian or straight-straight. I honestly can't keep up at this point.
Sometimes I think the whole LGBTQ agenda is kind of hard to remember, but since all of my friends are a part of it, I guess I support them. I mean, I can’t not, they’re some of my best friends.
I don’t have a lot of friends. I know one girl at my school who’s always been super nice to me, I think her name is Pearl, but I don’t really know anyone else personally besides my cousins and Bdubs.
I could change that today.
Maybe a hobby or a friend would do me some good.
Y’know, I could always—
”What about you, Scar?” Bdubs looked at me expectantly.
”Huh, what?” I asked, not paying attention.
”Do you want to join me in a theater program?” Bdubs asked again.
”Oh, um, I’ll check my schedule for later. Probably,” I told him. Although I don’t like the theater or acting at all.
”Okay!”
”Did you know Joel’s dating someone?” Etho brought up.
”Really? Good for him,” I commented.
”Yeah, its some girl with pink hair.”
”I thought you liked Joel?” Cleo asked with mock surprise, brushing her red curls out of her face.
Etho rolled his eyes. “Cleo, its been years.”
Joel was the one Etho had cheated on Cleo with. I think they’re still bitter about it. They’d caught the two kissing at some point.
But then the two broke up and I guess Etho had stayed clear of Joel.
"I honestly don't know why you guys have to fight so much," I mentioned, leaning back in my chair. It tipped backwards a bit.
Etho and Cleo both glared at each other. "They started it!"
Bdubs laughed and spun his drink around on the table. "You guys need to get a life."
"Just because you're dating someone doesn't mean you're better than everyone else," Etho pouted.
"You're just jealous," Bdubs taunted. He gave us all his smirk.
I squirmed in my seat. Even though I knew they were joking, I just never really liked conflict.
I checked my watch. “Oh guys I have to go soon,” I took a quick sip of my drink.
“Yeah, me as well,” Etho noticed.
”Okay, I think I’ll stay a bit to study. Bye boys,” Cleo waved.
I picked up my stuff and my bag and said goodbye to them. Poor Cleo, being stuck with Bdubs.
That man could talk.
I walked up to the campus, the Starbucks only being like three minutes away. I guess that’s how they got so much business. I had a couple of classes, the lunch break and then classes again.
Maybe I should join a group for afterschool.
The day was getting to be over, literally nothing interesting happening. I wanted to flop on the floor and die.
Honestly, if my life doesn't get back on track, nothing's going to happen.
Nothing at all.
Is this what life is?
Just ... waiting?
I keep telling myself that once I get that degree everything would get better. No slumping around, waiting for clock hands to tick away.
At least in another year this will be over and something will change.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·.˚⊹. ࣪𓉸 ࣪⊹˚。· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
Grian POV:
Walking is weird.
My feet don't really touch the ground. Actually, I don't know if I have normal feet, it's mostly just wispy stuff but walking still feels weird.
Especially around all these people who can't see me. I could start doing the chicken dance and no one would notice.
It was fun for a while, but I want to leave now. Let me out of the earth please.
Although, I could do a cool thing. I could teleport where ever I wanted. I could go visit the Eiffel Tower, or I could stand at the top of the statue of Liberty, or I could go ...
Back home.
I don't even know who lives in our old house. Dad used to be there.
And then we had to move.
To New York where Mother said life would be 'better'.
Well, promptly afterwards I died.
Wait, could I see Dad here? Could I find him? Maybe I'm not alone in this place. There could be others like me.
Maybe.
Possibly.
Hopefully.
I teleported myself to England again to my old house. It was a weird feeling, like a pitfall in my stomach but in a quick sharp moment.
It almost felt like a snap.
I ended up in the street by my house. I had wanted to end up inside but I was still getting hang of this snapping thing.
I wandered down the street to the house. A family lived inside. A mom, a dad and two children. A family.
Is that what I could have been? Normal? Loved?
Maybe.
But I pushed that away and went inside. My hand automatically moved up to turn the doorknob but I couldn't touch it. I just phased right through.
Freaky.
The family was cooking dinner. The two kids were playing some sort of board game while the dad cooked a pasta. The mom was laughing, and taking something out of the refrigerator.
I hope those kids know how lucky they are.
The wall color had changed. It used to be a grayish color at first but my dad decided he wanted a different color. We painted the walls yellow. Well, me and him had. My mom said she hated the smell of paint.
Then mother moved us to New York and everything was back to gray.
But the new family had repainted our walls to be a pretty sky blue. The couch was different, the stove was a new brand and I bet the rooms were all changed as well.
I collapsed on the floor and snapped back to the ugly city that I lived in.
Gray and lifeless.
I hate this place.
Snapping again, I went to the apartment that mother lived in. She looked ... older. Much older. By a decade or two. She had brown hair when I left her but now her head was a gray color.
Stupid, stupid gray.
Mother clutched a few papers before putting them away in a box. Never to be seen again. I tried to read them off of her, but she had put it away too quickly.
I stared at the box. I could try to get the papers out. But I don't know how to move or touch anything.
Taking a deep breath I grabbed the flaps of the cardboard to open it.
Nothing.
This is gonna be hard. I can't interact with anything it seemed.
I'm going to have to come back to this later.
I braced myself for another snap. I didn't even know where I was going. I just wanted to be away from here.
Away from the memories.
I was at Joel's house. Or actually, his dorm. It seemed he was bunked with a blue haired person and someone else.
Seeing his face again made me almost fall over with grief.
Wow.
Just wow.
This is more painful than I thought it would be. I watched through his window as he shouted something at the man with blue hair after shutting a door.
The other person that was with him wore a headband and grayish black hair. But he didn't exactly look old. In fact he looked to be about the same age as Joel. He looked more sketchy. He rolled up the sleeves of his olive green hoodie and commented something to Joel. He left to go into the kitchen.
I squinted my eyes shut so I wouldn't cry. I missed these people. I didn't know how many days had passed since I ended up at my funeral but it had to be more than a month. When I died, the trees outside were only slightly dying and there was barely a chill in the air. Now the trees were loosing their foliage and you would have to wear a jacket to go outside.
Except for me of course. Because ghosts don't need to wear jumpers.
Actually I do, but I don't really need it. It was just an oversized red jumper that I had found a long time ago looking through our old moving boxes. I don't remember whose it was but I had deemed it as mine.
It was practically my icon back then. I loved that hoodie.
I watched as Joel mixed some sort of batter in a bowl. I hadn't known he was into baking. Maybe it was something he had gotten into after I left.
Speaking of, where's that girl? The red head that had followed me and then died by my side.
I think I owe her an apology.
Although I did hope she had already up and gone to wherever you go after you die. Heaven? Hell? Nothingness?
If you're soul disintegrated after you died that would be a scary world to live in.
I phased through the window, until I was standing face to face with Joel.
"Y'know, I missed you," I said. "When you don't exist, it sure is lonely."
No response from Joel. To be fair, I was kind of hoping he would at least feel something. Anything.
"How's Tim doin'?" I asked, trying to keep it casual. "Did he get his degree yet?"
No response.
"Joel, what're you baking?" I looked over his shoulder. "Yeast? Are you making bread?"
No response.
"Joel, you know I love you?"
No response.
A tear dripped down my eye. It was almost a golden color, shining on its way down my face. The tiny droplet fell to the floor, eventually soaking into the wood.
I wrapped my arms around Joel. "I miss you." I had to pretend to squeeze him tight because my arms would just go straight through him.
I walked into the bedroom that he shared with the other boys in his dorm. A picture was on his bed stand, just like in the movies. It was of me this time. Me, Joel and Tim.
To the life we could have shared.
I tried to shatter the frame onto the ground. To compromise, I just covered my eyes so I couldn't see it.
Goddammit, why do I keep on crying so much?
In the room there was also a calendar. October 2024...
No way.
Absolutely no way.
I wasted two fucking years fucking crying about my life.
Two years.
Two years since the funeral.
Two years since I died.
Two fucking years.
They've all probably gotten over it. Joel's living his life here, baking whatever he's baking, that girl is probably gone by now, Tim is doing fine.
To be fair, I should check on Timmy.
I stood up off the floor and tried to stand up on my ghosty legs. They wobbled a bit from my weakness but I could manage. Looking around in Joel’s apartment, I finally found a piece of paper that said which dorm Jimmy lived in.
282.
Again, my hand went up to clutch the doorknob to open the front door of Joel's dorm, but I just fell through.
I'm going to have to get used to this.
Dorm two-eighty-two was a decent walk away, down the stairs and at the corner of the hall. Finally, I made it.
Standing outside that door, it felt much more dramatic than when I had just waltzed into Joel's dorm. Jimmy would be so much older now.
Different.
I walked through the wood.
The apartment wasn't as loud as Joel's. Timmy layed on the couch, curled up with his laptop, probably studying. I went to sit down next to him. He was researching about some sort of brain diagram.
Studying his face, I got a better look at him. Same blonde hair, same smile, same warm brown eyes.
He had most definitely gotten taller. If that was even possible. He must have gotten to be at least 6 foot 2 now. (188 cm).
I put my hands on his face, hoping he'd feel something. I stared intently into his eyes.
Jimmy looked around for a second, shivered, but went back to working.
Nothing.
No reaction.
I really am invisible.
I snapped somewhere. I didn't really care to find out where. I just wanted to die for real. Be gone. Go to heaven, go to hell, turn into nothingness, anything, just something that I could feel. I wanted to feel.
I was atop a house. On the roof. It was a fairly sized building. Tall enough that if I jumped off, I would probably die.
Without thinking, I ran and flung myself off. Head first. The ground came closer, but the fall felt like it was hours long.
A water droplet hit the floor before I did. I could feel it budding in my eyes.
A tear.
Crossposted from Quotev :3
Procrastination created this book