Work Text:
The classroom was empty. Its confines would have been deprived of light, that was, if not for the faint evening sunrays streaming through its windows. Kaede trailed behind Mayu, wordlessly watching her open the door. The motion was cautious, as though Mayu feared displacing air particles which were better off untouched. Perhaps, the older girl was staring right into the eyes of an entity. It probably lurked beyond the world - but well within Kaede’s senses and her line of sight.
It's too cold.
Kaede stepped into the air-conditioned room, closing its door with more force than she had intended. The sound broke through seemingly sacred silence. To her, it was a crime, equivalent to crushing Mayu’s heart under the weight of her own existence. Kaede’s vision wandered the classroom, eventually landing on familiar eyes. They held too much frost where flowers were deserved. The younger girl often dreamed of another universe - wherein she possessed eternal spring, wherein she was safe enough to be Mayu’s home.
Mayu slammed her school bag against a worn plastic table. Kaede found herself gravitating towards her, seeing a mirror where a mere friend should have been.
"I’m sorry," Mayu uttered almost inaudibly. The air, being ever so fragile, shifted as soon as her words escaped. She settled in a seat, her form going limp upon meeting respite. Kaede pulled out the chair next to Mayu, hesitantly lowering herself onto it. Being near the older girl made her head spin and caused her heart to palpitate. Even so, Mayu’s orbit was her only natural option.
"It’s fine. I do that all the time too."
The ground below Kaede’s feet was lined with nondescript blue-grey tiles. For all she knew, it could have been slated with crystalline ice instead. The wall clock read 6.16pm, presumably 9.16pm or even 1.16am on a cold winter night someplace far away. Had an alternate reality existed, the chilly classroom would have been a snow-capped mountain peak.
"Kae, this isn’t my seat," Mayu chuckled softly. It was a flawed attempt to ease the silence. Her eyelids drooped down, gaze fixated on the floor which provided minimal room for thought. The air now held still, resisting the urge to buzz. After all, the distance between her and Kaede had grown noticeably insignificant.
"You know what? This isn’t even my classroom," Kaede remarked. She imagined the temperature dropping by fifteen degrees, such that her breath would visibly coalesce with Mayu's. That way, she could watch life condense into water droplets - traces of warmth amidst the cold, oblivious to their fated evaporation. Kaede wished to live in said oblivion. Her time with Mayu was going to end at some point, be it sooner or later. Alas, she was not strong enough to contemplate the chances.
I’ll stay for as long as I possibly can.
Kaede remembered how the corners of Mayu’s mouth had tilted upwards, spreading out into her rose-tinted cheeks upon seeing Xinyu. Everyone who knew Mayu was familiar with her endearing, fairy-like demeanour, which sprinkled joy onto every surface she touched. However, Kaede memorised the way Mayu’s smile had collapsed immediately after.
Now desolately hunched in a chair which was not her own, Mayu was void of even the slightest pretence. It was only because she trusted Kaede enough. That alone frightened the younger girl. Trust was a treasure too volatile to be handled - especially if it came from Koma Mayu.
"They’re fighting again. They keep kicking me…did I make the right choice?” the older girl murmured shakily. Kaede tensed up, shrinking into her seat. She was well aware that her presence did little to ease Mayu. A gentle gust of wind escaped the air conditioner, blowing a stray hair into Kaede’s face. It could have been a blizzard’s gale at some point, its beastly howls filling eardrums with silence.
Mayu heaved a muted sigh, hesitating as she looked up from the floor. Unblinking eyes took to Kaede, threatening to fire bullets through her heart. Mayu craved answers. Kaede did not need words to understand her. In a distant winter-land where time ceased to exist, the older girl would have stared at Kaede for eternity - waiting for her to crumble, until she received the truth at last. A stream of carefree giggles floated in from outside. Kaede clenched her fists, wishing for the noise to freeze.
But what if you search me? You’ll find nothing, Mayu. I can’t weave a lie out of nothing and let you taste it.
Mayu’s school shoes kicked against floor tiles. Kaede swallowed, convincing herself that they were winter boots sinking into slush snow. She opened her mouth, meeting Mayu’s eyes apologetically before allowing a whisper to shatter the air.
"I’ll make sure they don’t hurt you."
Kaede had merely uttered seven words. They were enough to stitch a sentence together, but far from sufficient to do anything more. They were words which anyone could have said - words like all others, passable as obligatory attempts at comforting acquaintances. Kaede loathed the way her words had failed to reach Mayu. She watched the older girl’s shoulders sag, digging fingernails into her skin as Mayu’s head met the table.
The hailstorm had never been a question with an answer.
"Kae," Mayu breathed. The nickname rolled naturally off her tongue, as if Kaede naturally deserved a place in her life. Mayu’s eyes were now shut. Perhaps, the downpour had gotten too heavy, frostbite chipping at her resolve and forcing the world out of her vision. Kaede leaned into Mayu without a second thought, wrapping her arms around the older girl’s waist. Mayu felt cold in her grasp. She trembled ever so slightly with each beat of Kaede’s heart. The younger girl tightened her embrace, hoping to give Mayu what little warmth she possessed. At the end of the day, freezing was the very least of her worries.
"Will I…regret it?"
I can’t answer that for you.
The rise and fall of Mayu’s body gradually lost its rhythm. Her breaths hitched at an erratic rate, causing her to quiver uncontrollably against Kaede’s arms. The younger girl longed to blame the sub-zero temperature. She knew she was frozen with Mayu - their souls intertwined together, immortalised in a glacier called time. Time stood too firmly to be melted. Even so, Kaede sensed herself melting entirely, thoughts leaving her head to meld with Mayu’s heart. She did not dare to budge.
They could have been sitting at a cliff’s edge, Kaede holding on to dear life for fear of falling. Mayu’s quiet sobs were muffled by the plastic table. She lifted her head from its indifferent surface, gazing up at Kaede with freshly reddened eyes. A lone ray of sunlight illuminated her face, allowing the younger girl to make out traces of glistening tears. To Kaede, the water was proof of melting ice. She liked to think that a single flower had bloomed through frost - clearly strong enough to thaw the world.
"You won’t regret being brave," Kaede buried her face in the crook of Mayu’s neck, ignoring how her voice had wavered on the last word. Mayu’s bubblegum scent clouded her nose, vivid sweetness bursting to mock her hypocrisy. At the end of the day, brave did not describe someone who ran away without returning. Kaede was a coward and a hypocrite. Mayu was everything she was not.
"If you say so. You’re brave too, Kae…for enduring the pain that place gave you. It’s only right that you saved yourself."
I don’t deserve you. Stop making it seem otherwise.
Kaede froze for a moment, lifting her head from Mayu’s shoulder after five long seconds. A vague smile glacially crept up the older girl’s cheeks. It was everything but a falsehood - a reminder that she was Kaede’s everything. The younger girl returned the grin, catching sight of the wall clock in her peripheral vision. The time was 6.46pm, presumably 9.46pm or even 1.46am on a cold winter night someplace far away.
"I want to forget everything about it. The thing is, we met each other there," Kaede noted wistfully. "Mayu, I regret nothing…about knowing you."
"But don’t I remind you of there?" Mayu shifted two centimetres away from the younger girl. Snow could have fallen to the ground, eventually burying Kaede who had long since fallen in love. She could have fallen asleep beneath thick frost, oblivious to icicles piercing through her heart - as Mayu gazed down at her from the clouds above.
"You remind me of the good parts of that place."
The older girl did not respond. However, an almost insignificant hint of cherry red did not elude Kaede’s vision. It was a fragile flower bud, threatening to blossom across Mayu’s cheeks. Though the winds of winter still howled at full force, Kaede sensed the beginning of spring somewhere in the near future. She was going to witness its arrival with Mayu by her side.
Even if I forget my time there, there’s no way I’ll end up forgetting you.