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Harumi was going to jump off the nearest bridge.
…Okay, alright. Maybe that was a bit dramatic.
But what would you do if practically your only friend was avoiding you for the past two weeks? It wasn’t a wonderful feeling, even if he was starting to get along with Yamamoto and Ueno, it still wasn’t the same. Aki wasn’t the same.
And yet, lately, no matter how many times Harumi tried and tried to talk with Aki, he always found a reason to get away.
Their usual meetup spot to meetup after school? Aki was late, and when he did finally get there, he was quiet the whole time. Harumi had pushed and prodded, until, finally, Aki said he had to go. Harumi watched as he sped off in the direction opposite of his house.
Another time, Harumi texted Aki and asked if he wanted to come over and study for their upcoming exams. Both schools were at each other's throats at the moment, hounding Harumi to get the very best score he could. Apparently, and not so surprisingly, Higasa came out of their streak of ignoring Harumi only when it came high time to beat Suisha in another competition.
Harumi was exhausted coming back from school lately, and what with Aki finding new and creative ways to avoid walking home with him… well. He missed him. There. And he was left scrambling for excuses to hang out with him at this point.
And yet, Aki had taken to no longer answering his messages, now, too.
Harumi went to sleep that night feeling like the world was weighing him down in his bed until his blankets strangled him and he couldn’t breathe.
Another time, Harumi had even stayed late after school, more so than he usually would just so he could catch the train that Aki took that had led to their blooming friendship several months ago. Surely, surely, Aki couldn’t avoid him on the train, right?
Aki’s sister– who had become Harumi’s only companion as of late, besides Ueno and Yamamoto, of course. Well, she’d told him how worried for Aki she had become. Without Harumi, it was becoming oh, so dull. And Aki looked tired. All of the time.
Akemi told him that Aki said he was staying later at school to, as she thought, avoid Harumi more efficiently. Even if it obviously came with the consequences of looking like a walking, pretty corpse.
Harumi boarded the train, standing on his tip-toes to look over the mass of people to spot a familiar face. Gripping his bag tightly in his pale hands, he forced his way through the crowd, apologizing absentmindedly to several people as he shoved them aside. Just as Harumi was sure that Aki had somehow found out that Harumi was planning to corner him on the train, he saw him.
Looking for all he was worth like a sad, sad puppy, Aki was looking down mindlessly with blank eyes at the floor. His phone was clutched in his hand, his brown eyes dull of any color. He had his earbuds in, not making a sound in the crowded train.
Harumi grit his teeth and forced his way over, earning a few more glares until he stood beside Aki. He stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to notice, but Harumi knew he was prone to zoning out. But this was just out of hand.
“Aki?” Harumi said, waving his hand in front of his face.
“W–wha…” Aki blinked, like his soul had made its way back to his body after a brief vacation. Robotically, he looked up until he met Harumi’s eyes. Then, like a bolt of lightning struck him, he jumped and yelped, accidentally knocking into a woman beside him. Aki apologized profusely before turning back toward Harumi awkwardly. “Harumi? What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you,” Harumi narrowed his eyes, shoving his finger into Aki’s chest to make a point. “I’ve hardly seen you all week. And your phone is clearly working, so why haven’t you been answering my messages?”
“A-ah! Well, you see. I’ve been busy, lately–”
“Yeah, Big Sis told me,” Harumi cut him off, not bothering to give him a chance to find an excuse that wasn’t the truth. He waved his phone with Akemi’s contact. “So. What’s up, man? Seriously,” Harumi bit the inside of his cheek. “It’s been… quiet. Without you, I mean.”
Harumi took a breath when Aki didn’t say anything, and the words he’s been thinking like a mantra for the past week tumbled out of his mouth without his permission.
“I miss you.”
Aki blinked at him, and Harumi could see the ice thawing to reveal what was underneath. For a moment, he looked like he was about to cry and apologize for everything and they could go back to normal. Maybe they could go back to Aki’s house and watch their favorite show and–
Aki’s face flushed a deep, deep red. Growing darker by the second. Aki looked like he was about to cry, alright. But it seemed more out of embarrassment, now. The tips of his ears burned, and Harumi could’ve sworn he saw smoke coming out of his ears.
“M-miss me?”
Harumi opened his mouth, feeling his own face begin to darken. But then, the speakers overhead announced their arrival to the station they were waiting for. The train came to a squealing halt, and the doors opened. Immediately, people began to stampede off the train, shoving him and Aki, who were right in front of the door, out onto the platform.
One moment, Harumi was fighting not to get trampled over. The next, he was blinking his way back into existence when he realized Aki wasn’t beside him anymore. He twisted and turned, eyes darted all around the poorly illuminated, dirty platform. He just barely caught sight of Aki turning hurriedly around a corner.
“Aki!” Harumi called, frustration, anger, and more than a little bit of pathetic sadness fueling his every step as he rushed to catch up. But when he turned that very same corner, there was no sight of Aki anymore.
He was gone.
Fuck.
Things continued like this, only worse. Akemi consoled him, suggesting that maybe he just needed some space. Maybe he was going through some puberty thing. Harumi had snorted, ignoring the way his face heated at the joking comment.
Ueno and Yamamoto could sense something was amiss between the two of them, seeing as the four of them hadn’t hung out in a long while.
Harumi tried. Really, he did, to be content with letting Aki have his space to work through… whatever was bothering him. But the more days that passed, the harder it became.
Harumi hadn’t been lying or overexaggerating when he told Aki that the main reason he was still here was because of him. Maybe that was a tad codependent, but it was true. Aki had become a sort of anchor for Harumi, and he, an anchor for him.
They were meant for each other in a way, he thought. They just, well, clicked. It was easy. They were easy. And things didn’t seem to be easy for Harumi much anymore, which was half the reason he came to live in Japan in the first place.
So why wasn’t it easy anymore?
It was a question that played over and over in Harumi’s head late into the night like a broken record. What was going on to make Aki avoid him. Had he done something? Was Aki suddenly uncomfortable now?
Harumi wasn’t stupid. Far from it. He was the levelheaded one in their relationship. So that meant that Harumi knew the reason he was so distraught over their sudden separation was more than mere friendship. Harumi, along the way, had caught feelings for Aki. He’d had them for a while now.
And while Harumi knew this, he also knew he wasn’t alone here. The way he and Aki were… it wasn’t far-fetched to believe that Aki liked him too. But in a sense, Harumi knew that Aki wasn’t truly aware of this. And if he was, he wasn’t aware to truly confront it. If he did, knowing Aki, the sweet, awkward boy that he was, he wouldn’t truly know how to deal with it. He’d likely lock up like a cage, trying desperately to find a way to logicalise the way he felt. It would probably take ages for him to come to terms with it, and Harumi would just have to wait for him to be ready to do so–
Wait.
Oh.
Oh.
Thunder crackled outside at the same time that Harumi launched himself up from his bed. His hair mussy, darkness lurking beneath his eyes. His heart began to pick up in time with his realization, thumping hard against his ribs as if to say, finally! Finally!
Maybe Harumi was more dense than he gave himself credit for. Damn. How on earth had he not realized something so obvious?
He couldn’t wait. Not anymore.
Aki knew how he felt. And Harumi knew that if he wasn’t there to help knock some sense into his thick head, he was going to spiral and spiral, looking for answers that were right in front of him.
Harumi threw the covers off, nearly tripping over himself to light his lamp beside his bed and find a pair of gray sweatpants, a t-shirt with a sad cat that reminded him a lot of Aki, his pink jacket, and his shoes. Harumi didn’t bother to grab an umbrella as he booked it out of his house, looking at the time on his phone as he ran.
12:03 AM. Midnight.
His shoes squelched in a gross manner as they quickly began to soak with water, much like the rest of him. His hair was plastered to his face by the time he turned the street to Aki’s house.
Thunder roared overhead once more, and Harumi had to rub his eyes to see if his eyes were working correctly or just waterlogged.
Warm, yellow light reflected on the streets outside of Aki’s house, bouncing back to shimmer and gleam at Harumi as he slowed down to a jog. Akemi was pacing back and forth at the front door, typing on her phone, bringing it to her ear, then cursing and going back to typing after a second. Stress was clear in her every movement. She didn’t notice Harumi until he was nearly right in front of her.
“Big Sis?”
Akemi whirled around, eyes wide with a relieved smile before it died down when she realized it mustn’t have been who she was hoping for. But just as quickly, the light came back as she grabbed Harumi by his shoulders. Water seeped out of his clothes and onto Akemi’s hands with the force of her squeeze.
“Haru! Oh, thank God. Do you know where he is?”
“Where who is?”
Akemi’s eyes were frantic, shaking him slightly as she said, “Aki!”
Harumi’s stomach dropped. “He… isn’t here?”
Akemi seemed to realize that Harumi had no idea where Aki was, or that he was gone in the first place. “Shit,” She whispered, pushing her hand through her hair, her other hand closed tightly around her phone. Harumi could see now that she was texting Aki, message after message lining the screen. Harumi could guess she must’ve been calling him repeatedly just as many times.
Harumi steeled himself, squeezing the water out of his hair in a futile attempt to dry himself. He was going to go back out anyway.
“Stay here, Big Sis,” Harumi said before turning his back, ready to head back out into the rain. The street lights reflected bright white lights on the streets.
Just as Harumi was gearing up to head back out, Akemi grabbed his wrist. “Wait.”
Harumi turned.
“There’s this bridge Aki likes to go to, sometimes. Tol… think, I guess.” Harumi already knew what he was implying.
“Where is it?”
A demand rather than a question.
“It’s a few blocks away, just off of Jay street.”
Akemi gave him directions, and Harumi prayed he could remember them. Akemi squeezed his wrist a little tighter, looking at the ground before meeting Harumi’s eyes with a hard look. “Thank you. You know I would’ve gone to look there on my own, but he doesn’t listen to me. Hell, I was about to go get him anyway–”
Harumi cut her off with a nod. “I know. I’ll find him and bring him home.”
“As long as you find him, that’s all I care about. He’ll probably want to go back with you and face me later.” Harumi snorted.
Harumi finally pulled away and began following Akemi’s directions. He got turned around a few times, but eventually, he saw a road sign reading Jay Street. He spotted Aki before he realized he’d found the bridge.
There were lanterns on the cherry wood railings, giving the night a soft, warm glow despite the freezing rain that made Harumi’s clothes stick to him in a sensory nightmare.
Harumi resisted the urge to race to Aki, choosing instead to slowly walk over as to not frighten him away. At this point, Harumi wasn’t too sure he wouldn’t book it.
More than sure that Aki knew he was here– the usual haze of fog that clouded his beautifully brown eyes when he zoned out or was obviously spiraling was nowhere to be found. Harumi said softly, almost drowned out by the rain. “Aki–”
“I think,” Aki said at the same time. “That there is something… wrong with me?”
Harumi closed his mouth, concern and confusion furrowing his brows. He noticed now, the red rimming his puffy eyes. His hands were gripping the railing overlooking the small river with a firm, desperate grip.
Harumi bit his lip.
“There’s nothing wrong with what you’re feeling.”
Aki flinched like he’d been hit, like he hadn’t expected Harumi to know what he was talking about. But who was he kidding? Harumi could see right through him.
“Do you think about me?”
Aki finally tore his gaze away from the river, looking up at Harumi from his wet hair, so dark that it looked black. He tilted his head, his lips quivering as he whispered. “Harumi…” He was pleading.
“Do you?”
The only answer was the pounding rain, the thunder had even ceased its endless roars as if mother nature herself was waiting to hear Aki’s answer with bated breath.
A long, long minute passed. Aki didn’t answer. Harumi knew he needed a push. Just a nudge. Or a shove.
“Because I do.” Aki’s breath hitched. “I think of you. A lot.”
Harumi chuckled, a bit self-deprecatingly. “I think about you so much that these past two weeks have been nothing short of hell. A nightmare I couldn’t seem to wake up from. Do you know how cruel it is to have all of your attention, even if I did have to learn to share it with Ueno and Yamamoto, just for it to be taken away so abruptly?”
Aki made a small noise in the back of his throat.
“I know you probably never felt like this for… someone like me. I get that. But Aki, please. Just tell me the truth.”
Harumi was pleading now. Pleading with his fists tight at his side as he held Aki’s gaze harshly. Maybe he should’ve taken a different approach to this. But God. Harumi was angry. He was angry, he was hurt, and most importantly, he was lonely. He had missed Aki. Before anything else that he felt for the boy, he missed his best friend.
Aki took a while to finally respond, searching and searching for some hint of a lie or a joke on Harumi’s face. Maybe he thought this was a dream. Or a nightmare. Maybe Harumi had misread this entire situation.
“I… I can’t. I just– I’m sorry,” Aki’s voice quivered, tearing his gaze away from Harumi’s. “I should go. I need to go. Home.” He looked like that was the absolute last place he wanted to be.
A desperate monster lunged and begged and roared in Harumi’s chest. His heart was thump, thump, thumping. He thought it might very well just thump right out of his chest.
This couldn’t be it. No. No no nonono–
“Aki, please!” Harumi’s voice was low, begging despite his reservations. It was breaking. He might be breaking.
“Harumi, I can’t–”
“Yes. You can!”
“No! You don’t understand–”
“I think I can perfectly understand what’s going on here!” Harumi closed in on Aki, tears welling up in his eyes now. Aki was crying, too. “You know what you’re feeling but you’re too much of a damn coward to admit it!”
Aki took a step back, but Harumi kept advancing.
“You don't just get to up and leave whenever there’s something you finally can’t figure out with logic and your brother’s little plan for how your life should go!”
Aki’s brows furrowed, he squeezed his eyes shut, opening his mouth to say something. Anything. But Harumi only kept going.
“Please, for the love of God just listen to yourself! Listen to anything but that stupid brain and just–”
“Yes!” Aki blurted.
Harumi stopped, if anything, because he was confused. Yes? Yes, what?
Aki seemed to realize his confusion. With a great muster of courage, he forced himself to clarify. To heal whatever bridges he was so recklessly burning without consideration for Harumi.
“I do. Think of you. About you, I mean.” Aki gulped, swallowing down the quivering in his voice. He had to do this. He couldn’t keep running. “... A lot.”
Harumi took a step back, but this time, it was Aki who followed to close the gap. To get closer, closer, closer.
“I think about you so much that I can’t focus anymore. All I can think about is your smug laugh and your eyes, your skin, your touch,” Aki kept rambling, like word vomit was the result of two weeks separated from Harumi. “God, even your stupid mushroom haircut.” Aki laughed, wiping at his eyes before meeting Harumi’s wide ones. “I think about you. Just you.”
Harumi balked for a long moment, realizing just how close they had gotten. Too close. Not close enough.
“Harumi,” Aki said, with a whine this time. Like if he didn’t have Harumi now, he might just implode.
It was all Harumi needed. Without a second thought, he was shoving Aki up against the railing, the sopping wet clothes sticking to each other as Harumi pressed in close and kissed Aki.
Harumi had obviously thought about this, many times before. How it might go. Where. When. If it ever would.
Though he certainly hadn’t thought about this scenario.
Their lips were wet as they slotted together, and it took surprisingly no time at all for Aki to respond. Harumi had kissed one boy before this, and he would wager that Aki hadn’t kissed anyone before. Even so, it was desperate, rough, wet, and absolutely everything Harumi could’ve ever wanted.
His stomach was twisting and turning in swoops, like he was on a rollercoaster. The monster in him reared in pleasure as Aki brought his hand to his cheek before allowing it to shift into his wet hair and pull him ever closer.
All of a sudden it was too much. So good, but too much. Harumi was lightheaded, he thought he might just faint right here. He felt Aki’s legs tremble, like they might buckle any second now.
Gasping, they pulled away from each other. Their lips were swollen, their faces flushed red and their hair messier than it had been before.
When they finally caught their breath, they said at the same time:
“Come home?” Come with me.
“Can we go to your apartment?” Yes. Please.
Harumi grinned, and Aki smiled shyly back.
Just as they began walking down the bridge, arms and hips bumping together, Harumi stopped.
“Shit. I left my key inside.”
Aki laughed, pulling out a spare from his pocket. Did he always carry the key Harumi had given him around?
They walked back together, and just before Aki opened the door, he stopped. Turned. Looked Harumi straight in the eye.
“I like you.”
Harumi halted, an endearing smile breaking out across his face.
“I like you, too, Bunny.”
Before they went to sleep an hour later, Harumi remembered with a curse after they had showered, changed, and…. Well. Getting back to what they had to stop doing at the bridge, he grabbed his phone, sent Akemi a message letting her know that he found Aki and that he was staying with him. They went to bed in a tangle of limbs together.