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Be calm, be peaceful. Angela repeated the words to herself. Anything can be accomplished with the right state of mind. She opened her eyes. The calendar in front of her was still marked, the word "inspection" scrawled in red pen. The doctor gave a disappointed groan as she went back to making coffee.
"So, what time is that inspector coming over?" Fareeha was sitting at the kitchen table, talking through the newspaper in front of her face. Mercy didn't even want to think about it.
"....at five." The words were chased down by a swig of boiling coffee, the second degree burns less painful than her soden reality.
"Okay." Fareeha creased the newspaper, folding it closed before setting it aside. "I was going to take Hana to a hockey game, seems it will be at that exact time." Hana almost spilled the froot loops from the other side of the table.
"You're going to do what now?" D.va set down her spoon, looking at her buff mom like she was crazy. "Nononono, today is Mango's drunken forty-eight hour Witcher 3 run. I shouldn't even be eating breakfast, really."
"We can pick up McDonalds on the way back." Pharah held up a flyer that came with the newspaper. "We have coupons~" Hana pursed her lips, considering the offer like it was a drug deal. For her, it probably was.
"I..I think it would be really fun, darling. You and mom can have some quality time together. I'll bake cookies~." Angela did her best to muster an encouraging smile, one that fell short due to her morning bitchface and bed head.
".....Fine, i'll go. Scrubs." Hana mumbled the last part as she went back to her cereal, pieces of multicolored flakes stuck to her cheeks.
Evening came, and Fareeha was getting ready to go, whipping on a leather jacket and shades. She stood in the doorway as D.va was getting ready upstairs, trying to find a pair of sunglasses of her own. Ziegler was already dressed in her business suit, prepared to turn on the professional charm for the coming visitor.
"My, you look quite dashing like that, sweetheart~" Angela cooed as she stood nearby, waiting to send them off. The doctor couldn't resist as she gave Fareeha a playful swat on the rear, grabbing her by the elbow and pulling her close. "I could almost eat you up~" The words sounded closer and closer to Fareeha's ear as Ziegler leaned in, eventually pressing her lips together and blowing gently. Fareeha let out a long groan as she felt weak in the knees, not given time to rest as her wife moved down to her neck, holding her steady as she peppered it with kisses.
"B-babe, plea- "OH, WHAT THE FUCK" Hana stood halfway down the steps, having finally found her sunglasses. A hand slapped over her mouth as the words slipped out. "Dude..." She un-cupped her mouth, slowly descending the steps as Angela hastily pushed Pharah away in surprise. "Dude..get a room, like seriously. Eighteen-plus not safe for work, like really."
"...She started it."
"Oh, what?" Angela gaped her mouth in mock betrayal as Fareeha raised her hands in innocent protest. Mercy gave her a gentle punch in the shoulder before turning to her daughter. "Darling, you should be happy your mother and I still show affection, it means we love each other."
"You guys are gross."
"Alright, we'll be back tonight. Have the cookies ready, babe. Love you." Pharah gave her a quick peck on the lips before heading out, Hana following behind and still complaining about 'there's a time and place for everything'.
"You two stay safe out there!" Angela called after them before closing the front door, standing there for a solid twenty seconds before retiring to the living room couch, anticipating the government stooge with anxiety. Her eyes flicked to the baseball back by the lamppost in the corner. Don't ask why it was there, Fareeha was paranoid about break-ins. She couldn't, could she? I mean, if they were going to possibly take Hana away from them. She considered the consequences. Well, the inspector seemed like a great man from their early encounters. Maybe his bubbly personality would overlook the landfill of a room D.va was living in. Not that it was their fault, that child has no idea how to clean up whatsoever.
Ziegler's train of thought came to a screeching halt by the sharp ring of the doorbell, the upcommance having finally arrived. Angela glanced at the baseball bat before going and opening the door, the inspector there in the full glory of his too-small suit. A brown briefcase was clenched in his right hand, supposedly full of legal documents.
"Good evening!" The inspector roared in his enthusiastic manner, waiting for Angela to gesture him inside before taking a single step. "I see you're wearing your suit again. Or are those just casual clothes for you? I love it!" The inspector laughed heartily as he took off his suit jacket, trying not to forget his original reason for coming. "Alright, enough small talk, time for business. Is Dieter here?"
"Uh....yes?" Angela's fake smile twitched as she escorted the giant of a man into the living room, sitting on the sofa as he leaned over the small cage.
"Hello there, little one! Remember me?! I brought you a treat!" Mr. Wilhelm set down the imposing briefcase he was carrying, snapping it open to reveal a shit-load of carrots. I mean, the carrots were a'flyin. Dieter stopped hiding for dear life in the corner of his cage at the smell, bounding over with puppydog eyes and a cute sniffle or two.
A briefcase full of vegetables and a bloated bunny later, Reinhardt sat on the other side of the couch, the two holding cups of coffee and finally getting down to actual business. "So, how have things been with Hana? Any problems?"
"Oh, no! Of course not!" Angela waved her hand dismissively, laughing playfully. "Hana's such a sweet child, she never talks back and we have the best...family game nights!"
"Oh ho, I did enjoy family game nights when I was a lad! Superb! I don't suppose Hana is here, is she? I'd like to talk to her." The inspector sipped his coffee graciously, smiling comfortably as Angela started sweating under pressure.
"Uh...Well....She and sweetheart. I mean, Fareeha...Hock..ey ga-" Angela breathed a sigh of relief as a loud beeping sounded, interrupting her as the inspector searched his pockets, embarrassedly pulling out a small phone and silencing the alarm.
"Oh dearie me, I am so sorry. I have an alarm for when i'm off shift, otherwise I would never know! I enjoy it too much." Reinhardt apologized with a toothy smile, standing up and retrieving his suitcoat.
"....That's it?" Angela raised a brow in disbelief, almost letting down her guard.
"Well, unless you want to come to the bar with me. From what i've seen, everything is going splendidly!" The bear of a man laughed as he threw on his coat, opening the door and extending his hand in invitation.
"....Fuck it, I could use a drink." Angela mumbled to herself as she got up to join him. "That sounds delightful, of course i'll come along."
The bar was a dainty little thing, typical dim lights, light rock music, and pool tables yet not too busy, with pieces of contemporary art on the walls and modern sculptures as furniture. The two sat at the counter, Reinhardt holding a stout of dry ale with a blue umbrella, and Angela with a pint of Irish coffee. Yes, a pint.
" And then the chief associate of PR said my suggestions were 'against all laws of common sense known to man', like he knows anything!" Angela rolled her eyes, taking a long swig of her drink as the inspector was reduced to tears by her story, hitting the counter with his fist.
"And then what?! And then what?!"
" AND THEN HE GOES AND TALKS TO THE DIVISION LEADER, SAYING I'M A PROBLEM ." Angela seethed into her drink, a bit intoxicated.
"What did you do?!" The inspector nodded at the bartender to refill his drink, looking a bit red in the cheeks himself.
"Well, I lied. He didn't quite get that far. I stopped him." Angela stopped yelling, recounting the events of the past in vivid remembrance. "Stopped him good ." Reinhardt nodded in agreement, not quite understanding the true nature of his good friend, the motherly housewife.
~Geh’n sie aus, vom Stadtpark die Lateeeeeeeeeernen~ Someone had popped a quarter in the jukebox, filling the bar with the beginnings of a janky german tune. ~bleibt uns zwei'n der Steeeeernenscheeeeiiiiin~
"Oh my fuck I love this song!" Mercy jolted up, quickly throwing back the rest of her drink before breaking into song. "Und ich seh’, auch ohne die, Lateeeeerneeeen!"
"My thoughts exactly!" The inspector stumbled to stand up, grabbing the counter for support as he joined in, the pair's voice combing for a full spectrum of the german duet. "dir ganz tief ins Herz hiiiiiiiiiiineiiiin!"
The two drunken europeans had all eyes on them, mastering the song in perfect synergy as the song really started to kick off. Reinhardt's part came first, followed closely by Angela's.
"Die Mama, die sAGT: Kind."
"es war doch früher so wie heute!" Angela was a bit more enthusiastic than her counterpart, swinging her arms while the inspector adopted more of an opera stance, singing with his arm outstretched.
"junge Männer, dIE SIND." The deepness of Wilhelm's voice was met head on by the drunken sweet talk of our local scientist.
"mit ihren Schwüren schnell dabeiiiii!" The performance was pretty impressive, for a pair of drunk people in suits. The bartender, a rugged Japanese guy with tattoos poking out the bottom of his left sleeve, slowly pulled out a camcorder from under the counter, something he kept just for occasions like these.
"Ja das finde ich fein." "DENN GERAD' VErliebte junge Leuteeeee!"
This when on for a good three minutes, until the song finally drew to a slow close. Wilhelm stumbled back to his stool. Angela didn't even make it that far, collapsing halfway in a stupor. The sounds of applause were the last things in their ears, Wilhelm closing his eyes as his head touched the counter.
"Hey. Hey, lady. Wake up." Mercy opened her eyes, woken up a few minutes later, just as drunk, if not worse. The bartender helped her to her feet, his thick japanese accent barely registering in her ears. "Your wife is here. Take your friend and get some sleep."
"Huh?" Angela whipped around as the man tried to return her phone, Fareeha tapping her foot in the doorway with an unpleasant look on his face. "Eyyyyyy, sweetheart!"
"You are such a disappointment." Fareeha clicked her teeth as she took the phone from the bartender, setting Angela's arm around her neck as she prepared to carry her back to the car where Hana was waiting.
"Waitwaitwaitwait." Mercy struggled, slapping her spouse's hand repeatedly. "We gotta take the big guy!" Pharah sighed as she scanned the room for the imposing social worker, groaning in dismay when she saw the size of the man she was going to have to carry to the car. Maybe the bartender would help.
The next morning, Angela opened her eyes. She immediately closed them again, the hangover pounding in her skull already painful enough.
"Hey, babe." Ziegler chuckled at the familiar words, rolling over and wrapping her arms around her wife, knowing where she was without needing to see. Fareeha giggled lightly as Angela pressed their noses together, making light kissing noises at the air between their lips.
"Such a wunderbar wake up call~" She relaxed as Pharah met her lips, the morning kiss all Mercy needed to get up for the day. She sat up and stretched, cracking her neck while she was at it.
"I'm not going to ask about last night, but you still owe Hana and I some cookies~" Fareeha kissed her on the cheek before leaving, already dressed as she headed downstairs to presumably make lunch. It was noon. The doctor stumbled out the doorway, holding her head as she slowly walked to Hana's room. Passing by the top of the stairs, Angela caught the sight of the couch in the corner of her eye. The inspector was sound asleep, laying on his back with a blanket barely able to cover his massive frame.
"Hey, darling~. How was the hockey game?"
"MOM" D.va whipped around, holding her laptop and looking like she had been waiting for her to wake up. "YOU'RE FAMOUS"
"Why, thank you." Mercy tried not to look proud as she whipped her hair back. "Time magazine 2001 was quite flattering, if I don't say so myself~"
"What?" Hana frowned before shoving the laptop screen in her mother's face. "No, I mean look at THIS." A video was playing, one of herself and the inspector loudly singing in the bar. The video looked like it had been taken from behind them, but had several hundred thousands views. "You're famous! You and Mr. Wilhelm! I can't believe i'm your daughter!" Mercy slowly backed out of the room, closing the door behind her as Hana temporarily forgot her own multi-million subscriber fanbase.
The rest of the day went pretty undisturbed, save for the inspector joining them for lunch, as well as leaving a permanent dent in the sofa. Eventually a black limo blasting rap music pulled into the driveway, the inspectors good friend judge Reyes picking him up to go get his car. Reinhardt expressed his deep gratitude for the previous night, commenting how great a family they all seemed before heading out. Hana spent the rest of the day re-watching her mother's opera, even showing it to all her fans on a stream and talking about how great Angela was. Fareeha eventually got tired and made cookies herself after Mercy's hangover forced her to spend the rest of the day puking in the bathroom. It seemed the family had a new lifelong friend. Which was good. Because for some reason none of their neighbors liked them. That's why I have yet to mention them, if ever.