Archive of Our Own ^beta

kale: which means the national team only gets back like halfway through the first part of the regular season

kale: 4. (addendum of part 3) han wenqing curbstomps everyone because only the small fry are left (sorry small fry)

kale: 5. lu hanwen, being like 15, accidentally drops his ID and glory card down a storm gutter in the middle of a guangdong typhoon and zheng xuan is the one supervising him so he obviously doesn't notice

kale: 6. despite extended contact with glory customer service they cannot recover lu hanwen's account so their r&d has to make him a new account

kale: 7. it turns out that even lu hanwen struggles in a professional setting with flowing tree #boneyard

kale: 8. tyranny's actually like a strong team rn even if every other team wasn't being sabotaged unlucky

kale: 9. during the mid season transfers liu hao gets hit by a truck and transmigrates into jiang botao

kale: ok so I admit I was too ambitious with 46

zucchini: all this is possible as zjl's unlucky streak is contagious and spreads through everyone else's teams due to worlds, but tyranny can't be bothered as they've already been immunized

kale: exactly

kale: I did a seance and the spirit of su muqiu told me this is all true and canon 

kale: 10. heavenly swords arranged for a trip to the maldives together but wen kebei drank way more than his fair share of alcohol even though they'd decided beforehand they'd split everything equal 5 ways and this caused a lot of drama in the friend group because technically they're all rich enough that it shouldn't matter but lou guanning just feels like his monetary contributions aren't being respected and even though they're splitting the costs it's his aunt's summer house that they were staying in so even though it was free it wasn't really free because an airbnb would've been so much more expensive if he weren't there and so their team match synergy is way off

kale: 11. on the bright side sun zheping can play in team matches again

kale: 12. on the dark side sun zheping's carpal tunnel has flared up again as a result #benched

betrayed by frisée, bell pepper, and watercress: Beautiful, thank you for your time and effort

kale: I've been pardoned thank god

carrot: honestly just point 1 is enough for me but everything else was very funny thank you 😂

kale: tbf everything else is technically a subclause of 'because I said so' if you really think about it

watercress: But thank you for writing it out in detail :smcyay~1:

watercress: This is the best thing I’ve read all day

(replying to kale: I've been pardoned thank g...)
betrayed by frisée, bell pepper, and watercress: If you wanna do 46 I’m vibes to engage

kale: ok ok

kale: 13. guan rongfei fully just passes out one day to make up for the 3 months of sleep he's missing which is really unfortunate for happy because they raised the level cap again

kale: 14. he's not dead he's just sleeping for 3 consecutive months

butternut squash: some of our #nosleepgang could take lessons from him

kale: 15. zeng xinran and zhu xiaoping bought one of those couple's bikes where it's like a really long bike with two seats for two people to simultaneously pedal because it was on sale but they don't actually know how to bike at all so they both eat shit and fracture their left arms (fuck zhu xiaoping all my homies hate zhu xiaoping)

kale: 16. in fact, extra fuck zhu xiaoping he falls again and breaks his right arm too

kale: 17. not that it'd have significant impact on hundred blossoms' score (ha ha ha)

zucchini: at this point you could have just written this is a blog entry for masq

kale: 18. also xiao le gets FIRED and breaks two arms and a leg in a freak unicycle accident (this has nothing to do with tyranny winning the championship I just don't like him)

carrot: i know i have freed myself from the glory brain rot when i no longer recognize names :frhonestkyaa:

kale: tbf these hundred blossoms related people are obscure and I hold deeply zhang jiale related grudges against them

carrot: except xu jingxi can't escape from the blue rain names after writing blue rain AU

kale: zhu xiaoping is a s7 debut summoner on hundred blossoms, doesn't play much, doesn't like zhang jiale so I don't like him

kale: xiao le is the bodyguard who punched zhang jiale in the stomach

carrot: ah so you have what i have with blue rain but toward hundred blossoms 🙂‍↕️

(replying to kale: 18. also xiao le gets FIRE...)
bell pepper: I support this

kale: see bell pepper gets it

bell pepper: I don't remember Zhu Xiaoping though

carrot: #fakehundredblossomfan

bell pepper: :PeepoLife:

kale: zhu xiaoping shows up like once and goes "hurr durr s7 was such a good season zhang jiale SABOTAGED us by not just doing whatever he did again"

kale: (slightly biased retelling)

(replying to kale: (slightly biased retelling))
betrayed by frisée, bell pepper, and watercress: I’ll take your word for it

zucchini: didn't zhu xiaoping also think he's got chances to become the first all-star summoner and then got beat up by mo fan?

kale: something like that yeah

kale: I don't remember who he loses to but he definitely loses

chard: rightfully so, my baby im so proud of him i have that scene printed out on my wall

zucchini: iirc it was mo fan who had trained a lot with luo ji

kale: mo fan lover 🤝 zhu xiaoping hater
 enjoyed that scene

kale: anyway where was I

chard: at 18

chard: its very entertaining

chard: thank you kale

kale: 19. jiang you becomes a small time internet celebrity from doing kpop dance covers and he bribes a bunch of people into joining tyranny guild

bell pepper: maybe he was so irrelevant to me I just forgot about him

kale: #deserved

kale: 20. wei chen loots samsara's guild which indirectly nerfs samsara which indirectly boosts tyranny (remember guan rongfei is still sleeping)

kale: 21. Even though Wang Jiexi's move to deny captaincy was a fledgling start to the reformation of his ideology as a leader and an e-sports player, change happens gradually, and the fast-paced and high-stakes environment of the Glory Pro Alliance Regular Season doesn't leave much room for introspection.  While he is trying to let go, he also can't let Tiny Herb flail indefinitely, and Xu Bin's difficulties assuming an authority position in Tiny Herb only grow more apparent during the quarter season Wang Jiexi spends in Switzerland.

Although Tiny Herb's starting string begins to develop more initiative as well as think more proactively about tactical arrangements, they still have a tendency to defer to Wang Jiexi's choice so long as it exists.  S11 for Tiny Herb is an interim season, where they must overcome their growing pains with a shift in responsibility and team philosophy, and their results must take a corresponding hit in preparation for an optimistic S12.

kale: 22. Tang Hao suddenly develops an allergy to peanuts

kale: 23. The main sponsor for New Excellent Era also manufactured their uniforms but they're really itchy

kale: 24. sun xiang is convinced jiang botao (liu hao) needs to be exorcised but samsara has no exorcists

(replying to kale: 9. during the mid season tra...)
daikon: Helpppp :openeyecrylaugh: doin my man jbt dirty

(replying to kale: 19. jiang you becomes a...)
daikon: (faint echo through tyranny hq) imma be! your! idol!

(replying to kale: 21. Even though Wang Jiexi's mo...)
daikon: Incredible comedic pacing / juxtaposition of 21 and 22

(replying to kale: 22. Tang Hao suddenly d...)
butternut squash: not the peanuts 😭

(replying to daikon: (faint echo through the ty...)
kale: exaactly you see the vision

kale: thank you thank you tiny herb I think has legitimate reasons to not perform at their best placement wise and tang hao I think should become allergic to peanuts

kale: tough guy and his air jordans and his epipen

kale: 25. void has finally gone broke sponsoring wu yuce's skill point reallocation and so they sold li xun to one direction

kale: ok I'm tapping out 46 is a big number

mangetout: made it to 25 though, and that is also a big number; good job!

(replying to kale: ok I'm tapping out...)
watercress: can i tap in?

watercress: 26. liu hao tries to reinvent himself because he's aware he has a bad reputation at this point but somehow Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Liu Hao Way isn't working out for him and everyone makes fun of his purple streaks

kale: of course

kale: is he still in jiang botao's body or was the exorcism successful

zucchini: 27. chu yunxiu misses several matches because she just has to finish that episode. it's crucial

zucchini: 28. they redesign the player boxes. tian sen no longer fits

chard: tian sen getting stuck in the doorways hahahhaa

zucchini: 29. Parade forgot that they exist, just like chairman feng forgets about them a lot

chard: parade out for ice cream when glory pro alliance calls them like where the fuck are you its match day

zucchini: parade didn't even get schedules

watercress: 30. liu hao is still in jiang botao's body during this, and zhou zekai wants to protest the purple tips so much he strains his throat and has to sit out of matches until he recovers

kale: the idea that zhou zekai is sitting out of matches because of throat strain is taking me out lmfaooo

zucchini: 31. voice chat is un-banned and hst talks himself into needing an inhaler. ywz leaving the player booth during the critical match against tyranny counts as a foul and they have to forfeit.

zucchini: and there was only one inhaler

kale: maybe if yu wenzhou didn't throw all the inhalers out they'd have one on hand

chard: 32.tang rou has gotten into multiple physical fights because people keep making really gross comments and she isnt standing for that - the team regularily drags her away from fans like that rabid dog meme

watercress: 33. blue rain misses a match because hst was in charge of navigating and he repeated every single direction 5 times which confused the driver because turn "turn left turn left turn left turn left turn left" did not mean take the next 5 lefts

zucchini: du ming suffers from heartbreak. it's terminal

mangetout: this is a little too hard to participate when you don't remember any of the players' names anymore :facepalmcrying~1:

zucchini: only 12 more

zucchini: 35. xiao shiqin had a meeting with lin jingyan. left with the wrong glasses

mangetout: (look, I just started reading glory fic again...and it's not MASQ fic....and it's been like 3-4 years at this point :facepalmcrying~1:) 

zucchini: no clue why they would meet tbh, but maybe xsq tried to get ideas on how to deal with fang rui

chard: congrats on enjoying it again!

mangetout: also, why would they have taken their glasses off? 😭

zucchini: well 😏

mangetout: :spray:

zucchini: the meeting derailed

zucchini: idek

watercress: 36. blue river finally has a meltdown over dealing with yx and shaves his head and goes to become a monk, blue rain doesn't manage to collect any rare materials for a month until they manage to coax him back into the guild

zucchini: an unfortunate accident that required cleaning them, getting attacked by a seagull while at it, bam, glasses lost

kale: "hey what's your prescription?"
"wanna try?"
"sure"
[lin jingyan immediately books it with xiao shiqin's glasses in hand]

chard: 37. wei chen and ye xiu realize that their smoking habit comes from poverty /cigs being cheaper than even noodle packs of the early glory grind days and they finally go to therapy and rehab after their retirement. its a whole sobstory when the media gets wind of it. wri chen comments on his weibo that they can fuck off

kale: he retired a tyranny player he's in support of the agenda

zucchini: 38. the tiktok witches accidentally found a curse that works and 301 all experience a lag of 666ms now

watercress: 39. at the all stars match all the pros go to a restaurant together and get food poisoning apart from anyone in tyranny because hwq's wallet face scared off the germs

chard: 40. lu hanwen makes people regularly swoon but huang shaotian is constantly circling and threatening to pk them for staining lu hanwens honour and purity

zucchini: 41. most of the league misses the first january match because they're still in the sixth week of december

mangetout: 42. baozi accidentally put a real brick through his computer screen

(edit for real name)

chard:  baoziiii YES

zucchini: i feel like we're forgetting a few niche teams

zucchini: hell if i know which would be part of s11 though

chard: you mean like chairman feng

carrot: the biggest niche team of s11: excellent era :openeyecrylaugh:

zucchini: not wrong, but at least i know that december has more than 5 weeks and starts on 1. november

kale: conquering clouds and radiant I think haven't been mentioned

kale: bright green and lightly

zucchini: no, excellent era already got mentioned further up

beetroot: but they're not even contenders for playoffs anyway

watercress: baozi accidentally blows up happy headquarters when he sets fire to the toaster while trying to make ramen, he is banned from the kitchen after that

beetroot: they don't need to be nerfed to be rolled over

mangetout: 3 more

kale: tbf a lot of these teams were overcompensating for tyranny but you know.  Just in case

chard: 44. sun haowen gets driven into by a fan on a bicycle who then proceeds to not recognize him giving all of radiant a d4 of psychic damage

(replying to watercress: baozi accidentally blows u...)
zucchini: honestly? baozi strikes me as the type who'd be able to make ramen properly. everyone else? less so

zucchini: who the hell is sun haowen again?

beetroot: 45. misty rain's management gets implicated in white collar crime and has to be wholly replaced. new management also decides to rebrand their image and bans employee benefits such as instant noodles, morale plummets

chard: radiants qi master

watercress: 46. tyranny works hard and their dynamic comes together and they win together because glory isn't a single player game

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