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“LET ME GO!”
Alejandro freezes at the shout, as does his ‘Fanclub’. They were on their way to school, with Alejandro walking his daily route surrounded by the gaggle of three girls who somehow always manage to get there somewhere between him leaving his house and the halfway point, when they heard it. Apparently, this is not going to be the quiet morning Alejandro thought it would be.
“Did you guys hear that?”
“Eeek- how scary!”
“You’ll protect us if it’s anything bad, right?”
“Of course, ladies, though I implore that we go find out who made such a shout- someone could be in trouble.” He says, already looking around for what sounded like a damsel in distress. In such a public place like this, it would be unsightly for him to ignore a shout like that. His reputation would take a great hit.
“Sigh- you’re just like a knight Alejandro- so brave!”
“GET OFF ME YOU FREAK- STOP!” There- the alleyway across the road has some shuffling going on. Unfortunately, he cannot see into it properly from the angle that he is currently at. So instead, Alejandro makes his way closer in order to be more parallel to the alleyway. A couple of heads have been turned at the commotion, but no one has actually made a move to investigate. Good. It wouldn’t do him much good if someone else acted first.
“Oh God- I hope they’re alright.”
“You’re going to help them, right? You are like the nicest person I know, so I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“HELP- HELP- HELMMmMmMmm.” It sounds muffled, like someone is attempting to silence the yelling. He can see two figures now, not enough to distinguish anything, but enough to see that there is an obvious struggle. A sense of urgency blossoms in Alejandro now, so he turns to the three who are all watching in concern and panic. He needs to get them out of here. If they follow him, they will only get in his way. And, well, Alejandro cannot have that.
“That truly warms my heart to hear you say, though I fear time may be of the essence here. Please stay here. I would dread to put any of you in danger. Perhaps alert the police? Just in case.” They walked past a police car just around the corner, perhaps two minutes away? Meaning that he has to endure for five minutes at most. Five minutes to intervene or, at the very least, stall until the police arrive.
“Of course!”
With that, he takes off, booking it towards the alleyway from which the noises are coming from. When he gets there, he sees a young brunette woman struggling in the grasp of a hulk of a man dressed all in black with a black mask obscuring his face.
“Will you shut up already and get in my van, bitch- I know plenty of people who’ll pay a pretty penny for you.” Alejandro can barely make out his voice with the mask obscuring his mouth. The man’s hand is holding her jaw, and she spits in his face. The man growls, loosening his hold on her to wipe his face. The woman tries to take advantage of the slip to escape but is obviously too weak to do so.
He does not want to get into an actual fight, just in case things get violent, especially since he cannot afford to be injured with exams so close. And well, Alejandro knows he’s attractive, so he’s more than willing to use it to his advantage instead.
“I would advise you to put the lady down, good man,” Alejandro announces his presence and the two turn to look at him.
“Good man- who the fuck are you?” the masked man growls.
“I will tell you if you put her down first- please?” he smiles broadly, charmingly, seeing the man falter at the look.
The woman stares at him with a disbelieving scowl, which is not the reaction he was expecting. It's only then that Alejandro takes in her appearance. She’s certainly not the prettiest person he’s laid his eyes on- she doesn’t really fit the typical beauty standards, nor does she give off the soft daintiness that the girls who surrounds himself with do.
But there is something about her strong and sharp features that make her look… otherworldly. Dark loose hair half-pinned at the points she’s being confined, half-splayed around a swept fringe. A protruding hooked nose that only emphasises her gaunt face and sunken, half-lidded eyes. Speaking of- her dark eye bags look as if they have spread to her eyelids, making it appear like she is wearing eyeshadow. Highly contrasted with how pale her brown skin is, it’s peculiar, making her look somewhat translucent in the early morning light. Alejandro doesn’t really know how else to describe it. Inhuman perhaps? Clearly, she’s either sickly or it’s a lack of sunlight.
However, once she tries to squirm out of his grasp once more, the grip tightens as the man is shaken out of his stupor. Mierda. How annoying. The woman speaks to him with her mouth now free, not once stopping her jaunty movements.
“Look, thank you for your riveting display of heroism or whatever Casanova, but I have this handled!” she yelps the last bit out in frustration. Alejandro stares at her bewildered because she clearly does not have this handled, seeing as she is still being used as a ragdoll. She pauses in her struggling to give him a smirk. “So, sorry for bothering you on your way to school, but you might want to get going before you're late. See you around, Mr Hero.”
Now, Alejandro is truly baffled. “Senorita, I cannot in good conscience allow this to continue.” Who would refuse help while being kidnapped- just how stubborn do you need to be? This had to be a test from the universe or an otherworldly being. Just like those old tales his mother likes. Perhaps if he passes, he will be rewarded handsomely by fate.
“And I told you tha- FUCK.” Something goes flying away from the two, a metal ob- a taser. That is a taser. And based on her panicked expression, that is her taser. The woman’s struggling intensifies, getting even more frantic. Ah, so that was her plan. A plan that has now been thrown out of the window as the man in the mask starts lugging her to the other end of the alleyway, hand once again smothering the woman’s face. She’s starting to claw at his giant hand now, scrambling to find some way to escape.
“You heard her kid, scram, and forget what you saw here before I decide to deal with you too.” The man sneers, and Alejandro still can't make out his voice properly due to the mask. But this truly is beginning to become more urgent- where are the police?!
It seems Alejandro is going to have to get physically involved.
From the looks of the man, a punch may cause more damage to Alejandro than to him, or at least leave him open to retaliation. The taser was thrown on the complete opposite end of the alleyway. Which means Alejandro needs to find something to use as a weapon to at the very least stun the man. He needs to stall, that is all. Alejandro is realistic after all, he may be strong and the pinnacle of excellence, but he is no match to go toe to toe against a grown man at least twice his body mass. So he grabs his heaviest book from his bag that he was still carrying, runs and swings after building enough momentum, hitting the man on his head. He staggers back, letting go of the woman who Alejandro darts over to catch. Bridal style- it seems his perfectness applies even now. Alejandro then dodges two punches as the man roars in rage. Mierda- this is not good. His hands are currently occupied, and he doesn’t have enough time to put the woman down, so he kicks him in the privates instead. The man half collapses in on himself, somehow giving off even more rage.
“GET DOWN ON THE GROUND- NOW. ARMS IN THE AIR.” Finally.
A singular police man comes forward with what looks like a gun. He charges over, cuffing the masked man in a swift move, then heads back the way he came. He must be deceptively strong considering how easily he’s dragging the man, as well as in a rush. The police man calls out to them before he disappears from sight-
“Thanks for the help kids. We’ve been trying to nail this guy for a while.”
“Ah- wait, sir, don’t you need our statements?” Alejandro frowns- is that not police procedure? Though he is admittedly not very knowledgeable on the police and how they conduct their arrests- his information is limited to what is on the television on the rare times he has caught a glimpse.
“I don’t have time for that,” the woman frowns, Alejandro forgot he’s still holding her, “I need to get back to work before my boss kills me.” Huh, how odd. He thought that she was his age- maybe she just looks younger than she is? Truly not helping his suspicions on how she might not be human…
The policeman just directs his attention to Alejandro, blanking the woman who glares. “Nah, it's alright kid. I was on call when these chicks came over so their testimony was recorded. And since I caught this basta- ehem, the culprit in the act, the case is pretty cut and dry, don’t ya think? Now, you kids get yourselves back to school, okay?” Just as sudden as he appeared, he’s gone, and Alejandro can hear multiple footsteps thudding their way.
He readjusts his grip on the woman in his arms, turning his head as one of his fangirls yells out a relieved:
“Alejandro! You’re okay- I was so worried!”
“So was I!”
“Me too! I was super worried.”
“Ah thank you ladies, but I can assure you that I truly am unscathed.” He smiles, all teeth and closing his eyes ever so slightly. As predicted, they swoon into each other.
“Huh, I guess you really are a Casanova after all Alejandro.” Right, the precious cargo in his arms. Time to turn the charm up. He tries to recall the rules of the fae that his mother used to tell stories about. Just in case- plus a little politeness would not hurt if not.
“Now now, it is only fair that I learn the name of the pretty lady I saved, especially since you know mine.”
She snorts, unamused. “Call me Neha. Since you asked so nicely.”
“Neha? How beautiful. You suit it.”
“Yeah no, I'm not playing this game.” She struggles out of his grip, so he lets go, and she flops to the ground with a yelp. Alejandro offers his hand to help her up, but instead she grabs her taser from the floor, pockets it, and uses the wall to steady herself. How rude.
“My apologies for dropping you, I did not mean any harm, you surprised me.” Alejandro attempts to smooth over.
“You dropped me on purpose, you dick.” Ha! So she saw through it and even has the balls to call him out in front of strangers. How unusual.
“Hey, watch your mouth!”
“That is so mean. How can you be so rude after he saved you?”
“If you think that’s rude, just wait until you see this.” Neha rummages through her pockets before brandishing a middle finger. Of course. Perhaps not some kind of creature after all, shame. Ah well, now that the matter is settled, he should probably diffuse and continue his walk to school before he is late.
“OH- you little bitch”
“What the he-”
“Ah, now ladies, perhaps we should calm down?”
“Calm down- are you taking her side?! She’s being a bully!”
Alejandro tuts at the redhead in disappointment, watching her freeze. “Our friend here has just been traumatised, perhaps she is only lashing out due to the number of strangers surrounding her? This is a truly stressful situation- especially considering the kidnapping attempt.”
“Oh right, you poor thing.” Neha’s expression darkens at the pity. This will not end well if continued any further.
“Ladies, could you possibly go to our school and explain our tardiness to the teachers while I ensure our friend here is safe?” He doesn’t know why he says this when he was so adamant on leaving moments earlier, but some part of him doesn’t want to abandon this situation right now. Doesn’t want to leave her just yet. It doesn’t feel right- unfinished even. Perhaps getting her on her own would clear it up? And aren't you supposed to keep the victims company after a traumatic experience? He is just doing his due duty.
“But-”
“Of course we will Alejandro! Right guys?”
“Yeah!” “…yeah.”
Before she leaves, the blonde of the trio turns around to glare at Neha, then offers Alejandro a sympathetic smile. “You really are too kind for your own good Alejandro.” And she leaves.
Alejandro claps his hands together as he spins on his heel to face the only remaining person.
“There, far less stressful, no?”
“My hero,” she replies, completely dryly, and Alejandro truly couldn’t stop his chortle even if he tried. It has been a while since someone, let alone a lady, hasn’t reacted with immediate fawning over him. How oddly refreshing. He needs to see how long it will take her to crack now that they are alone together.
“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to give your hero a little reward?”
“Oh.” Her eyes flutter slightly, “I don’t suppose you’d be okay with… me not tasering your ass? I didn’t ask you to step in,” she picks a pair of red glasses up from the side of the alley and cleans them on her sweater before bringing her hands up to smooth out her hair, “so why the hell am I going to reward you for it?”
“Don’t you know who I am?” He says purely for the humour of it. While Alejandro may be the son of an incredibly influential Diplomat, he is also humble enough to know that many will not even be able to name even a single diplomat. He is honestly more curious on how Neha will react. Thankfully, she does not disappoint.
“From the looks of it, an asshole currently living on daddy’s money.”
“I am 17- are you truly suggesting for me to have my own self-sustaining income at that age? High standards like that are quite unreasonable you know- I doubt you’ll meet many people like that. Incredibly rare this century.”
“Unreasonable and rare, huh? Well call me a fucking unicorn because I have a ‘self-sustaining income’- does that make me a high standard? We are the same age.” Her arms cross into her chest as she cocks her hip, incredibly smug. Ah. So he was right originally. Though it does call back into question the mystical side- was the unicorn comparison a confession or a coincidence?
“Touché senorita, touché.”
“Now, since we’re on the topic of income, I really do need to get to work. My boss is a real slave driver.”
“Ah- then please, allow me to escort you there.” He picks up her bag which is certainly heavier than he expected. Especially for someone of her stature to be carrying around. And by that, he means the fact that she’s basically a stick figure. Incredibly bony.
“You want to be my babysitter?” She raises an eyebrow once again and holds out her hand, clearly expecting Alejandro to give her the bag. “I’m a big girl, you know. I can take care of myself.”
“You had just been almost kidnapped Neha,” He doesn’t give her the bag yet, instead blatantly readjusting the strap on his shoulder. The ‘chivalrous item carrier’ move is popular for a reason. “I apologise for worrying about your safety.”
“I already told you Alejandro, I can handle myself perfectly fine.” She checks her phone and sighs, sounding incredibly world weary. “And seriously, if I'm any later than I already am, I might get fired or worse. And trust me, Casanova, if I get fired…well I guess you’re just going to have to deal with my ire. And I am an incredibly spiteful person.”
“You don’t say?” she certainly seems like she would be.
“Mmmmmhm. Just because I’m not the strongest physically, doesn’t mean I don’t have my ways.” She lightly punches his arm and Alejandro chuckles.
“Alright, alright.” He raises his hands in surrender, smirking. “You’re a very scary woman with a scary taser.”
“Thank you.” Hook.
“But seriously, it would put my mind at ease if I knew you got to your work safe and sound…” he presses a kiss to the back of her hand, brushing lips against her knuckles as she shivers and glancing up in a way that he knows makes even the strongest of wills swoon (line). His killing blow of which he has learned that everyone he has used it on has one of three reactions: a fluster turned into aggression in order to hide it, a fluster reducing them into shyness and a fluster that turns into flatter.
It's simple, routine even.
The truth is that it's always in the eyes, they are the windows to the soul after all. And just as Alejandro was expecting hers are (and siiiiiiiink-huh?)- ……they’re cold, unbothered even.
It's then that he realises that her shudder wasn’t of attraction but disgust. Made incredibly clear on how her stare is boring down on him like he is nothing more than a bug, than a stain who dared to touch a brand-new shirt, than a mortal stupid enough to graze against an unforgiving deity- the iciness alone is causing him to need to suppress a shiver of his own and.…..oh.
..
….Oh.
That, that is new.
That is definitely new.
Where is the swooning? The blushing anger? The pleased returnment? The amusement of his antics? …Did he do something wrong? Is something out of place? No- Alejandro is perfect. He knows he looks perfect. So why is she acting like that- people don’t look at him like that. Only José does. But even his stares are filled with malice or hate- with fire- no matter what expressions he makes. Not …this.
Alejandro is used to the warmth. Used to the heat of hostility, the inferno of desire, the burn of appeasement, the blaze of disappointment. He is not used to the cold. So sí, it does make him shudder and sí, it does leave him feeling confused. She truly must not be human after all.
“….are you done yet? You’ve been making out with my hand for a really awkward amount of time now, and I’m getting a bit concerned that you might have a hand kink.” Alejandro chokes on his own spit, trying to maintain his very cool and suave composure as he instead smirks and straightens up. He lets go of her hand, watching in mild offence as she wipes it on her skirt with a frown.
“My apologies, I was just so captivated by your beauty- I fear you left me tongue-tied.”
He can feel her eyes rake his body, which makes him perk up because finally something normal. But once again, she subverts his expectations: her face carefully blank and her tone is dripping in scepticism. “Riiiiiiight,” Neha drawls, meeting his eyes and remaining wholly unimpressed like she doesn’t trust him, “you’re expecting me to believe that someone like you, would be into any of this.” She gestures to herself which admittedly, she definitely doesn’t look like any of the girls he tends to go for… but he is certainly starting to see the appeal.
“You are…”
“If you say not like other girls, I will barf all over your clearly designer shoes at how cliché that is.”
“-refreshing. I was saying refreshing.”
She raises an eyebrow. “I’m sure you were.”
“Can you not just take a compliment- you are making this unnecessarily laborious.”
“Maybe I just like my heroes doing a lot of labour. Twelve lots of it. You might want to speed it up, Herakles.” Finally, Alejandro drops the smile to level her with his own unimpressed look. He continues without blinking as she narrows her eyes at him before finally giving up, looking away with a heavy sigh. “…fine, whatever, I officially take your compliment.” Alejandro allows his grin to return, ensuring his entire face lights up. Perhaps made far easier by his small victory.
“And that is great to hear senorita! As you should. And I can assure you that I have not murdered my family- I have not even been married before.” He offers her his arm this time, and she stares at him. “I did say I would escort you, did I not? You can still lead the way. Of course, you do not need to take my arm. This is merely an offer,” it is incredibly clear that she does not like contact, but perhaps if she initiates it? She reminds Alejandro of some kind of wild animal, one that requires patience and baby steps. And just like a wild animal, he would let her come to him on her own terms. However, if she truly is some fae-like creature as he suspects, then this is an act of survival to make up for his earlier rudeness, “but it would be far safer if we at least walk next to each other so people would not see you as being on your own.”
There's a long pause of dampened silence before her hand hooks onto his arm. ‘She’s physically cold too,’ is the first thing Alejandro thinks. It is borderline supernatural- truly more evidence to add to his ever-growing theory.
“Alright then. Congratulations, you’ve won. You can escort me to work.” Another success! Staying true to his word, Alejandro allows her to lead the way and instead attempts to continue the flow of conversation.
“So, where do you work then?”
“Why do you want to know- you planning on stalking me?”
“No, not at all, mi amiga. Call me curious- but I have not met someone my age working full time just yet. Did you drop out?”
“No. I graduated university just over a year ago.” Ah. A genius then. How interesting. His Mother would love to snatch her up. She has a soft spot for wickedly intelligent women, often stating that she wishes she had one to dote on and how her sons need to hurry up. Alejandro just thinks she wants to keep her business in the family and wants a female heir to do so. Carlos was out of the question due to his lack of interest in the fairer sex. Hence her severe judgment on his and Jose’s relationships. Shame that the vain and dumb girls are just so easy to manipulate and much more common. At least his father appreciates that approach of… maintaining social standing.
“My, graduating at 16? That really is impressive.”
“I know, which is why I’m working now instead of being in school like someone should be.”
“Guilty as charged but I-” she interrupts him with a wave of a hand and a roll of her eyes. They’re walking towards a large building now. A large bustling building with a yard full of people rushing back and forth.
“Yeah yeah, you were worried over my safety. You mentioned.”
“Oh- did I?” he teases, and to his delight, she counters it.
“Only about a hundred times.”
“Clearly not enough then.”
“Yeah, clearly.” She snorts before taking a glance at the building and back at him again. “Well, this is my stop. Got to say, it’s truly been riveting meeting you. Shame we have to cut it short but that’s life, I guess. Stay in scho-” She’s turning to leave, to head inside the building and stop their conversation just like that. To never talk again. All Alejandro can think is ‘no- not yet’
Alejandro hands her his phone before she can continue to run away from him, “here.”
“What am I supposed to do with your phone?”
“Put your number in, and I’ll put mine in yours.” If she refuses or gives him a wrong number, then at least Alejandro can say he tried. But he hopes that she does. It's been a while since he’s found such an interesting toy to play with.
“Wooow, and where did all that charm go?”
“Do you want me to dial the charm up again? Because I can.”
“No, I think I prefer the bluntness,” she sighs, handing her own phone over, and Alejandro puts his number in, labelling his contact as ‘My Hero<3’. When she gives him his phone back, he notes that she put herself in as ‘bitch’. How cute. He’ll change it later.
“There, now we can stay in contact with each other. I can text you to keep my poor heart from stopping out of concern, knowing you are safe at home. And you can give me a call if you ever find yourself face to face with any more danger on your travels.” Or if she would be useful for something- a genius after all. Networking is everything in this world.
“I might just take you up on that.” There's undistinguished yelling coming from the building. Yelling that causes Neha to sigh once more. “Well, that’s my cue. Thanks for the help, macho man. See you around.”
“Perhaps in our dreams.” She doesn’t verbally reply, just gives him a sarcastic two-fingered salute before turning around and entering the building.
What an odd creature.
~~~~~
Neha walks into her boss’s most recent office, the last one being far too small for one Chris Mclean. She then jumps as she finally notices the man from earlier standing there in the corner. Menacing, imposing- mask still very much on. It’s clear that he walked in only just before she got there, and that the officer had let him go while she was talking. The assistant debates for a solid second or two on whether or not it’s worth running out of the room and not dealing with this. If it weren’t for the fact that she would be caught before she could take two steps, Neha would have very much tried to.
The man in the mask just eyes her obvious hesitance with mirth; he is well aware of what the kid is thinking, what the kid is dreading. So, to make things go more smoothly, and so no one can eavesdrop, he goes to lock the door that’s behind her. This is going to be fun, he thinks as she tenses from the sudden action. The man then removes his mask- just in time for the chair in the middle of the room to swerve around. Both he and the kid roll their eyes in unison at the dramatics.
“Cheeeef, Noaaaaaa- my guy, my gal, my two favourite crossdresserrrrrs. How did it go- how did the kid do? Do we have a hit on our hands or not? I need to know whether or not we need to keep looking- time is precious, people!”
“I’m sure you know a lot about that, old man,” Neha scoffs, ignoring the offended gasp let out, and the covered-up snicker from the room's other occupant. “Don’t really know what to tell you that we didn’t already know. Alejandro is egotistical and pretty dedicated to his act. He was also surprisingly easy to throw off when presented with an unpredictable situation- though he did also bounce back quickly enough for it not to be a big problem. Which means he’ll probably slip up in either the challenges, confessionals, or both- giving us plenty of content to set him up early in the season without him getting caught by any of the other contestants unless they’re constantly keeping a close eye on him. Clearly, he wasn’t lying on his application about his athletic prowess and quick-thinking skills. Though it didn’t mention his… persistence. That coupled with his obvious manipulative tendencies, makes him the perfect candidate to fill the role we were looking for.” She pauses in her minor presentation, then hums in thought. “Also, he’s slippery. Very slippery.”
“Yeah man, what she said.” Chef gives what he hopes is a chilling grin, eyeing Neha as he decides then and there to embarrass the shit out of the kid, as revenge, “The kid really is a charmer- you should have seen the two flirting. It was disgustingly cute.”
She glares at him in offence. “I was NOT flirti-”
Chef cuts her off, completely unbothered. “Surprisingly, he looked far more interested in Miss Gloom and Doom over here than in anything else around. We obviously expected him to hightail it out of there once Greg got there, but he stayed there to chat her up instead. And there were a lot of people around- even ditched the girls he was with after the incident was resolved. Who were a lot nicer to him. How you got his number is honestly alluding me.”
“You were watching? Who am I kidding, of course you were, you creep.”
“Greg and I were tailing you two after he got changed from that shitty costume -at least mine have class- just in case Prince Charming did anything unsavoury with our damsel in distress.”
The glaring intensifies, so much so that Chef is almost tempted to flinch. Almost. If it weren’t for the fact that the kid looks more like a disgruntled kitten or some other small, pathetic animal. To further prove his point, she hisses, “Suck a dick, Chef.”
“Watch your mouth, kid.” He ruffles her hair, and she ducks out of the way. She’ll just have to get over it. Chef is being incredibly lenient considering the kid fucking spat on him. Though maybe he got too into the role and was gripping a little too hard, it’s always easy to forget how fragile she is with how she acts.
“He gave YOU his number?” Chris interrupts the two because, as fun as it is watching his two subordinates argue, they were here for a reason. A reason that needed more attention to be more on him. “Huh. So he’s into being insulted, glared at and being punched down on…bitchy girls- we can work with that! I do think it's about time Heather got a love interest, don’t you think?”
Neha sighs in irritation as she watches her boss get sidetracked with a new idea- something that’d not only stray from the original plan but make her work a hell of a lot more difficult. So she tries to steer him back to the sane side.
“But wasn’t the whole point of getting new contestants in, was so we could find someone worse than Heather? You know, to facilitate a ‘redemption arc’” she quotes with her fingers, “you said it yourself-” Neha then splays her hand out, punctuating each of the following points with a jab on a different finger per point, “if we get someone that would steal away her prey, it would enable a rivalry when her possessive ass eventually gets pissed, forcing the fans to pit the two against each other, which will paint her in a more positive light as the lesser evil, and therefore making her seem more like an angel in comparison without her actually needing to change anything. You know, so we didn’t need to put in the actual work of making her a better person since we can’t ensure she’ll actually be able to be a better person for an entire season, or have to tell her and rely on her shitty-ass acting skills? Doesn’t matchmaking the two kind of make it more convoluted- more complicated?” It would definitely mean more work.
The host sighs wistfully at the reminder of the plan. “I am such a genius. Buuuut- you do have a point, which can only mean…. We market it as an enemies-to-lovers! If we push the two together, then the fans would come rolling in! Did you know that it's in right now- people reeeally dig it, so it’ll definitely boost the ratings! All we have to do is start off with the original plan, then make situations where we can force them to fall in love. Obviously the first step is to implant the idea- make sure it’s mentioned multiple times in front of them. So they associate whatever feelings, no matter how negative, with sweet, sweet love!” he snaps his fingers. “We should also switch up a challenge or two to make it more romantic….maybe throw in a wedding?”
“You really think Heather would get with him?” Neha remarks with a raised eyebrow, “She’s incredibly paranoid and highly competitive- they would literally just be clawing at each other's throats and spitting venom while constantly trying to one-up the other. Not to mention, if the entire relationship is based purely on outside manipulation and not on the two genuinely liking each other or having anything other than superficial interests and trauma in common, wouldn’t it just crash and burn? We’d literally be setting them up for failure, like all of the other relationships on this God-forsaken show.”
“Woah. Since when did you grow a conscience?” The main host knocks on his assistant’s large, hair-covered forehead, and she smacks his hand with a glare at the condescending act. “Helloooo, is this the same girl who blackmailed and drugged that one politician, huh? Where’d she goooo?”
Ah yes, the politician incident. In which Chris had told Neha to seduce some sleazy politician and blackmail him with the fact that he slept with an underage girl so that they could get a shit ton of extra money for the newest season, which is already well above budget. Except Neha was not going to do that, because ew, so she did some minor flirting instead and drugged him in panic when he attempted to kiss her. Then she dragged him back to his house and bribed his house staff (which as it turned out was not hard because not only was the guy sleazy, he was a sleazy asshole) into making him think he did. An event Chris does not let her live down on account of it being fucking hilarious.
“Look,” Neha sighs, “all I’m saying is that by doing this, they might get together and stay together for the rest of their lives or whatever, then you can call yourself the matchmaker of the century.” Chris brightens up at the idea of an ego boost, ready to verbalise it further when she raises a hand and cuts him off, “BUT, they could also realise what’s going on, or millions of other disasters can happen. As in it could make Heather worse, could make the two hate each other, could even get the two to stop prioritising the competition. And that’s if they don’t click onto what we’re doing- would you be prepared to deal with that eventual fallout? No. I would be the one dealing with it. I’m just looking out for my best interest here.”
What the assistant doesn’t expect is for her boss to look at her with what she can only describe as a semblance of pity. “He must have been a pretty good flirt huh? To get you of all people longing after him. That’s why you’re being a Debby downer about this, isn’t it?”
“Where the hell did that come from? I don’t like him like that Chris- I literally just met him.” Neha scowls with offence, speaking truthfully. “He’s annoying.” Though to be honest, who doesn’t she find annoying?
“Great! That’s what I like to hear, my dear assistant, good to see you didn’t fall for his little method of exploitation. Not like things would have worked out with you two and the show anyway. I mean- you have to be Noah when you next see him, and the guy screams ‘straight alpha male’. Then you’d have to juggle being both Noah and your darling self in front of him, just like with all the others. Imagine having to explain to him why he already has your number if he ever asks Noah for it? Ugh, I can practically feel the awkwardness. Adding romantic feelings would make things unnecessarily messy. Not even the fun kind of that’d make good drama.”
“It’s a good thing I’m not interested in him, or even getting in a relationship then, isn’t it? I don’t have enough time to juggle any more people’s problems- you lot keep me busy enough as is.” There's a brief pause as an idea seems to form in her mind. “Speaking of problems- if you’re really that insistent on getting the two together, just Pavlov dog them I guess. Every time one of them shows care for the other or some kind of positive interaction, reward them with what they actually care about- the competition. Like if Heather shows any concern for his wellbeing and her team loses, make it a reward challenge. Stuff like that.”
“SEE! What do I say- she’s brilliant!” Chris says to Chef while pointing to her in excitement. Neha, meanwhile, is barely hiding a pleased smile at the rare acknowledgement of her competence, trying to stuff down the pride. The host then turns around to her. “Just remember what I always tell you- all a relationship would do is distract you from what’s really important. Hell, all getting more involved with any of those idiots will do is lead to your misery and stop you from reaching your full potential, pumpkin.” Chris cackles before he drops his grin and walks directly in front of his assistant, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Look. You’re a smart girl, that’s why I like you- you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and can actually rub those little brain cells together to help us all out.”
He drops his hand and begins circling her. “But do you really think that those kiddos know that? Know just how much you’ve done for them? Do me a favour and don’t waste your time going soft on any of them, including the new ones- okay? I mean, I’ve lost count of how many of those little children have gotten themselves into problems that you had to fix. That you were forced to deal with the consequences of as the only responsible, adult one. Without even a thanks! Sweetheart, at least I thank you for your work.”
“Yeah,” the girl snorts as she remembers, “seeing you be able to put your ego aside for like a couple of minutes was pretty shocking.” How depressing is it that the only one to appreciate her effort and intelligence are her narcissistic, egomaniacal bosses? Not her ‘friends’, not her ‘family’, just two selfish psycho assholes.
Chef chuckles, more than happy to take advantage of the situation to ridicule his friend. “Shocking? It was world-ending.”
“Hey- no- what did I say about you two ganging up on me?” Chris points his finger between the two before sighing and slinging an arm over his assistant’s shoulder, ignoring how she cringes away slightly out of discomfort- she acts the exact same way with everyone he’s ever seen her interact with- even Owen! The friendliest person he’s ever seen! She just needs to get used to it- the big guy said it himself. It’s just exposure therapy or whatever. “Just remember, you’re one of us now, not one of them.”
Chris wafts his free hand at the contestant-only poster from island hung up next to his own. “And you always will be. We,” he gestures to himself and Chef who nods stoically, “are all you need- the dream team! And we need you- you’re valuable, irreplaceable even. They’re just not mature enough to see the big picture like you do,” he waves his free arm in a major arc, picturing what he says next. “Just think- once we fire ‘Noah’, start the newest season, get the fans all hyped for the newest plot line, and finish the most successful reality TV show season like ev-er, then we can live our best lives with the shit load of cash we’ll have from it! Easy peasy.”
“Yeah.” The snarky girl huffs. “Fucking easy peasy.”
He finally lets go of her, clasping his hands together as he wanders back over to the desk he’s borrowed. “Oh cheer up buttercup! Just keep your eyes on the prize, think about the number of job opportunities as they all grovel at our feet! In awe of our greatness! We are the ringmasters training the monkeys in the circus! Watching the little animals prance around in their enclosures while they think they’re in the wild- domesticated without even knowing! We are the Gods to these ants.”
Because what else could you describe it as? When a group of people act on what they think is free will, but is actually a predestined plan from someone in a higher position than them? It’s the simple truth of the matter.
At the end of the day, a reality TV show is still a TV show. TV shows need to not only follow an entertaining plot to keep the audience hooked, but also have a positive message so they can stay on air and keep the network happy. Which is why Reality TV shows often have scripted moments or have deals made with contestants.
What makes Total Drama so special is that there aren’t scripted moments, and (apart from the failed incident with Owen that they didn’t want a repeat of and needed to give him a ‘buddy’ afterwards to ensure his opinion on Chris would not sour- very problematic for the fan favourite to hate the show and host) there are no deals with contestants. Instead, they let the contestants run wild and subtly, well, nudge them into the correct plot beats, making the reactions far more entertaining on account of them being real.
Who doesn’t love a little bit of emotional warfare?
“I could finally leave Noah behind me and work my way up in the industry.” The assistant says with a smile, lying to herself when she says it’s just to humour him.
“And I could finally get that cooking show you vowed.” The cohost says with a grin, long since excited for what he had been promised.
“EXACTLY- we’ll be un-stopp-a-ble! Canada’s very own child genius turned vicious manager, relentless ex-soldier turned ~glamorous~ host, and roguishly handsome celebrity turned world-renowned international superstar.” His arms are spread wide at this point, so he drops them with a chuckle. “And thanks to your marvellous mind, my dear, dear schemer, no one will see any of our little ruses coming….” His grin darkens as his dead eyes stare out to watch all the small, small people through the window. “This season is going to be wi~cked.”