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"You're not going out like that." Mydei crossed his arms, voice stern.
"Why does everyone keep telling me that." Phainon protested, "I like these colors."
"For once, I'm not complaining about the colors here, although I have no idea where you managed to find them." Mydei sighed at the yellow and purple on full display, "at least you'll be easy to spot when we are out there. What I'm saying is, you need more layers."
"I won't be cold. You know I'm practically a furnace." He shrugged.
"Don't underestimate the mountains of Kremnos." Mydei narrowed his eyes.
It was a well-deserved holiday for Phainon, after working himself to death for the entire month juggling his job and many exams. He had to push himself hard. He wanted to be the top of his class,and he tried his best to be helpful to his classmates, and he took multiple part-time jobs to lighten the financial burden on his family. He came to Okhema years ago to chase his dream of becoming a pilot, and now he's in the final year of his program.
It still felt strange to call Okhema home. Like all big cities that promised everything, it made him constantly feel the need to prove that he belonged. That said, he had many fond memories of the city, and he never would have met Mydei if he never moved here. It was their first winter holiday together as a couple, and Phainon couldn't think of a better way to spend the holidays. Mydei's parents had generously offered their cabin on the northern mountains of Kremnos. They're going skiing today, and Phainon had never skied in his life before. Mydei had taken on the role of instructor with far more enthusiasm than he usually displayed, which led Phainon to believe that he just wanted more ways to poke fun at him. Grew up in a small town by the sea, Phainon had never seen the snow until he moved to Okhema. He got all too hyped up for barely half an inch of snow, before realizing Mydei, next to him, was far more entertained by his reactions rather than the snow itself. And now he knew why: he's been admiring the thick snow on the drive up. Kremnos was a place with harsh winters and summers, so Mydei said with pride. And Phainon was grateful for the scorching heat in summer, because that meant Mydei's always top naked.
"What do you have packed?" Mydei said, reaching into the backpack, looking for options.
"Wait--" Phainon jumped and snatched his backpack away before Mydei could check the content. Mydei gave him a quizzical look. Phainon busied himself with going through his clothes to avoid providing an explanation.
His finger brushed on a small box and he felt his heart calm down. He cannot let Mydei see this.
Yes. Phainon bought a ring.
When he saw the ring, all reasons had left him. There was nothing he wanted more than seeing Mydei wearing it. He'd know since their first month together that Mydei is the one for him, and then he knew the ring will be the one he propose with.
It's not like he planned to propose on this trip. It'd be way too soon. He and Mydei had been dating for not even a year. They don't even officially live together yet, even though he technically spend more time at Mydei's than his own apartment. And right now he had no idea where his career would take him, literally and figuratively. The thought would have to remain in his fantasy for a while. If he's completely honest with himself, part of him still couldn't believe that Mydei and him were dating. But that didn't stop him from indulging in this particular dream. He constantly found himself dreaming of various scenarios involving putting the ring on Mydei's finger. Just in case, he told himself, and carried the ring on him wherever he went. There were a few times when he gave in to the temptation and took a selfie with the ring with Mydei in the background and had his back to him.
That said, Mydei was the best thing that ever happened to him, he's not going to do anything to mess it up. He feared his subtle panic would raise suspicion. Fortunately, Mydei didn't press further.
"You aren't usually this eager to get clothes on me. Usually it's the other way around." Phainon couldn't resist teasing him.
"Don't get any ideas. I'm not getting undressed." Mydei was already armed head to toe, ready to brace the cold outside. It was strange to see Mydei this covered. It took a god-like body underneath to look this good with so many layers on. Mydei looked like he's in his own element. He always did, wherever he went. It was hard to say if the scene complimented him, or the other way around.
"You're the one staring."
Mydei remained staring, as if that's Phainon's problem, and Phainon's alone.
"Like what you see?" Phainon made a show to remove a shirt slowly. Too slowly.
"You know I do."
"Patience," Phainon held eye contact, "I want to fuck you by the fireplace tonight."
"Ambitious, aren't we?" Mydei raised an eyebrow, "it's cute you think you'll have any energy left."
"We'll see." Phainon said, "maybe I'll just leave you with that thought."
"HKS."
After what felt like an agonizing amount of time, Mydei finally deemed Phainon adequately dressed for what they are about to face. They stepped out, and Phainon still flinched when the first cold air hit his face. He almost wanted to run back into the cabin right away.
Right. Never underestimate a place that raised Mydei.
"Chickening out already?" Mydei said, amused.
"Like hell." Phainon rolled his eyes, "just you watch. I'll be a better skier than you by the end of today."
"Well, ambition have always been your greatest strength." Mydei shrugged, not even going along with his provocation. Perhaps he's in too good a mood from the holidays, or perhaps he had absolute confidence that he won't be beaten.
The mountain glistened quietly with a fresh veil of snow. It was surprisingly quiet for this time of the year, and Phainon felt relieved, knowing that there weren't many people around he could potentially crash into. He had no idea how Mydei could look so effortless doing this. Mydei showed him the basics, and Phainon was determined to impress. He wanted to be so good at this already and surprise Mydei, but it turned out to be a lot harder than he thought.
"Better than me, huh?" Mydei smirked after Phainon fell for the fifth time. Coordination, as it turned out, was not something Phainon excelled at.
"Why is it that your happiest moments always seem to be based on my misery?"
"Because I like to you see you get all worked up." Mydei offered a hand to pull him up.
"You have to admit," Phainon sighed, "it's a lot harder than it looks."
"Well, I do have an idea to speed up the learning process."
"What--" Phainon had a bad feeling. Before he could finish the sentence, a handful of fresh snow hit him. It didn't hurt, but it still fell in his hair and then down his face.
"Mydei!" He shook off the snow, he heard Mydei laugh, and he realized he probably looked like a dog, "what the fuck--"
He tried to revenge, but Mydei was way faster. He skied past him with the skills of a veteran.
"Hey!" He threw snow at him and missed, and he lost balance again in the process once again, "that's not fair!"
"Come and get me then."
He may have already gone far, but Phainon got the challenge in his voice, loud and clear. Of course, Mydei always had a way to get him fired up.
He took a deep breath, and mentally went through everything Mydei had just taught him. Now he had only one goal, to make it to where Mydei is. And not by rolling himself down the hill. After a few attempts, he found that he could control it better. He could see Mydei's orange jacket from far away. Mydei stopped, waiting for him to catch up. And finally he got close to Mydei.
Close enough. He could get his revenge.
As if provoking him, Mydei dodged with ease, again. He even made a show of it, and Phainon gritted his teeth.
And this was how they got down the hill for the first time. By the time the finish line was getting close, Phainon was getting a lot better at the movements. Pride and joy filled him. That high from learning a skill for the first time and enjoying it only fuelled the excitement further.
Mydei was waiting for him again, as he was every stop along the way.
"Mydei, watch this! I can ski now!" He's too excited about his progress.
"Watch out!" Mydei yelled back.
Too late. Phainon had too much speed and he did not yet have the skills to stop himself in time. There was barely a split second before panic set in both of their eyes. Mydei braced for impact and tried to catch him, but Phainon was too strong. And suddenly the sky was spinning. The impact had them rolling a few times before coming to a stop.
It should hurt, but it surprisingly didn't. Phainon blinked. Both of them were half buried in snow. Mydei groaned underneath him.
"Caught you!" Phainon caged Mydei with his arms.
"HKS! That was dangerous!" Mydei smacked him.
"Ah, shit." Phainon finally realized what he'd done, "are you alright?"
Mydei hmphed. "I'm fine."
"Sorry," Phainon buried his head on Mydei's shoulder and mumbled, "I got too excited."
He heard a chuckle from Mydei, and he risked peeking up. He expected Mydei to be angry at him, but Mydei's expressions were soft. A gentle smile curled at the corner of his mouth. There was warmth in his eyes, the eyes he could swim in forever. You are amazing. I'm proud of you. I love you. Mydei might not have used those words, but they were always in his eyes, in that smile he failed to hold back and Phainon couldn't get enough of, and the way he rest his hands on Phainon's back, strong and reassuring. Warmth coursed through his body despite the cold wind on his face.
There's no resisting Mydei when he looked like this. He knew he must be blushing like crazy, and it's not from the cold air. He had to capture Mydei's lips in that moment.
Only to have their goggles clash together.
"Oh come on." He groaned, rubbing his face in embarrassment. Damn these ridiculously large goggles. Mydei snorted, then his laughter bloomed full force. And Phainon couldn't help joining him. When they finally calmed down, they both sat up. Mydei wrapped a hand around Phainon and pulled him into an embrace so Phainon's back was against him.
"Look how far you've come." He pointed to the peak.
Phainon knew he was grinning ear to ear, but he didn't care. He leaned back and rested his head on Mydei's shoulders. They stay like this for a few minutes. The world quieted down around them. Nothing else existed. Nothing else mattered.
Perfect.
"What the fuck?!" Mydei jumped, wiping off the snow Phainon just threw at him.
"Payback time." Phainon grinned, readying another attack.
Coldness seeped in, and they retreated to the warmth of the cabin in hurry. By the time they changed and got cozy again, the sky was dark, and from a distance, the lights of the city were just beginning to glimmer.
Mydei offered to make dinner for the night, and Phainon had no objections. Mydei watched him made himself comfortable on the couch and gazed outside of the window, seemingly lost in thought. It was rare to see Phainon quiet like this, usually he's a ball of energy that couldn't stop bugging Mydei every chance he got. Mydei took in the sight, and did not notice that he spent way too long chopping his vegetables finer than they needed to be.
No. There's no word for "getting nervous" in Kremnoan language. But he couldn't help feeling something swell in his chest when he saw Phainon like this, dressed in his own hoodie he'd long given up on stealing back, sipping a cup of hot chocolate, and let out a content sigh. In his family cabin he'd spent many holidays in. There was nothing more he wanted than to see Phainon like this everyday.
Mydei could feel the small box in his pocket. And he felt his heart racing, whenever his mind went to what he's going to ask Phainon.
"Mydei! Mydei!" Phainon suddenly sprung to action, breaking Mydei out of his trance.
"What?"
"Come here!"
"I'm cooking!"
"You have to come see this!"
Phainon's enthusiasm had always been infectious. Mydei allowed himself to be dragged to the window, wondering what caught Phainon's attention.
The valley came alive with Christmas lights. The colors danced quietly in the snow and the veil of night. It was magical, almost unreal. They stood by the window, and watched the lights breathing with them. It was as if a beautiful dream was pulling them in, and nothing else existed beside themselves and a fairy tale.
"Wow." Phainon whispered, as if he didn't want to disturb anything.
Mydei had seen these lights many times. He'd spent quite a few holidays with his parents here growing up, and he'd always enjoyed the light show, but the scenes in his memory paled compared to what's unfolding before his eyes right now. Phainon had a hand pressed on the window, his face almost pressed on the window too, so he could be closer, just a little bit closer to the magic. Mydei turned to watch the lights flicker in Phainon's eyes and warm up his face. Seeing the lights before was one thing, seeing Phainon getting hyped up over them makes them a hundred times better.
He wished the moment could stay forever. Neither of them spoke for a while.
"Stay." Phainon said, voice dreamy.
"I'd like to not burn our food."
He kissed Phainon on the lips, and let himself linger, before heading back to the kitchen. It was only then did he realized they'd been holding hands the entire time.
No food was burned, and dinner turned out to be wonderful, true to Mydei's skills. They overstuffed themselves with food, and then collapsed together on the couch. Not even an earthquake could make them move.
"This is," Phainon yawned, still rubbing his belly, "the best holiday ever."
It is. Mydei agreed to himself. It's time.
"I have something for you." Mydei announced, trying to calm his voice.
He reached into his pocket, and handed the tiny box to Phainon. It was wrapped neatly in red and gold wrapping papers, and still warm from his body temperature.
It must be something in his tone, or how serious he looked, because Phainon certainly looked awake now, "I thought we already did gifts the other day?"
"This is, um, something else." Mydei coughed, "open it."
Phainon stared him for a few seconds before opening the box. His breath hitched when he saw the item inside.
"I--, Mydei," he was lost for words, "does this mean--what I think it means?"
He took out the item in the box. It was a key, with an orange chimera keychain attached to it.
"Phainon," Mydei said over the drums of his own heartbeat, "will you move in with me?"
It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from him as soon as he said those words. He knew that's what Phainon would want, what they both wanted. He'd never questioned it. What had overwhelmed him was just how much he wanted it. Before Phainon barged into his life, Mydei had been content with the routine he'd built in his life. He's some one who always knew what they wanted, and he never wasted time on anything that he didn't think deserved his attention. Sometimes he forgot he could have a soft side like this for another person. Phainon was someone who could keep up with him. Not only that, Phainon was someone who showed him that there were better views if he took a slight detour. Phainon made him want all the things he considered extra, made him feel like life was something worth exploring. He wanted to experience all the mundane things with Phainon, because Phainon would bring colors to his life. It would be a life that felt vivid.
And he wanted Phainon to know this, whenever he caught doubt in Phainon's eyes, when he questioned if he deserved it all.
He could see Phainon frozen in place, mouth agape, still processing the weight of the question. He watched him encouragingly, unable to keep the fondness from overflowing from his eyes. And he did always take pleasure in rendering Phainon speechless.
"It's your decision." He added gently.
"Mydei, I'm...so happy." Phainon put his hands over his mouth, "give me a sec."
And Mydei wanted to kiss all Phainon's thoughts away. But he waited.
"I've wanted this for so long." Phainon held Mydei's hands, still holding the key.
"I know. And it's time that I show you I've wanted the same." Mydei said.
Phainon's fingers tightened around his. He bit his lips nervously, and Mydei could tell what was going on in his head: he was having those doubts again, like he couldn't believe it's real, like he was searching for a proof on Mydei's face. And he'd let Phainon know, as many times as he needed to, that he'd never have a reason to doubt Mydei's feelings.
"Look at these lights." He pointed outside of the window. Phainon's gaze followed him.
"They are beautiful." Phainon said quietly.
"I've seen them so many times growing up, but I never found them as beautiful as I did today." Mydei took a deep breath, "because you're here with me today."
He could see Phainon's face relax into a smile, so he continued.
"I already can't wait to see you here next winter. I want to see all the seasons with you, because I know everything would feel different, better, with you by my side. You're not just a part of my life, you're what makes it worthwhile."
Phainon brought his hands to his mouth, for a second, Mydei thought he saw something shining in his eyes.
"Well?" Mydei suddenly felt Phainon's gaze burning.
"I can never get enough of it." Phainon looked so giddy, "when you say sappy stuff like this."
Before Mydei could protest, he leaned in and captured Mydei's lips fervently.
'I love you." He said when they broke for air, "more than you know."
"I love you, too." Mydei ran his fingers in Phainon's hair.
"You know," Phainon bit his lips. "you're making it very hard not to--"
"Not to what?"
"Nothing," Phainon smiled, "you're making it very hard, that's all I'm saying."
He pulled Mydei close until their hips touched, to punctuate his point. Their kisses grew more desperate. Mydei's fingers disappeared into Phainon's sweatshirt. Phainon slid a hand into Mydei's waistband.
"So, " Mydei said, breathlessly, "that's a yes then?"
Phainon paused for a few moments and their eyes locked.
'Yes, Mydei." He kissed Mydei's nose tip, "of course I'll move in with you."
Mydei was sleeping peacefully beside him, but Phainon was lying there with eyes wide open. How could he sleep after one of the best days of his life? He didn't know he could feel so happy that it's barely containable. He wanted to scream. He wanted to go out and run laps despite the cold.
There was one more thing he wanted to do. He took out the ring and held it up.
Just a look. A voice in his head said. He's asleep. Don't you want to see it?
Yes. Phainon answered, it echoed in his head. Yes. I want to. I need to. And Mydei wouldn't know. Between the two of them, Phainon was the light sleeper. This wouldn't be how he asked anyways, but maybe he could indulge himself today, just a little--
Mydei seemed deep in sleep, his arms stretched out, taking up more than half of the bed. Phainon held his breath. He hovered above the man he loved so much and took a few moments to just admire the view. He willed his breath to match Mydei's rhythm. He'd been holding the ring for a while so it's warm.
Mydei wouldn't know. The thought almost excited him more. He slowly and carefully slid the ring onto his middle finger.
Perfect.
He could hear his own heartbeat just moments ago, but once he saw his ring on Mydei's finger, his world was quiet. The silence was unfamiliar, yet welcoming. He felt peace wash over him. It was as if he just put in the last piece of a puzzle. It just felt right.
He felt complete. He let himself enjoy that for a while.
It wasn't enough, but eventually he had retrieve the ring before Mydei noticed something. He reached down. To his absolute horror, Mydei chose the exact moment to roll over. His hand disappeared underneath the blanket.
Fuck.
Panic ensued. He tried to see if there's a way for him to get it back without waking Mydei up. But the ring remained inaccessible.
"Stop pretending you're asleep." He sighed and put his face in his hands.
Mydei didn't move, like he's sound asleep.
"I'll tickle you." It wasn't an empty threat.
"Tch." Mydei rolled over again, eyes barely open.
"So, um, can I have that back, please?"
"No." Mydei pushed himself up, "if you got something to say, say it."
Phainon hesitated.
"You could get on one knee." He challenged.
"I'm on both knees, Mydei."
Mydei chuckled.
"I won't." Phainon finally said, "not yet."
Mydei raised an eyebrow. "Not yet?"
"I'm dying to, and I can't think of anything I want more." Phainon sighed, "believe me."
"But?"
"But we both know this isn't the right time." Phainon said, "I don't even know where I'd be when I graduate, and you just quit your dad's company. And you only just asked me to move in with you today..."
"I must admit, you win this one." Mydei said, amused.
"Sure, tease me," Phainon couldn't help laughing a little, his panic slowly dissipated, "for being too excited to spend the rest of my life with you."
"Mm-hmm." Mydei said, now it was his turn to be giddy.
"There's...another reason."
Mydei waited.
"I realized..." Phainon kept his gaze on the ring, "sometimes I feel like I have to keep moving, and have to keep proving that I'm good enough or trying to be what everyone expect. I got ahead of myself, because I felt so desperate to make you mine, really mine. Because I wanted to know for sure that you want me too."
He took a deep breath and finally met Mydei's eyes.
"But being with you here today made me realize...I don't have to rush. With you, I felt...safe to slow down and enjoy the moment, and I know you'll always be here. And that's all I want. That's more than enough."
Mydei stared him like he didn't know him.
"What?" he mumbled, "too sappy?"
"No." Mydei said, he cupped his cheeks and pulled him into a light kiss, "you're right. That's more than enough."
"And I'll do it properly next time." Phainon added.
Mydei held up his hand and examined the ring. The sapphire stone glowed softly in the moonlight.
"Shhh." he smiled, "let me enjoy this."
FIN