Work Text:
Stephanie awoke in a heavy sweat with a startled breath and wide eyes. The breath part was nice, because that wasn’t a given after last night. So was waking up at all, when she thought about it. The dreams she had were less nice. It was the nightmarish haze of a fever dream, worse than any she had before. There were glimpses of her father- screaming, snarling, crying, cooing, all at once and all equally horrible- and of her mother, eyes sharp with disappointment and betrayal, and face warped with terrible grief. There were flashes of a chuckling black skull and the piercing whirring of a drill, and there were glares as stony as a gargoyle over old well worn failures. And there was a lot of the girl who sat on her bed with her back to her too.
Stephanie had half expected (and maybe more than half hoped) she would wake up having to gently tangle herself free from her fellow Batgirl. They insisted on sleeping in the same bed- Cass was not going to leave her alone and honestly Stephanie was not going to let go of her anytime soon, so it was just inevitable. It wasn’t the first time they slept together (not like that, hopes), not by a long shot, but it was unique all the same. They were so wrapped up in relief and worry and gratitude there was no room for any awkwardness or feelings to dance around. Stephanie needed to be around her. She needed to behold the girl that loved her, in whatever form they had arrived at, so much that she brought her back from the dead without hesitation. Lazarus side effects and prototype side effects be damned. And she was pretty sure Cassie needed to hold her and confirm for herself again and again that Steph was actually still here.
Stephanie couldn’t blame her. The first time Cassie died against her mother, they were still getting to know each other, still feeling each other out. Stephanie was a bother that was slowly winning her over. Each step forward felt like it could be erased by ten steps back if she said the wrong thing or if Batman said the word. And then Cass was in a coma, and Stephanie was so hung up on her she hallucinated her being her cheerleader. She was so hung up on her, god. The other times were when Stephanie was… gone. If she was ever there (like she should’ve been, her old friend of self loathing peeked out to say) when Cassandra died, she couldn’t imagine she’d react any differently.
So the other half of her expected this: Cassandra up first, for who knows how long, clearly not having gotten much sleep, and everything having sunk in for her. Even if Stephanie hadn’t gotten what she hoped, i.e. waking up face to face with Cass as she whispered reassurances to Stephanie, she couldn’t complain when Cass heard her shuffling and turned to look at her like that. Cassie’s smiles could be so radiant and blinding. But this one was so grateful too, like she still couldn’t quite believe it.
“Hey,” Cass whispered.
“Hey,” she whispered back, and took her hand. Cassandra’s smile deepened.
“How are you feeling?”
“Sore and achy, some wild nightmares. So you know- pretty good for dead,” she drawled, and Cass gave her that look she always did when Stephanie made a joke in bad taste over a sore spot. It was a half grimace and half smile, like she couldn’t believe Steph went there but kinda loved that she did. Terrible of her, Stephanie knew, but she loved those looks. “Your turn,” she prodded. “What’s up?”
Cassandra looked away again, letting Stephanie’s hand drop. “I need you,” she said after a moment, and woah Steph had had that dream before, “To promise me something.”
Stephanie sat up, only wincing a little as she shuffled to Cassandra’s side of the bed and sat next to her. “What?”
Those auburn eyes bore into her. Stephanie would always remember those eyes. The weight of the world was in them. There was more emotion than she could ever puzzle out in there. Her eyes were seared into Steph’s brain ever since they were flooded with tears over a dying assassin and horrific timing. Help me, she pleaded, and Stephanie would’ve burned Gotham to the ground in that moment if it would’ve gotten her to stop crying, if it would stop her eyes from looking like that. She never wanted to see that look on her best friend again, but there it was now, the same desperate need, the ache that needed to be soothed. Stephanie was sure she would say yes to anything Cass asked.
“Promise to never die for me again.” Anything except that.
“What?” Stephanie managed, looking for a filler as she gathered her thoughts. “Cassie, I’m good, I’m here-“
“Because we got lucky,” she growled, at herself more than anything. “Because I happened to have the prototype Lazarus serum.”
“I wouldn’t say you just happened to have it, my dad was tied to it, and you tracked it down and got it-“ she babbled, like facts would be enough to overcome Cass’ martyr complex.
“You took a bullet for me,” she interrupted, voice as sharp as a knife and cutting through Stephanie’s words like one. “For me,” she whispered, softer and rougher all at once. On one hand she was pretty sure Cassandra meant it incredulously. This was Cass, who could and had dodged bullets before. On the other hand, she was also pretty sure she meant it disparagingly. ‘You did it for me’, like she deserved it least out of anyone in the world, and that. That had to be fixed. One thing at a time.
“You just got switched back to your body. There was an explosion and a fire. I was babbling in your ear about needing to get my dad-“ Cass grabbed onto her good shoulder firm and reassuring.
“Not. Your. Fault.” Each drawn out word settled into her heart. So did that glare, so sure she could convince Steph with it alone. And so damn desperate to. God, she loved this girl. Someday she had to tell her that.
(Yeah, right.)
But Stephanie couldn’t falter in that gaze, she couldn’t look away to fight the warmth in her cheeks and compose herself. Not when Cass needed to hear this. So she stared right back, trying to make her body language a blaring alarm for how unmissable she wanted it to be. However that worked. “It wasn’t yours either.” She cupped Cass’ cheek, gently guiding her face and eyes back when she looked away. “It was a pretty damn unique situation, Cassie. So many variables. I’m only here because of you.”
She thought she was getting through to her when Cassie grasped her hand and leaned into it for a flicker of a second. Or maybe she just imagined it, because Cass gently pulled it off. “Unique happens all the time with us.” Not wrong. “You’re my partner.” True. “No one I trust more to do anything to save me.” She swallowed, and Stephanie did the same. Cass looked away as she managed to get out, “Already have, in so many ways.” Her voice was thick with feeling, and Stephanie’s eyes welled. “I accept that. I expect it. But when it comes down to me or you, no doubt, no way for both, I need you to choose you. Please.” Ouch. Not that catch in her voice. Not those puppy dog eyes. The wobble and pout of her lips was her actual deadliest weapon, Steph was sure, and if Cass was asking anything else she would cave. But not on this.
“Would you choose you?” she fired back.
“No,” she said simply, no hint of pretense, not even pretending, and Stephanie felt dueling warmths of fondness and indignation.
“Then how can you ask me that?” Once again Cassandra was telling her not to follow. Once again it was ‘me, not you. Too dangerous for you.’ It was an old wound, mostly healed, but it still hurt like hell when prodded. Cassandra frowned, and Steph could see a similar war playing on her face. The joy of being cared for and the frustration when they wouldn’t realize how much better for them it would be if they just cared a little less.
“Because I lived thinking you were dead, Stephanie,” she got out, and Stephanie stilled. Cass had old wounds too. Stephanie had to keep her survival a secret for her own recovery. Leslie had told her that enough, and the results were clear enough, that Stephanie could believe it most days. And in any case, it was in the past, can’t change that, she had to focus on what she could do now. The meanest, ugliest parts of her didn’t feel guilty about not telling Bruce- he earned that pain, same as her, and those same parts wondered how much he even hurt anyway. A little more for Babs, but they weren’t close then- she had given up on Stephanie then, enough to use her as a warning for other stupid upstarts, and it was one of many things the two gracefully glided around and half apologized for buried in other sentences so they could be where they were now. Tim, for sure. He deserved better than that, she knew that even through the complicated bitterness and heartbreak. But more than even him, the two people she felt guiltiest about, the two she wasn’t sure she could ever forgive herself for, was her mother.
And Cass.
“And I told myself: I should have been there,” Cass continued, looking off into the past. “If I was there, I could’ve done something. If I was there, I could’ve saved you. Not being there was the worst feeling in the world.”
“Cass, you did save me,” she reassured her desperately, but Cass shook her head.
“With a prototype I didn’t know would work. Not knowing what side effects could happen. I was wrong. Being there… not sure if anything I could do would save you… that was the worst feeling in the world.”
“Cassie, I…” She fumbled for words, for anything that could soothe something as painful as that, only for Cass to say something even worse as she looked back to her, eyes glistening.
“I watched you die.” Her breath caught on the last word, a wretched sob Stephanie never wanted to hear again, and Cassandra turned her head again, like to hide her ‘weakness’. And Stephanie’s heart plummeted. Oh god. Watching a bad man she assassinated without fully understanding what it meant to kill and what it would mean to die changed Cassie forever. Watching someone like Steph…
Soreness and aches be damned, Stephanie was hugging her harder than Cassie had ever been hugged in her life. “Hey, hey,” she whispered into her ear. “I got you. I’m here, okay? Not going anywhere.” And Cass fell apart in her arms, tears starting to follow.
“You couldn’t see me… you always see me…” she muttered into her chest, and Steph ran a hand through her hair, cooing sweet nothings. Cass had to get this out. She didn’t know how long it was until Cass was done. She didn’t care. She would’ve waited till they caught up with The Legion of Superheroes and Booster Gold if she had to for Cass. With a final sniff, Cassandra managed a “Sorry,” as she started to pull her face away.
“Hey. I was all messed up after your duel with your mom. If that happened now? I’d be a wreck. Not a thing to be sorry for, Cassie.”
Cassie shook her head and made a little noise of disagreement. It was adorable, really. “You…” She took a breath, trying not to cry again, “Died. And I made it about me.”
What to say? ‘Always kinda knew it would happen?’ Yeah, that’d help. She took a breath of her own. “Look,” she started, winging it per us, “It wasn’t fun. I could be convinced to say it sucked, if I was feeling overdramatic.” A weak little chuckle, but genuine, escaped Cassandra, and Steph grinned. Victory. “It was scary, sure. But honestly…” She trailed off, trying not to get lost in bad memories. She took a breath and pressed on.
“The time I almost died was worse. This was… it was quicker. And uh… I was in your arms,” she said softly, giving Cass a squeeze to punctuate how nice that felt. “Even when I couldn’t see you, couldn’t feel you, I… I knew you were there. I wasn’t, uh.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Alone. And I did something good. Something worth it. I saved my favorite person in the world. And I’d do it again. So I can’t promise you that I wouldn’t, Cassie, any more than I could ask you to,” she finished honestly.
Cassandra breathed slowly, taking it in. “Okay,” she finally managed.
“No emotional nerve strikes, alright?” she chided playfully, but a touch of worry bleeding through. Maybe she was still on edge from the thought of Cassandra going on without her whenever things got tough. “Don’t lock me out.”
It was quiet. “Wasn’t gonna,” she mumbled after a beat, like a petulant kid that got caught looking at the cookie jar.
Stephanie laughed. “I know, but I also know you were thinking about it. We’re partners, okay? And I’m trained. I’m good, right?”
“So good,” Cassie said, and the softness in her voice made Steph think she meant it in more ways than one.
“So I promise you, I’m going to do whatever I can to get back to you. I’m not going to give my life away if there’s any other choice. But I can make my own choices, and it’s the life I’ve chosen. The life we’ve chosen. And if you’re asking me to regret the choice I made last night, I can’t. I won’t. Cause that’s just what you do for someone you love.” It came out before she could stop it. Before she had registered it, really. That was the problem with winging it- you didn’t know where you were flying. She considered how to salvage it- you’re my best friend, my partner, course I love you, yadda yadda. But Cassie looked up with those big brown eyes, searching for something, and for once all her words just evaporated. There was nothing in the whole world but Cassandra Wayne.
Cassandra must’ve found what she was looking for, because she leaned forward and Stephanie might not be Cass when it comes to reading bodies, but she knew what that meant. Damn if she wasn't gonna meet her in the middle as they finally- finally- kissed. Lots of dreams about that one. None lived up to the real deal. It started off soft, both just confirming that it was really happening, that they were both still here. It had the slow tenderness of committing the first kiss long awaited to memory. And with that confirmation came a pick up in the energy. Stephanie cupping Cassie’s cheek, Cassie grabbing the small of her back. Someone’s tongue slipped in someone’s mouth. You know, for all of the committing to memory, Stephanie would have a hard time remembering the particulars of that part.
Cassie nudged her down onto the bed. It wasn’t particularly hard but somehow firm and certain without being rough or selfish, and it was really doing it for Stephanie. Unfortunately her formerly dead body protested against what her heart wanted, and she let out a hiss at a surge of pain from her shot shoulder. Cass stopped instantly, eyes soft with apology. Dammit.
“Sorry, I…” Cass tried to find the words and it seemed like all her search turned up was a breathless chuckle. “Got excited, and… forgot. Sorry.”
“No, no!” Steph assured. “Not complaining. I mean, besides complaining at myself and my dumb recovering body for cutting that off. But it was…” she trailed off. Thinking about it, Cass could read her body like a book. The thought of Cass wanting her so much that she forgot, that she couldn’t see past the want was… “Hot,” she finished, and Cass laughed. “Crap, my inside voice became my outside voice, huh.” It was hard to regret it though, embarrassment and all, when it got that laugh.
“A bit.”
“I meant ‘good’! ‘Nice’.”
“You also meant hot,” Cass teased as she laid down next to her.
“Yeah,” admitted Stephanie. She turned to her side, face to face with her… girlfriend? Her partner? Her Cass. “Yeah.” She beamed at Cassie, her body on fire in the best way. Cass beamed back.
“Took you long enough,” she drawled, breaking the sweet little moment.
Stephanie gasped dramatically. Her honor, assaulted. "Took long- Me?”
“Mhm,” Cassandra hummed, insufferably- and okay yeah, charmingly- smug.
“Which one is a body language master again? You should’ve seen I was down bad! I was ripe for the taking! Overripe, even!” Real classy, Steph. Let her know just how desperate you were, that’d win her over. But from the way Cass laughed, it kinda seemed like it did. Cass smiled softly, and her eyes darted away, a blush rising to her cheeks. So few people got to see Cassandra Wayne like this. Stephanie was never going to take it for granted that she was one of them.
“I thought I might’ve been… seeing what I wanted to see,” she admitted.
“Aww,” cooed Steph, and feeling daring, she pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Nah, you had me pegged.”
“Also, there were… the boys.”
Stephanie rolled her eyes. “Because those lasted so long and got so far, huh?”
Cass shrugged a little guiltily. “Thought you might’ve been still…” she trailed off, but Stephanie knew where that trail went. Tim. She felt a touch of incredulous indignity- what, a girl can’t ever move on from her first love? It was there in the phrase! First! Not only! But the way Cass looked down… was she… insecure? That wasn’t allowed.
“Tim will always be important to me,” she said honestly as she rested her hand on Cass’ arm. “A part of me might always love him like that, sure. But it’s over. For him and for me. He’s happy and I’m happy, and I’m happy in huge part because of you, Cass. Just being around you. None of the boys- or girls for that matter-“ Cause she’d be lying if she said there was never Vibes between her and Kara, “-ever got serious cause I was caught up on you, okay?” She cupped her cheek with a soft smile and was buoyed when Cass leaned into her palm. “It’s been you for… God, even when it was Tim, I think it was you too,” she confessed. “That duel with your mom and you were in a coma after? I hallucinated you cheering me on, pushing me forward while you were on bedrest. That’s how bad it was even then.”
Cass beamed at her, and Stephanie knew she found the right words. Cassandra Freaking Wayne was never going to feel like anything but the best when Stephanie was around. Cass cuddled into her, and Stephanie sighed happily. She could get used to this. At least until Cass asked, like it was the simplest thing in the world, “Just once?”
Stephanie blinked. “‘Just once’?” she repeated. Cass gave a noncommittal hum. “Cassie, what do you mean ‘just once’?”
“Your turn,” redirected Cass with a wicked smirk. “What took you so long?” she repeated.
“Alright, but we’re circling back to that at some point!” Another warm chuckle from Cassandra made Stephanie grin so hard she was positive her face was hurting from more than the death experience. She was tempted to throw out some jokes, some banter, both to keep the laughs going and to do some of her own redirection. But right here, right now, with Cassandra glowing at her? She couldn’t say anything but the truth. “I was afraid I’d ruin us,” she admitted quietly. “You’re the best thing I’ve had, Cassie. Even after everything we’ve gone through, mistakes I made-“
“Mistakes from both of us,” Cass assured softly.
“Both of us,” amended Steph. “We got back to where we were and then some. We got better. Guess there’s still a part of me that thinks the good things in life are temporary when it comes to Stephanie Brown.”
“You could never ruin me. Us.” This time Cass interlocked their fingers. “I wouldn’t be me. If I never met you.”
Stephanie blinked back tears and gave her a watery smile. “Same here, Cassie. Same here. And, well. I couldn't go through another lifetime not having kissed you.” Cass's cheeks went a pretty pink as she ducked her eyes with a smile, so of course Steph had to press the advantage. She cleared her throat and put on the old cocky Brown grin. “And look at it this way! Now we know death can’t stop either of us. Especially when we’re together. You watch my back, I watch yours…”
“We’re immortal,” Cass finished, and Stephanie’s grin widened.
“Exactly. Now, I gotta rest so we can get back to the fun stuff ASAP~” she trilled, feeling a rush at Cass’ eyes trailing over her.
“Top priority,” Cass drawled, voice husky, and it gave Steph shivers. “Only mission."
“You’re telling me. So… I’m hoping my girlfriend won’t mind snuggling in with me for the day? We earned some R&R.” For a brief moment she wondered if she was moving too fast, putting the ‘girlfriend’ label on them. But the way Cass’ eyes shone up at her when she said that, Steph knew she had been moving way too slow. She should’ve done this such a long time ago. She had a lot of lost time to make up for.
“Kay,” Cass said, instant and simple. Getting Cass to take a day off was usually like pulling teeth from Killer Croc, but right now, for Steph? Easy. Her heart was warmer than Firefly’s flamethrower. And if it was warm then, her entire body became as warm as the sun on a perfect day when Cass snuggled in and said, “Love you.”
Steph was pretty sure the way she was beaming was going to split her whole face in two. But for some reason she couldn’t care. “I love you too,” Stephanie whispered. God, she had so many of those to catch up on. They had said it before, probably meant it this way sometimes, but this was the first time both knew it, the first time they were on the same page. She couldn’t help what came next. She felt live and about to burst if she didn’t get all this excess glee out of her system. Cass loved her.
She kissed her forehead, her cheek, her lips, just an avalanche of kisses, and each one peppered with a “I love you. Love you. Love you…” Cassandra laughed and squirmed and looked bashful, even, those gorgeous lashes fluttering and a shyly giddy smile on her face. Stephanie could get used to that.
"Lifetime of kisses starts now," Cass murmered as she kissed back, and Steph laughed breathlessly. She could get used to that too. Cassandra loved Stephanie. And Stephanie loved Cassandra. And Stephanie was going to spend the rest of her life, how many of those she got and however long they would be, making sure Cass could never, ever forget it.