Chapter Text
It started on a Thursday night.
Peter laid on his bed, finally, after he finished patrolling, homework, studying for the chemistry test next week. He knew he still had things to do. Clean his room, charge his phone and at least brush his teeth before going to sleep. But he can’t move. He feels tired, exhausted, crushed by the weight of something, he knows he’s carrying but he can’t identify. So he just keeps laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to take him.
He started to let things slide. He didn’t answer phone calls at all and texts only when the other blew up his phone in need of a response. He stayed in bed longer and played with the thought of just pretending to be sick to stay at home every day of the week. He only showered when he couldn’t bear his own smell anymore and his deo didn’t cover it for him- which was okay because he was sick of his smell way before any normal human would even notice because of his super senses but it still sucked. He skipped breakfast and soon also lunch and sometimes he had days where he wouldn’t eat at all even though he was a growing teenager with spider metabolism that took away his energy way too quickly.
He canceled lab days even though they were his favorite days of the week once. He started to skip patrolling every other day and excused himself from hanging with Ned. He avoided May most time of the day and cried himself to sleep, at first only once, soon every night of the week.
But all of this wasn’t even the worst part.
The worst part was that no one noticed.
Or even worse no one wanted to notice, because it was easier to pretend that someone was busy than accepting that a friend struggled with depression and didn’t reach out.
Tony never questioned his excuses for canceling lab days and Peter never was mad about it because Tony Stark was a busy man and he couldn’t expect him to care if some moody teenager showed up once a week or not.
May was way too busy with her job to notice that he lied every time he said he was fine or that he had studied or that he had eaten. Peter didn’t blame her for it, he was grateful she did her best to earn money for them both.
MJ never was good with feelings. It was okay, really. If she didn’t want to care she didn’t have to, Peter wasn’t mad. He wasn’t even disappointed. But he couldn’t stop himself from wishing she did.
With Ned it was a different thing. The boy claimed to be Peters best friend and Peter didn’t want to lose him so he pulled the strength from god knows where to pretend things are fine. He forced smiles into his face and laughs into his voice and he dragged himself to building Lego Star Wars sets with Ned in the music room of their school.
Till that day he didn’t know why he couldn’t just accept that something was wrong with him, why he wouldn’t give the only person who would notice a chance to notice.
It became a real problem when he couldn’t sleep anymore.
It was week six of feeling like shit, Peter hadn’t been patrolling for three days in a row now and even though he forced himself to eat lunch and dinner he felt exhausted all day, wishing for nothing but his bed and some peace. But when he finally dragged himself to bed the sleep wouldn’t come. No matter how much he begged for it to take him away, it refused to. His thoughts started getting louder with every passing second. They made him feel guilty for abandoning his friends and family and Mr Stark and for not doing his chores and for stopping patrolling. They made him hate himself. And they told him he didn’t matter. Because if he did, why had nobody noticed he wasn’t doing fine?
It is three in the morning when Peters phone buzzes. Funny since they all slowly stopped texting when he slowly stopped answering. He takes the phone, just looking wouldn’t kill him, and sees a message from Mr Stark.
Kid, why’d you cancel lab day again, working for the concurrence now?
But Peter couldn’t get himself to laugh about the joke. Knowing Mr Stark would knock down his door if he doesn’t come up with a good excuse in the next three seconds, he texts back.
Catched a cold, have to study for chemistry too.
Mr Stark reads the message the same second Peter sent it and answers two seconds later.
Why are you even up, it’s 3 am. Go to sleep, kiddo!
Peter would love to. But instead of telling his mentor that, he just shuts down the phone and takes another try at sleeping. Which of course fails.
The closest he gets to sleeping is zoning out till he falls into a light sleep for maybe an hour before the sun wakes him again. Peter sighs. Everything hurts.
When May checks on him before rushing off to work he tells her he’s sick. She’s too stressed to question it and just lets him stay at home.
Peter spends another day rotting in bed instead of doing things he would normally do when he could stay at home. It’s short past twelve when he hears the doorbell. Because it’s a duty he can’t push away till he can’t, he drags himself to the door.
Peter almost falls back into the flat when he sees Mr Stark at the entrance. His mind starts racing, making up excuses for the status of his room, inventing reasons why his mentor couldn’t come in. But nothing of this comes out fast enough to stop Mr Stark from entering.
He’s already in the living room before Peter gets himself to speak.
“Mr Stark, uh, hi, uh, what are you doing here?”
“Checking on you, obviously.” There’s sorrow in his expression and something in Peter thinks this is nice. Ignoring the panic and the adrenaline this is really nice.
“I’m fine, just having a cold, you shouldn’t have come here all the way-”
“Yeah you’re fine, you sure are. You canceled lab day six weeks in a row, because of a cold and studying when you used to drag yourself into my lab with your head hanging off your shoulders and i had to force you to go home to not die on the spot. You sure as hell are not fine!” Oh, Peter thinks, he had noticed. And then oh . He had noticed .
“Yeah, i wasn’t feeling too good lately,” Peter tries to excuse himself but Tony doesn’t listen.
“Peter” Shit, he’s using his name now.
Peter avoids his gaze.
“Peter, look at me!” Mr Stark commands and Peter does.
There’s sorrow in his eyes and something in Peter just wants to rest in it, in the feeling of being seen, even if it’s just a bit.
“Kid, you need to tell me what’s going on.” And as Peter remains silent Mr Stark sighs.
“Listen, I can’t help you, if i don’t know what’s wrong, but i do know that something is terribly wrong because you’re canceling your favorite day of the week, are up at three in the morning on a school night, only patrol every other day and wear smelly pajamas with your hair looking like it hadn’t been getting any attention in weeks while you used to worry if it was looking good enough to ask MJ out.” Oh, Peter thinks again. He also remains silent again.
“Pete, this is not a conversation you can avoid by ignoring it.” But Peter wishes it to be one he could avoid by ignoring it.
Mr Stark sighs again as Peter doesn’t even look up.
“That’s it.”
And suddenly Peter feels a hand, forcing his head up, forcing him to meet his mentors eyes.
“Yeah, no, you can’t keep ignoring things like that, Underoos, and you definitely can’t just shut everyone out as soon as things start to get heavy!”
“But”
“No buts, Peter, you need to let people help you!”
“I wanted them to help but they were too busy to notice i needed help!”
“Which doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help, you know.”
Silence.
“Kid, I need you to listen very carefully now. Can you do that?”
Peter nods, tears filling his eyes but he tries to blink them away quickly.
He can do that, he can listen.
“First of all, you matter! You matter enough for people to worry and you matter enough to deserve love as well as help. You are the most extraordinary kid I know, but you can’t shut everyone that loves you out. I’m not only talking about me, you don’t have to come to me for help, I sure as hell wouldn’t, but it doesn’t seem like you asked May or MJ or this Ted for help either and that’s what concerns me and- hey, kid, what is wrong“ he asks when he sees the tears Peter tried to hide so badly.
“Oh, kiddo!” Mr Stark puts a hand on Peters shoulder as if he’s testing the waters. But it isn’t enough, Peter craves love and affection and being touched once is enough for his entire being to ache for more so he just drops himself into the arms of his mentor.
He can’t stay strong for one more second.
“I’m just so tired!” He sobs “I don’t know what’s wrong, I just can’t get up, I can’t get myself to study or to clean my room or to eat or meet Ned or even answer my phone for God’s sake!” He buries his face into Mr Stark’s shoulder, just for one moment not wanting to care about anything, not wanting to care about if they’re there yet. The grip around his back tightens.
“Oh kiddo” Mr Stark says again, his voice is even softer now, one hand soothing through Peter’s hair.
“Depression got to you” Mr Stark says it as if it isn’t a bad thing, as if it wasn’t ruining Peter’s life.
“I want it to go away” Peter mumbles.
“I know, kid, I know.” Mr Stark presses a kiss to his temple and Peter starts to cry even harder. He wants this to stay forever, Mr Stark caring for him, as if he’d really matter.
Tony slowly starts rocking them back and forth.
“You know, I care for you, right?”, he whispers into the boy’s hair. Peter doesn’t answer again but Tony isn’t mad, he’s far from it.
“You know, I love you, right, kiddo?” Peter clings to him even harder in response, so Tony drops a kiss on his hair.
“You’re so loved, Peter Parker, I don’t ever want you to question it.”
They stay like that for a while.
“You know it isn’t your fault that this happened, right?” Peter finally says and he earns a small laugh from Mr Stark. Mr Stark who had just said that he loved Peter. Mr Stark who’s still holding him into his arms as if Peter would vanish if he let go even for a second. Mr Stark who came all the way here just because he felt like something was off.
“I know, kid, but that doesn’t mean i can’t try to help fix it!”
Peter pulls away a bit.
“Thanks, Mr. Stark!” His voice feels soar and itchy in his throat but Mr Stark still smiles.
“No problem, Spider-child.” And for now, Peter allows himself to be a child.
Eventually, Tony pulls away fully.
“Okay, listen. I’m ordering takeout and you’ll get yourself dressed. Deal”
A slight smile tugs on Peters lip.
He nods.
As he stands up to go to his room, the small smile stays on his lips. Mr Stark came. Mr Stark hugged him. Mr Stark loves him. Mr Stark cares.