Chapter Text
Percentages, life is full of percentages. It is not a thing you are thinking about every second of the day, but every second of the day is filled with percentages.
Percentages and probabilities are such a big part of life, and no one ever gives them the importance they deserve.
Of course, when you are gambling, percentages and probabilities are all you can think about, because those little, yet insignificant terms are the only truths you can let yourself rely on, only when it comes to gambling games.
And though you can't try to manipulate them, to use them in your favor, try to understand them, you never will be able to do it.
Probabilities and percentages cannot be tamed, they just are, and whoever said that percentages and probabilities are the biggest lies the world has known, they are wrong. When you think a percentage has been cheated, that you have accomplished a manipulation, you're wrong, you have just created a new one and the one you think you have in your hands has already vanished.
Life is a percentage itself.
But who wakes up thinking that? Who lives their lives with those thoughts in mind? Only a little percentage do.
Adrien Agreste didn’t belong to the said percentage.
xx
Have you ever stopped to think what makes a day different to the one that just passed? Probably not, and why would you? There’s no reason to do it.
Days pass and it’s a new one every morning, yet you are stuck in the same routine than yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that and probably years and years before.
If you looked back probably every day looks the same, and that’s not surprising when we take into consideration that the human world has been built in routines to follow. Routines are pure human nature, no one else to blame there.
It is true that there are little details that make a difference in your days. You may find new information as the days pass once you make yourself look back, but they are still pretty much the more of the same, the similitudes are stronger than the differences.
So what makes a day memorable enough to stay locked in your memory and another day a complete waste of space in your mind? What are the reasons behind that selection? What ends up being engraved on your mind? What are things erased as words in the sand? There’s no way to tell how our minds chose, a psychologist has tried and have come up with interesting theories, but have not been able to create a law. So what makes a day different? What makes it important enough to stay in your mind? We probably will never know.
Anyways, who lives thinking about those things? Who starts their days thinking what memory will be relevant for the future? Who is constantly thinking about the little things in life? Wondering if the memory of the will change something in the days to come.
No one does that, nobody has a strong reason to do it. We just live and let things happen.
Perhaps, if you knew something was about to happen, something big, life-changing, a memory worth to hold, then you would pay more attention to the little things, the little moments that may seem insignificant but that could mean the world one moment later. Oh, only if we knew.
Routine is such a strong force in the human world that the feeling of something so normal and recurrent makes us brush off some of the things that could turn to be special if we cared enough.
That’s what routine does to you; makes you believe you have your tomorrows granted. There’s always a tomorrow because there was a yesterday and there is a today, so why not believe that there is something after. Yesterdays, today and tomorrow are always the same, or so does routine makes us think.
But, here's the thing, when it comes to existing, to happen, tomorrow doesn’t have the same percentage of the days that are in the past or the days we are currently living.
Routine is a dirty liar, but one we cannot leave behind. The best friend of the time, and the one that stabs it in the back. People are consumed by routine.
And Marinette was one of those people.
xxxx
Adrien remembered perfectly everything about that morning, but he didn’t have much memory of the whole day that it followed. It had started as it always did, with the beeping sound of his alarm coming from the speakers on his phone.
Adrien loved to sleep. Adrien hated the alarm.
But it was necessary, with such a strict schedule to follow and with his acquired cat tendencies he enjoyed and treasured the sleeping hours he got, but he couldn’t let those hours rule his day, and so the alarm came in handy.
He was very diligent when it came to following times, and so he was standing up from his bed at the second chime of the alarm.
He was in no way a morning person, but if he let the alarm keep beeping he would have to face the rage of anyone in the mansion. Not following his perfect schedule came with big consequences.
So, just like every day he did, he opened his eyes at the second chime, extended his arm to his phone and putting off the sound. He took the covers and the sheets with him and rolled down to the floor.
He crawled a little distance, letting the bed behind him and making himself to the bathroom, slowly standing up as he advanced.
He rubbed his eyes as he closed the bathroom door behind him, immediately making his way to the end of the bathroom, so he could take a warm shower.
One of his favorite morning moments, if not the only favorite moment, was the time in the shower. He was alone, in a safe warm place and no one was telling him what to do, and he hadn’t smelled a piece of cheese yet.
It was just the perfect place to be.
But just as everything did, it ended.
He went out of the shower and brushed his hair in front of the bathroom mirror, took a basket full of creams and lotions from under the sink and started his skincare routine. Ten steps were the new holy grail, and he hated that he had to follow them, but he did. Luckily, he didn’t need to shave that morning so he did not need more time in the bathroom.
Once ready, he walked to the closet.
Being the son of one of the most influent and acclaimed fashion designer in the world meant that his closet was always filled with the best clothes money could buy, and while in the hangers you could find the most elegant suits, the fanciest jackets, and the most exquisite hand-knitted sweaters, Adrien always ended up picking the first pair of clean jeans he could reach and a t-shirt.
In the winter he picked a sweater, a jacket too, but he never paid much attention to what he was wearing. He wasn’t good at fashion and he didn’t want to be. He knew names and a few technical terms, but that was because he was drowned in fashion, it was impossible to not pick up a few things over the years, but his fashion sense was a nonexistent thing, that stuff couldn’t be learned.
If somebody else didn’t buy and organize his clothes, he would probably end up in ridiculous clothes that no one could ever wear, and that probably would cause a heart attack on a good amount of people. His father and, his lovely classmate, Marinette would be part of that group.
With a light pair of jeans, a white t-shirt with a little ladybug on the pocket, and a pair of black vans, Adrien was ready to start his day.
Before leaving his room, he woke up Plagg, with a piece of camembert in hand for him to devour. He waited for him to eat the whole triangle of smelly cheese and then hid him in his bag, placing another wheel of cheese and a few cheesy crackers for his little friend to snack during the day.
With that taken care of Adrien went downstairs to the dining room, where just like every morning a plate with his breakfast was delicately presented in front of him.
Fruits, a nice portion of scrambled eggs and a glass of just recently squeezed orange juice. To the side, a pack of vitamins and compliments he had to take, he still didn’t know why his friends didn’t take a salad of vitamins pill and they were just fine. Anyways, he was so used to it that he didn’t think about it anymore, now he just did it.
He ate his breakfast as fast as Nathalie allowed him to -that's not an elegant nor healthy pace to eat, Adrien!- The faster he finished his breakfast the earlier he could go to school and that meant he had more time to chat with his friends before the bell rang.
xx
He stepped out of the car, and as it was usual, he saw Nino waiting for him on the stairs and at his side Nathanaël, both of them waving at him with a smile on their faces. Adrien waved back and joined them quickly.
As odd as his group of friends was, he was the happiest guy in the world. How lucky he was for having these two as his friends.
“Nice hairstyle, Adrien!” Nath exclaimed poking the little ponytail on his hair “Trying to be as handsome as me?” This time, he brushed his own hair, showing his little bun.
“Couldn’t do it even if I tried” Adrien joked back and Nino laughed at his two friends.
Maybe three years ago this would be a strange situation for anyone at school, but as the years passed and Nathanaël joined the guys, he started to loosen up, showing the dashing personality he had been hiding, and thanks to that he slowly formed a bond with Nino and Adrien, they weren’t so different after all.
They walked into the classroom together and sat on top of Nino’s and Adrien’s desk to continue chatting and joking around. This was a routine Adrien would never get tired of.
“Have you talked to Alya?” Nathanaël asked Nino, his sight pointing to the open door.
Adrien gave a look to the point Nath’s eyes were focused, finding that Alya was outside, leaning on the bars of the stairs. He waved his hand to her, who had just caught his sight. She waved back with a smile and then stared at her phone once again. She was probably texting Marinette or avoiding him.
“No” Nino sighed “And I know what you are about to say, I know I have to talk to her if I want her back but I just can’t, not now”
“How many times have you heard him say that?” Adrien asked Nathanaël.
“I don’t know, is a daily thing by now” The redhead shrugged.
“Let me be. Is not that easy, okay?” Nino pinched the bridge of his nose “I’ll talk to her when I’m ready”
“When will that be? In the after light?” Adrien chuckled “Seriously, it’s been a month already, you guys need to get back together ASAP”
“Stop it” Nino brushed him off, real anger showing in his eyes “You haven’t dated anyone, you guys don’t understand… and you know how Alya can get”
“Do you want me to talk to Marinette?” Adrien asked.
“I spoke to her yesterday,” Nath said as he chewed a new piece of gum “She doesn’t have much to say,”
“Yeah, I doubt she will spill Alya’s secrets to us,” Adrien said after thinking it well “Do you have more gum?”
Nathanaël nodded, from his pocket he took a pack of gum and throw it at Adrien’s hands.
The bell rang exactly at the same time it did every day, making the three friends jump out of the desk and get into his respective seats.
The rest of the classmates that had been waiting outside entered.
When Alix passed by their desks, she high-fived the three guys as a greeting, just like she did every time she saw them.
After Alix entrance, Adrien could only wait for Kim to yell something at her before going to his own classroom.
And there he was, screaming about a new bet the both of them had, Alix rolling her eyes and back clapping to every single word he said.
Adrien laughed and so did his friends, he was happy that he hadn’t grown bored of them, in fact, Adrien found fascinating how they managed to fight over something new every day.
Adrien loved school so much.
Okay, it was boring sometimes, and homework wasn’t fun but, the whole experience, the routine, it was always so full of surprises and new events that Adrien couldn’t help but smile every chance he got.
And that wasn’t the only routine he loved, there was also another side of his life that he loved.
Fighting crime wasn’t exactly an everyday thing, but surely was a repetitive one and he enjoyed it so much. Every new experience he got on the job was something that made Adrien smile the rest of the day.
Also watching the girl you are in love being badass never goes out of style.
After that, it was more of the same, nothing abnormal so he couldn’t place his finger on what had gone wrong.
xx
The chances of Marinette waking up at the first beeping of the alarm do not deserve any mathematical formula, in a 99% of the cases it was a big and bold: not going to happen.
Second beep? 20% of probabilities.
Third beep? 55%
Fourth beep? 75% of probabilities.
Fifth beep? 90%
Screaming Tikki telling her she was late? 100% rate of success.
Marinette jumped out of her bed at the speed of light as she was used to.
You’ll think that after a few years Marinette would have gotten better, but that wasn’t the case.
But, she had managed to create a strategy, to not be extremely late. Besides, leaving everything she needed in a specific place to make her wake up process faster, she also planned her outfit for school the night before.
Marinette loved fashion and she liked to look good.
On top of her divan, there was a long summer dress in lilac and aquamarine tones and a pair of white flat sandals. If she wasn’t such a klutz she would wear a pair of high-heeled sandals, but since she was and the changes of tripping in heels were a big 85% she chose the safer option.
Once she was ready she ran downstairs to catch the bag with food her mother probably had already left for her to pick up. The chances of Marinette late being not even a probability anymore but a fact and instead of keep fighting them, Sabine had learned to live with them, helping Marinette out by picking and packing her breakfast.
Marinette took the bag with her; today it was heavier than other days. 50% chances of it being filled with croissants, 50% chances of what was inside was an apple. But 100% chances for the bag to also have cookies.
Marinette had made very clear that she couldn’t live without chip chocolate cookies, and thought they weren’t for her, she wasn’t lying. She needed Tikki to be healthy and charged for her to be Ladybug and cookies made the job.
Marinette ran out of her house, crossed the street and made it to school on time. Alya wasn’t waiting for her at the front which meant she was upstairs.
90% chances of Alya waiting for her outside Nino’s classroom, as she had been doing for the last week. The other 10% was that she was in the bathroom.
Marinette smiled when she saw Alya in the front of the door of the classroom. She ran to her, crossing an arm around her shoulders, surprising her in a hug.
“Good morning!” Marinette exclaimed.
“Finally! We are late” Alya caught Marinette by her wrist and pulled her to her side as they walked to their classroom.
“You didn’t speak to him did you?” Marinette sighed.
“He was busy” Alya shrugged. She was obviously lying.
“I’m 100% sure he would stop being busy if you asked him to talk,” Marinette said as they entered the classroom.
“I’m telling you he was busy!” Alya repeated between her teeth.
“Alya” Marinette rolled her eyes.
“Césaire, Dupain Cheng, if you are late, be quiet,” The teacher said without turning around to them, still writing on the blackboard.
They sat on their desks in silence and picked up their things as the class continued. Marinette picked up a notebook and ripped a page of it, writing a note to Alya.
C’mon, Alya it’s been a month, you can do this.
She placed the note closer to Alya so she could read it. Alya picked up her own pen as she frowned at the note.
C’mon Marinette, it’s been years, you can do this, tell him… See? We both can play this game.
Marinette was caught by surprise with the note, Alya must be in a really, really bad mood if she had written that to her. She picked up her pen once again and wrote down.
M: Sorry… still, I think you are waiting too long... or wait, are you waiting for something?
A: For us to be dead
M: Hahaha, you are so funny, Alya. I’m being serious, I spoke with Nath yesterday he says Nino wants to speak to you too.
A: Then why hasn’t him?
M: I don’t know, why haven’t you?
Alya didn’t give an answer and Marinette stopped pushing, she knew if she did there were 70% chances of them ending in a fight, and she didn’t want that, and for sure Alya didn’t need that either.
Marinette sighed.
She didn’t like how days had been after Alya’s breakup.
She liked the way life was before that. It was nice and happy and predictable. Unpredictable things were a big part of her other life and as familiar as those things were, they remained as abnormalities, abnormalities that she was getting tired to face day after day.
Not that she hated to be Ladybug but sometimes she wished she could have a calm week, where she could live her predictable and peaceful school life without any surprises.
But after the breakup, for the whole awkward month, Marinette crossed her fingers for an akuma to happen. The tension between Alya and Nino was so palpable that she had only seen Adrien from afar these days and thought they had texted, Adrien had been busy lately, as he usually was when the school year was ending.
Marinette gave a glance to Alya, she was still frowning.
She sighed.
The possibilities of this being a good pacific day had lowered from a 60% to 30%. She was once again crossing her fingers for an akuma to happen, at least in that way Chat could make her laugh.
Those were Marinette’s hopes of what could happen that morning… she could recall quite vividly all that morning, but after that, everything was a blur.
xxxx
In a normal case, there was no change of Chat Noir not making a pun of what Marinette had just said. But he did not, and that is how she knew something odd what happening.
She turned around trying to find him, he was supposed to be there. He wasn’t.
Ladybug ran to the end of the rooftop, trying to catch a glimpse of him running to her or leaning against one of the walls or the pipes as he sometimes did, but he wasn’t there.
Where was that cat?
He had cast cataclysm and broke the antennas, then she had used her lucky charm. He ran to distract the akuma, Marinette had focused on assembling the weapon she had thought to defeat the akuma. She had used the weapon, she had called the cure, she had reverted all.
The fight was over. Why wasn’t he there?
They were supposed to bump their fists as they did every time, it was a ritual, no fight was finished if they didn’t celebrate it.
When she heard the screams she couldn’t stop the fear that ran through her veins.
Ladybug ran, guided by the screams and bustle of people who started to reunite in a circle.
There were so many people, camera flashes blinding her on her way there, but she didn’t need to see, she knew something was wrong, very, very wrong.
From above the city, Marinette focused her sight on the circle of people down in the street, when she saw him.
Her brain didn’t get to process the information, she was already screaming.
She jumped in the middle of the circle, trembling, tears starting to stream down her face as she sobbed.
She covered her mouth with her hands to repress another scream but she only muffled, the pain was too much to stop her physical responses to it.
There in the middle of the circle of people, on the gray hot ground, lied a guy dressed in black leather and cat ears. A blonde guy whose hair was now stained in red. Green eyes open with no life inside of them, no sign of blinking. An immobile body, no trembling because of pain, no signs of breathing.
Ladybug fell at his side, knees hitting the ground making a horrible noise, that should have hurt a lot and yet it was like a scratch compared to the pain that her heart was facing.
It felt like someone had taken her heart on their hands, strangling it with all the strength they had, as if they were cutting her open without any dose of anesthesia. Being hit and thrown out of roofs to the ground hurt like hell, she had scars and bruises to prove it, but the ache she was feeling right now? Nothing was as hurtful as this was.
Marinette felt like she was drowning in her own tears, she tried to clean them up so she could focus her sight on Chat but they kept coming, as a broken faucet that couldn’t be stopped.
She extended her hands and reached for a piece of his hair, long beautiful blonde hair that now was wet because of the blood. Her hand traveled to his neck, searching for his pulse, searching for hope. But, as she should have expected nothing was throbbing on his neck.
Marinette lost it.
She threw herself into his unconscious body and hugged him tightly, letting her tears fall on his chest. She could barely breathe thanks to the tears and the sobs, but Chat’s body was muffling her sounds.
Marinette wasn’t expecting this, not in a million years.
She expected what she was used to, the old plain routine she loved.
How stupid of her to think that winning was a granted thing for them. Marinette had never stopped to think how things could go for her and Chat Noir. She was used to defeating the evil, so used to, in that she completely forgot the risks they put themselves into. After all, there were a 50% chances for them to be the winners and a 50% chances for them to be the losers.
She was used to be part of the good percentage, she never stopped to think that there was another 50/50 change when it comes to their lives. 50% says you live today, 50% says you die. They only had two options but she had only ever thought of one.
How silly of her to let her mind to think like the one of a hero, always trying to find a way to change the percentages. Why hadn’t Marinette ever thought that there are possibilities that cannot be manipulated?
Why had she been so stupid?
Besides the questions in her mind, Ladybug hadn’t been paying attention to anything but Chat, so when she heard the beeping familiar noise, the other noises around her came back.
Everything was so loud.
Everyone was trying to watch what had happened and Marinette felt like she was about to puke. How morbid and disrespectful could people be? They weren't supposed to be here, this wasn’t a movie, they weren’t here to entertain them.
Marinette stopped hugging her partner and kneeled once again.
Taking a big breath she stood up, ready to take Chat in her arms and take him far away from here, where no one could turn his death into a joke.
She kneeled to catch his body when a green light blinded her.
“No!” Marinette gasped but it was too late, displayed in front of her was the guy behind the mask.
She covered her eyes without even thinking about it.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, this wasn’t how they had agreed to reveal their identities.
And thought Marinette didn’t want to look, in between the just founded silence a scream made her uncover her eyes and focus on the person who was yelling.
“Get the hell out of here!” Alya was screaming, phone in her hands as she brushed all the people out. Her eyes were full of tears and she was coming closer. “I already called an ambulance, Ladybug,” She said in between sobs.
Marinette could count with the fingers of her hand how many times she had seen Alya cry, she knew how much Ladybug and Chat Noir meant to her but this was another level of love, which made Marinette look down to the dead boy.
Marinette’s world stopped.
The broken pieces of her heart were now turning into dust. The world had just pulverized her.
This time, the scream that came out of her mound was almost inhuman. A scream so raw and full of pain that everyone around them felt her ache, a scream that had muffled the sound of her earring.
“Ladybug…, ”Alya whispered to her, she was holding up her tears, trying to keep it together. Alya took Ladybug by her shoulders and made her look directly into her eyes “You are about to de-transform… I know how h-hard this is b-but you have to go”
It wasn’t fair, she shouldn’t have to go, she was supposed to stay by his side, holding him, keeping him safe, making him company till his family came for him. But she knew Alya was right. She hated that Alya was right.
Marinette kneeled by his side, struck pieces of his hair out of his forehead and left a kiss on his still warm skin.
As she did that, without anyone noticing, she took the ring out of his finger, closing her hand around it. She kissed his forehead one more time, then his cheek, going closer to his ears.
“ I love you…”
Those words were not a confession.
She was in love with Adrien, you could ask anyone, but those three words weren’t said with that intention. She genuinely loved him, as Adrien, as Chat , as her friend. She loved him so much and now he was gone
“I will always love you, minou,”
Marinette caressed his cheek and closed his eyes, kissing his eyelids softly.
Then she turned to Alya.
“Please take good care of him” She begged.
She knew Alya would do anything to protect Adrien, but she needed to hear it.
“I promise” Alya nodded.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can, chaton ”She waved at his corpse, she didn’t know why but she had to do it“ Bug out” And she was gone once again on the rooftops.
She didn’t go that far when her transformation worn out. She was on a little street with only a few people around just minding their business.
She only let herself fall apart because she couldn’t contain it any longer.
As tired as Tikki was she tried to help out Marinette, but Marinette just brushed her off every time.
Marinette wanted life to be as it had been a month ago, happy and predictable, warm and familiar, she wanted her routine back. She wanted to be able to appreciate the little things she had missed, she wanted to go back and collect more memories, no matter how insignificant they were, she wanted happy little details to fill her head. She didn’t want this aching in her heart, she didn’t want this pain in her body, she didn’t want to remember this, but she knew she would, this was too big, this was too shocking, this wasn’t a tiny bit of information on her day, this was going to become part of her daily life… maybe that’s how the mind chooses the memories…
Marinette didn’t want these memories, Marinette didn’t want this pain to become a routine on her day, but what were the chances of her forgetting about this?
None, there was no way she could forget that Adrien Agreste, her Chat Noir had died.
xxxx