Chapter Text
Yeon Sieun had a problem.
A problem he thought about day and night, a problem that made his hands tremble and his heart race. A problem so unique it was the first and only problem he didn't want to solve in his life. And that problem is sitting beside him right now, laughing and having fun with his friends.
That problem's name: Ahn Suho
Sieun had actually realized Suho would cause him trouble the moment he first saw him. That was when he attacked him with a chair, and Suho stopped him with a light punch. He knew the punch was light because he'd seen how he beat up others. But he hadn't anticipated it would become such a big problem.
He had long been aware that he had feelings for Suho that went beyond friendship, but he didn't know when it started; all he knew was that he felt like he was born to love Suho.
Sieun had never experienced love in his life. Stating it so bluntly might sound cruel, but it was the truth. His family hadn't given him the love he deserved, so he didn't know what it meant to love or be loved. He experienced this feeling for the first time with Suho, so he didn't understand if what he felt was just a strong sense of friendship or something more. He would understand later, after meeting Baku, Gotak, and Juntae. After meeting them, Sieun discovered the depth of his feelings for Suho. Because even though he loved his friends very much, his heart didn't race when he saw them, and even though he would face many things for them, Suho was the only one he would risk dying for. Understanding all this shook Sieun. Love was foreign to him. For him, it was something he saw in movies, something designed to deceive people. But when it happened to him, he understood how powerful an emotion it was.
Ahn Suho was his first friend and first love, and now he was his roommate.
"Hey Sieun-ah, are you alright?" Of course, it was Suho who said this. He always kept a close eye on Sieun.
"I'm fine, I'm listening," Sieun said.
"If you want, we can go home," Suho said carefully. Sieun thought, "Our home," and felt a warmth inside.
Seven months had passed since Suho woke up, and five months since he was discharged from the hospital. He was still undergoing physiotherapy and couldn't yet get rid of his crutches. Initially, he had returned to the house he shared with his grandmother, but shortly afterward, Sieun offered to live with him.
His reasoning was that his house was closer to Suho's physiotherapist, and that Sieun could help Suho with the exercises he did at home. But he couldn't even admit the real reason to himself: he wanted Suho always by his side. After the coma, he didn't want to let him out of his sight for even a minute. He was still having nightmares, believing that all of this was just a dream and that Suho hadn't woken up. That's why he had made the offer as soon as he had the chance.
Suho initially refused. Sieun was now living with his mother, and Suho didn't want to disrupt their delicate relationship. He didn't like Sieun's family and was sure they didn't like him either. But when Sieun explained that his mother rarely came home due to work and that she would be moving into her own place in a few months, Suho was convinced. Sieun was about to start university, and his mother had given her this house as a gift. Sieun suspected his mother had bought the new house to distance herself from him, but as usual, he had no proof. And so, a month ago, Suho moved in with Sieun.
For Sieun, this situation was both wonderful and painful. Wonderful because he started and ended his days with Suho. They were constantly together. After two years apart, this felt like heaven to Sieun. Sometimes at night, he would peek through Suho's bedroom door to see if he was still breathing. When Suho was at her grandmother's house, Sieun would call him at night when he had nightmares, disturbing both him and his grandmother. Now he didn't have to do that anymore; Suho was always there. But it was also painful because the emotions inside Sieun were ready to burst. He didn't know how much longer he could hide these feelings from Suho. Only time would tell.
-Hey Ice Princess, are you alive?" Of course, it was Baku who said that. No one else would ever address Sieun like that.
"-I'm fine, just... thinking."
"-Whatever you're thinking, come back to us, we miss you," Suho said.
"Really?" Sieun wanted to say. "Do you really miss me as much as I miss you?" Sieun missed Suho even when he was with him. He would give anything for Suho to love him even half as much as he loved him. But you can't always have what you want...
"It's best if we go home," Suho said, trying to get Sieun up.
"Sieun-ah, you've clearly used up your daily quota," Gotak said with his usual sarcasm.
"Sieun-ah, rest a little, you look tired," Juntae said, as always the most level-headed member of the group.
Sieun didn't object to Suho taking him home. He vaguely remembered saying goodbye to her friends. The weather had gotten worse on the way home. Even with their scarves and gloves on, they were still cold. Suho put his arm around Sieun's shoulder. Sieun felt warmer with Suho's touch. When they entered the house, the room was warm. They took off their clothes, then Suho sprawled on the sofa and started flipping through channels.
"—Sieun, what do you say, shall we watch a movie?"
"—Suho, don't you know what tiredness is?" Sieun said. Even a coma couldn't stop Suho's energy.
"—I'm tired, but not tired enough to not watch a movie," Suho said, patting the seat next to him for sieun to sit down. And when had Sieun ever been able to say no to Suho...?
Suho had found a romantic comedy. It wasn't Sieun's style, but he could watch anything with Suho by his side. As the movie played, he heard a snoring sound beside his. Turning, he saw Suho had fallen asleep. His head was drooping to the side, his mouth slightly open, looking peaceful. Sieun allowed himself to look at him. He loved looking at Suho. His eyes were closed beneath his thick eyebrows, but he remembered how those beautiful brown eyes sparkled when they were open. Suho had a straight nose, almost sculpted, flawless. His lips were thick, slightly parted, revealing his tongue. Sieun often wondered what it would be like to kiss those lips. Would their first kiss be gentle, or would it be a passionate kiss built on years of yearning? Sieun was open to either.
Although he wanted to look at Suho for hours, Sieun decided it was time to go to bed. He gently shook Suho to wake him up. Suho didn't react at first, but after another shake, he slowly opened his eyes and looked at Sieun with his gentle brown eyes. Sieun was momentarily taken aback. Whenever Suho looked at him,he felt like the ground was slipping from under his.
"Suho-ya, come on, it's time to go to bed," He said softly.
Suho smiled at Sieun. He always wore the same smile whenever he called him "Suho-ya." Sieun loved how he acted as if he was hearing it for the first time. Suho slowly got up and headed towards his room. Suho stayed in Sieun's mother's room, which had been renovated. Now it was completely Suho's style; clothes were on one side, magazines on the other. Sieun didn't know how Suho lived in that room.
He watched Suho go to his room for a while. Then he got up to go to his room too. He turned off the television and then went about his daily bedtime routine. When he lay down in bed, he realized he was quite tired. Of course, the last person he thought about when he fell asleep was Suho.
Sieun woke up early as usual, went to the bathroom, showered, changed his clothes, and was ready for the day. Suho was still asleep, but that was normal; Suho was always a night owl. Sieun was used to preparing breakfast. He wasn't as good a cook as Suho, but he wasn't bad either. Suho always loved the food he made. He used to call Sieun his personal chef. Sieun smiled remembering that. When he finished preparing breakfast, Suho was still asleep. Sieun was secretly worried, but he didn't want to disturb him. Just then, the phone rang. It was Baku. He was asking where they would be meeting next week. He didn't stop there; he started telling Sieun what he had been doing during their time apart. When Sieun hung up, he saw that half an hour had passed and Suho was still asleep.
"It's time to wake Suho," Sieun said to himself and went to Suho's bedroom door. He opened the door and saw that the bed was empty. Then he heard the sound of the shower. When he went to check, he only heard the sound of water.
"Suho-yah, are you okay?" he asked, his heart pounding in his chest. There was no sound from inside. He slowly opened the door, and the sight before him made his heart stop for a moment.
"Suho!!!"