Chapter Text
“Helloooooo, Garrison Tech! Welcome back to another thrilling episode of Lance and Allura’s Second Date Update. I’m Lance, your charming host—“
“And I’m Allura, Lance’s handler—“
“—And we’re here to make all of your romantic dreams come true!”
“Whether you’re wondering why you were ghosted after a lovely date—“
“—Or told to kick rocks right to your face!”
“We’re here to help you convince your beloved to give you a second chance! Or at least, closure.”
“If you just can’t figure out where it all went horribly wrong, shoot your friendly college radio station an email with their phone number and we will call them up and ask! Who do we have on the line today, Allura?”
“Our caller today is Romelle. We’re honored to play Cupid for you this morning, pet. Who is our quarry?”
“So, his name is Keith… We’re in Mythology and Folklore together. He’s always been very quiet and kept to himself, and doesn’t talk to our other classmates much, but he’s extremely handsome. I’ll admit, I’ve liked him for quite some time.”
“What is it that you like about him?” Allura asks brightly.
“He’s very striking! He has long, dark hair, and these very deep, interesting eyes—”
“So, tall, dark, and handsome?” Lance interjects.
Romelle giggles. “Well, perhaps not very tall. But he’s very mysterious. He rides a motorcycle, and comes across a bit standoffish, but—”
“Okay, we get it! This Keith guy’s super hot,” Lance laughs. “Tell us how your date went.”
“Right! So we were paired up on a project about cryptids for class, and wow! I’ve never heard him talk so much. I think we really hit it off!”
“What did you talk about?” Allura breathes, eyes sparkling and fully invested. Lance really couldn’t have asked for a better cohost.
“All kinds of things! He knew so much about different of cryptids that I’d never even heard of before. It was fascinating, but him even moreso,” She sighs dreamily.
Hunk, their human laugh track, starts bubbling off a few feet from the mic. “Cryptids? What kinds?”
“We did our project on the Loveland Frogman!”
“Woahh, what? I’ve never heard of that one.”
“Exactly! He was soooo knowledgeable about the topic. We got an A on our project.”
Lance snickers. So much for mysterious. This Keith guy sounds like some kind of conspiracy theorist. “Uh-huh. So where did it go wrong?”
You can practically hear Romelle drooping over the phone line. “Well… After we did our presentation, I texted him asking when he’d like to see each other again. He never responded, and he hasn’t spoken to me in class since.”
“Oh, dear, I’m so sorry,” Allura soothes
“Romelle, are you sure this guy isn’t just really into conspiracy theories?” Lance asks, ever the cynic.
“I felt like he really opened up to me!” She defends.
“Okay, whatever you say. Well Hunk, dial the number!”
“You got it!”
Brrrrrrrrrr……
The phone rings a few times before a guy picks up, sounding for all the world like it’s the first time he’s used his voice since waking up. “Hello?”
“Hello, I’d like to report a Bigfoot sighting.”
The guy’s breath hitches audibly over the phone. “Wait, seriously?”
Hunk lets out a full belly laugh, which is to be expected, but to Lance’s surprise, Pidge, the radio tech, cackles as well. Lance swells with pride. She’s a tough one to crack.
“Yeah, just past the woods behind the ecology department.”
Frantic shuffling can be heard over the phone. “Hold on, let me write this down—”
Lance chokes out a laugh himself. “Nah, man. I’m just joking.”
“…What.”
“This is Lance from Lance and Allura in the Morning, on the college radio station. We’re doing our Second Date Update. Sounds like I have Keith?”
“Uhhh… Yeah? Sorry, what’s a Second Date Update?”
“So glad you asked, Keith!” Allura sings.
“It’s where our listeners email us about someone they went on a date with who blew them off, and we call them to figure out what went wrong and try to get them a second date. We got an email about you from your classmate, Romelle. Ring any bells?”
Keith sounds utterly bewildered. “She emailed you about me?!”
“Sure did. Told us all about your Alien Bullfrog project, too.”
“It’s the Loveland Frogman, and— What? This is so weird.”
“We get that a lot,” Hunk offers.
“What, and the frog-guy isn’t? C’mon, man, you seem like a guy who’s used to weirder stuff. Getting down to the bottom of mysteries and all that. What do you say you help us solve the mystery of why you didn’t want a second date with Romelle?”
“Uh. Okay.”
Allura claps her hands together. “Excellent! So Keith, was there anything that went wrong on your date with Romelle?”
Lance can practically hear Keith blinking in confusion. “We went on a date?”
“Well, maybe not a date exactly, but a study date! After all, we’ve all got to make do with our busy schedules, as students. Did you not consider it a date?”
“…No?”
Lance tuts. “Thought so. Romelle told us how she texted you about going out again, but you never responded. I figured you were probably just interested in the project, not her. Is that right?”
“Um, yeah, that sounds about right. Could you… tell her that for me?”
A grin spreads across Lance’s face. This is his favorite part of the show. “Actually, I have a better idea. You can tell her yourself, because she’s actually on the other line, right now! Say hi, Romelle!”
“Hi, Keith,” Romelle says sadly.
Keith, for his part, sounds like he wants to die. “Oh, heyyy… Romelle. How’s it, uhh, going?”
“Were you really only interested in the project? I thought we had a great time besides just that.”
“Yeah… Sorry. You were a great partner, though?”
“Called it,” Lance mutters.
Romelle sounds almost tearful now. “But why didn’t you just tell me that after I texted you? You’ve been ignoring me in class for the past two weeks!”
“Sorry, sorry. I, uh, really didn’t know what to say.”
And that’s Lance’s cue to step in before it gets any more teary. “Weeeeell, what do you say to a first date with Romelle? We’ll pay for it! Eh?”
“Uh… I’m good, sorry.”
“Aww, c’mon! Free dinner on the show, get to know each other a little bit—“ Click. Keith is gone before he can even finish.
“Jeez. Tough customer.”
“I’m sorry, Romelle. Looks like it didn’t work out.”
Romelle sniffles. “It’s alright, Allura. Thank you for trying.”
“Well hey, you can always go out with me! I’m super cool and mysterious, too, and I’m definitely dark and handsome, plus tall to boot!” Lance purrs. It’s times like these he wishes the radio station had a camera to capture how perfectly his finger gun is framing his chin right now.
That earns him a slightly phlegmy giggle. “Thank you, Lance, but I’d prefer Allura. Ethereal beauties like her and Keith are more my taste.”
“Oh my,” Allura fake-swoons.
“Okay, there’s no way this Keith guy is as ethereal as Allura. It’s his loss, I’m sure,” Lance says. “And mine,” He laments.
“Apologies, Lance. But thanks again,” Romelle says before hanging up.
“Well, that’s all for today, folks.”
“In the future, remember to clarify whether a study date counts as an actual date before you call a radio station about it,” Allura advises.
“And do a gut-check as to whether your date is interested in you or the Loch Ness Monster.”
“Quite,” Allura nods.
“We’ll catch you next time on Lance and Allura’s Second Date Update!”