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Velvette sat in bed, her face pressed against a certain weapons dealer's chest while her index finger twirled in a strand of swan white hair. She had her eyes closed, trying to bury herself in the warmth — too much warmth — that encompassed her. Inside her head, memories rattled, sharp edges dancing behind her eyes. She used unbelievable amounts of effort trying to push them back, but it only resulted in more overtaking her.
Cold shoulders when She was angry. Ignored ‘I love yous’ before bedtime. Screaming when she broke something. Tense drives with Her that a little six year old Velvette couldn't understand the meaning of. She had only said that the milk was expired! Night after night that she spent wishing she would wake up dead the next morning to not have to face Her all again.
How long until these would go away? How long until she forgot? She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't keep having these thoughts of That Woman.
Out, out, out. She needed it out now. And, for the first time in a long time, she was considering reaching out to God for it.
*Jesus, son of God, Mary, the immaculately conceived, Holy Spirit, the omniscient deity, please hear me. Answer my prayers. Please take me in the night. I'm ready for you. Please don't have me live another day. I'm ready to be taken. To be fixed. Amen.*
Too familiar. Too familiar. She had wished she was dead for so long and it wasn't even any better. What had she fucking done?
Hot tears pressed at the backs of Velvette's scarlet eyes. Tears that had been there since the dawn of time, begging to be released yet somehow never making it past her lashes. She whimpered, begging the pressure to just go away.
She just wanted everything to go away.
“*Querida,*” the large demoness rumbled against her, tipped off by the little sound. “What's troubling you?”
Velvette screwed her eyes shut, hands fisting around the sleeves of her sweatshirt. She felt a drop of sweat trailing down her side. Goddammit, she hated being this hot. She was always a fucking furnace at night.
“Nothing.”
Carmilla pressed a thumb to her mocha brown cheek. Her voice was a husky tone in the night. It brought a false sense of peace that Velvette had always craved, “Bullshit, baby.”
Fuck. When was the last time she had been called baby by someone other than Carmilla? Valentino called her babydoll. That was basically the same. Velvette reminded herself to not be so fucking greedy. Milk is fucking milk.
Her knuckles went so white she feared her fingers may just pop right out of their joints.
“*Amorcita?*”
“Mommy?” she tried not to wail, pressing her face deeper against the taller overlord's chest. One perfectly manicured nail of her thumb found its way into her mouth, and she tried *so hard* not to chew on it, but she had always known she'd never been good at succeeding.
*“I DON'T CARE! I'M THE PARENT HERE, AND YOU FUCKED EVERYTHING UP JUST LIKE YOU ALWA-”*
One long arm, which had been previously draped loosely around her, tightened around her waist protectively. Carmilla let out a little curious purr, looking down tenderly at the shattered woman in her arms, “Yes, my sweet one?” She slowly reached down and removed her thumb from her mouth.
Her hand was shaking. What had ruined her precious love like this?
Words clawed viciously at Velvette's throat, begging to be set free, but only the small whimpers of the battles she so diligently fought in her head escaped.
Carmilla took the social media overlord's other hand in her own. Her thumb stroked away a lone tear from her cheek, “What does my amazing love need?”
Velvette opened her mouth, and she didn't mean to say what she did — she really didn't mean to; it would ruin everything — but it all came rushing from her mouth.
“You're the best mommy I've ever had,” poured out with these pathetic choked little sobs that she so desperately wished she could shove back in her mouth. She risked popping open an eye to see Carmilla’s reaction.
She had a gentle smile on her face, but she was holding it like it pained her to.
Shit. Shit. Fuck. Velvette had ruined it, hadn't she? She had ruined the one good relationship she had ever been blessed with-
*“ YOU KNOW, YOU'RE LUCKY YOU HAVE ME!!-”*
-In her life and now she was going to be stuck alone again. And this time, it wouldn’t end. She'd be alone just like before-
*“SOME KIDS DON'T EVEN HAVE THAT MUCH, SO BE-”*
-But this time it would be-
*“FUCKING GRATEFUL!!”*
-Forever.
Carmilla cupped her face, kissing her forehead with maternal tenderness, “I know, sweetheart. I know.”
There was a brief beat of silence before either of them spoke again. Velvette couldn't even manage the smallest of words and Carmilla had too much she wanted to say.
So much that she already had answered.
*“Who hurt you?”*
*“Her.”*
“I promise never to fail you, Velvette. I want to be your mommy, even if no one else has before,” she confessed, speaking like she was reciting a vow. Her heart thumped a steady rhythm beside Velvette's ear, long legs sliding comfortingly against her own much smaller ones.
The Vee grabbed both of her large hands — they were cool and lovely against her own — with a force unlike any other and sobbed with relief. She buried her face further into Carmilla's chest, nails digging painfully into her skin as she tried to regain her composure.
She hadn't ruined anything. Carmilla wanted to stay. Not just for a guilty conscience or a bed that she didn't mean to make nor sleep in. No, she wanted to stay for love.
For Velvette.
That was something she had never heard before. Velvette didn't know that people could want to stay just for her.
“I love you, Mommy. I love you. I love you,” she cried. And she kept crying until Carmilla's nightgown went damp with her tears, but she didn't pull away. Her hands rested steady on Velvette's back, holding her impossibly close.
“I love you too, Velvette. You're such a good girl for Mommy. You always have been,” she comforted through her tears, kissing her forehead repeatedly. She carded her swan-like fingers through Velvette's hair, creating quite unfashionable dents in her curls as she placed one last kiss on her temple.
“Mommy,” Velvette whimpered again, much quieter now that her tears had mostly subsided.
“Good girl,” she murmured, tilting her head up to brush away the last of her tears. Velvette closed her eyes as she felt a thumb swipe gently at the corner of her eye. She closed it, as a wave of numbness and exhaustion washed over her.
“I'll stay for you, my little love. You are enough. Just the right amount for me,” Carmilla whispered last before Velvette disappeared into an ocean of sleep.