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The deafening screech of the bus brakes cut Kaveh’s thoughts as he’s jostled around by the sudden stop. Kaveh looks up from his lap to see the bus screen displaying his location.
Corner of 4th and 6th.
Kaveh wipes his hands on his pants, grabs his bag sitting on the seat next to him, and begins making his way to the front of the bus. He turns his head slightly to look at the other people on the same ride as him. An old lady wearing too much perfume, a young boy staring into his phone, and many, many others.
He’s always enjoyed observing people. Not in a creepy way or anything— just people watching. His mind reels thinking about the lives of the people around him. In fact, that’s normally where he pulls inspiration from. The secretive lives of others.
Kaveh prides himself on being an open book. He’s never been good at lying, and he much prefers when people see him as his true self straight from the beginning.
As the blond steps off his ride, he spins his head left and right, observing his location. The streets look like your average downtown cityscape. The buildings are tall, all with several stories, and each has neoclassical framing. Kaveh flips his head back and forth a few more times before he realizes that he’s got no idea where he’s supposed to be going. Actually, that’s only half true. In theory he knows where he’s going— he has a destination, but in practice he’s starting to understand that he is very lost.
Although Kaveh’s never actually been in this city before, he finds it strange that he’s having so much trouble finding the building he’s looking for. He feels like a giant art museum should be pretty obvious to the eye. The bus he arrived on is long gone now, so he’s just gonna have to wing it.
Okay, alright. It’s fine. People get lost all the time. You just need to ask someone around here where the local art museum is… It’ll be fine!
With that, Kaveh begins his journey going left down 4th avenue, with his one suitcase in tow. Now, the real question is: would he be able to find someone who would even know where this museum is? It’s not like he’s asking for directions to a deli or something. How many random people on the sidewalk would even know where the art museum was?
I just need to find creative people to ask, they’ll know for certain, Kaveh thinks as he continues his brisk walk down the street. Kaveh keeps his eyes and heart open while he searches for individuals he deems similar to himself.
A man with country club attire? No.
Those mean looking teenagers? Definitely not.
Someone inside that tattoo parlor? Maybe.
Kaveh comes to a halt in front of the tattoo establishment, looking the door up and down. What’s the worst that can happen? He’s in a brand new city, on a street that he’ll likely never visit again once he sorts himself out. The building has various gold words written over it, advertising what happens inside. Kaveh is about to begin rapping on the door before he notices the ‘Walk-Ins Welcome!’ sign.
Kaveh strolls in, setting off the sound of a little bell above the door. Upon entering he is graced with low lighting and slow music playing from the stereo in the corner to his left. In the small store there are a few seats and shelves, all adorned with different books about tattooing. A few feet from the door is the front counter, behind which sits a man with grey hair with tints of teal on the underside.
The man is sitting cross legged on a black stool, with his head downcast and focused on his task. Kaveh can hear the tell-tale sound of the tattoo gun coming from the direction of the man.
But there’s no one else near him? Please tell me he doesn't have some poor person shoved under that desk or something.
The blond begins walking closer to the desk-man. “Uh… Hello.” Kaveh says, while the other man has yet to remove his unwavering gaze on whatever he’s doing. “Hello?... dude?” Kaveh says, a bit louder this time. Kaveh can see now that the man is practicing on a rubber mat.
The first time the guy didn’t answer, Kaveh just chalked it up to the sound of the tattoo gun, but now with how loud Kaveh’s speaking, there’s no way this guy can’t hear him. What a terrible employee! Not only is he carelessly making such a racket, he’s even ignoring the potential customers. Talk about world class hiring.
Kaveh walks the entire way across the room and puts his hands down on the desk before the guy even bothers to acknowledge him. At this point, the blonde is pretty ticked off with this negligent employee over here. He doesn’t even wanna ask for directions anymore, he would rather get lost and end up in some serial killer's dumping ground than have to talk to this guy.
Okay, fine. Maybe Kaveh’s getting a bit worked up, but he’s lost and in the middle of nowhere and currently has somewhere to be. He honestly thinks he’s earned the right to be a little pissy.
Annoying and Bad Employee Desk-Guy flips a switch and turns off the machine that was causing Kaveh to go damn near deaf. Before the desk-man can even lift his head, Kaveh immediately starts spilling his thoughts. “Hey buddy, I don’t know what took you so long to notice me but I think that’s pretty irresponsible on your-” Kaveh stops speaking when he sees the guy lift his hands to his ears. The guy presses a button or two, and spins a little dial before finally lifting his head to peer at the blond haired guy across the counter.
Oh god. Kaveh thinks. This guy is deaf! I just started yelling at this guy because he couldn’t hear me and he’s deaf. The ‘customer’ mentally slapped himself for his assumptions. You see Kaveh. This is what happens when you get mad and just start saying shit.
The desk-man just looks at Kaveh with a confused expression. What kind of person walks into a store, starts belittling the employee, and then stands there silently for 30 seconds when they finally realize that the employee is now responsive?
“What do you need?” The desk-man asks. Kaveh is promptly pulled from his self-loathing criticism to actually answer the guy. That’s when Kaveh’s eye catches on his name tag.
Alhaitham.
“...Uh, Hi! Sorry about that. Yeah, so I’m not from here. I actually come from a town about an hour away, so I-” Kaveh is cut off by Alhaitham interrupting his spiel.
“Yeah, I asked what you need. Not for your whole life story.” Kaveh is a little taken aback by this Alhaitham fellow. I guess I wasn’t so wrong about my bad employee assumptions before, this guy really needs to find an office job or something.
Kaveh takes a deep breath and tries to control himself. “I need directions to the local art museum.” Alhaitham just looks at him for a moment before pulling out a piece of scrap paper from somewhere under the desk; presumably to write down some directions. The gray haired man scribbles something down before handing the paper to Kaveh.
Alhaitham speaks next. “Yeah it’s over by 9th and 4th. I’m assuming you just fumbled and messed up the address.”
“Fumbled? Have some respect for the customer. You ever hear that the customer is always right?” Although Kaveh is grateful that this guy gave him the address, (which he will definitely triple check before walking to) he’s still a bit peeved that Alhaitham definitely thinks he’s an idiot.
“I think that rule only really applies when someone is an actual customer.” Alhaihtam quips back. Man, this guy is infuriating. How hard is it to give someone an address and fuck off? Kaveh picks his luggage back off the floor and begins to turn to leave with the note in his hand.
“You’re welcome back anytime!” Alhaitham hollers in the most patronizing voice he can muster. Kaveh doesn’t even feel bad for not thanking this jackass anymore, and just flips him off before walking out of the store.
****
In all honesty, Kaveh did have a scheduled time for an interview at the museum (which he ended up a bit late for). He actually got the gig though, so now in his new city he’s got a job as an art museum tour guide. He also managed to find his way to his new apartment complex entirely alone and without directions from a certain asshole.
However, said asshole has been floating around Kaveh’s brain for the past few days. For some reason, Alhaitham’s last words to him actually stuck out a bit.
‘You’re welcome back anytime!’
Obviously, that douche was just trying to get a rise out of him, but instead, it sparked curiosity, and a desire to return to that small shop near the corner of 4th and 6th. Let’s be honest here, Kaveh is stranded in a new town with absolutely no friends. If he just ignores Alhaitham’s rude remarks, then they could probably get along.
Which is precisely why Kaveh is now standing outside of the tattoo parlor, a bit too nervous to open the door. Pull it together, Kaveh. You’ve done more difficult things than this. It’s fairly late in the afternoon, and Kaveh is here just before closing time. In a perfect world where nothing goes wrong, he would march in there and apologize for being a little rude the other day, and invite Alhaitham out for coffee or tea or whatever cool people do after their shifts end.
But of course, this is Kaveh’s life we’re talking about here. If we’re hopefully optimistic, only half of that will happen at best. Still, Kaveh shoves his doubts down his throat and walks into the store. Just as he was a couple of days ago, Alhaitham sits in his same seat. However, this time he’s reading a book of some sort.
Without even looking up from his novel, Alhaitham begins speaking. “Sorry, we close in six minutes, unless you want to make an appointment you’ll have to come back another time.” Kaveh just keeps walking closer to the counter until Alhaitham is forced to look up from what he’s currently studying. Alhaitham’s eyes quickly shine with recognition. “What do you need now?” The tattoo artist asks him, sounding just the slightest bit tired.
“Well, I felt a bit bad about yelling at you a few days ago, so I came to invite you to a coffee shop right by here… it’s where I’m headed next. And who knows, maybe you live in that direction. I want to make some friends here, and so far you’re the only person I’ve spoken to other than my landlord.” Kaveh finished his statement with a bit of a laugh. He knows he's ranting, and he definitely sounds a little pathetic, but he’s nervous, okay?
Alhaitham is quiet for a moment before he speaks up. “I live above this shop.” That declaration feels like a rejection, and Kaveh’s smile begins to falter, and he prepares himself to walk out. Even though he never ‘had’ Alhaitham in the first place, he still feels like he just lost something important.
Before Kaveh can start to reassure Alhaitham that it’s no big deal, the gray haired individual speaks again. “However, I’m not opposed to coffee right now. We can head out as soon as I close up here.” Alhaitham stands and starts flipping the open sign around, and closing the blinds on the windows. Kaveh just stands in front of the desk, awkwardly waiting. As soon as Alhaitham finishes his nightly routine, he says, “Alright, I’m ready.”
After a short walk down the street, Kaveh finds himself in a booth inside a cafe he discovered yesterday, and sitting with a man he’s only met once. Kaveh was initially worried that the conversation would be awkward. What with himself, a man who couldn’t stop speaking even if it killed him, coupled with this anti-social guy who seemed to want to shut down all attempts at conversation. Kaveh was pleasantly surprised, however, to find that Alhaitham was actually listening to what he was saying.
“...So that girl in my algebra class got so mad that someone bumped into her that she nailed him right on the head! It was crazy, and even better, I got front row seats to that show-”
“What’s your name?” Alhaitham suddenly pipes in. Kaveh was so wrapped up in his story that he didn’t hear him properly the first time.
“Pardon?” Kaveh asks.
“What’s your name?” Alhaitham repeats. “I just realized that I haven’t caught it yet.” Kaveh blushes a little from embarrassment. He’s been talking to Alhaitham for the better part of the evening, and the poor guy across from him hasn’t even learned his name yet.
“Oh, sorry. My name is Kaveh.”
“No need to apologize. Although I am curious— what brings you to this town? You don’t seem to know anyone and you don’t have any connections here.” Alhaihtam states matter of factually.
Kaveh is a little shocked at how well Alhaihtam saw right through him. “What an astute observation! Yeah, I don’t have any familial connection here, but my father knew a man who works at the art museum, which is why I needed directions there.” Kaveh tries to leave out the sour details about his father passing away, himself leaving home, and the tinge of loneliness he’s felt since arriving here. It’s all too much for him to explain in one sitting.
“I see,” Alhaitham replies. “So did you go to the museum for a job?”
“Yeah, I found a job there and found my way to my apartment. Now all I gotta do is build a life from nothing.” Kaveh tells Alhaitham, hoping the other didn’t hear the melancholic note he ended on.
“This brings me back to my first question, what did you come to town for? You seem like the type of person to be amiable and make many friends, you must have had quite the life in your previous hometown.” Kaveh winces a little about how spot on Alhaitham is.
Kaveh looks down into his coffee cup, as if he's waiting for his reflection in the coffee to answer Alhaitham for him. Kaveh must’ve looked visibly upset, because Alhaitham kindly adds, “Feel no obligation to answer, of course.”
“No, it’s alright.” Kaveh says. He looks up then, only to find Alhaitham already staring into his eyes. Alhaitham's gaze waivers and he takes his turn to stare into his coffee, his fingers rubbing anxiously against the edge of his cup. Is he nervous right now..? Kaveh wonders.
The blonde takes a deep breath before diving into his reasoning behind choosing to uproot his life to move to an unfamiliar town. “Well as you already know, I work at the art museum. And I’m also a painter, I have a grand passion for the arts. I’m sure you do as well, being-”
“I strongly dislike the arts.”
“...Aren’t you a tattoo artist?” Kaveh asks a little warily.
“Art is too sappy and has too much emotion for me,” Alhaitham states, and Kaveh just gapes at his ignorance. “Although, I don’t mind producing art made by others, which is why my career fits me perfectly. I’m not creating any passionate works, just passing them along.”
Kaveh stares silently at Alhaitham for a long moment, just trying to convince himself not to get up and leave. Kaveh only went into the tattoo parlor a few days ago because he figured the employee would be similar to him, but everything Alhaihtam said only makes Kaveh more confused about everything. How can you make art as a living and not yet understand it?
Kaveh takes a deep breath before responding, “Okay, that’s honestly the worst response you could’ve given me. What the hell do you mean ‘art has too much emotion’? …That’s the whole point?” Kaveh finishes the last words a bit out of breath. He’s a little worked up, but cut him some slack here.
“Yes, the point of art is to have emotion, which is why I dislike it. That’s what I said initially. What part do you not understand?”
Kaveh lets out a low groan. “Wow. You’re insufferable.” He laid his hands on the table and rested his head against the back of the booth seat. “And I really can’t believe you, not to mention that you-”.
When Kaveh put his head back he could suddenly see the windows of the small shop, and also the lack of light coming from them. He jolted upwards and pulled up his phone to check the time.
11:13 pm.
Alhaihtam just looked at Kaveh with an amused expression while Kaveh frantically began muttering about the time and gathering his items that were lying all about the table. The blond's words were so unintelligible that Alhaitham had to step in. “Woah, slow down. What were you saying?”
Kaveh made a pointed look at Alhaitham. “It’s already way after dark, I have work tomorrow and I really cannot afford to be late or they’re gonna fire me, I already showed up twenty minutes late to the interview which can’t have been a good sign.”
Maybe it was Kaveh’s panicked expression or his very shaky hands but Alhaitham was able to muster up enough empathy to help Kaveh gather his things. Once mostly everything was put back together, Alhaitham brought back both their coffee cups to the front counter, and the two walked to the door.
It was a warm night, the kind with loud cicadas overlapping your thoughts, and with a small breeze that didn’t do anything against the heat. The two stood on the front steps when Kaveh spoke. “Sorry that I had to cut that so short and so abruptly.” The blonde tried to cough out a dry laugh but to no avail.
“It’s really no problem, the shop is closing soon. They would’ve kicked us out in ten minutes anyway.” Alhaitham said. He was so unwavering in his brutal rationality that he’s probably never told a white lie even to save someone's self esteem. He spoke of everything exactly as it is. It’s refreshing in a way, to see the world in a lens that’s not clouded by emotions or opinions. Maybe Alhaitham’s personality could do Kaveh some good.
Kaveh just looked at Alhaitham for a moment, trying to find his words. “...Uh yeah, I suppose you’re right.” Kaveh turned his head to look up and down the street in front of him. “You said you live above the shop right?” Alhaihtam nodded. “My apartment is in a different direction… so I guess this is where we part ways for tonight.”
“Yeah, have a safe walk home.” Alhaitham told the other. Kaveh gave the tattoo artist a small wave before he began charting his course back to his apartment. “Oh, Kaveh.” Alahitham suddenly said, and Kaveh turned back around to face him. “Come back to the shop anytime.”
****
If Alhaitham was being honest, he was a bit surprised when the emotional blond guy actually came back to his shop. And he's even more surprised that Kaveh had the balls to ask him out somewhere.
While it’s true that Alhaitham leads a bit of a boring life, he’s content with the subtle feeling of melancholy that fills him everyday.
Okay, maybe not content. Surely he longs for friends and meaningful relationships, but maybe he just became accepting of his bound-to-be-boring lifestyle. Certainly that's a better word.
Accepting.
Alhaitham had long ago come to terms with who he was. Even as a child, young and naive, he could never shake the feeling that he was different. He always heard that children don't have any wisdom, but an incredible sense of the truth. (Is there even a difference? The trait of wisdom was inadvertently the premature knowledge of the truth.) But that's all Alhaitham knew back then. The truth.
The truth was that he was always different. Maybe it was the fact that he's deaf, and could never communicate the way the other kids did. Maybe it was the way he was never excited to play sports at recess, but would rather stay in the library.
Or maybe it was something else entirely. Something so deeply rooted in his essence and personality that you couldn't pick a reason why you knew he was different. He just was.
If he was more social despite his disability, or played sports with the other boys, he might’ve actually made friends in school. But the most well known cliche is that history always repeats itself. If Alhaitham couldn't make friends as a child, then he's surely got no hope of making friends now.
Either way, despite his inexperience in the friend-making department, Alhaitham can admit that he's curious about Kaveh, and he's sad to say that he was only left with more questions than answers. The fact he's most interested in is that he never got a direct answer from Kaveh regarding his reasoning for moving into town.
Since that quaint night at the cafe, Alhaitham has been brimming with curiosity. And while it’s true that Kaveh talked with him for the better part of 3 hours, the blonde never left one hint regarding his housing, his phone number, or really anything that Alhaitham could use to get in touch with him.
Kaveh could literally get hit by a bus or something, and Alhaitham would have no way of knowing about it. The only hope the grey-haired man has left is that Kaveh will come back to his shop and invite him somewhere again.
And maybe Alhaitham will say yes.
****
Kaveh’s been wandering around town recently. He's been to parks with too many birds, and small vintage stores that were always a little too damp inside. But most of all, his favorite place he's visited was the tattoo parlor he found on his very first day.
It's probably because Kaveh has built such high standards to that place that he's worried about going back. That's why Kaveh has been metaphorically ghosting Alhaitham since they went out for coffee.
And sure, does it really count as ghosting if you don't have a guy's number, said guy hasn't tried to get in touch, and you never made any promises to see each other again? It definitely doesn't, but Kaveh still feels guilty nonetheless.
If there's one thing he can take solace in it’s the fact that the city is beautiful, and he really loves it here. Oh, like that building, it has so many windows, they must get so much natural light. That would be really good for all my plants-
Kaveh has to press pause on his thoughts for just a moment when he realizes just where he is. Now, Kaveh’s no idiot, and he has barely been around the downtown area, choosing rather to frolic in nature. Which is why the moment he finds himself in a somewhat familiar downtown setting, he feels unnerved.
He looks at his surroundings a bit more before he sees the street sign and almost dies from whiplash.
Corner of 4th and 6th.
As if his day couldn't get any better, he looks to the building to his left and what do you know! Where else could it be other than Alhaitham’s doorstep. Kaveh allows himself to peer through the slightly tinted glass for just a moment before he sees another person inside looking right back at him. If Kaveh wasn't freaking out before, he definitely is now.
Oh my god, Alhaitham is definitely in there. To that Kaveh feels like an idiot because of course Alhaitham is in there. It's his shop, there's only one back tattooing room and he doesn't recall seeing any interns so who else could possibly be in there.
Great. Now that Kaveh was sold out by his own selfish desire to stare longingly through the windows, he's gotta go in and talk to Alhaitham.
The blond takes a few steps up to the door and lightly swings it open, the bell above ringing with a satisfying jingle. Kaveh sees that Alhaitham’s walking around the main seating room, probably tidying.
“Welcome back.” Alhaitham says in his joyless tone. “I was just picking up some things.”
Since Alhaitham is a dutiful entrepreneur with respectable hours, it is definitely too early in the afternoon to ask the tattoo artist to attend somewhere with him, so Kaveh just stands there, not really knowing what to say.
Right now Kaveh feels like the living embodiment of the: ‘Hey I wanna keep messaging you but I can't read the room because you're being super dry and I cannot for the life of me think of a reply’ text message.
So yeah, if anyone was curious how Kaveh's life was going at the moment, he would say that he wants to take a walk to the nearest ocean and never turn around. And just keep going until the tide took him and it was too much—
“...Kaveh?”
Kaveh is promptly thrown out of his stupor by Alhaitham for what feels like the 30th time.
“Uh, yes.” Kaveh nervously looks to the side. He really doesn't know what to say. He thinks even if he had 20 years to rehearse, he would still put on the worst play in history.
He quickly understands that if he's not going to initiate conversation, then Alhaihtam wouldn't either. After they're both quiet for a moment, and Alhaitham’s already shifted around to finish organizing a pile of magazines, Kaveh finally speaks up.
“I’ve been exploring the town a bit.” Kaveh pauses, he feels like that's ample enough of an explanation. Clearly Alhaitham doesn't understand because he just shoots Kaveh a confused look. “That's why I haven't been back.” He provides.
Why do you feel like you need to explain yourself to him?
“That's nice. Did you find anything of interest?” Wow. Alhaitham just did the worst (best) thing he could do when talking to Kaveh. He asked him a question simple enough to answer, but one that when prompted could elicit the longest response possible.
Kaveh hopes that Alhaitham asked him a question like that on purpose.
And with that, Kaveh starts talking about everywhere he's been recently. He talks about the too many birds at the park, and the child he saw who found a four leaf clover.
So that's how Kaveh spends his afternoon. If he seemed like he ran out of things to say, Alhaitham would pop in with another loaded question, and since Kaveh hardly knows him, he has all his life's stories to tell (aside from the many stories he told over coffee the other night).
Always consistent as ever, Kaveh babeled the day away again, only realizing late in the afternoon just how long he had been talking for. Just before he prepared to excuse himself, Kaveh thought of something. “All right, I've been talking forever and somehow you haven't had anyone come in here for a tattoo. Why is that?”
Alhaitham stares blankly back at him. The gray haired man had long ago sat down, and is now seated behind the desk, while Kaveh stands perpendicular to him. “A good question. The shop’s not actually open today. I was just gathering the old magazines because I just bought new ones. I left the door unlocked and you just walked in.”
…
Kaveh felt immediately embarrassed by his ignorance. If there is a god out there, he prays they strike him down soon.
“What? You've been closed this whole time and you didn't think to cut me off? I could've just given you my number and we could've met up some other time.” If Kaveh's actions were too embarrassing to admit to, he's better off just blaming the other party.
Alhaitham didn't seem bothered by the sudden jab, instead he looked surprised for a moment. “Well then, give it to me.”
“What? You actually want my number?” Kaveh asks, already pulling out his phone.
“Yeah, your talking makes for good white noise.” Alhaitham says, all too quickly. Like he's been waiting to establish it. “I've gotten so much paperwork done.”
“Well if you're not even listening then you're missing out, do you know how many people back home would've killed to hear my stories like this?” Kaveh walks over to Alhaitham’s desk to exchange phones.
Once Kaveh's phone was returned, he began to say something about going home and doing laundry. It was true, really. Kaveh was behind on so many chores (he's sure his hour-long chats with Alhaitham weren't helping). So with that, he wishes Alhaitham a good evening and takes his leave.
As Kaveh walks down the front steps he smiles a little, not recalling any finished paperwork on Alhaitham’s desk.
****
If you asked Kaveh why he has such a fondness for the ocean, he could give so many responses that he's not sure which ones were true and which were just romanticized ideas. First and foremost it's because he knows that just a boat ride away is where his friends and family reside. (Call him unoriginal, but films and novels have to pull their inspiration from somewhere.)
Secondly, Kaveh is an artist. And what's an artist without his muse? The ocean is such a dependable force. If you fall in or get too close, you know that a dreadful end awaits you. People are the complete opposite. Human beings are selfish and ever-changing. You would think that since Kaveh is so friendly, he would be able to disprove the latter statement, but in reality all it did was confirm his ideas.
The more you meet people, and the closer you become with them, the more you start to see who they truly are.
Perhaps that's why Kaveh himself is an open book. At the very least, if people didn't like him, they cannot argue that Kaveh changed, because he was real from the very beginning.
Kaveh is contemplating all of this while enjoying his Saturday on the beach. The weather isn't great by most people's standards (in fact, the mere sight of the sky would probably make nearby children cry for their mothers), it's gloomy and chilly and probably gonna rain.
So if you're going to give Kaveh weird looks for bringing a lawn chair and a picnic lunch to the beach, then you can get in line, he's been hearing nothing but all morning.
The solemn atmosphere that has engulfed the town today is exactly what he needed. Just because he works at an art gallery giving tours doesn’t mean he can't still make art for himself. Kaveh is sketching with charcoal, (to try and create a dark and cold look to his masterpiece) when suddenly he's interrupted by the blaring sound of his phone ringing in his pocket.
His first thought is: fuck off, but he immediately backtracks when he sees the caller ID.
Alhaitham.
Okay, to be honest here, Kaveh got Alhaitham’s number a month ago, and since then they’ve texted each other a grand total of one time. The conversation went a little bit like this:
▸ hey alhaitham! it's kaveh. you'll never believe what I saw. take a guess…
▸ Just call me, it's easier.
Since then, Kaveh has just called Alhaitham instead of texting him. Now obviously Kaveh has some human decency and doesn't call his new friend whenever he wants to. He did what normal people do and memorized the tattoo artist’s work hours so now he can call Alhaitham when he isn't tattooing some guys ballsack or whatever he does.
But now Alhaitham is calling him and Kaveh isn't sure why he's so nervous when he picks up the phone from its place on his lunch bag and greets the person on the other line. “Hey what's up, Alhaitham?” Kaveh tries to say in the most nonchalant way he can.
“Nothing. Are you doing anything later today?” Alhaitham asks. Call Kaveh crazy, but his voice sounds strangely robotic, almost like the lines he's saying are rehearsed.
“No, nothing at all.” Kaveh replies back— and just for good measure, he adds, “Am I being invited somewhere?”
“Yes, my house in particular. You talk about your endless love for theater and film so I thought we could watch some sort of movie… oh and I have a popcorn machine.” Alhaitham says.
“A popcorn machine? Color me interested.”
“So you wanna come?” Alhaitham asks over the phone.
“Yeah.” Kaveh tells him, feeling like his last response was enough of an answer.
“Okay, how about…” Alhaitham pauses, like he's checking a clock. “How about 7 pm?”
“Mhm that'll be great. I'll see you then!”
Alhaitham mutters a small, “Bye.” before hanging up the phone.
Moments before this phone call, Kaveh was as calm as the light breeze blowing through him, but now he’s feeling as stormy as the rough gray sea ahead of him. In short, his panic was just sent into overdrive.
Alhaitham just invited him out somewhere. Not just anywhere, but to his house (!!!). Kaveh’s pre-party is cut short by a few onlookers who are definitely staring at him really hard right now. But he can't help that he's frantically packing up his array of items to rush back home.
He's already made a mental list of tasks he's gotta do before 7 pm. First, shower. Second, eat something for dinner (Because just eating popcorn isn't good for you). Third, dry his hair. Fourth, pick a normal and casual outfit.
Yeah, that's certainly how he's acting right now.
Normal and casual.
He's also certain that the birds he's scaring away during his mad run back home would totally agree.
****
Kaveh’s hurried and rushed panic to complete his list had him ready for Alhaitham’s place an hour early. So, for the excruciating fifty-seven minutes he needs to wait, he’s going to obsessively overthink every interaction he and Alhaitham had.
Now, is that the best use of his time? No.
Is it the best thing for him to be doing mentally? Also, no.
So yeah, Kaveh is definitely having a blast just sitting around and making small talk with his wall about how nervous he is to hang out with Alhaitham. Although, his little therapy session would probably be going better if he didn't get distracted every three minutes to look at the clock.
Somehow though, the gods start feeling mercy for Kaveh (and his therapist wall), and it finally rolls around to 6:45 pm. Kaveh lives around ten minutes from Alhaitham’s place, and as his mother always says, “There's no such thing as being on time. You're either late or early.”
Kaveh takes one last look at himself in the mirror before silently applauding himself for choosing such a normal (and casual) outfit. That's all Kaveh is gonna be tonight. Normal and casual.
With the amount of times Kaveh’s had to remind himself to be normal and casual, he's starting to think that maybe he's not being so normal and casual after all.
But why?
Why is he panicking so hard right now? Why is his chest beating so hard he feels like he's run a marathon? If Kaveh could ask as many why questions as he wanted, he's pretty sure he'd lose his voice. (And maybe a tooth, depending on the temper of the people nearby.)
Despite his internal conflicts, Kaveh powers on and leaves his house, locking the door behind him.
Although… Kaveh is now realizing that his first mistake was hyping himself up just to get out the door, now he’s got an excruciating 10 minutes of waiting (and panicking) during his walk.
Since this isn't the end of the world (and Kaveh’s being super normal), he’s thinking about other things during the commute. His mind wanders to the tea he drank this morning, and the little kitty cat he sees on the sidewalk. As he passes by, the kitty waves its tail, as a small greeting.
Regardless of everything— all Kaveh’s doubts and fears, his joys and sorrows, he keeps walking.
Soon enough, Kaveh finds Alhaitham’s studio without even looking for it. Second nature, he supposes. The blonde quickly locates the stairs on the side of the building that lead to Alhaitham’s dwellings. After a much needed deep breath, he begins to make his way up.
Kaveh nervously knocks on the door while he rolls on his feet from the balls of his toes to the heel. Faster than he had anticipated, a familiar face opens the door, and he's greeted with the most calming atmosphere he thinks he's ever seen.
Alhaitham’s house is almost entirely lit with yellow bulb lamps. From what Kaveh can see, his place looks pretty nice.
Alhaitham just looks at Kaveh for a moment, before speaking. “Hello, Kaveh. Come in.” The gray haired man steps to the side, beckoning the blonde to enter.
“Thanks! It was a bit chilly out there…”
Kaveh is completely lying. It's late spring, he didn't even put on a jacket, and is currently wearing the thinnest white dress shirt anyone has ever seen. It is very clearly not cold out.
He's not lying on purpose of course, but he's been worrying about what to say all afternoon, so now he feels like he has to speak about something even if his speech isn't warranted.
Even after saying something so out of place, Kaveh pulls himself together and starts taking his shoes off. “So,” Kaveh pauses for a second when he pulls the shoe off and places it on the rack. “What were you thinking of watching?”
Alhaitham is leaning against the nearby wall, watching and waiting for Kaveh. “I found this 80s drama film I thought you might like.”
“Oh drama!” Kaveh is a film connoisseur, so obviously he has a favourite genre. Which also means he's gonna gush over the entire film all night. “I love drama films because unlike action movies they don't rely on heavy graphics and fight scenes, you know?”
Kaveh can see Alhaitham nod from where he's standing at the wall. Once Kaveh finishes removing his shoes, they both make their way further into the apartment.
As mentioned before, the apartment is pretty cozy but also really tidy. There's two bookshelves that are filled to the brim on opposite walls of the living room. In the center is a mahogany wood frame couch with dark cushions. Then there's your standard things lying about. A coffee table with various tattooing magazines (likely the out of date ones from the other day), a small desk in a corner, and a couple plants on the windowsill.
Alhaitham lives in a pretty good place, Kaveh decides.
Kaveh was just taking the place in, (he's an artist, let him enjoy the aesthetics of everyday life) when Alhaitham spoke. “You can take a seat on the couch. What do you want to drink?”
“Do you have cranberry juice?”
“Yeah, I might have some left over from a recipe.”
Alhaitham poured Kaveh a glass and then took a seat by his side. Kaveh was trying his hardest not to pop his eyes out of their sockets while he watched Alhaitham’s every move.
Soon enough they were both situated and the movie started playing. The only tiny little problem was that Kaveh didn't have the heart to tell his film buddy that he's already seen this certain movie before. He's seen it so many times that he couldn't put a number to it.
It was sweet in its own way though. Clearly, Alhaitham paid Kaveh enough attention during their time together that he was able to choose one of Kaveh’s favorite films as their entertainment for the evening.
A number of times during the film, Kaveh had to bite his tongue so he wouldn't ramble about some fun fact regarding the filming process, lest he give away the fact that he’s seen this movie many, many times.
It's okay either way though, because while Alhaitham is actually paying attention to the film (no doubt to engage in a conversation about it later), Kaveh isn't looking at the screen, he isn't daydreaming about the actors, and he most certainly isn't staring at Alhaitham.
It's a quiet night. A little humid but enjoyable nonetheless. There are a few small windows open allowing a calm and restless breeze to roll across Kaveh’s face (which definitely isn't slowly shifting to see Alhaitham).
There's a street lamp outside— which must have been placed there by God as far as Kaveh is concerned, and it's allowing a sliver of light into the room. The yellow hues illuminate Alhaitham’s nose and jaw, as the gray haired man continues gazing at the television, adjusting his hearing aid every so often as the volume changes. There's this buzz coming from the light outside, and Kaveh’s heart beats faster.
He looks back to the television just for a second. Hmm. The film’s almost over.
And Kaveh doesn't want to leave.
He doesn't want to leave Alhaitham’s house. He doesn't want to leave Alhaitham's couch. And he doesn't want to leave Alhaitham's company.
It's an interesting revelation.
Like all great things, the film ends, and so does Kaveh’s epiphany. “Did you like it?”
Kaveh is pulled from his thoughts by Alhaitham. Again. (It's the 3rd time. If you wanna count that sorta thing.) “Oh! The film, yeah. It was great. I especially loved the ending.”
The tattoo artist gives a short hum in reply as he gets up from the couch and makes his way to the windows. “Alhaitham? What're you doing?”
“It's meant to rain later tonight.” He begins spinning the crank of the window handles, closing them. “You can stay if it starts to rain.”
“Oh, really? That's kind of you… I think I will.”
While Alhaitham closes up the windows, Kaveh’s eyes wander to the decor of the house again. He’s finding a strange lack of tattoo related items. You would think a tattoo artist's apartment would be a goddamn goldmine in that regard.
“Alhaitham, why are you a tattoo artist if you don't like it?” He’s afraid to ask, but he would be a complete liar if he didn't admit that he was curious.
Alhaitham froze from his place at the window. While he had a good poker face, his body gave him away. He seemed a little shocked that Kaveh asked him, and even more surprised that he was expected to answer.
Instead of doing the predictable thing and just giving a curt answer, he turned around and sat back down on the couch with Kaveh.
“I don't have an aversion to the arts, I just want to make sense of it.” Kaveh tilted his head a little, and Alhaitham could tell he didn't follow. “My grandmother told me to always look for the beauty in life, and I couldn't fathom another way to find beauty than in art.”
And to that, Kaveh burst out laughing.
“Man… you don't understand beauty one bit.”
“I'm sorry?” Alhaitham looked confused considering he just poured his heart out and Kaveh laughed in his face. But he doesn't look angry, he looks like a child in elementary school being taught to read. A child who hadn't seen any of the horrors of the world, and who only knows of tomorrow.
Alhaitham looked young.
“Life didn't create art, and beauty isn’t only found in art. Everything is beautiful if you see it that way. So there's no need for you to create art just for the sake of trying to understand. If you actively try to find an understanding of a concept as complicated as beauty, then you'll never find it.”
Kaveh spoke his words like he was made to say them. Like it was the easiest thing in the world.
The funny thing was that Alhaitham didn't fully understand Kaveh’s words. But maybe that was the point. Maybe he didn't need to understand everything like he thought he did.
Maybe he'll figure it out on his own.
Alhaitham was in awe of the masterpiece that was Kaveh. Alhaitham is rational, but that only means that he overthinks everything so that he's forced to understand. But Kaveh had a way with words just now.
He wasn't rational for sure (if he was then he wouldn't get so worked up about all this), but he has a straightforward sort of understanding of the world around him. The type of understanding that hits you like a train with its simplicity, and the type of understanding that seems so obvious once it's said.
Alhaitham stares agape at Kaveh.
Oh.
Maybe he couldn't understand art or beauty or whatever. But he could understand his own heart.
And (seemingly) as simple as everything else in life, Alhaitham's feelings were clear too.
He is in love with Kaveh.
“Oh my god, should I have not said all that?” Kaveh sounded really panicked, and Alhaitham had no idea why. That was until he felt the warm feeling of tears forming in his eyes.
Alhaitham hated how simple life was.
“No, Kaveh. It's alright.” He was quickly trying to wipe away his tears that were threatening to spill. It didn't really matter though, Kaveh had already seen him start crying, so who was he trying to fool?
Somewhere along the road, the rain had started. Although now it was becoming more apparent with the downpour and all. The loud raindrops hit the windows.
“Are you sure you're okay?”
“Yes.” For the most part, the tattoo artist had cleaned himself up. He paused for a moment before he continued speaking “I’m going tit-for-tat. Why did you leave your town? You never answered me the first time I asked.”
Kaveh knew this question was coming sooner or later, but even with all his readying time, he still wasn't quite sure what to say.
Maybe it was the sleepiness or the pitter patter sounds of the rain on the windows, but Kaveh felt strangely close to Alhaitham, like they had known each other all their lives.
Kaveh was ready to speak now.
“Well, both my parents were artists. Some years ago my father ventured into unforeseen weather conditions for a project… and he never came back.” Kaveh didn't even want to see the pitying look that likely lied on Alhaitham’s face. He should have known better though, because Alhaitham looked nothing like he imagined. He wanted to hear more, and he was listening.
“I was interested in art at the time, but after my father passed away, my mother became a different person. She wanted nothing to do with art— for me or her, and she forbade it.
“I think she was just grieving… but either way, her morals never changed, and I could never do what I wanted to. When I got the chance to leave, I took it.” Kaveh stopped for a deep breath. He told himself that when he finished speaking, he would look at Alhaitham again.
“I want to prove that she and the ridiculous boundaries she set were wrong. I want her to see that it's only as bad as you make it out to be.”
Kaveh lifted his head, and Alhaitham looked nearly the same as he always did. Calm and calculating. He didn't seem like he was analyzing everything Kaveh said though, maybe he was starting to take things at face value more? Maybe he turned over a new leaf.
Maybe he's starting to realize that humans don't always make rational choices, and that they can be selfish, but they're capable of so much more.
The two just looked at each other, neither knowing what to say. It's not everyday that you tell your life story to someone you met a few months ago.
Alhaitham spoke up. “You can sleep here tonight. It's still raining.”
Kaveh was oddly calm. (Casual and normal, if you recall.) “Yeah that would be really nice. Thank you, Alhaitham.” After the gray haired man had yet to move or get off the couch, Kaveh had to speak again.
“...Do you have blankets or something that I can put on the couch?”
“Oh, you can just sleep in my bed. This couch is old anyway.”
“But where will you sleep?”
“Out here,” Alhaitham gestured to the couch-living room area. “Or just in my bed too as long as it doesn't make you uncomfortable?”
Kaveh found that he set it up just like a question. He was asking Kaveh if they could both sleep in his bed.
Alhaitham’s pretty clever with his words.
“Yeah of course it's fine. I mean it's your house.”
Alhaitham made haste by showing Kaveh where he would find the bathroom and the spare toothbrush. Clearly, Alhaitham was tired, and so was Kaveh. Really, they were just walking zombies trying their hardest to make it to bed before they passed out.
Finally, after many minutes of getting situated, they both lied in bed, Alhaitham resting his hearing aids on the side table next to him. Kaveh felt a little awkward when he noticed Alhaitham moving around a bit, trying to get comfortable. He really couldn't help but feel like he was overstaying his welcome.
But it was too late for him to run away now, so he just has to deal with it. Over the next few minutes of drifting in and out of sleep, Kaveh thought he heard Alhaitham say something very faint, but he cannot be certain what it was, for he lost consciousness moments later.
****
The next morning wasn't awkward at all. Not nearly as awkward Kaveh thought it would be. Alhaitham was ever the same; he offered Kaveh breakfast and spoke about things normal friends do.
But Kaveh couldn't help but feel like something was… off with them. The weirdest thing was that Alhaitham was completely normal! So if it wasn't Alhaitham acting strange, then it has to be Kaveh himself.
Yet, Kaveh doesn't think he's done anything that should make him feel embarrassed or anything. He didn't fumble over his words or spill a humiliating story from his youth.
So why does he have this strange feeling in his chest?
It's been a week since he and Alhaitham had their heart-to-heart, and Kaveh has been damn-near contemplating his whole life. (Alhaitham is most of his life now, so he supposes that classification does work).
Kaveh is an ordinary man. He wakes up a little too late every morning, he drinks way too much coffee to be healthy. He's run away from home, and he doesn't know what to do.
It doesn't happen often anymore, but sometimes when Kaveh is feeling like the world is closing in on him, and the ocean waves are too high, he wants nothing more than to pack up and go home.
He really misses home. He really misses his mom. And he really wants to cry.
No matter how many squabbles him and his mother go through, he could never bring himself to hate her.
To hate your mother, she needs to hate you first. No child is born hating anything, and all emotions are learned. Kaveh hasn't felt unloved once in his life— not by his mother at least.
Through all these troubles, he's never felt more alone. He can't call home, and he feels weird around Alhaitham, (for reasons still undetermined).
But he still needs to keep up appearances. So he goes to work. He calls Alhaitham to tell him about an annoying coworker. He heads home at the end of the day and tucks himself into bed.
Although his sleep has been a bit… weird recently. More accurately, his dreams have been strange.
The very first night after he stayed at Alhaitham’s house, he lets the quiet lull of the ceiling fan in his own room put him to sleep, and he finds himself inside of Alhaitham’s house once again.
Only this time they aren't watching a film. Kaveh is sitting on the couch with a little calico cat in his lap. And his gray-haired counterpart is nowhere to be seen.
The strangest part isn't even that Alhaitham is absent, but the fact that Kaveh isn't really inside the dream, he's just watching it. He stands in the corner of the room next to a bookshelf and a strange looking lamp and just… watches. Dream Kaveh doesn't look right, he looks as calm as the ocean on the morning he left home. He looks like a boulder has been lifted off his shoulders.
Kaveh thinks he likes this version of himself.
It's then that the front door opens, and Alhaitham saunters in. He doesn't even look up into the living room when he walks in, just takes off his shoes and steps into the kitchen.
“I'm back, Kaveh.”
“It's twenty minutes since your shift finished! What took so long?”
“Some kid had some questions about the homework.”
Real Kaveh is confused. Alhaitham is some sort of teacher? What happened to his tattoo parlor? And if Alhaitham stopped tattooing, then why are they still in his apartment above the parlor??
To be quite frank, Kaveh has a lot of questions, but Dream Kaveh seems more sure of himself than ever. It’s a little unnerving to see himself looking so in his element, like not a thing was out of place.
God is in his heaven, and all is right with the world. Kaveh is reminded of that phrase, and he wonders if it could ever be true.
Dream Kaveh stands from the couch, and joins Alhaitham in the kitchen. They both stand there just looking at each other until Kaveh speaks.
“I missed you today.”
“Did you?”
“Yeah.”
They're silent until Alhaitham steps closer, and kisses Dream Kaveh gently on the mouth.
Now, Real Kaveh knows it's a little weird to just stare at this scene, but he can't look away, and he's freaking out.
What was going on in his head? Why was Alhaitham kissing him? Why does it seem so natural?
He finds that he doesn't mind, really.
The (sort of heavenly) dream is cut short when Kaveh jolts awake in his bed. He's a bit sweaty and is panting excessively. The worst thing, though, is that he wakes up alone.
Kaveh is no idiot, and he's not a blind man. He might not understand everything, but he's not one to miss something so clearly standing in front of him.
He saw that dream and was happy. He liked when Alhaitham came home from work, he liked when they stood together in the kitchen, he liked when he kissed him.
No amount of denial could divert him away from the truth.
He's in love with Alhaitham.
Well, shit.
Of course, leave it to Kaveh’s luck to catch feelings for the only friend he has. For that, he walks to the beach, and wanders out into the ocean just to stand there. The dark waves that splash against his legs are freezing, (given that it's 6am) and Kaveh just waits.
He waits for the salty ocean water to tell him what to do. Maybe if he stays long enough, the crashing sound of the waves will begin to sound like his mothers gentle laugh, or the clouds will illustrate her smile. Despite all of Kaveh's troubles in life, there wasn't anything his mother couldn't fix.
Right about now, he's thinking about going home. No, even if he went home, nothing would be the same as it was before.
Kaveh is lost.
***
Kaveh's stupid brain isn't helping at all. Every night— one after the other, he dreams of Alhaitham. Not every dream is pleasant, though. One night, he and Alhaitham fought and were never able to mend their relationship. Another night, they were in Vegas and married.
Kaveh already knew his truth though, and he didn't bother to dwell on the dreams. He was in love with Alhaitham. That's that, really.
So, he still goes to Alhaitham’s house on the weekend or after work. And nothing changed at all.
Tonight, it's nine o’clock on a Friday, and they're having a cook-off. You see, Kaveh bet Alhaitham twenty bucks that he could make a better bread pudding than the latter. Both of them being very competitive, the bet somehow got raised to sixty dollars.
Luckily Alhaitham’s kitchen is big enough for two grown men to make two separate pans full of dessert. They're both wearing aprons (that Alhaitham just happened to have lying around?) and the warm smell of cinnamon and vanilla is in the air.
This isn't like your typical romance baking scene though. For starters, Kaveh dropped two eggs on the floor and then spent five minutes trying to clean it all off. Then Alhaitham nearly lost his life after slipping on said egg-covered floor that Kaveh didn't clean properly.
To put it simply, it's sort of a train wreck. But after they've moved past the egg mishap, Kaveh is entranced watching Alhaitham cook. Somehow, he's very good at everything he's doing.
He cracked the eggs with the most coordination and poise that has ever been seen on this earth. Every step he takes around to grab bowls or pans makes him look like god is gracing every step.
Kaveh might be getting too lost in his thoughts. That becomes apparent when he finally starts paying attention to reality, and he sees that Alhaitham is 4 steps ahead of him in the recipe they're doing.
“Alhaitham! You're so many steps farther than me, why didn't you tell me that I was totally zoned out?” He mutters as he's frantically trying to gather his ingredients to keep making the egg/cinnamon mixture.
“That's not my fault.”
“That doesn't make this fair at all, how did you even get so good at baking?”
“I lived with my grandmother for a long time and I would help her with most of what she made,” Alhaitham spun around on his heels to put his bread pudding in the oven. He tilted his head back to look at Kaveh from the corner of his eye, “and this was one of her favourites.”
“Don't smile at me you bastard! You made this bet knowing that you're an expert at this?” Kaveh yelled back, but with no real bite.
“Mhm,” Alhaitham started to clean up his corner of the kitchen. Since bread pudding is so simple, it was only a matter of minutes before Kaveh pulled himself together and threw his pan into the oven too.
Alhaitham was already sitting at the kitchen island, waiting for Kaveh to finish, so the blonde joined him.
They sat in comfortable silence until Kaveh broke out into conversation again. Alhaitham listened to Kaveh for forty-five minutes while their dessert cooked.
(There are only two of them, so they couldn't decide whose bread pudding was better, each voting for themselves. They sat on the couch eating their respective desserts for dinner.
They called it a draw.)
****
“Alhaitham, where's the extra blankets?”
“Hmmm… In the closet down the hall.” Alhaitham replied clearly. It's a cold spring night and Kaveh is staying over at the tattoo artist's house once again. Alhaitham is already curled up in his bed, half asleep and ready to check out for the day.
Kaveh slowly makes his way back into Alhaitham’s room, (which by habit has become Kaveh’s room as well when he stays over,) and curls under the normal duvet, plus two more quilts.
It isn't long before both of them doze off, Kaveh lets the open window’s breeze carry him into a different world. Suddenly Kaveh is back home. But not the new home that he knows now— and not Alhaitham’s apartment either. He’s back in that home.
He's standing in the doorway to his living room back in his childhood home. He can tell by the paint on the wall and the weather outside that today is the day.
It's the day his father will die.
Kaveh’s father stands at the front door, and is cheerily wishing his family well, before he steps out the door, never to enter it again.
At the time, no one knew, of course. No one had any idea that Kaveh’s father would never be heard from again. Nobody knew that in a few short years the whole family would fall apart. Worst of all, Kaveh doesn't know that one day, it'll all be his fault.
The scene in front of him changes. Now he is standing at the edge of a pier. The crashing sounds of waves against rock soothes his pacing heart, but not his racing mind. He just got news that his father is gone. His mother doesn't even know yet, Kaveh overheard some explorers that just returned.
Kaveh is only 10 years old, and he wishes he was dead. There are gannets overhead that are loudly calling to their families, their lovers, their friends. He doesn't feel like he deserves that sort of liberty one day.
A grand wave splashes up against the pier, and it knocks Kaveh out from under his feet, pulling him into the wild ocean.
He does nothing to stop it.
Once again, Kaveh’s mind tosses him around to another memory. He is in a hospital bed not long after his quarrel with the sea. A local fisherman saw Kaveh’s lifeless body carelessly drifting in the water, and brought him to the hospital.
Kaveh was dead for two minutes, and brought in with severe head trauma from the rocks. His mother is in the seat beside the bed, and she is holding his hand. He's sure it was a horrific sight, to see your only child have tubes and IV’s being the only thing keeping them alive. He shudders at the thought.
His mother looks exhausted, and she says, “I'm sorry, Kaveh. I’ve failed you.” She is a lovely woman who puts others before herself, no matter who they are. She is silent for a moment more, before speaking again.
“All I ever wanted was to keep my family safe, to keep them happy. And when you needed me I wasn't there… I'm just really sorry, Kaveh.” She pauses again, taking a deep breath, almost like it pains her to say it,
“You know I love you… right?”
Kaveh’s mind can't take it, and he jolts awake. He hasn't heard her say that since he left, and it breaks his heart even more to know that it's still true, even after he left her.
Kaveh’s clutching the bed sheets so tightly that his knuckles are turning white, and his labored breathing is loud in the silence of Alhaitham's bedroom.
“Kaveh, are you alright?” Alhaitham stirs from his place in the bed and places a hand on Kaveh’s shoulder.
“I'm sorry to wake you… I'm sorry I'm in your house and also for being around so much when-”
“Kaveh… stop. If I didn't want you here then you wouldn't be.” Kaveh stops his nervous rambling to look at Alhaitham, who is now sitting up and facing Kaveh. They look at each other for a second then, and something feels different, but so familiar at the same time.
It's a strange sort of understanding, one that doesn't make sense on paper, but just works. Kaveh is still a little teary eyed, and his head feels heavy.
He almost doesn't believe Alhaitham.
Almost.
Alhaitham coaxes him to lie back down, and in each other's embrace, they fall asleep once more.
****
The next morning, Alhaitham is awoken by the sound of Kaveh fumbling with a glass in the kitchen. Through the window above Alhaitham’s bed, there's small rays of sunshine slipping through as if they're alive.
He takes his time getting up, and accompanies Kaveh in the kitchen. The blonde man is standing at the counter top, sipping his water. He's wearing whatever shirt Alhaitham could find lying around, and a pair of plaid pajama pants.
“Good morning, Alhaitham!” Kaveh cheerily greets. He somehow always has so much enthusiasm, if he was anyone but Kaveh, Alhaitham would find it sickening.
That's when Alhaitham puts together just who Kaveh is.
Kaveh is the friendly kid you meet on a playground, the kid who shares his things and is quick to feel everything. That same kid will unknowingly leave as his mom calls him for dinner, and you'll never see him again.
But somehow, even as you become so old that you can no longer remember your children's faces, his kindness and empathy sticks in your mind. Even when you can't remember his face anymore, it becomes impossible to forget the way he made you feel about the world.
“The world is a horrible place.” Some people would say, but Kaveh is in the world. They can't possibly be right.
Alhaitham thinks that if every person in the world met Kaveh, or someone with a similar light to him, the world would become a better, more interesting place.
“...So, we both have the day off, why don't we go to the beach this morning?” Kaveh generously offers.
“Oh… yeah of course. Just—just give me a second, I need to uh… brush my teeth.”
Alhaitham quickly retreats to his bathroom, leaving a confused Kaveh in his kitchen. He's in love with Kaveh, that much is very obvious by now, but this was the first time he couldn't hold down the fort and had to actually run away.
He was really close to getting down on one knee and just confessing his love then and there.
After a brief pep-talk, Alhaitham strung together the last bit of courage he had left and met Kaveh again back in the kitchen. The pair soon set off into the crisp morning air.
On the 20 minute walk to the beach they saw birds and lovers, they heard the loud performance of street music, and even a scene in which a man in a suit trips on the sidewalk.
They walked in comfortable silence for no reason other than nothing needed to be said. Every few minutes Kaveh would gawk about a kitty in the window of a house they passed. That was another thing Alhaitham found enamouring about Kaveh, he only saw the good in things. Whether the life of the homeowner was a good one, the blonde looked into the windows of their soul and pointed out the beauty every chance he got.
Before Alhaitham could settle his internal disputes, they reached the beach. The pair raced to the sand, and began their stroll along the waterline. They walked side by side, with the distant morning sun caressing their faces, and Alhaitham couldn't feel more at home. As is customary, Kaveh spoke at length about another adventure he had during his youth, somehow always managing to find something Alhaitham’s never heard before.
Shortly, the two find themselves at an empty pier. Kaveh walks onto it first, and without any warning, begins sprinting to the far end. Alhaitham, still in shock, just watches Kaveh’s back as he inhales deeply to catch his breath.
Kaveh stops at the edge of the dock, with Alhaitham standing a few feet behind him. Kaveh just looks out at the ocean, and notices a strange sort of beauty that he's never seemed to understand before… has the water always looked so calm?
Once again he stands on a lonely pier, he doesn't have any fears. None at all.
Alhaitham looks between the ocean and Kaveh, and finds they look awfully similar.
“I'm in love with you.”
“No,” Kaveh takes a deep breath, and looks out at the sea, “you're in love with the view.”
Alhaitham just stands there, accepting the apparent refusal. Kaveh’s gonna puke. The low drop of the dock was looking pretty good right now, but he knew he couldn't do that to someone again. His mother had given it her all, and Alhaitham was the very same. That's how Kaveh knows that letting himself get pulled away wouldn't do anything. Because in the end, his mother had never thought differently of him, and neither would Alhaitham.
The love would always be there, whether Kaveh believed it or not.
“Do you mean it?” Kaveh asks wearily, and is met with an almost immediate response. One that shakes Kaveh with its confidence.
“Of course. You know I wouldn't joke about that.”
For the first time in the entire conversation, Kaveh shifts his body to face his counterpart, who has now made his way to Kaveh’s side. As he looks at the gray haired man, he weighs his options. Kaveh could accept the confession, he could reject it, or he could jump from the ledge and sink into the dark blue sea, never to be seen or heard from again.
Kaveh quickly vetoes the last one, because he knows too well that Alhaitham would just jump in right after him, and then be subject to the longest lecture ever presented in history.
All at once, Kaveh understands that taking the easy way out has no meaning to him anymore.
No matter how desperately the blonde wants to accept Alhaitham’s beyond generous declaration, he can't help but feel a certain shame in himself. Didn't he come to this town to become who he wanted? To become an outstanding artist?
He suddenly thinks that maybe Alhaitham has become a part of him now. Maybe the person who is standing at the edge of a dock above the dark sea needs Alhaitham right now.
Then Kaveh thinks: maybe that dream I had could come true after all.
With no regard for the consequences, Kaveh leans forward and kisses Alhaitham with as much confidence as he can muster. It's slow and controlled, almost like the type of kiss a yearning soldier gives to his estranged wife after being separated for so long.
Either for the respect of themselves or the mercy of those around them, they reluctantly pull away. Kaveh’s arms leave their place on Alhaitham's shoulders and his hands move to fidget with the hems of his shirt. The blonde stands still and looks expectantly at Alhaitham, waiting for any sort of reaction.
Alhairham just gazes at Kaveh, and finally after a moment, he smiles.
And Kaveh has no choice but to smile with him. The gray haired man looks between the blonde and the ocean, and finds they still look the same.
And Alhaitham finds that he might not need to keep searching tirelessly for beauty. Maybe he's already found the embodiment of it, standing inches from his face.
****
Two years ago Kaveh ran away from home. He got off at a bus stop and looked for directions from a man in a tattoo shop. He made a friend and then fell in love. Certainly, his story is over.
That's not quite true. What isn't easily seen from the outside can be simply put like this: At one of Kaveh’s lowest points in his life, he met someone who showed him what it means to love. Subsequently, lighting the match inside Kaveh that would burn forever.
Alhaitham is a professor, and Kaveh owns the tattoo parlor that's been newly renovated into an art studio.
After Kaveh closes for the day, he sits on the couch and waits for Alhaitham to return. Kaveh holds their small calico in his lap, and pets her fur softly.
Soon, the front door opens with a click, and without a word, Alhaitham steps into their apartment while looking unsurprised about Kaveh’s presence, like he's meant to be there.
“I'm back, Kaveh.” The blonde looks up from his place on the couch.
“It's twenty minutes since your shift finished! What took so long?”
Alhaitham looks at Kaveh from his place in the kitchen, “Some kid had questions about the homework.” As the gray haired man keeps looking at Kaveh, the blonde takes that as a queue to join him in the kitchen. They stand looking at each other in comfortable silence until Kaveh speaks.
“I missed you today.”
“Did you?”
“Yeah.”
Alhaitham calmly moves closer, and kisses Kaveh. It's soft and controlled, and Kaveh can almost forget about everything for a while. They both pull away, and Alhaitham rests his head on Kaveh’s shoulders, and his arms around his waist.
From the place over Alhaitham's shoulder, Kaveh sees a figure standing in the corner with the bookshelf and the strange lamp. As he blinks his eyes close, it disappears. The blonde suddenly remembers the dream he had years ago, the dream that helped him realize his love for Alhaitham.
What Kaveh hadn’t seen in his dream were the two boat tickets resting on the countertop, the ones destined for his hometown, dated for next month.
So Kaveh stands in the kitchen with the only person in the world who might understand him. He wishes his past self only the best, and he bids every version of himself that doesn't want to live anymore a farewell.
He hopes that in every universe he can experience something as beautiful as this.