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Seventeen years. Maybe Gerard didn't have a soulmate. That was the only thing that made sense in his head.
He absentmindedly scribbled on the corner of his wrist, the black ink stark against his pale skin. His hopeless heart dropped a little bit more when nothing else appeared on his arm.
He remembered his mother telling him and his little brother, Mikey, about soulmates when they were both young; sometime during elementary school. Everyone had a special connection with another person in the world, and when the time was right, you would be able to communicate with your other half by writing on your skin. The ink appeared on their skin as you wrote, and they could reply back, etc.
Gerard's younger self was super excited to learn about this amazing, magical connection, but as the years passed, he began to lose hope. He heard rumors of people who never ever got to connect with their soulmate, or of people whose soulmates had died and the connection broke. And then one day Mikey woke up to a random doodle on his arm, and was suddenly connected to his soulmate (some girl named Kristin from somewhere in Mississippi). Mikey was 13. Gerard was 16. A part of Gerard gave up on love.
And here he was now: 17 years old, nearing the end of his senior year of high school, and as soulmate-less as ever. He decided to stop caring about it months ago; if he had a soulmate then he had a soulmate. If he didn't, he didn't.
At least that's what he told himself. A part of him still longed, still wanted, still hoped.
However, he had bigger problems to deal with at the moment. Such as Monday morning. He hated mornings. Especially Monday mornings. Especially Monday mornings that would be followed by a long day at school. A long, boring day at school; the kind that drags on forever because you listen to the teacher talk for an hour, check the clock, and realize that only three minutes have actually passed.
On the bright side, it was already March. Gerard had already been accepted into the School of Visual Arts in New York, which was his actual dream school. He was almost done with the hell that was high school. Three more months.
With a long sigh, he heaved himself out of bed and dragged himself to his closet to figure out what to wear because God forbid he remembers to take out his clothes the night before.
After staring at his closet for a full two minutes without really seeing anything, Gerard pulled out a pair of clothes at random, noting that they were both black. Perfect.
He went to his bathroom to get ready and still had his toothbrush in his mouth when Mikey called him from the kitchen.
"GERARD WE'RE LEAVING IN FIVE!" he screamed.
"M CHMNGH," Gerard yelled back, the toothpaste in his mouth making his words incomprehensible. With an irritable sigh, he rinsed his mouth out and hastily changed into his clothes. A shower would have to wait until after school; there was no time. He glared at his reflection, taking note of his tired eyes and slightly greasy hair. He decided that clean hair could also wait another day before racing downstairs, almost forgetting to grab his backpack off his bedroom floor.
Once at school, Gerard began heading to his first class: calculus. He asked himself the same question every day: What asshole forces a kid to do math first thing in the fucking morning? Satan himself, probably.
The day dragged on. At lunch he sat with his best friend (and only friend, to be honest) Patrick Stump. Patrick was pretty cool, the two of them had known each other since middle school. Gerard and Patrick were both picked on in middle school, and they became fast friends after they discovered that they shared the same problems with bullies.
Patrick had also gotten the connection with his soulmate. Someone named Pete Wentz, who apparently lived in Chicago. Patrick was clearly in love with Pete, and Gerard wished he could be as happy for him as he wanted to be. If only he wasn't slightly jealous that Patrick had met his soulmate already.
Patrick was the one person Gerard felt truly comfortable around. Other than Mikey, of course. He was constantly reminded of how lucky he was to have people in his life that he could actually trust.
"So no word from the ever-evasive soulmate?" Patrick asked, during a lull in their conversation.
Gerard sighed.
Patrick touched his arm sympathetically. "He'll turn up. I know it."
Gerard gave him a half smile. "How do you know they'll be a boy?"
"I just know. I'm a fuckin psychic." Patrick grinned and Gerard laughed.
"I hope you're right. I'm pretty sure I'm not straight at all, and I'd probably be a little disappointed if they're a girl." Gerard cringed at the thought.
"Well there's always a possible non-binary person waiting for you," Patrick suggested.
"True. Who knows?"
[•]
Frank was ok with waiting. In fact, he wouldn't mind waiting another few years before his soulmate decided to make an appearance.
Frank's willingness to wait for his soulmate was a fairly recent development. Because it wasn't until fairly recently that he realized that he was really fucking gay.
Which would've been fine if he didn't live in what was probably the single most conservative town in the entire state of New Jersey, with what was probably the single most Christian family on the planet Earth.
If they ever found out about his sexuality, they'd probably lock him in the church until he managed to "pray the gay away".
Everyone else in the town was either straight as a goddamn ruler or really, really good at hiding the truth. There wasn't even room for being bi, or pan, or anything else. It was either Be Straight or Go Straight To Hell.
That could probably be his town's motto.
The only person who knew about his sexuality was Ray, who was Frank's best friend. If there was anyone less Christian than Frank, it was Ray. Which is why Frank felt ok to tell him the truth.
He liked to tell himself that he was calm when he came out to Ray about six months ago. In reality, Frank was actually on the verge of a panic attack. He didn't have anything to worry about back then, or now, or ever. Ray basically knew already (His exact response was "No shit, Frank. I've known that for forever." to which Frank weakly punched him in the arm out of relief. And then Ray had hugged him and Frank was never happier to have him as a best friend). Ray, on the other hand, was also straight as a ruler. His soulmate was some girl named Christa, who lived in California somewhere.
"Speaking of Christa," Frank said absentmindedly. He and Ray were hanging out in Ray's room. Frank was sprawled on Ray's bed, strumming his guitar. Ray was laying on the floor and writing to Christa, sparking Frank's train of thought. "I wonder what would happen if my soulmate turned out to be a girl."
Ray snorted. "He won't be, don't worry."
"But what if," Frank insisted.
"Your life would be a hell of a lot easier probably."
"Probably. I wouldn't have to worry about coming out ever." Frank snickered. "As if my soulmate would be a girl. Have you seen boys?"
"Um. No, actually. What is a boy? I'm not sure if I'm familiar with that term."
"Shut up," Frank said. throwing a pillow at a laughing Ray.
[•]
The rest of Gerard's day passed surprisingly quickly. He worked on a painting in art, the only class he actually enjoyed. That was the only class that passed way too quickly for his liking. That was the only class where he managed to forgot about his missing soulmate.
They were currently working on a creative piece, something that reflected you and your desires, or something like that. Gerard didn't really care, he just painted what he painted and somehow made it relate to the prompt.
After art, he had a test in history, and then he was finally done with the school day. He met his brother in the parking lot and drove home while Mikey chattered on and on about nothing important.
"Can you believe Andy finally found his soulmate? I don't know who they are, he just kind of yelled at me and then flew off. You would never think he'd be the type to get that excited; he's the least emotional person I know. But no, there he was, laughing and jumping and running around. Amazing. You should've seen it."
Gerard laughed. Ok, maybe the thought of Andy Hurley acting like an excited puppy was a little important.
However, a small part of his heart sank. Andy was yet another person who was younger than Gerard, but had already found their soulmate.
Thankfully, they reached home right then so Gerard didn't have time to dwell on the thought. He turned off the car and walked up to their front door, searching his pockets for the keys. He patted his empty front and back pockets before realizing the key was already in his hand. Shaking his head at himself, he let himself into the house while Mikey snickered from behind.
"I'm going up," Mikey said once they were inside, grabbing a box of Lucky Charms from the pantry and rushing upstairs. He was probably gonna spend the afternoon writing to his soulmate. Shaking his head again, Gerard dragged himself to his own room, where he flopped onto his bed. He stayed there, soaking in the comforting blankets for a few minutes, before picking himself up with a sigh and starting on his endless pile of homework.
Two hours later, Mikey waltzed into his room and threw himself on Gerard's bed. As predicted, his arms were covered in ink.
"Hello," he said.
"Hey," Gerard said, barely looking up from his biology notes. "Why don't you guys just text? Doesn't Kristin have a phone?"
"Yeah but this is better," Mikey said offhandedly. "It makes it something special. You know?"
"Not really," Gerard said shortly.
"You will."
[•]
Frank scribbled on his hand a little with a pen. Even if he didn't really want to know his soulmate yet, he couldn't help but be curious. He doodled a little flower on his forearm, but quickly washed it off, unwilling to let himself become too hopeful.
"FRANK! Come down, we're leaving!"
"Coming, Mom!" he called back, and picked himself up with a sigh. He and his parents were going to some stupid party for someone's anniversary. He had to wear a nice suit and tie, which quickly became the main reason he was dreading the whole party, because apparently comfortable suits didn't exist. Who the hell had parties on Monday nights anyways?
As he walked downstairs, he overheard bits of his parents conversation. "That Adam boy, did you hear?" It was his mother.
"I know, the poor family." Now his father.
Frank paused halfway down the stairs to listen.
"He just got up and left, who could imagine, he was such a sweet boy," his mom said sadly.
"It's better for them now that he's gone. You can't have a homosexual kid and still call him part of the family."
Frank froze, heart skipping a beat, and suddenly felt like he was about to throw up.
Unwilling to hear his mother's response, he stumbled downstairs and strode into the kitchen where his parents were talking.
His mom jumped. "Oh hey Frank, are you ready to leave?"
Frank nodded and gave her a tight-lipped smile.
He didn't speak to either of them for the rest of the night.
[•]
With a grunt, Gerard slammed his books shut. Finally done with his work, he reached over and grabbed his sketchbook and a thin pen from his desk.
He began to draw the outlines of a face. Two eyes and a nose, strangely familiar but distant at the same time, came to life. He was just getting started on the mouth when his door opened and his mom poked her head in.
"Hey baby, is everything good?" she asked, smiling.
He smiled back. "Yeah, I'm just doodling."
"Ok good. Love you," she said before closing it again.
Distracted now, Gerard began doodling on his arm, mind wandering. Random lines curled from his wrist to his elbow.
He was so lost in thought that he almost missed it, but it happened.
Words began to appear on his arm.
Gerard's heart jumped into his throat, thudding loudly. He sat completely still and stared as the words appeared letter by letter, as if movement would make it disappear. The handwriting was sloppy in an endearing way, and he immediately fell in love with it. After about ten seconds of thick silence, the letters stopped.
are you my fucking soulmate?
Gerard almost choked.
"Mikey!" he screamed.
[•]
As soon as Frank got home he shut himself in his room, ripped off his suit, and finally allowed himself to cry. He had never really thought about what his parents would do if he ever came out to them, and now he didn't think he would ever be able to tell them.
He was always proud to be gay. At first he was scared and confused of course, but now he would never change it if he could. But this made him rethink everything. He was scared.
Frank did the only thing he could think of. He called Ray.
Ray picked up on the second ring.
"Hey Frank, what's up," he said. Frank heard high pitched giggling in the background.
"Are you busy?" Frank whispered, scared his parents would hear.
Ray must've heard the desperation in his voice, because Frank heard the sound of a door closing and the giggling disappeared. "No, it's just my cousin. Is everything ok?"
"Um. Not really?" Frank quickly and quietly told him about what he overheard from his parents.
Ray was silent throughout the entire story. When Frank was done, he sighed. "I'm so sorry," he murmured.
"I just, I don't know what to do, Ray," Frank chocked, tearing up again.
"Listen, Frank. You're gonna be ok, I promise you. I'm sure your parents know that the bond between soulmates isn't something to be questioned. It is what it is. They are going to realize that it's not your fault. That you have no control. One day, when you come home with that beautiful boy of yours, whoever he is, they are just going to have to suck it up and accept you. Because you're their son, and I know they love you. Ok?"
A silent tear dripped down Frank's face. "You're right," he said quietly. "Thank you."
"I'm always here for you, you know that. You'll be ok dude," Ray said.
They stayed on the phone for a little longer. Frank calmed down and started ranting about the stupid anniversary party that he was forced to go to even though he had school the next day. Ray laughed at that and lightly made fun of him. Frank smiled.
When they finally hung up, Frank started changing out of his suit. After he took off his shirt, he stared at himself in the mirror. He needed to work out more. And get a haircut, his hair was starting to curl around his ears. And what were those lines on his arm? He didn't remember them being there before the party. He stared at his arm in confusion. The thin black likes were spreading on his forearm, creating a fairly detailed pattern with curves and twists. Only a practiced artist could draw something as steady and smooth as that.
And then his brain finally caught up with him. His heart flew into his throat when he realized what it was.
Frank ran to his desk and groped around until he found a pen. Hands shaking, he pressed the tip to his forearm and froze. He didn't know what to say. How was he supposed to decide the first words he said to the person who was supposed to be the love of his life?
Finally he quickly scribbled something on his arm: are you my fucking soulmate?
Smooth.
The answer came fast. His heartbeat kicked up another notch.
oh my god
His soulmate's handwriting was messy, but in a neat way. He loved it immediately.
[•]
"Holy shit, holy shit, MIKEY WHERE ARE YOU?" Gerard screamed.
His hands were shaking as he wrote back: oh my god. He hoped that was a good enough answer.
Mikey then ran into his room. "What the fuck, Gerard? What do you want?"
"Mikey, fucking look," Gerard yelled, gesturing wildly to his arm.
Mikey's eyes grew wide as he saw what Gerard was showing him.
"Is that...?" he gasped.
Gerard nodded vigorously. "It is, it IS!" He felt like skipping and squealing like a little girl, but he restrained himself. His mind was buzzing one word: SOULMATESOULMATESOULMATE
"What's their name?" Mikey asked.
"NAME!" Gerard yelled, heart skipping.
what's your name? he wrote.
Frank.
what about you?
"Frank," Gerard sighed happily. "It's perfect."
Gerard, he replied to Frank.
It turned out Frank was also a senior in high school. It also turned out that he lived all the way in New Jersey, and was accepted into a college in New Jersey itself. Some school called Rutgers.
where do you live? Frank asked.
Gerard sighed. California. I'm going to art school in New York after all this though
oh. Gerard could almost hear the disappointment in the word. New York was closer than California, but still not close enough. He sighed.
one day, he said.
do you have a phone? Frank asked at the same time.
Gerard quickly scribbled down his number.
A few seconds later, a message popped up on his phone. It was a picture of Frank with a caption that read "just in case you were curious".
Gerard's breath caught in his throat. Frank was beautiful. Fluffy black hair that just covered his ears, sparking brown eyes, and a cheeky smile.
you're fucking beautiful, Gerard hastily scribbled on his arm. I may be in love.
awwww, Frank wrote. send me one of you.
Gerard hesitated. The he realized he had nothing to lose. Whether Frank liked how he looked or not wouldn't change the outcome of their relationship - they were soulmates.
He scrolled through his camera roll before finding a somewhat decent selfie of himself, and hit send before he could change his mind.
Frank replied immediately. oh my god. I don't think I've been more attracted to anyone in my life.
Gerard felt his face heat up, and grinned like an idiot. you made me blush, asshole, he wrote.
now that is something I need to see, Frank said.
Gerard blushed.
[•]
Frank was on the phone with Ray again. He had said goodnight to Gerard after they talked for a little longer. Well, Gerard talked about art and Frank mostly listened. He had never felt happier in his life.
"I found him!" Frank squealed as soon as Ray picked up the phone.
"Frank it's one in the fucking morning. I need to sleep," Ray said immediately, before pausing. "Wait, found who?"
"My fucking soulmate! Can you fucking believe it," he almost yelled.
"Oh my god. Tell me."
Frank recounted the entire story as well as their conversation. Ray had all the right reactions at the right times; sighing sympathetically when Frank told him Gerard was in California, laughing when Frank spent a whole five minutes talking about how adorable Gerard was, and agreeing that Gerard is a "pretty fucking beautiful name" (as Frank put it).
Finally, Frank started to feel sleepy around 1:30 and said goodnight to Ray, quickly thanking him for listening to him ramble in the middle of the night. Ray just laughed.
[•]
The next morning, Frank took a second to remember what happened. When he did, he jumped out of bed and squealed with happiness.
"Frank, is everything alright?" his mother called from behind the door.
The happiness was immediately replaced with anxiety. His parents could never know. He couldn't tell them. Not after overhearing their conversation last night.
"I'm fine!" he called back quickly, hastily checking his arms for any ink. He was only slightly surprised to find both arms bare. He knew that the ink used for communication disappeared after a while, but it was different when his own skin was covered in black letters less than six hours ago, but was now empty once again.
A knot of dread settled in Frank's stomach as he got ready for school. When he walked downstairs, he couldn't even look at his parents. He felt like he didn't even know them, and that he was suddenly living in a house of strangers.
"Good morning," his mother called out cheerfully.
Frank wanted to cry.
"Morning," he muttered back, not even glancing up.
He heard his mom walk towards him. Glancing up, she saw the frown on her face. "Is everything ok, baby? You've been very quiet," she said softly.
Frank was definitely going to cry if he didn't leave the situation immediately. "I'm fine," he said gruffly. "I forgot something upstairs, I'll be back."
Without another word, he quickly scooted past her and all but ran upstairs. In his room, he quickly wiped a tear from his eye. He wanted to talk to Gerard. Gerard would probably know what to do.
Frank bit his lip. Was it too early in their relationship to talk about deep stuff with Gerard? Or was it ok because they were soulmates?
Frustrated, Frank began to choke up a little more. Taking deep breathes, he reminded himself that Gerard was on the west coast and would be asleep anyways. Steeling himself, Frank went back downstairs, said bye to his mom, got in his car, and drove to school.
[•]
Gerard woke up with a smile on his face for the first time in years. It was Tuesday morning, and he was happy. Who would've thought.
Rolling over, he saw his pen on the floor and reached out to grab it.
morning :), Gerard wrote on his arm.
The reply came immediately. hey Gee!
Gerard blushed at the nickname. I haven't heard Gee before
it's nice
good
I've been waiting for you to wake up for years, Frank said.
??
oh the time difference!
yeah
school sucks
Gerard nodded in agreement. we have spring break in two weeks, thank god
mine's in two weeks too! Frank replied.
I got lucky this year, my birthday is actually on the break, Gerard wrote, smiling at the thought.
whens that?
April 9. When's yours?
Halloween, and no it's not as cool as you think.
THATS SO COOL, Gerard scribbled, a grin splitting his face.
He started getting ready for school. Frowning at his closet, he decided that it wasn't that weird to wear a sweater in March. For some reason, he didn't want anyone knowing about Frank. Not yet. He wasn't ready to come out yet.
Downstairs, he tugged the sleeves of his sweater over his hands.
"Hey baby," his mom said as he walked into the kitchen.
"Hi!" He smiled at her.
She grinned back. "Someone's happy today."
"Who would've thought," Gerard said.
He met Mikey's eye, who was silently questioning him. Gerard shook his head slightly, frowning a little.
"Why didn't you tell mom?" Mikey asked when they two of them were in the car.
"I don't know. I just- I'm not ready. To be out to anyone. You and Patrick are the only ones who know I'm gay, and I don't know if I'm ready to change that yet," Gerard said, voice reserved.
Mikey sighed. "I guess. Whenever you're ready, you'll be ok, I promise."
Gerard smiled. "Thanks."
[•]
"I wanna see him," Frank sighed. He was currently hanging upside down on a set of monkey bars in a small, empty playground after school. It consisted of a single yellow plastic slide, two blue swings, and the monkey bars. Everything was rusty; unused for what seemed like years. Ray was slowly rocking on a swing, the chains squeaking and protesting with each movement.
The two of them had discovered this playground in their sophomore year, and ever since then, it had become their default hang out spot. This was where Frank had told Ray he was gay, and this is where Ray had first gotten his connection with his soulmate. It was a special place.
"I feel you man," Ray said. "I've tried convincing my parents to let me fly over to California to meet Christa over one of the breaks, but no luck. Apparently I'm not trustworthy."
Frank flipped around so he was sitting right side up on the top of the bar. He snickered. "I wouldn't trust you around her either. Who knows what you two would get up to." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.
"Oh, shut up," Ray said indignantly. "Shes my soulmate, I don't just want to fuck her, I'm in love with her."
"Awwww, little Ray's in loooovee," Frank cooed, laughing.
Ray threw a pebble at him. "Shut up, asshole. You're the one who's moping about not being able to see your boyfriend."
That made Frank sober up immediately. "Are we boyfriends? Do we have to.. talk about it? Or are we automatically boyfriends because we're soulmates?"
Ray barked out a laugh. "Calm down Frankie, I'm sure Gerard wouldn't hesitate to call you his boyfriend."
They sat in silence for a minute.
"Hey Ray," Frank said. "If you ever get the chance to go to California can you take me with you?"
"Of course, man." Ray's voice was sincere.
"Thank you." Frank felt a little hopeful.
[•]
The day whizzed by. Before he knew it, Gerard was sitting at lunch, waiting for Patrick and jittery with excitement.
When his friend finally showed up, he grinned at him.
"Holy shit, I don't think I've ever seen you this happy," Patrick said with a smirk.
"Guess what happened," Gerard almost squealed.
Patrick hesitated, watching him. His light blue eyes were calculating. Then he gasped. "No way," he said.
Gerard pulled up his sleeve. His arm was covered in his and Frank's conversation from last period (it turned out that Frank was very inot tattoos, and had a whole list of what he wanted to get tattooed as soon as he was legal. Gerard told him he was scared of needles, which seemed to amuse Frank a lot for some reason).
Patrick gasped. "GERARD IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!" he yelled, before realizing how loud he had spoken and blushing. "Tell me everything," he said at a much lower volume.
Gerard launched into the events of the night before.
"I would've texted you but by the time I stopped talking to him, I figured you'd be asleep so I decided it would've been better in person," Gerard explained hastily.
"It's ok dude, I can't believe you finally found him!" Patrick was all smiles and sparking eyes. Gerard felt giddy with happiness.
[•]
Frank and his parents were eating dinner in their dining room. His parents were talking about something irrelevant, and Frank's thoughts were racing. He needed to find an excuse to go to California without his parents getting suspicious.
"Hey mom," he blurted suddenly. She almost jumped, as if she had forgotten he was there. He continued anyways. "What would you do if I said I wanted to travel somewhere? Maybe with Ray?"
His parents looked taken aback.
"Where would you go?" his dad asked cautiously.
"And why?" his mom added.
"I don't know, California maybe? Just for fun. With Ray." Frank regretted opening his mouth.
"I don't know baby," his mom said. "I don't see when you would. This summer you have to prepare for college, remember?"
"Right." Frank said, gritting his teeth. "I'm gonna go finish my homework. I have a lot left." With that, he got up and left the room.
Once in his room, he shut the door and let out a shaky breath. He pulled up his sleeve and glanced at his arm.
hey Frankie, Gerard had said. Frank smiled slightly.
hi Gee
I just got home from school, finally
that was a long fucking day, and nothing even happened
Frank laughed. I feel you
I just had dinner with my parents
that sounds nice, Gerard said.
not really
Frank sighed heavily.
they're not my favorite people
There was a pause before Gerard replied.
I'm sorry Frankie
I can't really help but I'm always here to listen if you even need someone to talk to
Frank's eyes got a little watery and he smiled.
what did I ever do to deserve you?
He thought for a second.
I'm ok right now, but thank you
of course, Gerard said.
[•]
Gerard wasn't sure what woke him up. He opened his bleary eyes and checked his phone for the time. It was 1:38 am. Sighing, he decided to get a glass of water while he was awake. He carefully tiptoed past Mikey's and his parents' room and headed downstairs, trying not to let the floorboards creak. Once he reached the kitchen, he turned on the dim light and reached into a cupboard for a glass. When he did, he saw words on his arm.
can I call you? Frank had written.
Concerned, Gerard hurried upstairs, forgetting about the water. He didn't know how long ago Frank wrote the message. In his room, he found a pen and said yes, is everything ok?
Thankfully, Frank was still awake. no, he said.
Gerard swallowed, now really worried. He picked up his phone and found Frank's contact before hitting the call button.
"Gee?" Frank asked. His voice shook a little, like he had been crying.
"Frankie? What's wrong?" Gerard sat on his bed.
There was a pause. "This is the first time I'm hearing your voice," Frank whispered.
Gerard started. "You're right," he said. "I didn't realize."
Frank laughed quietly. "You have a pretty voice."
"So do you," Gerard murmured.
There was another pause. "Can you talk to me about something for a couple minutes? Anything."
Gerard was caught off guard. "Yeah, sure. Um. School sucked today, I had a couple quizzes but that's about it. Even art was a little boring, I guess I just wasn't feeling it today. The only good thing was lunch, I guess. I told Patrick about you! He's my best friend, and my only friend honestly. He was almost more excited than me. I showed him your picture and he agrees that you're super cute." Gerard giggled.
Frank laughed a little. "Thank you."
Gerard hesitated. "Is everything ok? Are you ok?"
Frank sighed. "I'm ok. I had a nightmare and I needed to talk to you. I didn't realize it was so late, why are you awake?"
"I just woke up to get water, actually. I don't know why, but I'm glad I did. Do you want to tell me about your nightmare? Usually that helps make it less scary."
"Ok..." Frank said. There was another pause, longer this time.
Gerard fidgeted. "Frank?" he asked.
"My parents are homophobic!" Frank blurted.
"Oh..." Gerard whispered, stomach twisting.
"I live in a super Christian town and my parents would rather not have a kid than have a gay one, and the only person who knows I'm gay is Ray, and I'm so scared, Gee, I'm too scared to ever tell them but if I never tell them I'll never be able to see you, and -" he broke off, choking back a sob. "I had a dream that I told them and they never let me talk to you again, they took away all the pens and everything and they locked me in my room and I never talked to you again, I never got to see you." He stopped abruptly, breathing ragged. Gerard's heart broke.
"Shh, Frankie. You are going to be ok, you hear me? You're almost eighteen. You're almost in college. You're almost out of their grip. We can do anything we want as soon as you're out of their house. We're never going to be pulled apart. I promise."
Frank sniffled on the other end of the line. "You're right. I'm sorry, it's just the nightmare -"
"Don't apologize, I'm here for you. Always," Gerard interrupted.
"Thank you," Frank sighed.
"Are you ok?"
"Better now." Frank did sound calmer.
"Good. Try to sleep now, ok? Call me if you need me, I'll keep my ringer on," Gerard said soothingly.
"Ok," he murmured.
[•]
The next morning, Frank woke up with a pounding headache. He groaned and rolled over. He really didn't want to go to school today.
When he finally managed to pull himself out of bed and swallow two Advil, he grabbed a pen and drew a small heart on his wrist, hoping Gerard would see it and understand.
Frank stumbled around his room, getting ready for school. When he was finally in his car on his way to school, he decided that he really didn't feel like it today. He turned around and began driving to the city right next to his town.
When he reached a red light a minute later, he pulled out his phone and called Ray.
"I'm skipping today, wanna join? I'm probably gonna head downtown, it's only an hour or so away," he explained.
"Damn it, I wish. I have a math midterm today. What kind of asshole even gives midterms in high school?" Ray whined.
"Aw that sucks." The light turned green. Frank hit the accelerator.
"Yeah. You can come over after school if you want to."
"I'll be there. Have fun with your midterm," Frank said, smirking.
"Funny. I gotta go, bye."
"See you," Frank said. Ray hung up.
Frank plugged his phone into the audio jack in his car and hit shuffle. Black Flag started blasting in his speakers.
He began singing along at the top of his lungs as he merged into a highway. For the first time in a long time, he felt free.
He hit heavy traffic about halfway to the city. With a sigh, he leaned back in his seat and braced himself for a long ride.
His mind began to wander to Gerard. He wouldn't be awake yet, and besides, writing and driving was probably a very bad idea.
Frank inched his car forward as the traffic sped up for about eight seconds. The sun poked out of a cloud, and he squinted at the light.
Frank really wanted to meet Gerard. He didn't think he had ever wanted anything more than how much he wanted to see him.
He didn't want to wait until he was 18 either. Halloween was in months. It was too long, too far away to plan for.
Maybe he could run away. Just get up and go. It wouldn't be too hard. He had enough money for a plane ticket and then he'd be free.
But at the same time, he knew that it wouldn't work. His parents would flip shit when they found out, and Ray would be stuck at home alone. He couldn't leave his best friend behind.
But with that logic, if he wanted to go to California before his birthday, he would have to come out to his parents, otherwise they wouldn't let him go. But if he came out, there would probably be an even smaller chance of being able to go meet Gerard.
Frank sighed in frustration. There was no winning.
[•]
Gerard couldn't sleep for a while after he hung up with Frank. His mind wandered. He wanted to meet him, but he knew he wouldn't be able to just show up at Frank's door, even if Gerard managed to come out to his parents and get a plane ticket. Frank's parents would flip shit and Frank would hate him for just showing up. But Frank made it pretty clear that he wouldn't be able to leave home to see him either. Mind wandering in circles, he finally managed to wear himself out and fall asleep.
When he woke up, he noticed a small heart on the corner of his wrist. Smiling, he drew another heart next to it.
On the way to school, he started complaining to Mikey.
"I want to meet him, Mikes," he whined.
Mikey snorted. "We all wanna meet our soulmates, Gerard. Most peoples' soulmates live no where near them, you know that."
Gerard frowned and made a left turn. "I know that. But. I just. I've never wanted anything more."
"It'll happen soon enough. Just be patient."
Gerard sighed. He knew Mikey was right.
The day went by quickly. Before Gerard knew it, he was sitting with Patrick at lunch.
"Hey, 'Trick," he said, catching his friend's attention. He held up his phone and took a selfie with the two of them. Gerard was smiling widely and Patrick was sticking out his tongue. "I was telling Frank about you yesterday, I'm gonna send this to him."
"Aww what did you say?" Patrick asked, grinning.
"That you're my best friend and I told you about him. I think he liked that."
Patrick laughed.
A minute later, Gerard's phone vibrated.
Frank sent a selfie of him in a bedroom with another guy with really thick curly hair and a goofy smile. Frank's hair was sticking out randomly, and he was holding up a peace sign. Gerard smiled and tapped a reply back.
Gerard: you're fucking adorable
Frank: thank you babe, so are you
Gerard blushed
Frank: I ditched school today
Gerard: why?
Frank: I needed a break
Frank: went downtown, there's this record shop that I really like, I hung out there for a while
Frank: that's Ray in the pic above btw
Gerard: I hope you had fun
Gerard: and I figured
Gerard showed Patrick the picture. "He's so fucking cute," he gushed. Patrick laughed and nodded his head.
In art, Gerard continued his painting, which turned out to be a person. When he pulled back to look at it, he saw that it bore a striking resemblance to Frank.
With a quiet "huh", he began touching it up a little bit to make it look more like his soulmate.
History went by extremely slowly after art, but finally, finally, he was home. He felt like he needed at least twelve naps.
With a groan, Gerard tossed his phone onto his bed and went in the bathroom to take a long shower. When he came back out, he reached for his phone to look at Frank's picture again (call him pathetic).
His phone wasn't on his bed. He could've sworn he put it there.
"Hey Mikey have you seen my phone?" he called out, knowing full well that Mikey would say no.
"No," Mikey said, without missing a beat.
Grumbling, Gerard set off to start his homework. The numbers on his calculus textbook started blurring before him, and he put his head down to rest for just a minute...
An hour later, he woke up with a start. "Fuck," he moaned, realizing he fell asleep right on top of his textbook.
Scowling, he got up and walked out of his room to grab some food. On his way out he noticed his phone lying on top of him bed. Frowning, he grabbed it and shoved it into his pocket. He was officially insane.
[•]
The days went on. Soon it was only three days before Frank's spring break started, and four until Gerard's did. The two of them talked as much as possible; writing during the day and texting at night. Frank's arms were always covered in ink, and he always wore long sleeves to make sure it was hidden.
He was also getting more and more anxious as the break neared.
Because he had an Idea. And when he told Ray, Ray was more than willing to be a part of his Idea. And it was giving him really bad anxiety because there was so much that could go wrong because of this Idea, and there was so much he was risking for it. But if everything ended well, it would be the best Idea in the world.
Frank was currently driving to Ray's house, fidgeting nervously. When he reached, he rang the bell and tapped his fingers on his legs as he waited. He almost jumped when Ray opened the door.
Ray took one look at him and pulled him into a one-armed hug.
"It's gonna be ok, dude," he reassured. Frank nodded. The two of them headed upstairs.
"Ready?" Ray asked.
Frank didn't hesitate. "Let's do it," he said.
Ray nodded and opened his laptop.
[•]
It was the Thursday before spring break and Gerard decided he needed a change before he turned 18. Something drastic.
"I need a change Mikey," he said, rolling over to tap his brother on the head.
They were currently hanging out in Gerard's room, Gerard on his bed and Mikey reading a book on his floor.
Mikey didn't even look up. "Go for it."
"But what should I change?"
Mikey made an incomprehensible sound, refusing to look up from his book, and Gerard rolled his eyes. Break hadn't even technically started yet, and Mikey was already spending his free time reading. What a nerd.
"You're a nerd," Gerard informed him.
A couple minutes passed. Gerard was absentmindedly doodling on his arm, and Frank quickly wrote him a smiley face in return.
"I think I'll dye my hair," Gerard said suddenly. He thought for a minute. "Red."
"What?" Mikey asked.
I'm thinking about dying my hair red, Gerard quickly scribbled on his arm with the pen he was holding.
Fuck yes, Frank replied immediately. That would be HOT.
Gerard blushed. "Frank says yes. It's happening."
Mikey rolled his eyes. "Don't come crying back to me when it looks horrible."
Gerard threw a pillow at him. "It's not going to look horrible, asshole. The color red was made to compliment my skin tone."
"And what skin tone is that? Pale as a fucking vampire?" Mikey laughed.
"Shut up. You'll see."
[•]
Frank's hands were shaking. In fact, his whole body was shaking slightly. He could barely keep a steady grip on his pen as he signed the letter he was writing. He quickly got up after finishing it, and dropped the letter on the dining table where he knew his parents would see it.
It was Sunday, April 9. Gerard's birthday. Frank had wished him happily at midnight, as the two of them lay in the darkness and talked on the phone. Well, it was midnight for Gerard. Who, by chance, was the only person in the world that Frank was willing to stay up until 3 am to say happy birthday to. Even if there was no school the next day.
With one last look at the letter, Frank tore his gaze away from the table and ran upstairs, running into his room and slamming the door out of habit, even though there was no one home but him. His heart was stuttering wildly, and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Oh god, he was going to have a panic attack and Ray would be there to pick him up any second now and he couldn't breathe-
And then Ray was there in his bedroom, hugging Frank close, whispering soothing words, and rubbing circles on his back.
When Frank could breathe again, he rubbed his eyes, realizing that his face was wet.
"How'd you get in?" Frank asked quietly.
"Your front door was unlocked. Are you sure you want to do this, Frank?"
Frank dried his eyes with his sleeve and took a couple deep breathes. He had to do this. "Absolutely. I have to. There's no other option."
Ray nodded in agreement. "You're going to be ok, I promise. We both are."
"You're right," Frank said, smiling weakly. It was all going to be ok.
"I always am." Ray grinned. "Now come on, we have to leave before your parents get home."
[•]
Gerard frowned at the book in his hands. He looked up at Mikey. "It's my birthday, you're not allowed to be an ass," he said indignantly.
He was holding a thin paperback book with a rainbow cover. Coming Out For Dummies. This was so not funny.
Mikey, however, was laughing so hard that tears were starting to trickle down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's not your actual present-"
"Damn right it's not," Gerard sniffed.
"I just saw it at the bookstore and I couldn't resist. You should've seen your fucking face, oh my god." He cracked up again.
"Fuck you," Gerard said, but less serious this time.
"Here you go," Mikey said, handing Gerard a gift card. It was for Gerard's favorite online art store. "I figured you'd need it for your fancy new college. If not, you can always get those expensive brushes you're always bitching about."
Gerard's slight frown quickly turned into a grin, and he attacked Mikey with a hug. "You're the fucking best," he squealed.
Mikey laughed. "Thanks, I know. Happy birthday. Although I think you should seriously consider using the book too.
Gerard slapped his arm, and the two began to wrestle like they did as kids.
"You may be an adult now, but you're still weak as fuck," Mikey chortled, easily grabbing both of Gerard's hands with one of his and using the other to pull at his long, (recently dyed) red hair.
"Ok, ok you win!" Gerard yelled through suppressed laughs. "Get your hands off of me!"
"Say the words!" Mikey yelled.
Gerard groaned. "All hail-" Suddenly, the doorbell rang.
"Gerard, can you get that!" their mom called from a couple rooms over.
Gerard quickly untangled himself from Mikey's slackened grip. "Ha!" he yelled, scuttling away. Mikey stuck his tongue out at him.
Gerard stomped downstairs and began unlocking the door without looking through the peephole.
He swung the door wide open and looked up at the person on the porch. And he froze.
"Gerard who is it?" his mom called from upstairs. Gerard didn't process the question, instead he stared at the figure in front of him, mouth open.
It was Frank.
[•]
The flight was long, too long, and time seemed to stretch out and slow down. Frank couldn't sit still. He was suddenly hit with the thought that his parents would've seen the letter by now and that they now knew everything. After that, he spent the rest of the flight trying to to throw up at the thought.
If it wasn't for Ray in the seat next to him, he wouldn't have survived the flight. Ray's ever-calming presence gave him enough sanity to last all five hours.
"You'll be ok," he murmured every now and then. It was easy for him to say, his parents knew that he was leaving, his parents approved of his soulmate, he didn't leave everything behind with no explanation but a single letter. But still, Frank was grateful for his best friend.
In contrast to the seemingly endless flight, the actual search for the right houses was much faster. Ray agreed to drop Frank to Gerard's house before driving an extra half an hour to find Christa's house, who coincidentally lived close enough Gerard. Frank told him he didn't have to, but he insisted.
And that was how Frank ended up standing in front of a picture perfect two story house with an actual white picket fence and rose bushes in the front yard. His palms were sweating, fingers were trembling, heart was thudding. He took a deep breath and shakily rang the bell.
After a minute, the door suddenly flew open, and there stood Gerard: his bright red hair sticking out everywhere, his hazel eyes widening, his smooth pale skin glowing, and his mouth hanging open in shock.
He was more beautiful than all the pictures he had ever sent Frank combined. And Frank was in love.
He felt frozen. Gerard seemed to be unable to move as well. The two of them just stared at each other for a second.
Someone in the house called to Gerard, asking who was at the door. He didn't even seem to register them. Instead, he carefully stretched out a hand, fingers trembling. He touched Frank's cheek in wonder, fingers soft and gentle against his skin. Everything in the background seemed to fade out until there was nothing but him and his soulmate.
"You're really here," Gerard whispered in awe.
"Yeah, I am," Frank replied equally quietly, despite the lump in his throat.
And then Gerard leaned in a little bit, hesitating. Frank didn't give him much time to think before he was leaning in to close the remaining gap, and they were kissing. Gerard's lips were soft and pliable, and he tasted like strawberries. Frank quickly reached up to cup both of Gerard's cheeks with one hand, thumb tracing his jawline. One of Gerard's hands found its way to his hip, the other in his hair. When they broke apart, Frank didn't have the willpower to step away. He never ever wanted to stop touching the beautiful person standing in front of him, he never wanted to let go.
Gerard took half a step back after a few seconds, but not before reaching up to grab Frank's hand in his own. His fingers were long and thin; delicate artist's fingers. Frank never wanted to let go.
Gerard's cheeks were flushed. Frank grinned and reached up to touch his pink cheek. It was amazing. Gerard was amazing.
Unfortunately, their moment was broken by a middle aged woman who began to walk down the stairs.
"Gerard, who's that?" she asked hesitantly.
The woman reached the bottom of the steps and looked at their entwined hands in confusion.
"Um, mom?" Gerard said awkwardly, squeezing Frank's hand slightly. Frank squeezed back. "This is Frank. He's - ah - he's my soulmate."
[•]
Gerard's mom blinked in confusion. He fidgeted.
"Your... soulmate?"
"Yeah. This is Frank, mom. He flew here from New Jersey. I didn't know he was coming," he turned to look at Frank and smiled. His Frank. His beautiful, kind, sweet, amazing Frank. Who had the softest hair and the biggest smile and the happiest eyes. Who was also pretty short, which made Gerard fall in love just a little more.
"Ok let me get this straight..." his mom said, brow furrowed. "Your soulmate, who you never told me about, from New Jersey, flew to California on your birthday to surprise you."
"Yes!" Gerard exclaimed with a smile. "Oh by the way. I'm gay."
His mom just nodded, expression distant. Then her face cleared and she smiled. "Sorry, that was a lot to process. Welcome, Frank! Come on in. You can just put your bag on the side here. How was your flight? Do you want something to eat or drink? You must be exhausted."
Frank laughed. "I'm fine, thank you ma'am. And I'm sorry for just barging in like this. I wanted to keep it a surprise."
"It's not problem, we have plenty of space to accommodate. I'm assuming you don't mind sharing a room with Gerard while you're here. The guest room is a mess." She began walking to the kitchen, motioning them to follow her.
"It's not a problem at all," Frank assured her. Gerard laughed. The two began to walk to the kitchen, hands still entangled.
"Happy birthday, by the way," Frank murmured in his ear.
Gerard grinned and kissed him, short and sweet. "God, what did I do to deserve you?"
"I could say the same thing," he replied.
"Ok I did not need to see that." They turned around. Mikey was walking behind them.
"You must be Mikey!" Frank said excitedly.
"Yup," Mikey laughed. "You're the legendary Frank Iero. Gerard never shuts up about you."
"Ok Mikey, thank you," Gerard groaned.
Mikey snickered. "Pretty quick to use that book I got you." He nudged Gerard with his elbow playfully.
"Oh my god. Leave," Gerard orevered, pointing to the stairs. Mikey ignored him and entered the kitchen.
Gerard turned to Frank, who looked very confused. "He thinks he's funny. He got me a book today, called Coming Out for Dummies."
Frank snorted with laughter.
"It's not funny!" Gerard exclaimed.
"It's pretty funny," Mikey called from the kitchen.
"It is pretty funny," Frank said sheepishly.
Gerard tried to scowl but he physically couldn't get mad at Frank.
"Maybe it's only a little funny," he amended.
[•]
"How'd you do it?" Gerard asked later.
Him and Frank were cuddled on the couch in the living room, watching Iron Man. Neither of them were paying attention to the movie. Gerard was playing with Frank's hair with one hand, gently twisting it around. Frank couldn't stop looking at Gerard. He let one hand travel up and down his arms and onto his face, tracing patterns on his soft skin. He still couldn't believe that he was actually holding the most beautiful human being on the planet in his own arms.
Frank hummed and kissed his mouth softly. Gerard sighed happily and closed his eyes.
"It was hard," Frank said after pulling away. "Emotionally, I mean. Getting the plane tickets and packing in secret was easy enough. My parents and I were never close. They never knew what I was doing; as long as I did well in school they were happy."
Gerard hummed and squeezed Frank's hand apologetically.
"Ray's parents got the tickets, they didn't question why I was going with him. I think they assumed my parents knew I was going too. So I just had to pay them back.
"I wrote my parents a letter. A long one. I know it would've been easier to make up some excuse as to why I was going with Ray but I felt like it was time they knew. I didn't want to hide you anymore, you know?"
Gerard nodded. "You're amazing, you know that?" he whispered. Frank smiled.
"I wouldn't be here without Mikey, you know," Frank added.
Gerard looked surprised. "Mikey? What did he do?"
"He's the one who told me to come," Frank said. "He texted me one day and said he took your phone and stole my number. Gave me your address, told me that if I ever got the chance to fly out here, to make it a surprise for you."
"I didn't think -" Gerard hesitated. "I didn't think he'd do that for me," he said softly, full of emotion. "I have to repay him somehow."
Frank held Gerard tighter. "You'll find a way one day. But yeah. That's how I ended up here." He paused. "My parents have called a couple times. I don't know if I'm ready to talk to them yet. I'm scared to talk to them, Gee."
Gerard looked up at Frank and kissed the corner of his mouth. "It's going to turn out ok. You're their son. Even if they're mad at first, they won't stay that way forever. Call them back tomorrow, if you feel ok with that. If not tomorrow, then another day. Whenever it is, it'll turn out ok."
"You're right. Thank you," Frank said quietly.
Gerard squeezed his hand. "You might want to text them and let them know you're alive though," he murmured.
Frank sighed. "Yeah. I'll do that."
He reached for his phone and smiled when he saw messages from Ray.
"In other news, Ray is having a hell of a good time at Christa's place."
Gerard laughed. "We should meet them tomorrow. I wanna meet Ray. And maybe I'll introduce you to Patrick."
"That sounds amazing."
They sat quietly for a couple minutes.
"One thing I don't understand though," Gerard said casually, breaking the silence. He stroked Frank's hand with his thumb. "Why are you staying in New Jersey for college?"
Frank shrugged. "It was easier than going out of state, I guess. And I like New Jersey... just not at home. And Rutgers is far enough from home."
"Fair enough," Gerard amended.
About half an hour later, the movie ended. Frank was zoned out for most of it, thinking about Ray and his parents and Gerard. Who was currently asleep on his lap. Frank smiled and looked at him. He looked so much younger, even with the bright red hair. Frank stroked his hair as he tapped out a message to Ray.
Gerard turned slightly, halfway opening an eye.
"Who're you texting?" he asked sleepily, yawning.
Frank smiled and kissed his forehead. "Ray."
Gerard nodded and snuggled closer to Frank.
"I was just asking him if it's too early to tell you I love you," Frank continued conversationally.
Gerard froze. And then he sat up, wide awake now. He looked down at Frank with an unreadable expression on his face. "You love me?" he asked.
Frank nodded, suddenly unsure. Did Gerard even love him back?
Then Gerard's face broke into a huge grin. "I love you too."
Frank grinned and kissed him. His had never been happier in his entire life; he felt like his entire being was vibrating with it.
He carefully positioned himself so that he was hovering above Gerard, hands on either side of his head. They were still kissing, fast but slow, heated but soft. Frank trailed his lips to Gerard's jaw.
"I love you," he murmured against his skin.
"I love you too, I love you, I love you," Gerard gasped.
And then Frank was kissing his mouth again, and then Gerard was trying to roll them over, and then they were on the floor. Pulling back in surprise, Frank started laughing, and Gerard joined in.
"Hate that couch," Gerard grumbled, Do you wanna go to my bed?"
"Sure," Frank agreed.
It was past midnight, the rest of the house was silent and dark. Gerard led Frank upstairs by hand, and into his room. He didn't even bother turning on the lights, he just pulled Frank into his bed on top of him and began kissing him.
"I'm so happy you're here. This was the best birthday I've had in eighteen years; I love you. So so much."
Frank smiled against Gerard's mouth. "I love you too.
They eventually settled into a sleeping position, Frank wrapped in Gerard's arms.
Just as Frank was drifting to sleep, he heard Gerard singing softly in his ear, words barely audible.
"If I could be with you tonight,
I would sing you to sleep,
never let them take the light behind your eyes.
One day I’ll lose this fight,
as we fade in the dark,
just remember you will always burn as bright..."
[•]
Things might now be good tomorrow, when Frank inevitably calls his parents. Things might not be good in a week, when Frank has to go back home. Things might not be good in a month, when Gerard is still stuck at high school, and forced to deal with people he'd rather not deal with without Frank by his side. Things might not be good in a year, when the two of them live in different states for college. But right now, it could not have been more perfect, and that's all that either of them really cared about.