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Remus blinked and rubbed his eyes, smearing last night’s mascara on his hands, glancing over at the clock on his bedstand. It blinked 1:00 pm.
“Woke up early today.” He mumbled to himself, rolling out of bed and throwing his shirt in the fast growing pile on his floor and tugging on a new t-shirt from the other pile. He glanced at himself in the mirror and tugged on his hair. Maybe he should cut bangs again. Ooooo or dye it, that’d really piss his parents off.
He walked into the shared living area open to the kitchen, spotting a familiar nerd standing in the kitchen, in his usual black collared shirt, blue necktie, and khakis. He snuck up behind him before kissing his boyfriend’s cheek as he wrapped his arms around the shorter man, resting his chin on the top of his head.
“New case today?” He asked, noticing his usual outfit he wore to case briefings.
Logan jumped, before realizing it was just Remus and leaning back.
“Good morning, Remus. Or, good afternoon, I suppose,” he chastised gently, standing on his toes to turn and peck Remus on the cheek in response before moving away for more coffee.
Logan had been up for hours, since 6 am to be exact, as he always was by the time Remus was awake, and cleaning up his mess from his attempts at making breakfast. It was unusual he hadn’t seen Janus by this time though. Usually he was up around the same time as Logan, if not earlier.
“Any sign of snake boy?” Remus asked, reading Logan’s mind.
“No. I have not seen him all morning, actually. I presume he’s still asleep. Or at the ice rink.” Logan replied, watching as the taller man shoved himself onto the counter, swinging his legs like a toddler.
Their other boyfriend, Janus, was a figure skater. One of the best in the country. He’d been skating since he was 2, and was the first trans man to take gold from the Olympics.
He also liked to go to the freezing ice rink in a leotard at 5 am.
Like some kind of horrid creature.
“He’s never asleep this late. And we’d get a text if he was at the rink, right? That’s weird, don'tcha think?”
Logan thought for a moment, before nodding slowly. It was out of the ordinary for Janus to not at least notify them of his outings. And he couldn’t recall a single time in five years of memory that Janus had slept past 9 am unless he hadn’t slept the night before, which Logan had guaranteed he had.
“It is.. peculiar… Perhaps we should check on him-” He was cut off by a crash and a shout, followed by a slew of profanities that made even Remus’ eyes widen. Both men rushed to Janus’ room, opening the door to find their third partner face down on the ground, his blanket tangled around his ankles. Logan hid a snicker behind his hand, while a much less subtle Remus burst into cackles before handing Janus his cane and helping him up.
“Well, good morning to the princess of grace and glory-!” Remus began dramatically, before finding his face making very sudden contact with the pillow Janus had thrown at him, causing Logan to snort.
“Oh yes, thank you Remus, I do so adore being harassed by my own boyfriend before I’ve even had time to properly recover from eating shit straight out of bed.” Janus snarked, his cane making a familiar click sound as he walked, brushing a stray hair out of Logan’s eyes and placing a small kiss on his nose before continuing on, his boyfriends trailing and bickering behind.
“No kiss for your beloved duke, JanJan? This sounds like homophobia, you know. My boyfriend is a homophobe, Logan, are you hearing this?”
“Janus is gay, Remus. All three of us are, how could he possibly be-” He sighed, rubbing the spot under his glasses tiredly, but fondly. “I am not doing this today. I refuse to be anger-fished by my own boyfriend!” Logan demanded, causing Remus to fall into the couch laughing.
“Ragebaited, darling. You’re being ragebaited, not… anger-fished.” He replied with a chuckle of his own, watching as Remus dissolved into giggles at the new term, and Logan pouted saltily.
“Well, at least one of my boyfriends doesn’t antagonize me. Fine, I refuse to be rage-bought by my own boyfriend, better?”
Remus laughed again and Janus smiled, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes, and Logan spluttered.
“I used it properly, don’t mock me! Janus, I used Remus’ neurotic slang words properly, did I not?” He asked, sitting beside Remus on the cough and pulling Janus down with him, watching as Remus launched himself across both of their laps for the sole purpose of being a nuisance.
“It was very good, Lo, don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise, that’s exactly how you’re meant to say it.” Janus encouraged, a shit eating grin on his face that Logan didn’t even register. He reached for his pill pack on the coffee table, downing his pain relievers and antidepressants with what remained of his wine from last night.
“Janus..” Logan began, never turning down an opportunity to lecture his boyfriend on his fourth favorite topic, medication safety.
“I know, I know,” Janus interrupted, stretching his arms above his head with a wince before settling back again. “I’m not supposed to take them on an empty stomach-”
“-or with alcohol or caffeine.” Logan finished, standing to grab his work bag.
Janus sighed again, grabbing his cane and beginning to stand to help him find his case files before finding himself pushed back to the couch by his other boyfriend. He spluttered indignantly, trying to shove Remus off of him.
“Get the hell off me, dumbass! I’m allowed to help my boyfriend find his own case files!” Janus growled, kicking him in the stomach, and nearly subluxating his knee trying to do so.
“Nope!” Remus shouted over the chaos, not letting up. “You woke up past 9, snake boy. That means you’re in pain and won’t be getting up from this damn couch the rest of the day!” He sang, sounding like a second grade teacher who found a kid’s hand in the cookie jar.
“Logan, your boyfriend is assaulting me! He’s assaulting a cripple! Come arrest him for assault!” Janus screeched, his tirade of slurs cut off by Remus’ full body weight landing square on his chest to keep him from moving.
“It’s battery, actually.” Logan corrected, watching the chaos from his safe distance of very far away. “Assault is merely the threat of physical harm to another person. Battery is the actual action of violence. Therefore Remus battered you.”
“Oh my gods, we get it, you think you’re smarter than everyone else, no need to rub it in!” Remus laughed, while Janus spluttered in agreement, his words effectively cut off by his boyfriend’s ass blocking his airways.
“I don’t think I’m smarter than everyone else,” Logan started, gracing the two with a rare grin as he opened the door. “I know I’m smarter than everyone else.”
I’m going downstairs for more wine from the girls. Move from this couch while I’m gone and I’ll get the boxed shit.
That was what Remus had said ages (12 minutes) ago.
Janus sighed as he flipped the channels on the T.V. with no end in mind. There was nothing good on at this hour, and damn him to hell if he had to ask Logan for the Netflix login again this week.
Logan was supposed to be home nearly a half hour ago, but he got held up in traffic. Or so he said. The more likely situation was he got distracted by something shiny at the office he wanted to take apart and put back together. His loss. It was 5’o’clock somewhere, which meant Logan wouldn’t be getting any of the good stuff.
If he stayed on the couch.
And didn’t move.
…
“How the fuck has it only been two minutes?” Janus exploded, flailing his hands in the air before feeling an ominous ‘click’ in his wrist, and putting them down quickly. No one would get any wine if he was in the ER for the second time this month.
He sighed again, more dramatically this time, before choking on the air and nearly hacking up a lung.
When was the last time he’d drunk water again?
“Well, shit,” he mumbled hoarsely, reaching for his cane, before pausing.
Remus had told him very explicitly not to move. With the most violent of threats, he might add. But the kitchen was right there. He was an olympic gold medalist, for the gods’ sake! Surely he was capable enough to walk to the kitchen for his own damn water.
Janus stood, leaving his cane against the wall. Like he said, it was right there. He was plenty capable of walking.
He moved a step forward.
And another.
Aaaaand felt like someone stuck a knife into his knees. He winced slightly but kept walking, ignoring the slight tunnel vision he was starting to get. He was only six steps away.
Five steps.
Four steps.
Three steps.
Two st-
“SHIT!” Janus cried, his knees buckling under him as he hit the kitchen floor. He waited a moment, his chest heaving as he caught his breath, before he pushed himself against the counter and hoisted himself up, only to collapse again. His hand curled into a fist and he gritted his teeth, death glaring the floor.
He tried again, this time rotating his torso fast and flailing for the counter, only to meet the kitchen floor with a bang.
Get up.
Bang!
Get up.
Bang!
“A good skater doesn’t fall.”
Bang!
“A good skater doesn’t complain.”
Bang!
“A good skater stays quiet and does what she’s told.”
Bang!
Get.
Up.
He couldn’t get up.
His heart raced. Tears welled. His binder was too tight.
And of course, at the worst of times, he heard a click in the keyhole as his disaster and a half walked in.
“Oh JanJan! You better not have moved from- from your… Jan?” Shopping bags hit the floor and a mess of spikes and leather raced towards him, kneeling in front of their usually suave boyfriend on the kitchen floor.
“Jan..” Remus’ voice was worried. Light. Like one wrong move would break him.
Which made Janus angrier.
“Get the fuck away from me,” he yelled, pushing him back. He glared at a shocked Remus, eyes red and glassy, knuckles bruised and bloody from falling so many times. “I don’t need your help! I don’t need anyone’s help!”
“Everyone needs help sometimes. Jan, please.” Remus said softly, reaching for Janus again.
“I said don’t touch me, I can do it myself! I’m not useless!” He blurted, wrapping his arms around himself.
“I can get- get back up! I can get u- up and I can- I can- I can do-” His voice started to hiccup, and he hit the floor in frustration, feeling the pain rocket into his wrists, but he didn’t give a shit. It reminded him he could at least do something. Anything. He lifted his hands to hit the floor again, only to find Remus’ hands caught around his wrists, holding Janus down to keep him from hurting himself again. His usually playful, mocking voice was now dead serious.
“Don’t. Don’t you dare.” Janus averted his eyes, mostly out of defiance.
“Look at me, damn it! Don’t fucking pull this shit, Janus! You don’t get to hurt yourself and throw a tantrum like a child because you need some help!” Remus shouted, his voice escalating, but not angry.
“A tantrum?! How dare you! I would never-”
“What in the hell is this then? Some sophisticated act of defiance? You’re hitting the ground like a toddler because you can’t get your way! So shut your damn ego and listen!”
Janus was silent. For his whole life, he could use words to get himself out of every situation those words put him in. And now he had nothing to say.
“Finally..” Remus breathed, hanging his head for a minute before looking back up at Janus with the same steel in his eyes, but also concern, and worry. “Now what’s all this about you being useless? Why are you over here in the kitchen? And without your cane no less.”
Janus was quiet for a long time, his jaw clicking in the silence. He knew why he was over here. It was because he was a stubborn brat who needed a better sense of control in a life that was supposed to be shaped for him, and instead rolled him up and spit him out.
When the hell did he start crying again?
“I’m so tired, Re,” He whispered, his nails digging into the sides of his arms. “I wake up in pain. I go to sleep in pain. The best parts of my life are contaminated by pain. I exist in pain. It’s not fair.”
It was a long time before either spoke, the silence punctuated by hiccuping sobs from Janus.
“You’re right. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that you have to use canes and braces and crutches and meds just to have the right to exist on the same level as other people.” Remus nodded, pulling Janus’ hands gently away from his arms to keep him from picking at his skin, rubbing circles into the backs of his hands. “But it’s how your world is. And there’s nothing you can do about it.” He tugged Janus upwards, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close to his chest.
“I don’t want to be broken.” Janus rasped, finally looking up into Remus’ eyes.
“You’re not broken, Jan. If you were broken, you could be fixed. But you can’t, and we both know it.” He paused, carding a hand through the smaller man’s long blonde hair. “You’re just… another type of being. An inbetween.”
Janus shook his head quietly, pulling himself tighter to his boyfriend’s chest. “I’m not meant to be an inbetween. I’m meant to be one of the greatest figure skaters in the world. I’m meant to be strong, and talented, and perfect. I was, at one point.” He closed his hand on empty air. “Now it’s all gone. There’s none of it left.”
“Well that’s not true.” Remus said, his playful tone slowly creeping back into his voice. “You’re still a better skater than me and Lo combined. Just because you’re not the Janus McCoy doesn’t mean you aren’t my Janus McCoy. Our Janus.” He corrected, gesturing to Logan’s car pulling into the apartment lot.”
A ghost of a smile flickered across Janus’ face. “That’s cheesy.”
“Oh yeah? You’d prefer a different kind of sticky, salty thing?” Remus teased, winking at Janus.
“You know that’s not what I meant.” Janus sighed affectionately, taking Remus’ hand as his boyfriend helped him back to the couch with his newly acquired water just as Logan came in,
“Good evening.” Logan announced, pecking both Janus and Remus on the cheek as they passed. “Why is Janus walking around without his cane? That’s not good for his health.”
Remus nodded, side eyeing Janus, but nodding dramatically and sagely. “You hear that, JanJan? It’s not healthy to walk around without your cane. Wow, if only some wise, handsome, charming duke could’ve told you that!”
“Don’t forget humble.” Janus mumbled as he sat, with Remus perched to his right and Logan to his left.
“I am the duke of humbleness, I’ll have you know! Logan, back me up, aren’t I so good at being humble!” Remus asked, wrapping an arm around Janus’ shoulder and running a hand through Logan’s hair that was resting there.
“That isn’t something you can be the duke of. According to Webster's dictionary, a duke only has jurisdiction over-”
“Logan. Shut up.” Janus said affectionately. Logan pouted, but didn’t complain when the three all fell asleep together on the couch in a pile.
Janus would pay for that tomorrow, he was sure, but for now, he was content to be… content. To be happy with himself.
After all, he was the Janus McCoy.
He could rest before he got back up again.