Chapter Text
After they returned from the War Zone, Robin locked herself in the bathroom. She swore up and down that she was fine, she was 'genuinely just using the bathroom, Steve,' which he did not buy for one second. But there was nothing he could do besides waiting for her to come out and help him with making these Molotov cocktails, so he flopped down on the couch-backseat thing.
Through the windows ahead of him he could see Eddie and Dustin working on their spike shields and Erica and Lucas working on their spears. Nancy and Max were bending over something on the far side of the clearing, intensely focused on something that he didn't even want to know about.
Honestly, today had been fucking exhausting.
They'd barely gotten any sleep last night, all spread out around Max's house, and then they'd started the morning with Nancy's explanation of her Vecna vision. Then they'd stolen this trailer—another crime to add to the list— and had the worst shopping experience of his life at the War Zone. Now his best friend was losing her mind in the shitty bathroom of said stolen trailer, and tonight they were going to risk their lives in the Upside Down again.
Yeah, what a great way to spend a day. He groaned, dragging a hand down his face. His head throbbed, that tell-tale sign he had definitely not slept enough last night.
On top of all the other shit that had happened today, he'd definitely freaked out Nancy by telling her about his future dream. Six little nuggets.
Now that he thought about it, she'd definitely thought he was implying he wanted that with her when he'd just been trying to make conversation. Not that he'd mind it with her, of course. If she ever decided to like him again somehow, that is. He knew that'd never happen, though. If she weren't still with Jonathan, her feelings for him were definitely dead and buried.
It didn't bother him. She was one of his closest friends now, and all of them were bonded for life. You don't go through the literal end of the world and lose touch with the people you survived with. The people you fought a literal nightmare monster with.
Even Eddie, a guy he'd barely known before this whole thing, was slowly becoming a good friend. Sure, he'd seen Eddie in the hallways once or twice in school, but he had barely known his name.
Now he was helping him hide from the police and watching him tease Dustin and build nail-studded shields.
His past self would be shocked to know how well they got along. His past self had probably made fun of him, actually. No, not probably. Definitely. Fuck. He blew out a breath and let his head fall back onto the back of the seat. The dirty ceiling stared back at him, offering no absolution for his past.
Steve hated thinking about his first few years of high school, before he'd started dating Nance. He'd been the world's greatest dick. Sometimes he had flashbacks of things he'd said or done, burning like white light behind his eyes. He tried not to give in to them. Just let them pass. He'd been stupid and naïve and young, and now he was making up for it. He'd probably always be making up for it.
He had actual good friends now, who were good people and made him a better person. Robin was a better best friend than Tommy had ever been, and that was the understatement of the century. His platonic soulmate. He doubted he'd ever meet anyone who understood him better than her. Robin, who was still in the bathroom.
"Hey, Rob? You okay?" he called.
"I'm fine," she yelled back, voice muffled through the thin wall. "Go play weapons with the other kids, idiot."
He sighed. He was going to find Dan Shelter and feed him to a demobat. Maybe Vickie too.
It just didn't make sense. Why would Vickie stop Fast Times on the boobs part if she didn't like girls? It wouldn't have been Dan if he was in college and only visiting on break… there had to be something there. Maybe Vickie was just dating Dan casually, maybe Robin still had a chance. He thought she had a chance. The look Vickie had after Robin ran back to the trailer had meant something; he was sure of it. It wasn't a simply "oh, look, there's someone I know," face.
But he couldn't exactly just tell Robin that. He might be oblivious most of the time, but he wasn't so clueless to think she wanted to talk about it right now. Maybe later, when the sting had dulled.
For now he just had to wait.
He let his eyes flutter closed. Almost at once, the steady ache behind his eyes began to fade. Maybe a few minutes' nap could be good… It wasn't like he could do anything without Robin; he'd need three hands to make the Molotovs by himself.
Cool air breezed in the open door of the trailer, clean-smelling and raw, a reminder that they were parked in the middle of the woods with only an ATV track back out to the quiet road. Despite their terrifying and extremely dangerous plan looming in their near future, he felt relaxed. Safe. In the calm before the storm, when everything was more beautiful because you knew it'd soon be gone.
Before he knew it, he was asleep.
The telltale blue of the Upside Down swum before him, the little particles dancing like snow. It was quiet, though, calm in a way the Upside Down never was. Everything looked a little more alive in a way he couldn't quite put his finger on. Instead of the goosebumps he was used to, he felt only still certainty. Certainty that he was meant to be here, and that he needed to follow the stone path laid ahead of him. He did so.
The path led into a forest of trees with mottled bark and fully leafy canopies, their leaves blue instead of green. He couldn't remember the trees in the Upside Down having leaves, but it didn't seem out of place. He just kept walking.
When he reached a clearing, he realised he was in the Upside Down version of where everyone else was right now: the forest outside Hawkins. Eddie and Dustin were probably running around right above him at this very moment.
Suddenly, the path stopped just as abruptly as it had started.
A glowing door hovered an inch or two off the ground. White light emanated from it, brightening the surrounding forest. Steve headed mindlessly towards it, entranced. Something incredibly important was in there, he was certain of it. He needed to go in.
As he got closer, the light dimmed into a more manageable radiance. One he could actually see into. He peered into the doorway and realized with a start that it was sunlight. On the other side of the door were his friends just as he'd left them. Eddie and Robin and Nancy and Dustin and Max and the Sinclairs, except instead of getting ready to fight, they were all relaxing in the sun. Max and Lucas were closer than he'd seen them in a long time, only a tiny bit of space between them as they looked up at the perfectly blue sky. He smiled at them, happy they were finally figuring it out.
Robin and Nancy were sitting up, leaning back on their hands. Nancy's head was on Robin's shoulder. Erica and Dustin were talking animatedly about something; Erica rolled her eyes and gestured towards the woods as Dustin shook his head.
Eddie was lying on his back, looking just quietly content.
Steve stepped through the door quickly, making the easiest choice he'd ever made. As he did, the sun's rays immediately enveloped him in warmth. He hadn't even realized the Upside Down was so cold. Tension he hadn't realised he was holding within him dissolved as he took a deep breath.
He couldn't remember why he'd been so stressed; everything was fine. Everyone was right here, happy and safe. Everyone turned to smile or wave at him as he approached, as if he'd just come out of the trailer or the woods or something, and not through a magical door between worlds. He looked back to check, and the door still shimmered in the air behind him. He could still see the blue of the Upside Down through it.
Yeah, he was not going back in there.
When he turned back around, everyone had gone back to their conversations. Max and Lucas were picking dandelions and blowing the seeds into the wind, Nancy and Robin were just talking, and somehow Dustin had pulled out an entire binder full of some kind of notes and was poring over them with Erica. Probably their D&D notes, if he had to guess. He couldn't think of a single other thing that would make Erica actually interested in a binder made by Dustin. Eddie was still lying down, about a foot from Nancy and Robin. A space made for him.
He walked over and plopped down between Robin and Eddie. Immediately, Eddie's eyes opened and he grinned.
"Took your sweet time, Harrington."
"I, uh, yeah? Sorry, man." Steve had no idea what Eddie was referring to, but it didn't seem to matter when Eddie was smiling at him like that.
"Doesn't matter," Eddie mumbled, pushing himself up and scooting closer to Steve. "I'm glad you're here now." His voice was low, sultry and smooth, and he was getting closer and closer as Steve's mind frantically tried to catch up. What was happening right now?
Yet even as his mind raced, his eyes couldn't help but drop to Eddie's mouth. He felt himself lean in. It was like his body was following orders that his mind had absolutely no knowledge of. What was happening? He inhaled sharply just before Eddie's lips pressed to his.
When Steve was younger, he used to wonder what it'd be like kissing a guy. Would it be different somehow? Would it feel like kissing a man specifically, and not just kissing someone? Girls were always putting on chapstick and lip gloss, and they had silky smooth skin, and Steve liked all of that. He liked kissing girls. It was fun.
He'd only discovered that kissing could be more when he started dating Nancy. That it could be more than just fun.
Kissing Eddie was something else. Eddie's lips were warm and soft, and his tongue in Steve's mouth made him gasp. Eddie hummed and slid a hand up into Steve's hair. Steve's entire body was shocked to life; he became aware of nerve endings he hadn't even known he had. His palms ached. He reached up blindly to tangle a hand in Eddie's hair and pressed his entire body closer, chasing the sensation.
"Gross, get a room," Robin laughed behind him, pulling Steve back to reality. He jerked away from Eddie, heart racing, but Eddie just laughed. He squeezed Steve's shoulder.
"Sorry, Rob," Eddie replied, but his eyes never left Steve's. Eddie's were shining in a way that Steve couldn't remember them ever being before. He smiled uncertainly, and looked back at Eddie's lips. They were now redder and slightly slick, and somehow completely mesmerizing. He'd done that. He couldn't help but bite his own lip, remembering how it felt to have them on his.
Eddie tracked the movement, leaning close to press his nose against Steve's. "Lay down with me?"
"Okay," Steve whispered, still unable to think clearly. If he'd been thinking clearly, he'd probably run away or something. Put distance between him and Eddie and whatever was happening right now. But he couldn't think, and all he knew was that he didn't want to do that. He wanted to kiss Eddie again. He wanted to do more than that, if he was being completely honest.
But he let Eddie pull him carefully down to the ground, and he let Eddie lay his head on his shoulder. And maybe he also let himself put his hand around Eddie's waist, but that was neither here nor there.
He exhaled and let his eyes drift shut, absorbing the warmth of the sun and the warmth of Eddie pressed against his side.
The soft sound of cicadas in the woods around them mingled with his friends' voices as he felt the last dregs of stress in his body fade completely.
Something slammed somewhere near his head. It was a metallic sound, unbearably loud and jarring. He grimaced, feeling his forehead crease with annoyance. What even was that? They were outside. He sighed, wrapping his arms tighter around Eddie.
Wait, Eddie.
He suddenly realised the sun was gone; it was dark behind his eyes instead of red. The warmth on his face was gone, and so were the chirp of insects. He slowly became aware of warmth surrounding him and a comfortable weight on his chest. He opened his eyes.
The stained ceiling of the trailer blinked into focus above him. It'd all been a dream. He stared blankly at the ceiling, too many emotions colliding at once inside of him. It had felt so real.
Something like disappointment crept up within him, growing stronger even as he strained to push it down. There was nothing to be disappointed about. Why was he disappointed? He sighed again, cleared his throat. He just needed to get up and get some fresh air.
"Go back to sleep," a drowsy voice mumbled next to him, just below his ear.
What?
He looked down to see Eddie asleep and pressed against his side, so like his dream. Despite his surprise, something settled in his chest. He took a deep breath, and squeezed his eyes shut again. Well. He sure as hell wasn't going to get up and wake Eddie.
They all needed the sleep, right?
They'd barely slept last night, all running off of pure adrenaline and fear when they piled into Max's living room. Nancy had slept on one couch, Robin had been on the other. Steve and Dustin and Eddie and Lucas had sprawled out across the floor on borrowed blankets, and Max had shared her room with Erica. None of them had wanted to be alone.
Eventually, Steve had fallen into a light, thankfully dreamless, sleep. But he knew others hadn't been so lucky. Eddie was definitely one of them. Steve had noticed his red-rimmed eyes, under-eye bags, and exhausted look as soon as he'd seen him this morning. He'd wished he could do something to help him, to help all of them, and here was his opportunity. So no, he wasn't going to move.
In fact, he was also going to go right back to sleep. Robin or Nancy could wake them when it was time to go.
He cracked open an eye to peer down at Eddie one more time. He looked peaceful. His hand was gripping Steve's sweater, and his cheek rested against Steve's chest. He let his eyes flicker to Eddie's lips, just for a second, while Eddie was completely unaware. He could so easily remember the taste of him; the way Eddie's hand had cupped his neck and his fingers had pressed into his hair. Most of all, he could remember the way it made him feel.
Did he feel anything now?
He couldn't be sure. That flicker in his chest could be from the dream-memory, a remnant of an alternate reality. What if he just wanted to kiss Eddie because he'd dreamed it, and it had been so good in his dream? What if in real life it wouldn't be like that?
He took a deep breath and cut himself off from thinking any more about it.
None of this mattered right now. They had a mere few hours until they faced Vecna. Survival wasn't even guaranteed. Maybe—maybe—if they survived he could think about it.
Until then, he was going back to sleep. He rested his hand on Eddie's hip and closed his eyes.